Chapter 24
MOLLY
“You spent the entire night with Gavin and you want to talk about what you ate for breakfast after?” Kaiya asked.
Well, yes, because if she actually started digging into all the other stuff, she’d have to actually think about it. Thinking about it meant processing it.
In her experience, processing it meant lots of regrets were soon to follow.
Couldn’t she just enjoy this for as long as it lasted? Not fuss about an expiration date and the inevitable blow of the ending?
This wasn’t going to last—she knew that. But then she’d sort of forgotten it. Forgot she was more than halfway through her free trial and really freaking enjoying it. She’d need to decide soon, and what the heck was she supposed to decide?
She’d had an entire day to think about everything. An entire Saturday to worry herself into a tangle. Now it was Sunday, and the twists were only tighter.
“Uh-oh,” Rachel said, rearranging the blanket as she sat back down.
“What’s uh-oh?” Kaiya asked.
“Molly is overthinking what they had for breakfast. Which means she’s overthinking what happened before breakfast,” Rachel said as she monitored the impromptu soccer-slash-rugby-slash-basketball game all the kids had come up with together.
“Nope, can’t have that.” Sadie swooped in with an insulated tumbler of Sunday morning mimosa. She slipped that mimosa right into Molly’s grip.
“Get going on this so you stop with the thinking,” she said. “I want to hear about a different snap, crackle, and pop that doesn’t involve waffles and syrup.” She paused. “You didn’t do anything kinky with waffles and syrup, did you?”
“That would be incredibly sticky,” Kaiya said with a shiver.
“Stop thinking and start spilling,” Rachel said with a double snap of her fingers.
“I can’t stop thinking once it starts…” Unless, of course, Gavin had his mouth between her legs. Then she could stop thinking about all kinds of things.
Maybe she should put him on speed dial?
Rachel slung her arm around Molly and pulled her to her. “Tell me all about what happened.”
“Don’t leave out the pop.” Sadie pointed her index finger at Molly.
Molly eyed her friends, specifically Rachel. She couldn’t talk about anything that had happened with her. For the first time, she couldn’t share something with her best friend in the world.
“You’re his ex-wife,” she said, instead of mentioning anything about pops or crackling.
“This is something we’ve all known since the divorce,” Rachel quickly agreed. “Now, spill.”
Molly’s cheeks heated. “I can’t tell you about having sex with your ex-husband.”
Or how she noted Gavin had removed Dakota’s paintings at some point since she last visited. He’d replaced them with family photos he’d had printed on canvases. Huge photos that fit so much better with the decor than a painting of a zebra in a bathtub.
“Molly.” Rachel squeezed her shoulder. “Can I tell you a secret?”
Until now they’d had no secrets from each other, as far as Molly knew. “Do you even have any secrets I don’t know?”
“Gavin and I didn’t love each other,” Rachel said, gripping Molly’s hand.
“I know that. You’ve said that.”
Rachel squeezed again. “You don’t get it. We just didn’t click. If there’s anything I learned from that time with him, it’s that you can’t make the wrong man work for the right reasons. We tried so hard for the kids, both of us, but Gavin
wasn’t the one for me. I’m good with that. He’s good with that. We’ve both moved so far on, we might as well be on a new planet. A planet where you can tell me all about why Gavin is making you put on your scary thinking face.”
“Because I like him,” Molly admitted. “I liked the free trial of last night. I’d like the option to extend it. I just don’t know that I can purchase the entire package.”
“Liking the free trial is good, since you spent the whole night with him,” Kaiya said, most unhelpfully. “Isn’t that like an automatic extension? Do you have to do a formal request?”
Was it? Molly’s heart beat faster. Maybe she didn’t. “You scared her.” Sadie poured more orange juice into
her own cup. “Don’t scare her when she’s not even at the good bits yet.”
“I really like him,” Molly said again. “I also remember that I don’t like him.”
“Why don’t you like him?” Rachel asked, all gentle. The tone she used with her kids.
“I don’t remember anymore.” Molly pressed against her still-hot cheeks with the palms of her hands and closed her eyes. “When I try to remember, it makes it worse.”
“Oh man,” Kaiya said, pulling her legs up underneath her. “You’ve got it.”
“Got what?” Molly asked, lifting open her right eye. “The feelings.” Kaiya said, dramatically. “Don’t worry
though, I just went through this with Dan. The shock will fade and then you can enjoy them. The feelings, I mean.”
“No. That’s not allowed.” Molly held up her hands.
Things that were allowed? Fake dates, pretend relationships, real sex, and actual orgasms.
Things that were absolutely not allowed? Long-term emotional attachment to Gavin of any kind that didn’t involve the desire to throttle him with her bare hands.
“Have you considered…” Sadie started. Then she stopped. Then she cleared her throat. Then she said, “That maybe the reason you’ve always been so averse to him is because you always sort of knew the feelings thing was possible?”
