Chapter 40
CHAPTER FORTY
ANGEL
As the late-day sun wanes, a chill enters my bones. I’m exhausted, injured, and emotionally drained. We’re not far from Garrett’s pack, and while I’m eager to arrive and crawl into a bed, any bed, I’m so on edge it’s not funny.
Never have I cried so much as in Garrett’s arms after I asked him a question he couldn’t answer.
How can I be with you when I no longer know who I am?
I never should have asked him that damn question. But part of me thought he’d have an answer. He always seems to know what to do.
“Another three miles to the border,” Garrett says from the shore where he stands guard, watching over me, giving me all the time I need.
It’s not time I need. It’s answers. A way through the confusion.
Instead of joining Garrett, my wolf walks through the cold water to soothe aching limbs. I wonder if she’s stalling because she senses my uncertainty.
One small nudge from me, and my wolf joins him on the shore.
“You look nice and refreshed,” he says with that silly grin I love so much moments before he shifts to wolf form.
His wolf waits for me, assumes I’ll keep following him as I’ve been doing these past few hours.
After I finished crying in his arms, we never discussed where to go. His wolf headed northwest, toward his pack. I followed. Much like when we left the WSSO. I never questioned where or why because I trusted him. Then and now.
I can’t imagine that ever changing… even if I still don’t know where I belong.
Packs are supposed to protect, or die trying. My packmates, those who survived, forgot that.
They found… and left me.
Abandoned. Sacrificed to the WSSO.
Now they want me back. I can’t go back to them. Ever. They broke the basest promise of being part of a pack. That unwritten edict… pack always stands for you, protects you—or at least tries—no matter what.
As for Garrett’s pack, I don’t feel as if I belong there and I’m not sure I ever will. But I’m safe there.
For now, it’s a place to sleep and think.
And Garrett will be there.
Nearly two hours later, we reach the border. I only know this because Garrett releases a howl on the ridge we climb and three howls reply, one from our right and the other two from our left.
Two hours to walk three miles. I’m moving slower than I realized.
But Garrett never complained. Not once.
I shift to human form just after we pass the border into Damien’s land. Garrett shifts in turn. “We’re home.”
I wish I could agree with him, or even smile. “Thank you.” My words are ambiguous but sincere. I appreciate everything he’s done for me… the treasure he is.
“I want to see the pack doctor.”
“You mean Doc Evans? Sure, I’ll take you straight to Mila.” He pauses. “Or you can go there without me, if… if you don’t need me.”
“Mila. I’ve heard the name. That’s Hayden’s mate, right?”
He nods. I can see more questions hidden behind those concerned eyes.
“Will she be upset with me?”
“Whatever for?”
“Hayden’s with his former pack because of me. I don’t know the history, but the tension between him and the alpha was palpable. If she can feel him across their blood-bond, she’ll be terrified.”
“Or very calm, because Hayden’s not in danger. Even if he were, I don’t think he’d let his panic travel the bond. I’ve been told that’s something a shifter can control. Just be yourself with Mila. No apologies or excuses necessary.”
“You’re afraid I’ll leave without telling you.”
“Yes.” He swallows hard and says nothing more as he walks beside me. I wish he’d reach for my hand, or that I had the courage to reach for his.
At the camp’s perimeter, Garrett withdraws clothing from the bin. He hands me a packet tied with a pink bow. Inside, I find a soft baby blue sweater, jeans, and boots. Not my clothing, but my size.
“You can thank Tess for the women’s clothing in the cache.
After that day you showed up wearing just a man’s shirt, she insisted we become more female friendly to anyone entering our territory.
See, babe, you’ve had an impact on the shifters here.
I’m hoping you’ll consider staying a little while longer.
If not, well… you don’t have to leave alone. ”
I tug hold of his shirt below the collar. “Would you really go with me?”
“Yes.” There’s no wavering, no uncertainty in his voice or face.
My heart sails, then sinks. I can’t be responsible for ripping one more shifter from his pack, from the people who love him.
I tip up on my toes and kiss his cheek. “Never change, Garrett.”
I head into camp without asking him to accompany me. I don’t need an escort here. Even though I haven’t met Mila in person, I know where I’m going. And if I stray from the path, there are enough shifters here who can point me in the right direction.
Somehow, that pretty much sums up this place, which makes my wolf want to howl in joy, but I’m not ready to join her. I still need to find where I fit here. And while I love Garrett with all my heart, I refuse to be a burden.
I cross the compound, and head in the direction I recall seeing Hayden and his mate go the day I arrived. I haven’t seen her since and I’m not sure why, except she was heavily pregnant, so it’s possible she’s on bed rest.
Which means I shouldn’t bother her.
My gait slows just as a huge house comes into view. Not a mere cabin, but a real house, the type a second-in-command would live in, and only smaller than the alpha’s. While the house sits a few hundred yards off the main path, it’s still close to the center of the pack.
Garrett rushes past me. “I can handle this on my own,” I whisper as he knocks.
“I’m here on pack business,” he says. “It’ll only take a second.”
A beautiful shifter, with long dark hair and a huge baby-belly answers. “Garrett…” her smile falls. “Is Hayden—”
“Totally fine. I’m just here to let you know he’s slightly delayed, but all was basically resolved and well when I left him.”
“Drake—”
“He’s being an ass, but nothing Hayden can’t handle. They’re discussing some intel.”
