“Heading into work. Why?”
Some of Marie’s favorite scenes in the series…
Will we ever forget Janey’s condom run?
Mac realized Janey was his only other option. His father would do it for him, but he couldn’t ask him. Even at almost thirty-five, he just couldn’t. Swallowing hard, Mac called Janey.
“Hey, brat, what’re you doing?”
“Heading into work. Why?”
“I need another favor.”
“You want to go out again tonight?”
“Not exactly.”
“Then what?”
“I need you to, um, well… If you could go to Gold’s,” Mac said, referring to the island drugstore, “and just, you know…”
“What, Mac? Spit it out, will ya?”
“I need you to buy condoms for me. A lot of them.”
Dead silence.
“Janey?”
“You gotta be kidding me.”
“I can’t do it! It’ll be all over the island in ten minutes, and Maddie can’t deal with that.”
“Get Joe to do it.”
“He’s off-island until tomorrow.”
“So, abstain for one night!”
“Janey, please. I’m desperate here.”
“You can’t ask me to do this. It’s too embarrassing.”
“How do you think I feel about asking my baby sister to do this for me?” He let out what he knew was a pathetic wail. “Janey… I need you.”
“Don’t do that. Don’t you dare play the need card.”
“Pretty please.”
She let out a swear that shocked him to his core. “Fine,” she said through gritted teeth. “But you’ll owe me forever, do you hear me? There’s no statute of limitations on what you’ll owe me.”
“I understand.”
“I don’t think you do. For the rest of your natural life, anytime I say, ‘Jump,’ you say, ‘How high, Janey? How high can I jump for you?’ Anytime I snap my fingers, you come running. Any. Time. Am I clear?”
“Crystal.”
“I’ll need at least a hundred dollars.”
“What the hell for?”
“Buffer items, you buffoon. I can’t just go in there and buy a gross of condoms and walk out.”
“So, you’re going to soak me for a year’s supply of nail polish and tampons?”
“That’s the very least of what you’ll owe me.”
“Fine. I’ll bring it to the vet clinic.”
“Pay me later. I can’t look at you right now. Meet me at noon behind the Beachcomber, and do not look at me. Just take the bag, give me the money, and walk away.”
“I love you, Janey. Have I mentioned that lately?”
“Screw you.”
Holding back a laugh, he said, “Get the extra-large ones, okay?”
“I hate you.”
Janey was waiting for him when he arrived at the back steps to the Beachcomber.
As Mac approached, her eyes narrowed. Uh-oh.
She swung the bag and smacked him right upside the head.
“Hey! That hurt!”
“Mrs. Gold herself was working the register. You know what she said to me?” Without taking a breath, Janey launched into Mrs. Gold’s nasally New York accent. “‘My oh my, Janey, Doctor David must be coming for a good long visit this weekend.’”
Mac knew it wasn’t a good idea, but he laughed anyway.
She pelted him again with the bag. “It’s not funny! I have to live in this town!”
He attempted to wipe the smile off his face and withdrew a wad of twenties from his pocket.
Janey snatched the money and thrust the bag at him. “It’s going to take years of therapy to recover from this.”
“You’re the best, Janey.” Mac gave her a noisy smooch on the cheek.
She pushed him away. “I hate you more than anything.”
He poked her ribs. “Do not.”
“I’m off to get a brain scrub to erase this unsavory incident from my memory.”
“Come by Maddie’s this weekend. Let’s hang out.”
“No way I’m coming near the two of you until the supply is exhausted.”
Mac grinned. “We’ll be giving thanks to Janey McCarthy every time.”
Hands over ears, she shrieked and stalked off.
Mac laughed all the way home.