49. Now
Now: March 22nd
T he final piece of The Honey Sisters is officially being released today. The full title is The Honey Sisters, The Journey Rediscovered. I first started writing this series two years ago. I’ve come out with a few others in between because I wanted to make sure that I did this story justice. After the first one had been a hit, it was the confidence boost I needed to keep going.
This one's for you, Mom.
Denver wasn’t lying when he said he wanted to make this day happen for me. Wendy had politely turned down the bookstore’s offer to have the signing there and told me she had something better in mind.
At the time, I didn’t have a clue what she meant. All I knew was that Wendy and Denver had something up their sleeves, and I was to be no part of it. They’d wanted to plan the whole thing themselves and surprise me. Well, fortunately for them, I am no good at guessing, and after the third or fourth failed attempt, I gave up. I’d find out what they were up to soon enough.
It’s a little nerve-wracking leaving something completely in the hands of somebody else. But if there’s anyone I can put my trust in, it’s the two of them. I’m thankful we didn’t have to cancel the event entirely. I would have been fine doing a virtual “launch” party of sorts, but this is better. Way better.
Denver is driving with Wendy in the passenger seat and me in the backseat next to Marvel. Everyone is giddy because everyone knows what the surprise is but me. Even Dad was sworn into secrecy and is on his way with Deb.
It’s a long car ride, and it feels like we are driving forever. When we are getting closer, I’m instructed to close my eyes and promise not to peek. Marvel covers my eyes with the palm of her hand for good measure. Just to make sure I’m not trying to cheat. I wouldn’t dare ruin their surprise.
“One, two, three, open!” they yell at the same time. Slowly I open my eyes, and Marvel removes her hand from my face. I roll down my window and my mouth drops wide open at the sight before me.
We are entering the gates of a state park. I recognize the gates immediately and tears instantly well in my eyes. I can’t believe they brought me here. I haven’t been here in ages, but I remember this place clearly. This is where Dad and I used to come every year for our camping trips after Mom’s passing. Eventually, as I got older and started writing more, and Dad took over the accounting firm and got busier, we stopped coming as often. Until finally, we stopped coming at all. I couldn’t tell you the last time we’d set up camp here in Mom’s memory. It has been too long .
I hear something as we start to pass through the gates, and I realize it sounds a bit like people chanting. What are they saying? Surely, I’m not hearing them right. Lined up on both sides of the entrance to the park are rows and rows of people. Some are holding signs, some are holding up copies of my books, and others are jumping up and down, excited to see us. To see me. There has to be hundreds of people here. We drive through slowly, and I force myself to wave to them out the window, tears blurring my vision. They all came here to see me and support my new book? I cannot believe it. It’s too much.
They are chanting my name, over and over. But it’s not Nicki! Nicki! Nicki! like I would have expected to hear. No, it’s something entirely new. Something I wasn’t even sure my fans would have accepted, yet here they are chanting my name—the one my mother had given me at birth. Phoenix! Phoenix! Phoenix! I bring a hand over to my mouth in awe. I’m fighting tears and an ugly sob that wants to escape from my lungs. I feel a small arm wrap around my shoulders and pull me close as she whispers, “You did it, you really did it.”
I guess I did. Wow.
I can’t get over the fact that Denver and Wendy planned all of this. I have no idea how many people are here right now, but they are still pouring in by the hundreds. More than I could have ever imagined. They brought me to one of my mom’s favorite places, Sally’s in the Park.
They have tables lined up with each novel in my series, plus a few others I’ve written in the more recent years for sale. The crowd has been patiently waiting for me to arrive and to officially announce the launch of my new book. I’m still in shock .
“Hello, and good afternoon. Um, wow. I can say with one hundred percent certainty that when my writing team told me they were planning something big, I wasn’t expecting this,” I say nervously into the microphone Wendy just handed me. I look over at my best friend, and she’s beaming from ear to ear. She takes a bow and blows me a kiss. She’s ridiculous, but I wouldn’t change a thing about her. I give a little wave to Janie, my publisher, who is standing off to the side. She has tears in her eyes and gives me a thumbs up. I couldn’t have gotten this far without either of them. I have an amazing team.
“As you all know, the last book in The Honey Sisters officially releases in just a moment, and you all get the first sneak peek into my latest novel.”
Loud cheers and claps erupt from the crowd. Denver is standing off to the side with his hands on his daughter’s shoulders, next to my Dad and his girlfriend, Deb, who couldn’t look more proud to be here right now. It means more than they will ever know to have all of them here with me now.
“We will cut the ribbon and open the lines up for book sales and autographs in a moment, but I have to make a quick announcement first.”
A soft murmur goes through the crowd, wondering what kind of announcement I’m about to make. I have decided to go through with the LA film team, but won’t be making that announcement until a few months from now, just to make sure everything is up and running first.
This is something even bigger. Something I’ve debated doing for a while, but finally decided to go for it. If I don’t do it now, it may not happen until years from now, or maybe not ever.
I take a deep breath and exhale. I can do this.
I start telling the crowd about my mom. It reminds me of the day, not that long ago, when I told a group of strangers my story at one of the G&G meetings. The one I had no idea that Denver was listening to. But he’d been there the whole time. I plan to start attending regularly now. I feel like it could be good for me. I didn’t think it would ever be a place I could fit in, but I’m starting to make a few connections, and Denver’s offered to continue going with me. It’s a huge step for both of us.