She sighs in relief, then her smile returns. “Thank you.”
“One last request, Doc, this is Angelina Ulfson, our most recent guest.”
I love how he didn’t introduce me as another WSSO victim. Or hostage. Or any other label that I’d like to dispel.
“Hi, there,” she says to me, as I approach her home.
“If this isn’t a good time, I could come back.”
Garrett gently grips my hand and keeps me from leaving. “She has a few injuries, Doc. Nothing Novak related. Road burns on her face and shoulder. If you’re unable to check her over—”
“Garrett, what are you doing?” I whisper.
“Making sure you’re taken care of, darlin’. Don’t want you hiding anymore. Avoiding me is one thing, but you should get to know the pack you’re thinking of leaving.”
“You mean thinking of staying, don’t you?” the doctor asks.
“No, she’s thinking of leaving. And while I swore I wouldn’t pressure her to stay—”
“Sounds like you’re doing exactly that, Garrett,” the doctor says.
“I am. Switching my approach, because I’m rather desperate, Doc.
I love Angel, and while I truly want her to be happy, I think she tends to be harder on herself than any one shifter deserves.
Maybe if I make it clear to our pack that they’d be losing a beautiful, sweet, giving soul by pushing her away, they’d be a bit more welcoming to her. ”
“Garrett!” I can’t believe he’s doing this. Or that he’s saying he loves me. It’s almost too much to handle all at once.
“She says she needs to find herself,” he continues. “I’m not sure what that means, but I thought I’d bring it up because you were in a similar position once, weren’t you, Doc?”
She laughs. “Garrett, sometimes you remind me of a lighthearted, less serious Damien. Leaving nothing to chance, and adding in just enough charm to get the job done.”
“No need to insult me, Doc. A shifter doesn’t pick his relatives.
” With a smile, Garrett nods, then turns and kisses me long and hard on the lips.
“I love you, Angel Ulfson, and my wolf and I are finally seeing eye to eye because of you. In fact, I’m seeing a lot of things clearer because of you.
One of which is that while I won’t break my promise to you…
meaning I still intend to take you wherever you want to go.
But I’m not gonna lie, Angel. I’m gonna do anything I can to convince you to stay here, to accept that this pack belongs to you as much as I do. ”
I honestly don’t know what to say or do, so I do what I always do. I freeze up.
“She’s all yours, Doc. Oh, and she goes by Angelina or Lina to her friends, so I can’t say which she’d prefer with you. I’m the only one who calls her Angel, and we’re gonna keep it that way.”
Dr. Evans shakes her head while holding in a laugh. “Garrett, you’re really not that much different from Damien, are you?”
“I’ll take that as a compliment, even though I suspect that’s not how it was intended.”
“You’d be right. Get going, shifter. You’re keeping me from treating my patient.”
Garrett grips my face in his hands. “You’re in charge, Angel. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.”
“Including you?” I ask.
“Especially me. I’m the fool wolf who can’t live without you. And until the day you send me away, I’ll be here for you.” Garrett shifts, and races off.
“He makes it hard to leave, doesn’t he?” Dr. Evans asks.
“He’s what’s kept me here this long. He makes me smile, Doctor.”
“Call me Mila. And smiling is the best medicine.”
“Sure is, but I’m hoping you can figure out what’s wrong with me.”
She invites me in, and closes the door behind. “My office is down the hill behind Damien and Tess’s house, but I’m avoiding hills right now,” she says as she pats her belly.
“First baby?”
“Yes, and my little pup is very active. Why don’t you remove your sweater and get comfortable while I get my bag. I’ll take a look at those road burns and see what I can do to help.”
“My wolf’s healing the road burns. It’s my nose that’s an issue.
Scenting, specifically. I used to be able to scent as well as anyone, but I’ve been having trouble with even the most basic scenting lately.
Unless I’m up close with my nose practically buried in a shifter or, well, anything…
I can’t pick up scents, or separate them like I used to. ”
“Let’s do a thorough exam, then, okay? And I’ll help your wolf tend to those road burns in time for you to meet Garrett for dinner.”
“I’d like that, but I’m not sure if I should?”
“Meet Garrett? Sure you should. I’ve never seen that shifter so full of life. But he is right, it’s your choice. No one’s going to make you do anything you don’t want to do in this pack. It took me a while to learn that.”
“I know, it’s just…”
“Oh. Garrett’s the issue. Do you want him?”
“Yes,” I say without hesitation.
“Instead of telling you to go after him, I’ll tell you what I went through in this pack, and with Hayden for that matter. Maybe then, you’ll see there’s a place for you here, even if you don’t know what it is yet.”
“And if I don’t see it?”
“You will.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because you more than smile every time I mention Garrett’s name.
You shine like you’re the angel atop a Christmas tree.
You, Angelina, are in love with Garrett.
And I think you know it. Let’s find out what’s going on with you and your wolf, so you can figure out how to get that crazy shifter to blood-bond you. ”
“Blood-bond. That’s so… permanent.”
And yet the moment I say the word, I know it’s what I want... with Garrett. I want to stay here, make a life with him, and be a true part of this pack. Maybe finding out who I am is about learning to trust myself… and accept what life offers.
“I think it’s time to stop punishing myself for the shifters who I left behind, both in my pack and in captivity, Mila…”