Chapter 26
Big Mac invited Oliver to attend the morning meeting at the marina, which happened closer to noon on Sundays.
“What takes place at this so-called meeting?” Oliver asked.
“Very important business,” Big Mac said gravely.
“Otherwise known as coffee, doughnuts and bullshit,” Linda said.
Oliver laughed. “That sounds like my kind of fun. You mind if I go, Dara?”
“Of course not. Have fun.”
“We’ll be just down the hill,” Big Mac said to Oliver, “so you can escape whenever you’ve had enough of the BS.”
“Good to know.” Oliver gave Dara a kiss on the cheek. “See you in a while.”
After the men left, Dara took her coffee and wandered to the deck to check out the view of New Harbor.
Linda gave her a minute before she followed, bringing her own coffee. “That’s our marina,” she said, pointing, “and our hotel.”
“You’ve got your own slice of heaven here.”
“We do. We’re very lucky to live and work in such a beautiful place.”
“When Oliver first told me we’d been hired to run a lighthouse on a remote island in Rhode Island, I thought he was crazy. What would we do on a remote island? But there’s a peacefulness to this place.”
“There is for sure. I’m glad you can see that, especially now.
It’s a little crazy this time of year when the tourists are here, but after Labor Day, it settles down quite a bit.
Mac and I have a wonderful family and a big circle of friends who’ll welcome you with open arms, if that’s what you want. ”
“I don’t know what I want. Every day feels like a new endurance test. Just get through it. That’s the goal.”
“That’s a tough way to live.”
“Believe me, I know.”
Linda didn’t want to push Dara to talk more than she wished to, so she sipped her coffee and watched Big Mac’s truck arrive at the marina and park in the same spot he used every day.
They were nothing if not beholden to a routine, especially in the summer when the marina and hotel required their constant attention.
Later this afternoon, Linda was going to Mac and Maddie’s to help out with the kids so Mac could spend some time at the office with his assistant.
Julia Lawry had done a beautiful job organizing the construction and marina businesses since Mac hired her in May.
She’d been a godsend to him, and for that, everyone was thankful.
Mac’s stress level had been a big concern since the incident in the spring.
“How did you… Get back to normal, or what counted as normal, after you lost your baby?”
“We didn’t. We had to invent a new normal. Nothing was the same. The loss of a nearly full-term baby was so shocking, and it took us a long time to get past it. We went on to have five children, but we still think about the one we lost, even after all these years.”
“I’m sorry that happened to you.”
“Thank you. Our son Mac and his wife, Maddie, went through the same thing. They went in for a routine ultrasound with their third child, and there was no heartbeat. That was a very difficult time for them, but thankfully, they were able to move forward. They’ve since had a third child and are expecting twins in September.
But they still mourn the child they lost, and they always will. ”
“People tell us we should have another baby, as if that would fix everything.”
“It wouldn’t, but I can tell you for sure that a baby would bring new joy to your life.
The baby certainly wouldn’t replace your Lewis, but you might find a new sense of purpose.
It did for us, and Mac and Maddie found comfort in the two children they already had when they suffered their terrible loss. ”
“A baby would give me something new to worry about.”
“That’s certainly true. My kids are all in their thirties, and I worry as much about them now as I always have. That never ends.”
“Perhaps Oliver and I just weren’t meant to be parents. I’ve had to accept that possibility since… Well, it might just be better for us to remain childless.”
“Why do you say you weren’t meant to be parents?”
“Look at what happened to Lewis on our watch.”
“Dara, honey, we’ve only just met, but I already know for sure that you were a loving, devoted mother, and Oliver was a loving, devoted father. What happened to Lewis was an accident.”
“He let himself out of the house while we were both there.”
“It was an accident. You both thought you’d done everything possible to keep him safe. It never occurred to you that he’d do what he did. Why would it?”
“He was always getting into stuff, but when he napped, he barely moved for at least two hours. That was the only break we got. Otherwise, we were chasing him.”
“Sounds like my oldest, Mac. He was a terror as a toddler. We told him all the time he was lucky he got siblings.”
Dara laughed. “That about sums up my Lewis. We’d been talking about trying for a second, but he was running us ragged.”
“You said he was a good napper.”
“The best. He never fought it because he’d basically worn himself out by naptime.”
“Had he ever before done anything like he did that day?”
“No.”
“So why would either of you think you ought to be paying special attention during that time?”
Dara shrugged. “We knew he was obsessed with the new kid who’d moved in across the street.”
“But would it have occurred to you that he’d try to go over there by himself?”
“No. But it’s hard not to blame myself—or Oliver. We were both home when it happened.”
“You know it’s not your fault, right? The two of you would’ve done anything in your power to keep him safe. Sometimes things just happen, and there’s no good reason or explanation for it. What happened to Lewis was a tragic accident.”
“I feel so responsible. I was prepping for a big trial. My mind was completely consumed with work. Maybe if I hadn’t been so wrapped up in my job…” She shrugged. “I think about that a lot.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Dara. Parents must work in order to provide food and lodging and clothing for their children. I have no doubt that Lewis felt very loved by both his parents.”
“We loved him so much,” she said, wiping away tears.
Linda put an arm around the younger woman, hoping the comfort would be welcome.
Dara leaned into her. “Thank you for listening. It helps to talk to someone who gets it. So many people have wanted to help us, but they don’t understand. It hasn’t happened to them.”
“Lewis was a lucky little boy to have you and Oliver for his parents. You should try to take the time here as a reset. Make some new friends who didn’t know you as his parents. You may find that helps.”
“It’s already helping.”
“I’m so glad you came to our island and that we had a power failure.”
Dara laughed even as she dealt with more tears. “Me, too.” She looked over at Linda. “Thank you for listening and talking about this. So many of the people in my life can’t handle their own grief over losing Lewis. They have no space available for mine.”
“I have all the space you need for as long as you need it.”
“That means so much to me. I didn’t expect to come here and make new friends.”
“When you’re ready, I have a lot of good friends and family who’ll be happy to meet you, to welcome you and Oliver into their circle, and to make you feel at home here.”
“I wouldn’t have thought I’d want to be welcomed into anyone’s circle, but after meeting you and your husband, that actually sounds rather lovely.”
“We’ll make that happen. You just say the word.”
“Thank you, Linda.”