Chapter 24 #2
She shrugged off his sympathy, the way she had her whole life when people found out the truth about her family. “It’s over now.”
“Is it?”
For a minute there, she’d forgotten she was talking to a shrink. Until he said that and reminded her of the many therapists she’d seen over the years.
“Things like what happened to you and your family tend to leave rather deep scars behind.”
“So I’ve been told.”
“I assume there’s a good reason why Katie wanted me to see you and used the word urgent to describe the situation.”
“That’s a little dramatic.”
“How so?”
“Well, Katie worries about me more than she should.”
“I’ve gotten to know her pretty well since she moved here, and I don’t find her to be an alarmist or overly dramatic.”
Julia had to admire the way he’d neatly boxed her into a corner. “She’s not.” There was no point in dodging him after Katie had flipped the urgent switch. “I suffered from anorexia and bulimia when I was younger. I’ve been much better until recently.”
“What happened to cause the setback?”
Julia didn’t want to talk about Mike ever again, but knew she had to one more time so Kevin would have the complete picture.
“I’m coming off a rough couple of months.
I was in a relationship with a man who misled me and stole from me.
” She cleared the emotion from her throat and shared the full story of what’d happened with Mike and how Deacon had helped her to make a case against him, leading to the return of her money.
“When things happen that stress me out like this did, I have a very hard time forcing myself to eat. It’s just physically impossible. ”
“I can understand how that kind of stress would be debilitating.”
“It was terrible. My life just fell apart so suddenly and took my health down with it. When I showed up here looking particularly thin and obviously troubled, Katie homed right in on it, which is why she called my situation urgent.”
“I see.”
“I’ve felt so much better since I got the money back and have been eating normally again.”
“That’s great news.”
“I feel good, so it’s probably safe to dial down the urgency.”
“I don’t know if I agree with that. By now, you know the next life crisis is waiting around the corner, right?”
“Yes, I suppose.”
“So the goal becomes how to prepare you to handle a crisis without endangering your health.”
“That’s a lofty goal.”
“Most goals worth pursuing tend to be lofty.”
“I hear what you’re saying, and other therapists have certainly talked to me about coping skills. It’s just that when things go sideways for me, as they tend to do far too often, my physical reaction is involuntary. My throat closes, and my stomach is uninterested in food.”
“All the systems within the body are designed to work in concert with each other. When your brain sends out alarms, it puts the rest of your body on alert to danger.”
“That sounds about right.”
“It’s not easy to overcome these sorts of reactions, but it can be done. Have you ever tried meditation?”
“No, not really.”
“Meditation and yoga can be extremely beneficial in helping to quiet the mind. Many of my patients have found both to be very soothing and helpful in dealing with challenges that cause stress.”
“I’m not opposed to trying either or both.”
A door opened down the hall, and a tall, pretty blonde woman came into the room. “Sorry to interrupt. I’m Chelsea.”
They’d seen each other at the wedding, but hadn’t been introduced. “Julia. Nice to see you again.”
“You, too.” She took the baby from Kevin, who’d lit up at the sight of his wife. “She’ll be awake any minute and hungry.”
“Sorry to barge into your home when you have a new baby.”
“No problem at all,” Chelsea said. “We’ll leave you to chat.” She took the baby with her when she returned to the bedroom.
“Well, she’s rather beautiful,” Julia said.
Kevin responded with a big, goofy grin. “I know. And she’s way out of my league, but for some reason, she loves me anyway.” He cleared his throat and refocused on her. “We were talking about yoga and meditation.”
“Worth a shot.”
He leaned forward, elbows on knees. “Here’s my take on it, for what it’s worth, knowing your family’s background.
Katie has told me about how you two and Owen ran interference for your younger siblings and even moved along with your family so you could be close to them.
That’s a huge thing you did for them. The three of you have been in defensive mode for most of your lives, always on alert for the next disaster. Is that a fair assessment?”
“It’s pretty spot-on.”
“Your father’s in jail, and he’s going to be there for a very long time.
He can’t hurt you or anyone else you love anymore.
That threat has been neutralized. Other things have happened and will continue to happen that you’ll find upsetting and difficult, but if you focus on taking really good care of yourself all the time, you may find that when the speed bumps come, you’ll be better prepared to deal with them. ”
Julia processed what he’d said, especially the part about taking good care of herself all the time. It was nothing she hadn’t heard before, but this time, she was determined to do everything she could to stave off another health crisis. She was so tired of everyone being concerned about her.
“What do you think?” he asked after a long silence.
“I could do better in the area of self-care.”
“Most of us could, but when you’ve battled foes like anorexia and bulimia, it becomes even more important.
It should be as important to you on a daily basis as bathing and eating and washing your clothes and cleaning your home and going to work.
You have to make it a priority, and if you do, hopefully when the next crisis comes along, you’ll have the reserves to battle it more effectively than you have in the past.”
“That would be nice.”
For the next few minutes, they went through a list of things she could do to help manage her stress and keep her body in balance, such as exercise, yoga, meditation and massage, to name a few.
“These are small things you can do to pamper yourself,” he said. “Give yourself the same TLC you’d give that sweet puppy. In my practice, I believe in starting with small changes and building a foundation that can help to hold up the house during the rough times.”
Different therapists had different approaches.
Some came at the problem by focusing on food and helping her find nutritious meals that appealed to her even when she didn’t feel like eating.
Others addressed the psychology behind the ailments in an attempt to curb the behaviors.
Kevin McCarthy was the first to suggest ideas that had nothing whatsoever to do with food or food-related illnesses to address her challenges.
It was a new approach that appealed to her—and made sense, too.
She liked the idea of caring for herself the way she would the puppy. “It’s worth a shot, for sure.”
“As you certainly know by now, dealing with your illness is not as simple as taking up meditation or yoga. It’s a complicated challenge with no simple answers or one-size-fits-all solution, which is why it’s important to do the hard work in here and to regularly consult with your doctor.”
“I agree, and I admit that I let my health slide after my relationship with Mike ended. I want to do better and stay healthy.”
“That’s the first step toward making it happen.”
Julia bit her lip, trying to decide if she wanted to talk to Kevin about Deacon.
“Something else on your mind?”
“I hate to take any more of your time.”
“No worries. I’ve got all night to spend with my girls.”
“I’ve met someone since I’ve been here, and it’s gotten very intense kind of quickly. That’s a pattern for me—one I was trying to break until I met him and all my best intentions disappeared. He’s the one who made the case to get back my money, and after that, I was just sunk.”