Gargoyle on the Rocks with a Lemon Twist (Gummy Monster Orgy #1)

Chapter 1 Bea

Mister doesn’t wear a shirt and smells like the ocean

I fucking hate sand. It gets everywhere.

In your hair, your eyes, your mouth, your ass crack.

Sand is the bane of my existence and right now I’m covered head to toe in it, stuck in a bush with my ass in the air.

If I had known taking this assignment would mean eating a literal sandwich, I would have passed it on to another inspector.

But nooooo, my pushy and weirdly convincing coworker and exasperating best friend said it would be awesome inspecting southern Florida’s number one world-class all-inclusive beach resort: Coconut Cove.

It’s known for its cleanliness, safety, and top of the line everything, so it should be a breeze.

An easy in and out. I could check all the boxes on my inspection list and have a Mai Tai by the pool before dinner.

Instead, I discovered a wet spot on the wall of my room upon arrival and had to go investigating.

Because ya know, it’s my job. Plus, I have a thing for taking places down a peg that think they’re top shit, but really are just full of shit and cut corners.

Not on my watch.

However, I’m not watching much right now with my face far too close to the ground, arms and legs flailing and trying to find purchase where there isn’t any. Why are there bushes on the beach? I suppose they do have pretty flowers. They smell nice but are completely in my way.

Ignoring the pretty purple flowers, I push my round wire frame glasses—the ones my sister says makes me look like a naughty librarian—back up my nose from where they slid down due to the excessive perspiration.

That’s probably also why my hands keep slipping and my sun dress keeps riding up.

Wiggling my butt, I shimmy my dress back down my thighs to at least conceal my exposed ass from passing resort guests, while balancing precariously one the tip toe of one foot.

Once I’m somewhat decently covered, I return to my attempted inspection of the exterior wall to try and find the crack causing the leak on the inside.

Biting down on the end of the small flashlight I always keep handy for just this occasion; I direct it back and forth with a slow turn of my head.

“I don’t see a crack,” I mutter between clenched teeth, not expecting the deep chuckling response that comes from directly behind me.

“I see a crack. It’s a very pretty crack but a crack all the same. And I’m afraid this section of the resort is not a clothing optional area. That’s on the south end of the lagoon.”

I scream, go ass over tits and almost fall mouth first into the sand bank.

My mouth, which is now empty and primed for sand eating since my flashlight did a disappearing act during my scream.

Strong, and extremely large hands, wrap all the way around my waist and pull me out of the murderous sand shrub like a hamster from the tube it got stuck in, and place me down gently on my feet.

“Sorry miss didn’t mean to scare you,” the voice attached to the large hands and, holy shit, even larger body says.

The smile stretching across the handsome gargoyles face is amused and strangely disarming. It irritates me instantly. You can never trust a happy person. Especially one who appears to be happy for no reason.

“You didn’t scare me. I was just taken off guard is all.”

“Whatever you say. What exactly were you doing in the bushes?”

“None of your business.” I cross my arms over my chest realize there’s a leaf stuck between my boobs, pluck it out and toss it before returning back to my original position, and lift my chin higher. The gargoyles eyes track each and every movement and I catch his gaze lingering on my cleavage.

“Well, it is my business—”

“No, it isn’t. So, I’ll kindly ask you to be on your way and leave me be.”

“Can’t do that,” the shirtless gargoyle male says, and crosses his arms over his grey bare chest mimicking my stance, but with his head tilted down so he can keep eye contact with me. That stupid smile still firmly in place.

The stone-grey skinned male is at least a head taller than me, I come up to just under his jaw.

A square jaw like granite that frames his smiling pewter lips, bright white teeth glimmering, showing off his elongated canines.

Crinkles form at the edges of his violet eyes, which appear more entertained by our discussion than irritated, like myself.

“Yes, you can, so, if you’ll excuse me.” I try to push past the large male to continue my inspection, but he sidesteps into my path blocking me.

“I’m afraid I can’t do that; you’re going to have to come with me miss.”

“I most certainly am not.”

