Chapter 25 #2
“I’ll be here. Don’t you worry.” They’d been relieved to hear the good news about Carolina’s surgery and were looking forward to talking to them later.
Jace pulled the truck into the circular driveway in front of the school, where a line of cars inched forward. “Is this where we go?”
“Yep,” Kyle said. “You stop up there where the teachers are, and we jump out.”
“Got it. You guys are pretty handy to have around.”
“You couldn’t have found the school without us,” Jackson said with a belly laugh.
“Are they making fun of me?” Jace asked Cindy while the boys giggled.
“I believe they are.”
“So much for the after-school surprise I was planning.”
“Wait! What surprise?”
“The one Kyle won by being dressed first. He gets to pick anything he wants for an after- school snack. What’s it gonna be?”
“Duh, fudge,” Jackson said. “That’s what he always picks.”
“Fudge it is.”
Kyle raised both fists in a victory dance Jace watched in the rearview mirror. “I won! I won! I won!”
“Shut up.”
“You shut up.”
“Boys, knock it off and get ready to jump.” Jace kept an eye on the back seat to make sure they had everything. “Have a great day.”
“Later,” Jackson said as he got out first, with Kyle right behind him.
As he edged the truck forward, Jace made sure they were inside before he pulled away. “Phew. Did it.”
“You did great.”
“They made it easy on me.”
“They’re awesome kids. Cute, funny, smart, respectful.”
“Thanks to their wonderful mother. She did a great job with them.”
“Yes, she did. Where did the name Poopy Head come from?”
“That was a self-inflicted wound,” he said, conveying the story to Cindy.
“I love that, and if I were you, I’d be afraid it’s going to stick.”
“I’m so happy to be with them that they can call me whatever they want.”
Jace drove them home to drop Cindy off before he went to join his meeting already in progress.
“My mom texted to invite us to family dinner tomorrow tonight.”
“She invited me, too?”
“Yep, and when I told her you’re taking care of the boys, she invited them as well.”
“That would be fun. I switched shifts with one of the other bartenders who wanted tonight off, so I’m off then. Tell her thanks for including us.”
“What’s your plan for the boys when you’re at work?”
“I don’t have one yet.”
“I’ll stay with them.”
“Are you sure? That’s a lot to ask.”
“You didn’t ask. I offered, and I don’t mind. They’re so cute and funny. I’d love to do it.”
“In case I forget to tell you, you’re the absolute best.”
“Happy to help.”
He leaned over to kiss her. “I’m going to catch the last half of my meeting.” Tomorrow, he was due to see Mac at the alpaca farm and still had to figure out where that was.
“I’ll see you in a bit?”
“Yes, you will,” he said, stealing one more kiss. When she was safely inside, he backed the truck out of the driveway and drove to the church where his AA group met. Having wheels to get around was nice. He needed to get something for the winter, especially if he was going to be working for Mac.
And he’d need tools.
Shit, he thought with a deep exhale. He didn’t have that kind of money.
Slow down and take things as they come. AA meeting.
Home to shower. Go to the gym. Pick up the boys later.
Tomorrow, he would see Mac and figure out what he needed and go from there.
He was continuously thankful for the many lessons he’d learned in recovery.
Taking things one day and one minute at a time was among the most valuable of those lessons.
Letting his mind race and his stress level flare wasn’t going to solve anything.
Rather, it could lead to the kind of trouble he didn’t need.
Not when everything was going as well as it ever had for him.
He had this beautiful new relationship with a woman he truly cared about, and his sons were back in his life.
They’d gotten over the hump of them finding out who he really was without too much angst, and he was on his way to a meaningful bond with them.
Seamus, who’d once treated him with suspicion, was now calling on him to help with the kids, which was no small thing.
Jace could envision a time when the two of them might become close friends as they worked to raise the boys into men they could both be proud of.
These were some of the things he shared with the group toward the end of the meeting.
“Everything is so good,” he said in conclusion, “that I worry about what’s going to happen to mess it up. Because in my world, something always messes it up.”
“That’s how it used to be,” Quinn said, “when you were using and making stupid decisions in the quest for more drugs. You’re not going to mess this up because you know how much is at stake with Cindy and the boys.”
Hearing someone as accomplished as Dr. Quinn James say those things about him made Jace feel ten feet tall. “Thanks for that. Means a lot.”
“It’s the truth, Jace,” Mallory added. “You’re a totally different person from who you were the night you lost your brother. You’ve got this amazing second chance to be in the lives of your sons. I can’t see how anything could get in the way of that.”
“I hear you guys, and I appreciate what you’re saying, but I’m preconditioned to expect it all to go to shit.”
“It’s not easy to change that kind of wiring,” Jeff said.
“I’m sort of the same way, starting a new relationship with a woman I could really love, but still feeling like I’m not worthy of her because of mistakes I’ve made in the past. I’m trying to get past that and to focus on who I am now, but that other guy… He’s still in there, you know?”
“God, do I know,” Jace said. “I’ve been a loser in my own mind for so long that I have no clue how to be a winner.”
“Yes,” Jeff said. “Exactly that. You said it so perfectly.”
“Neither one of you guys is a loser,” Mason said emphatically. “You’ve been through and survived shit that would’ve killed lesser people. You’re here every day, doing the hard work to make sure you never go back to the old ways. That makes you winners in my book.”
“Mine, too,” Mallory said as the others nodded in agreement. “And can I just say how much I love being part of this group and the support we give each other? I feel a little sorry for people who don’t have this in their daily lives.”
“I agree, Mallory,” Nina said. “This group is one of the best I’ve ever belonged to, and I love the way you all support each other.
I want to go back to what Jace said about his view of himself and how hard it is to reframe that.
We’ve all been there, the lowest of the lows, with people telling us we needed to get our shit together, whether we were in trouble with drugs or alcohol or both.
We know what it’s like to feel like a loser, but you must know that every time you come to one of these meetings or step up for someone else in recovery, you’re winning.
Every day that you don’t drink or use, you’re winning.
Every time you embark on a new relationship, whether romantic or family or friend, and put your whole heart into making that relationship work, you’re winning.
Please don’t take any of these major accomplishments for granted.
They’re the prize for surviving this very long journey we’ve all been on for years. ”
Mallory started a round of applause that quickly took off.
Nina smiled even as her face flushed with embarrassment.
“So very well said, Nina,” Mallory said when the applause died down. “And hopefully just what our friend Jace needed to hear.”
“It was,” Jace said, smiling. “Thank you all.”
He left the meeting feeling pumped and uplifted by the words his friends had shared. He might’ve been a loser once upon a time, but not anymore.
Those days were over.