“No.” Molly had definitely not considered that. And she didn’t have any intention of considering it, either.
“Maybe you should think about it?” Sadie asked. Her friends were all taking special care to be gentle, but Molly wasn’t ready.
That was it, wasn’t it? Molly wasn’t ready.
Ladies and gentlemen, she just had a realization. She wasn’t ready. And that was fine.
Totally okay that she wasn’t ready to commit to a long-term package deal. Nope. Not ready. Free trial was excellent, thoroughly enjoyed on multiple levels. But she was still not ready.
“Why’d you encourage her to think?” Rachel said, her voice pitchy. “Don’t encourage her to think. She just needs to feel for a little while longer.”
“I’m not ready.” Molly gulped. “I’m not ready to consider it.”
“This is about the whole not-able-to-get-past-a-first-date thing?” Kaiya asked. “Or you just don’t want to buy the goat when you got the cheese for free?”
“You’ve got that all mixed up, my friend,” Sadie said. “It’s why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free.”
“No.” Kaiya gave a little headshake. “I’m not mixing anything up. I just feel like the whole cow and milk thing is cliche. Also, don’t really love being compared to a cow, you know?”
“But goats are fine?” Molly asked, actually pretty grateful they were talking about barnyard animals and not her love life.
“Goats are great,” Kaiya said. “They’re super cute. Very compact. And they can climb trees. Have you ever seen a cow climb a tree? No, you have not.”
“I’ve never seen a goat climb a tree either,” Sadie said. “Are you sure they do that?”
“Can we please refocus on Molly? We’ll get back to the goat and cow debate after we find out exactly what happened that’s making her think.” Rachel tossed her hands up. “Also, I’m team cow. I like cows. Even if they can’t climb trees.”
“It’s not that I’m unwilling to get past a first date,” Molly said, actually relieved not to be talking about cows and goats. “The men I’ve seen are just all perfect for someone else. It’s how it is.”
“Not one of them could’ve worked for you for even a small amount of time?” Sadie asked.
Dammit, she was going into attorney mode. Molly usually enjoyed watching Sadie slide into attorney mode. Unless Sadie used it against her. Then she didn’t like it at all.
“Molly,” Kaiya said, flicking a speck of dirt from her leggings. “Dan is amazing. He was into you. You could’ve had fun for a little while with him.”
She could’ve, but that would’ve been wrong because… “He’s perfect for you, not me.”
“I am so grateful you recognized that he and I would be a nice fit.” Kaiya nibbled at her bottom lip. “But I think you don’t give yourself enough credit.”
“I give myself plenty of credit.” Loads of the stuff. She practically prescribed her own credit cards.
“Yeah, honey, no.” Sadie shook her head. “You don’t.”
“You’re awesome and you say you know it, but I don’t
think you do,” Kaiya said, unable to look at Molly. Like Molly had morning Molly hair or something.
“I think that for the first time in a long time I did something out of the normal and it was great.” Amazingly great, really. “But I also realize that it’s not helping anyone to prolong something that will eventually end.”
Rachel flipped the lid of her cup up and then down.
Click. Click. “It doesn’t have to end, you know.”
“Of course it does. Gavin’s meant for someone else,” Molly said.
Cassidy, specifically, seemed like the one for him. Molly was a side trip through the country on his way to his destination.
“And you?” Kaiya asked. “Who are you meant for?” Molly pointed to herself. “I’m meant for me.”
I am enough for myself. Wasn’t that the mantra she practiced over and over?
She believed it. Really, she did.
“It’s the credit thing again,” Kaiya said, looking to Sadie for apparent confirmation.
“Because, Molly, you are enough for you. You’re more than enough for everyone.
That’s how amazing you are as a human. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have more if that’s what you’d like.
What you choose. If you want Gavin and he wants you, you can have that. ”
Oh, hell, it would just be easier to tell them about Gavin’s ability to go down on her.
“Four times.” Molly said, sipping at her tumbler. “We had sex four times in twenty-four hours. I didn’t even know it was possible. There were also other things we did involving our mouths that probably require more mimosa for me to discuss.” There. “Questions?”
“I…” Kaiya raised her hand, glancing around. “I have questions.”
“Okay, shoot,” Molly said. She’d apparently answer anything, as long as she didn’t have to dig too deep.
“Have you checked on Gavin to be sure he can still walk?” Kaiya asked. “I’m a little worried about him.”
“Oh my God.” Sadie dropped her face to her hands. “You have his cell, ask him.”
“No,” Molly said. “You may not ask him. That was told to you in Sunday Morning Mimosa confidence.”
They all knew and understood the sanctity of that confidence. Respected it and abided by it.
There weren’t a ton of rules in their friendship, but that was the prime directive. That and don’t fall for anyone’s ex.
They didn’t need to go there, though.