Chapter 29
As she watched him walk away, Cindy wanted to scream from the sheer injustice of the situation and this coming only a couple of hours after he’d referred to today as one of the best days of his life.
Anyone could see how much he loved those boys.
He’d do anything for either of them. That someone could suggest that he might be a danger to them was preposterous.
She ached for him as she listened to him talking to the boys, getting them settled in bed and laughing at something one of them said.
This would break him.
Because she didn’t know what else to do, she got in bed and waited for him to join her. When he never showed up, she went looking for him and found him outside, sitting in a chair at the fire pit, looking up at a sky littered with stars.
“It’s chilly,” he said. “You should go in.”
“Don’t shut me out, Jace.”
“I told you. Everything I touch eventually turns to shit. You should take this as a sign and keep your distance before I wreck things for you somehow, too.”
For a second, Cindy debated what to do, and then she lowered herself to his lap and put her arms around him, kissing his neck and face. “I’m not going anywhere.”
His body remained rigid under her.
“You can’t push me away that easily, Jace. I care too much about you to let you go through this or anything else alone.”
“Don’t you see? This is my life as an ex-con on parole for the next five years. People are going to judge you the same way they judge me.”
“No one who matters is judging you. Look at the way my family welcomed you tonight, and they know your story. We all see a man who’s worked hard to turn his life around, who got a big new job today, who has two little boys who adore him—”
“And are being raised by other people because I was in prison when their mother died.”
“I see a man who is doing everything he can to make up for the mistakes he’s made in the past by trying to be the best person he can be for the people he cares about. And I feel very, very lucky to be one of those people.”
“This is how it goes for me,” he said, sounding almost desperate to get through to her. “You don’t need to be dragged down with me when you’ve worked so hard to overcome your own shit.”
“I do need you, and I want you, and I probably even love you.”
“Don’t do that.”
“Sorry, too late.” She put her hand on his face and compelled him to look at her. “Don’t let this one thing derail all the progress you’ve made in building a new life for yourself. Who cares what one random person you’ll never see again thinks of you?”
“It’s what she thinks of Seamus and Carolina that matters.”
“And they’re dealing with her concerns. I’m sorry that hurts you, but if it’s what’s best for the boys in this moment, then that’s what needs to happen.
Seamus called you when Carolina got hurt, which means he trusts you.
That’s what matters here—the people in your life trust you.
I trust you. Seamus and Carolina trust you.
The boys trust you. None of us care if you’re going to be on parole for the next five years. ”
“You say that now, but what if people stop coming into the shop because you’re with me?”
“Who’s going to do that?”
He shrugged. “People in town who don’t want to associate with the girlfriend of an ex-con.”
“I don’t know anyone who falls into the category. Certainly none of my customers do.”
“That you know of.”
“I understand that this has stirred up some issues for you, but if I’m not worried about what people think of me, then you shouldn’t be either. If people don’t come into the shop because my boyfriend was in jail, then I can’t do anything about that.”
“It could hurt your business.”
“Every appointment I have is booked two to three weeks in advance. You’re looking for problems where there are none.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
She rested her head on his shoulder and released a sigh of relief when his arms encircled her. “Then don’t. If you push me away, you’ll hurt me.”
“I make a mess of everything, Cindy. You should look out for yourself.”
“You don’t make a mess of everything. You’ve had some tough hits to be certain, but does this, right here, feel like a mess to you?”
He held her close. “No, it feels like heaven.”
“I rest my case.”
Jace slept like shit, tossing and turning and reliving the horribly awkward conversation with Seamus a thousand times. He’d been given the boot with his own kids. That hurt worse than anything had in a long time, especially since he’d been doing such a great job with the boys.
He got up early and used his phone to look up how to make pancakes. If this was going to be his last morning with the boys, he was going to make it count.
By the time he woke them half an hour later, he had a stack of steaming pancakes waiting for them. As usual, Kyle popped right up, but Jackson took some cajoling. He loved knowing what they were like in the morning and how to work around their dueling personalities.
“I made pancakes.”
“You know how to cook?” Jackson asked, sounding skeptical.
“Not really, but I figured it out.”
“Smells good,” Kyle said.
“Hey, guys, so later… Joe is getting here today, and he’s going to pick you up at school and stay with you tonight, okay?”
“How come?” Kyle asked, blond brows furrowed.