I try to sidestep his sidestep, but it’s more like a lunge because of his bulk. He barely shifts and is blocking my way again. We go back and forth a couple times, the sand filling my sandals to the point of irritation.

I just want to find the source of the wet spot so I can spend the rest of the afternoon planning out my schedule for the rest of the week’s inspections. That way I can maybe partake in that Mai Tai by the pool. Where there isn’t any sand.

On a rather impressive bob and weave, I almost make it past the hulking male.

Almost. His thick arm bands around my middle and effortlessly flips me up and over his shoulder.

And once again I’m ass up and face down, the bun I twisted my hair into before leaving my room flopping over my forehead nearly blinding me with tangles of chestnut brown hair.

At least this time there isn’t sand inches from my mouth.

Instead, there’s rock-solid lower back muscle and a great view of a similarly rock-solid ass.

His massive wings are expertly pulled away from his back, partially outstretched in a way that causes people we pass to give us a wide berth.

Blocking most of my view around us. A thick muscled tail swinging lazily around his ankles.

Despite the exceptional view, this is completely unacceptable. No male, no matter how strong and attractive, can handle me like a dead body with his hard shoulder digging into my gut. Good thing I haven’t had that drink yet or it might be coming back up, or down considering my current position.

“Put me down, you giant rock! Who do you think you are? This is unacceptable! Where are you taking me? I’ll have you know I have a lawyer and a biker on speed dial, and I am not afraid to call either one of them depending on how you treat me.

” I meekly pound on his back with balled fists, that I suspect ends up hurting my hand more than his back.

He laughs. The male of stone currently carrying me through the resort over his shoulder and into the lobby, is laughing at me.

Then swats my ass. The smack is light and playful and barely hurts, but it still shocks me.

I try to reach around and, I don’t know, do something.

Swat his hand away, poke him in the eye, either will do.

He only laughs louder and tightens his hold around the back of my thighs forcing my kicking legs to still.

“Well, you might need that lawyer, depending on what you were doing crawling through the bushes outside the guest rooms. We don’t take kindly to pervs peeking through windows here.”

“WHAT?!” My voice comes out all high pitched and squeaky at his accusation. “I was not peeking into windows, and I am not a perv.”

I probably say that last part a little too loudly and I’m sure heads are swiveling to find out who the perv is, so they can avoid me at all costs. Not that that’s a bad thing. The less people in my way the better.

“Either way, I’m taking you to Antoinette and she can settle this.”

“What? Who is Antoinette? You aren’t taking me anywhere mister doesn’t wear a shirt and smells like the ocean.”

“I smell like the ocean, huh? Do you like how I smell?”

That’s a weird question to ask. Though I suppose it’s my own fault for bringing it up in the first place.

Before I formulate a response, I’m unceremoniously removed from the male’s shoulder and deposited on the colorful turtle patterned carpet in front of what looks like the concierge desk.

The one I purposely bypassed after checking in.

Dealing with pushy tourism personnel is not part of my job description.

Although I will gladly partake in the pool and pool side bar, I’m not on vacation and don’t plan on renting a jet ski or partaking in any of their many leisure activities.

Coconut Cove is a veritable small city, open to monster and human alike.

No discrimination here. There’s a theater, bowling alley, casino, and even a small carnival area.

Not to mention the mini shopping mall and all the food establishments and beaches.

That’s a lot of ground to cover over the next week and I won’t have time to do more than watch as others partake in the activities.

Maybe if I like it enough, and it passes my inspection, I’ll make a reservation to come back at a later date. Then I can enjoy all it has to offer. Except the beach.

“Antoinette,” the gargoyle calls out.

From behind the sunny yellow counter, pops the pale pink head of an impeccably dressed goblin.

Her skin is a dewy shade of mint green that compliments the pastel pink of her curly hair.

The gold and crystal of her palm tree shaped earrings glitter in the sunlight as they sway from her long slender pointed ears.

The female I assume is Antoinette, can’t be more than four and half feet tall, while wearing heals, but she carries herself with the confidence of a minotaur.

