Epilogue Now
Now: Valentine’s Day, 1 year later
F or the longest time, I’ve dreaded this day. This day only brings back memories that are too painful to recall, and every year I have to relive this nightmare. The nightmare of losing my mother.
Today, that all changes. After I released my mom’s book, New Beginnings, along with mine, things did not slow down one bit. Denver and I spent the rest of the weekend at Sally’s. On the last day, as we were getting everything all packed up, Denver was zipping up our sleeping bags on the ground when he looked up at me with a goofy grin on his face. What was he up to now? Turns out, he wasn’t just zipping up our sleeping bags, he was down on one knee getting ready to propose to me. Oh. Ohhh.
I said yes. A thousand times, yes.
By the end of the month, we moved in together. I decided it was time, and I was as ready as I was ever going to be. Denver was sweet, of course, and said we could take things slow. None of this is slow, but he’s cute for saying it anyway.
A month after that, I started gathering all of my mom’s best recipes together, and a cookbook in her name will be coming out as soon as we return from our honeymoon. It took some digging to gather enough recipes to fill a book, but it’s finally ready. With much-appreciated help from Wendy, Dad, Denver, and Marvel. Marvel created all of the illustrations in the book, and did a spectacular job—I have high hopes for that kid! Speaking of…
Shortly after our engagement, Marvel offered to take me out for a drive. My first time behind the wheel since the accident seventeen years ago. We decided to take it slow. Every Friday after she’s done at school, she swings home and I hop into the driver’s seat. I have to admit it was weird at first. So far, thankfully, there has only been a couple of times where I flat-out panicked and she had to talk me through it. She is really good at that.
But she agreed that I should start small. So every drive I pick one place to take us to. It’s typically within a twenty or thirty-mile radius, and then I drive us back home. Any other day of the week when Denver is with us, he always takes the wheel. But I love that Marvel and I get this special one-on-one time together. Just me and her. Just us girls.
Baby steps. Sometimes that’s all it takes. There’s also been another minor change in the last year. Seeing the joy that Marvel and Denver have together creating something in the kitchen, has uncovered a newfound passion when it comes to cooking and baking. Every Saturday night Dad and Deb join us for a home-cooked meal. Neither of them cook much, that hasn’t changed, but they always bring something along. Denver and Marvel have both enjoyed getting to try new recipes that my mom had created from scratch, and make into something that we’d all enjoy as a family again years after she passed.
Today, we are getting married. This is technically our second Valentine’s together, but last year’s doesn’t count. I had just told him the news about his sister, and it’d been too much too soon for both of us. I wouldn’t say things are perfect, but fairly close. Especially since he wants to marry me.
Things progressed a bit quicker after we got engaged, but we wanted to wait a little bit before picking a date and making it official. Marvel has been amazing too. From the moment we met when I passed out at her first book signing, to the time I blacked out practically in her arms—she’s been there for me. She accepts me into their family without question or apprehension. She loves fiercely, and so does her dad.
For the last seventeen years, this day has haunted me. Haunted both of us. Denver with the anniversary of his sister’s death, and me with my mom’s. Today, we are going to change that. We aren’t erasing the past or blocking out their memories. We are doing the opposite. We are bringing back love and hope to this day. This day will no longer be remembered only as a day of tragic loss, but a day of rebirth, new life, and a new beginning.
Marvel was born on this day seventeen years ago. For most of her life, her birthday lived in the dark shadows of her father’s tragedy. But not anymore. It was Marvel who had surprised me one day by asking if we would pick this day as our wedding day. At first, I’d wondered why in the world she would have chosen today of all three-hundred-sixty-five days in a year—but she’d wanted it to be this one. Today.
Not a day sooner and not a day later. Now.
So, here we are moments away from saying I do .
If someone had asked my sixteen-year-old self if I pictured this very day now seventeen years into the future, I would have said no. Absolutely not.
But today, I can see it clearly. I have found my silver lining. I chose to rise from the ashes, rather than remain stuck on the ground. I stopped running from the pain of my past and embraced my new wings. Now, I’m soaring.
There’s also one little thing I haven’t mentioned to anyone yet. I just found out a week ago. There’s a tiny bundle of life growing inside of me, and before too long, I am going to be a mom.
We had planned on waiting a little longer, but what can I say? I love everything about this man, and we couldn’t wait a moment longer to share that strong connection. He is amazing, and I can’t wait to tell him the news. Our news.
It’s too soon to say if it’s a boy or a girl, but I’m betting it’s going to be a girl. And I’ve even jotted down a pros and cons list. Silly, I know, but I can’t help it. I think I’ve narrowed it down between two names. If it’s a boy, I want to name him Matty Jo Marks. Matt is my dad’s name, and Jo is short for Jolene, my mom’s. But if it’s a girl, I know exactly what I want to name her. God, if you’re listening.
I would name my baby girl after the two people in our lives we both loved and lost. The name would not only be in their honor but provide a new legacy for her to live out. She wouldn’t be tied down by a name, no, she would claim it and live. Live because her life has meaning, purpose, and hope. Live because God has given her the very air that she breathes.
I can’t stop thinking about Denver, the man I am going to marry. I don’t deserve his love, yet he gives it to me freely, without cost or reserve. I want to share the rest of my life with this person—how quickly he’s become my favorite person. I can’t wait to see where life takes us. Because I know no matter what kinds of twists and turns life has to throw our way, he will be there by my side. He will be there to stay .
I look at myself in the mirror. Marvel is curling my hair, and for a moment I don’t see my reflection staring back at me, I see my mother’s. Shiny, copper eyes, like a new penny. Sparkling and bright, the way hers used to light up. I’ll never forget the way her entire face would light up when she was happy to see me. Today, I’ll remember that side of my mother.
Tears form in my eyes, and I quickly blink them away. I’ve dreamed about this day for ages, written about it in countless novels, and it’s finally coming true in my own story.
Baby girl, if you get the chance to read this someday… I hope you know how much you are already loved. My sweet little girl, my sweet Genesis Jo. This is for you. Go and live out your dreams, like I am living out mine.
“New Beginnings”
Phoenix Jo Marks
I’d been lost
Broken down
By life’s cruel hands.
I couldn’t walk
On solid ground
Instead, I ran.
I hid myself away
I wasn’t worthy
Didn’t deserve to be loved.
You came with scars
Written on your heart
Our stories collided.
The old became new
Past wounds began to heal
From a love that was real.
Together we created
A new story
This would be our new beginning.
Two broken people
In need of mending
Love has made a way.