“I have to go back to work tonight, and he was coming home to see Carolina, so we decided he should take over here.”
“We want you,” Jackson said.
Had three words ever meant more to him than those did? “I want to be here, too, but this is better since I have to work at the bar until late tonight. You guys like Joe, right?”
Please let them say yes.
“Joe’s cool,” Kyle said. “He lets us drive the ferries.”
“Then you’ll be in good hands for another day or two until Seamus and Carolina get home—and then you’ll have to be a big help to her, because she’ll need that for a while.”
“Will you come visit?” Jackson asked.
“I sure will. I promise.”
He wanted to weep from the agony of having to step aside, but he’d do whatever was needed to ensure the boys’ lives didn’t get any more chaotic than they’d already been. No matter what it cost him.
They devoured the pancakes and teased Cindy about not being a morning person when she appeared, looking sleepy, a few minutes before they had to leave for school. “I stripped the bed and remade it with clean sheets.”
“Thank you.”
He packed lunches into backpacks and made sure homework folders were in there, too, before sending Burpy out to pee one more time while the boys brushed their teeth.
“You’re great with them,” Cindy said.
“Thanks. They make it easy.”
“You told them what’s happening?”
“Yeah.”
“How’d that go?”
“Fine. They don’t get it, but then again, neither do I. They said they wanted me to stay, which was nice.” He shrugged, trying to pretend his heart wasn’t broken. “I guess it’s just as well, because I have to work tonight.”
“I would’ve stayed with them again.”
He kissed her cheek. “Thank you for all the help and support.”
“I hardly did anything. You didn’t need any help.”
“You helped a lot.”
They piled into the truck for the ride to town, and as Jace pulled into the drop-off line at school, he was crushed. In just a couple of days, he’d fallen in love with fatherhood, and now he had to give it up. “You guys be good for Joe, okay?”
“We will,” Kyle said.
“I’ll be by to see you tomorrow.”
“Okay,” Jackson said.
“Hey, guys?”
“Yeah?” Kyle asked.
“I just want you to know… I love you. I really do, and I’m so proud of what great boys you are.”
“Thanks,” Jackson said.
“Yeah,” Kyle said. “Thanks.”
Then the door opened, and they were gone, rushing into school with their friends, pushing and shoving as they went.
Jace watched them for as long as he could before he had no choice but to move along to let others drop off.
“You did good,” Cindy said.
If that was true, then why did he feel like absolute shit?
“Jace texted to say he dropped the boys at school and left the truck at the ferry landing,” Seamus told Carolina. “They remade the bed and washed the towels.”
“I feel awful about this,” Caro said. “The poor guy. He must be devastated.”
“I’m sure he is, but he wouldn’t want to be responsible for causing any problems for us or the boys.”
“No, but it’s not fair that he’s being treated this way when he’s done nothing but be there for all of us.”
Seamus took a seat next to her hospital bed, as exhausted as he’d been in his entire life after the last couple of days. The trauma of seeing her seriously injured would stay with him for a long time. “He’s a good bloke.”
“You haven’t said much about how you feel after telling the boys the truth about who he is.”
Seamus shrugged. “What’s there to say? He’s their da, and they have a right to know that.”
“No, Seamus. You’re their da, and he’s the man who fathered them. If you think those boys are suddenly going to forget everything you’ve done for them and been to them, think again. They know who’s been there for them—and who hasn’t.”
“It wasn’t because he didn’t want to be.”
“I know that, and they will, too, but you’re the one who’s been there every day and will continue to be. This doesn’t have to change anything.”
“It does, though,” he said wearily. “They know he’s their real father. I’m going to have to cede some ground to him.”
“I remember when we first moved here after Joe’s father died and how worried I was about him growing up without a father.
Part of me wanted to keep him all to myself, but I quickly realized that the more people who loved my son, the luckier he was.
The same is true for Jackson and Kyle. Jace is one more person who loves them, but you’ll be their everyday father. ”
“You’re right, love, as usual. The boys are lucky to have him in their lives, and we are, too. I was all set to hate his guts when he first came around.”
“I remember,” Carolina said with a huff of laughter.
“That didn’t go so well, because he turned out to be a decent sort of guy.”
“Who’s had some tough breaks in life.”
“Yeah.” Seamus glanced at her. “I guess he’s part of the family now.”