“Zaxon, what have I told you about carrying the guests?” she huffs with an exasperated sigh.

“I don’t know if she’s a guest or not. I found her crawling around in the bushes flashing her backside to anyone walking by.”

“That is not what I was doing,” I state, straightening my white sun dress to make sure it’s pulled down over said backside.

I have no idea if I was flashing anyone while thrown over his shoulder or not.

I also take a moment to straighten my glasses on my nose and push a few stray hairs out of my face.

“And I am a guest of the resort,” I continue before anyone gets the idea to call the cops.

“Still doesn’t explain why you were in the bushes,” he counters, that stupid easy grin still pulling at the corner of his lips.

“Speaking of explanations, perhaps you would like to explain why you manhandled me, threw me over your shoulder, smacked my ass, and then brought me here?”

“Tell me you did not, Zaxon,” Antoinette demands.

Zaxon just shrugs, purple irises glittering with mirth. Antoinette rolls her eyes and plasters on a wide customer service smile before locking her gaze on me.

“I’m terribly sorry for our overzealous security guard. He has a very hands-on approach to the job.”

I side eye the gargoyle and give him a thorough once over.

I hadn’t been able to see more than his bare chest and smile before he threw me over his shoulder.

Now I see the tactical style pants and security resort ID clipped to his belt loop, complete with a wide toothed smiling photo of his handsome face.

“What is your room number? I’ll make sure to have a complimentary bottle of wine and fruit basket sent over as our apology.” Antoinette rounds back behind the concierge desk, shooing away a young man in a yellow shirt that matches the desk.

“Eleven fourteen.”

“Alright, Miss Beatrice Barlete.”

“Bea is fine,” I correct on instinct. Beatrice makes me sound like I belong in the Golden Girls.

“Oh. You wouldn’t happen to be Beatrice the Code Enforcement Officer, would you?”

It’s not like my presence here is a secret.

The management were well warned I would be spending the week inspecting all guest accessible areas to ensure they complied with all safety regulations.

But I didn’t think I would be ousted right in the middle of the lobby on day one.

I expected a manager to come to my room, greet me, offer complimentary amenities to butter me up_even though they know I can’t accept them_and then I would quietly slink around the property making notes in my handy dandy pocket notebook for my report.

As long as there aren’t too many people listening in on our conversation, I suppose that’s still possible without much added hindrance.

“Yes, that would be me,” I admit, far quieter than she asked.

“Wonderful. I’m Antoinette, General Manager here at Coconut Cove. I was told of your arrival but just hadn’t managed to make my way to your room to welcome you. How fortuitous you’re here now.”

Fortuitous isn’t the word I would choose but, sure, okay, whatever she says. I smile as best I can without cringing and nod, hoping this interaction will end soon.

“Since you’re here now, and have had the pleasure of meeting Zaxon our head security officer, I would like to offer his assistance with anything you may need.

He will be at your disposal for your time here with us.

He’ll make sure you get access to whatever you need and answer any questions you may have.

He’s been with us for many years and knows just as much about the resort as I do. ”

“That is completely unnecessary. I work much more efficiently when I don’t have an employee looking over my shoulder constantly,” I argue, hoping to dissuade her offer. It doesn’t seem to work.

“I insist. I was going to offer him to you anyways. This just made it easier. He can make up for his indiscretions.” Antoinette eyes Zaxon with a white eyed scowl that says you better make this right or else.

She may be barely tall enough to see over the concierge counter, but I’d be scared of her if she turned that glare on me.

Zaxon gives her a large and not at all condescending smile. “Of course. I would love to show Bea around. It would be my pleasure.” Then he turns those pearly whites on me.

Why does this male smile so much? What the hell is there to smile about? He was just assigned to babysit a code enforcer who’s looking for ways to write up his place of employment that, if bad enough, could put him out of employment.

“Wonderful,” Antoinette claps once and shifts back into customer service mode. “I’ll have that wine and fruit basket delivered immediately and you can get to know Zaxon and go over whatever you may need this week. Anything at all you just let him know.”

I will be doing no such thing.