By the time I finish talking about my mom, several people are either sniffling, wiping their eyes, or even blowing their noses. I glance over at Dad and his eyes are filled with tears, but they aren’t tears of sadness this time. They are tears filled with love at remembering who she was. And for loving her despite all her flaws. None of us are perfect.
I motion to Wendy, and she walks over to me and hands me something. I tuck it behind my back for a moment before pulling it out into view.
“Sixteen years ago, my mother gave me her most prized possession—her journal. It had been filled with poems she’d written over the years. I’ve read over them countless times, so many times in fact, that I’ve memorized several. Some of her writing is dark. She mentions wanting to die, thoughts of death, and often feeling like she was suffocating. My mother was many things, but I had no idea she’d felt this way. For her birthday, I’d spent weeks typing all of her poems and binding them into book form. I never had the chance to give them to her. And it broke my heart. I lost my love of writing for a long time.”
I look down at the book in my hands and hold it out for everyone to see. It’s a hardback cover that is dark green like the worn journal she’d given me, and on the front of the cover, etched in a shimmery gold, is a picture of a phoenix, rising through the flames. Underneath the bird is the title I’ve chosen for her collection, along with her name.
“Until one day,” I began again, “Writing gave me new wings. It brought me hope in my darkest nights. It allowed me to get up again and start my new beginning. Hence, the title of the book my mother wrote, in her honor, New Beginnings. ”
Applause immediately takes over the crowd. Many are cheering, some are still wiping their eyes, and I don’t realize I’m crying and smiling until someone's arms wrap around my shoulders. I know without looking who it is. I know, without a doubt, that he is not only standing here to support me today but quite possibly forever. I never thought in a million years that I would ever deserve someone like him. And yet here he is, standing by my side. For me and with me. I’ve never loved someone the way that I love him. I can only pray that he feels the same way. He kisses the top of my head and in that moment, I know .
I just do.
We end up selling out of all of my books. The moment the ribbon has been officially cut, the people come streaming in by the hundreds. It is insane. Denver, Marvel, Dad, and Deb are all at a table, working. I’m at a table with Wendy and her two daughters signing all the books after people purchased them from the other lines. We work quickly and sell out within hours of opening. I’ve never experienced something more exciting in my life. Copies of my mom’s poetry book sold the quickest.
I had countless people thank me for sharing my story and say how they could relate to my pain. Some had also lost a parent in some terrible tragedy. I laughed and cried with strangers, and swapped memories with others. The afternoon quickly turns into evening, and by the time the sun is setting, people are finally starting to leave. This has seriously been the best day. If only Mom could have been here for it—maybe in some ways she was. I felt her in the gentle breeze and the whispering of the trees between the mountains. Her very aroma was somewhere in the air, honey, and vanilla… Mom. She had been here, I sensed it.
Dad finds me after and gives me one of his bear hugs. “I love you so much, Phoenix. You’re an amazing writer and an even more amazing daughter. I am so proud, and your mother would have been too. I remember that night you first showed her journal to me and told me your idea for her birthday. Sixteen years, and I still remember. And because of what you’ve done with your mother’s precious gift… others can remember her too. You are incredible, and it’s a huge blessing to be your dad.”
He pulls away before we can start crying again, and I thank him and Deb both for coming. I’m really glad that they have each other, he’s needed someone by his side ever since Mom left. It’s nice that we have both finally found that person.
Before Wendy drives back home with her family, she gives me a final hug and we both lose it. I can’t help it, she’s been here with me through it all. She’s stuck around the longest. I can’t believe she’s put up with me for so long, but I’m forever grateful that she has.
Denver is the last to come up to me. He’s got one last surprise for me. I just can’t with this guy. How could he possibly do one more thing tonight that he hasn’t already done? This day has been nothing shy of amazing. I can’t stop replaying today’s events in my head.
“Okay, seriously, what is it now? You all have done more than enough today,” I say, making sure to emphasize the word more.
“You’ll see.” And this time he places a hand over my eyes and walks me a little ways away from where we’d held today’s event. Marvel got a ride home with Wendy, so I have no idea what this is about. I try to pull his hand away, and he finally lets me.
When I open them I gasp. A full camping scene unfolds before my eyes. There’s a tent set up with tiny twinkling lights wrapped all the way around it so it glows in the darkening night sky. There’s a fire burning and two chairs set up right next to it. I cannot believe it. Denver did all of this?
“You did this? Are you camping here tonight?” I ask, shocked. I can’t believe he did this. He is full of surprises today .
“Your dad helped me set everything up when people started to leave. He’s the one who told me what this place has meant to you and helped make it all happen. He loves you, you know.”
I do know. I should have never once doubted his love for me, even during the years he had a funny way of showing it, but this speaks volumes to me. This kind of love reaches higher than the mountaintops.
“And correction. We are camping here tonight.” He grins, winking at me as he motions for me to sit in one of the camping chairs.
I raise an eyebrow at him in question. Is he being serious right now? It sure looks that way.
“Oh, are we now? You’ve decided this?”
“Only if you want me to, Phoenix. You say the word and I will.”
I don’t even need to hesitate. I am in love with him. I don’t want to let him out of my sight for a single moment. I want to spend the rest of my days with him, just like this. Through the valleys and the mountaintops. Because this is our story—our new beginning.
“Stay here with me tonight, Denver.”
“Just tonight?” he questions, teasing me.
I scoot my chair closer to his so that our legs are touching. I lay my head upon his shoulder and our fingers weave together.
“Forever, if you’ll let me,” I say quietly into the night air.
“I will love you until the day I die, Phoenix Larrs. Let’s live out our forever.”
And so we begin.