Chapter 27
Twenty-Seven
Gentry
“Dad?”
“In here,” I call out from the kitchen as I pull the shepherd’s pie out of the oven.
A moment later, Finn and Hollis stroll into the room, and suddenly, I can’t breathe. My heart is pounding in my ears, and I haven’t even said a word yet. I don’t know how I’m supposed to get through this dinner if I already feel this on edge.
“Yum, smells good,” Finn says, grabbing a beer from the fridge.
“Want one?” he offers.
I shake my head. “No, that’s all right. Tryin’ to drink more water.” And I already killed my second glass of bourbon before you got here.
After my epiphany, as Remington liked to call it, a couple of weeks ago, I decided it’s time to be honest with my boys.
Clearly, it’s taken some time for me to work up the nerve to actually do it, but better late than never, right?
I’ve spent their whole lives hiding who I really was, and I’m not even sure why.
I feel like a fraud. I taught them when they were kids that they should always be true to who they are and family is always there for you, yet I’ve kept this huge part of my identity close to my chest.
They deserve to know.
I should’ve told them years ago, but I can’t change the past.
“Is everythin’ okay?” Hollis asks as I grab three plates out of the cabinet.
“Yeah. Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Well, you invited us over for dinner but said it was just us three,” he explains, his voice even, but apprehension covers his features. “You’re not, like…dyin’ or anythin’, are you?”
“God, no,” I blurt out, realizing how ominous my dinner invitation must’ve sounded.
It’s not uncommon to have the whole family over, Tucker and spouses included, but I’m nervous enough as it is telling Finn and Hollis.
I couldn’t stomach having this conversation with more people.
“I’m sorry that I worried you, but I’m certainly not dyin’, nor is anythin’ wrong. ”
“Phew.” He chuckles, making a show of wiping the sweat off his brow.
I hand him a plate before doing the same to Finn. “Let’s dish up while it’s hot.”
Every time I host dinner, we always sit in the same seats at the dining room table.
It’s been this way since they were kids, and it’s always been unspoken.
I’m at the head of the table, closest to the kitchen, with Finn to my right, and Hollis on my left, across from his brother.
When the whole family comes over, it’s always the same too.
Tucker at the foot of the table, Ford next to Hollis, and Ash beside his husband.
When August and Tripp come, they usually switch up which empty spots they sit at.
Tonight is no different.
It’s comfortable, knowing what to expect.
I’m a man of routine—I don’t know a single rancher who isn’t—so even though it’s little, and probably silly, having my sons sit in the exact same seats they’ve sat at for the last thirty-plus years right when I’m about to tell them something huge and way out of my comfort zone, helps ease my nerves.
“If there’s any leftovers, I’m takin’ Ash a plate,” Finn says. “You know how much he loves your shepherd’s pie.”
My chest rumbles with a chuckle. “That’s quite alright,” I say. “Made plenty for that very reason. What are him and Tucker up to tonight?”
“They drove over to Remi’s house a couple hours ago so Tuck and Lukas could hang out.”
At the mention of Remington, my pulse kicks up in my neck, and I bark out a cough. “Shit,” I blurt, hitting my chest with the side of my fist.
Finn hands me the glass of water beside my plate. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” I nod before taking a large sip. “Food went down the wrong pipe, that’s all. It’s nice that Tucker and Lukas get along so well.”
He smiles in that way a parent does when they think about their kid. “Yeah, it is. I didn’t expect Tucker to warm up to him so quickly. You know how he’s pretty shy at school.”
“I don’t know. Maybe Tucker can sense Lukas could use a friend right now.”
“Maybe.” Finn glances at Hollis before he asks, “Think Remi’s gonna adopt him?”
“Fuck if I know.” He snorts. “Between his work schedule and me being smack dab in the middle of plannin’ this wedding, we haven’t had a whole lot of time to hang out.”
Guilt creeps in, prickling the back of my neck. I’m sure I’m partly to blame for that too, and it makes me feel like shit.
“Enough about him, though,” Hollis says, shifting his gaze to me. “What’s goin’ on with you?”
Shit.
It’s funny, I’ve been practicing what I’m going to say for the last two weeks. I even wrote it down on a piece of paper and read it in front of the mirror. And yet, now that they’re here and it’s time to share, every single thing I practiced vanishes from my mind.
Clearing my throat, I set down my fork and wipe my mouth with my napkin, suddenly losing my appetite. “Before I say anythin’, I want to reiterate that nothing is wrong. I ain’t dyin’, ain’t losin’ the ranch. Okay?”
“Way to really calm our nerves, Dad,” Hollis murmurs with a dry chuckle.
My stomach churns, a hot flash washing over me as I drag in a deep breath. There’s no turning back now. “It’s just… There’s somethin’ I wanna share with you boys. Somethin’ I probably should’ve done years ago.”
Finn and Hollis share a look before giving me their full attention. “Okay, we’re listenin’,” Finn says. “Whatever it is, you can tell us, Dad.”
I take a drink of water, my mouth dry and parched all of the sudden.
My heart thunders behind my ribcage, and I can’t breathe.
I know, realistically, I have nothing to worry about.
My kids won’t love me any less, this won’t cause us to become estranged.
Everything will be fine. I just wish my nervous system knew that.
“Okay, I ain’t real good at talkin’ like this, so I’m just gonna come right out with it.” I scratch along my jaw and swallow thickly. “I’m gay.”
The silence that follows is excruciating. But then Hollis smiles immediately, something like pride gleaming in his eyes. “Yeah, Dad. We know.”
“You didn’t even let me finish,” I huff before what he said really settles in. “Wait. What do you mean, you know?”
“Didn’t need to,” he offers. “You taught us that comin’ out doesn’t need to be a grand thing if we don’t want it to be.
That straight people don’t make a big production lettin’ the world know they’re straight.
But I’m lovin’ the irony goin’ on here.” He chuckles, and I can’t help but smile because he’s right. I did teach them that.
“Okay. But what about the part where you knew…”
He breathes out a small chuckle and shrugs. “Call it a hunch. And maybe a little gaydar.”
Wow.
Didn’t see that coming.
Finn grabs my hand, his touch grounding me. “You okay?” he asks, the question nearly undoing me.
Pressure builds behind my eyes, and my throat tightens. “I am.” Swallowing thickly, I add, “Just didn’t want this to change how you saw me, or cause resentment for me waitin’ so long.”
“Dad.” Finn’s tone is gentle but firm. “You raised two queer kids on a cattle ranch in Texas and somehow managed not to screw us up. You gave us so much love, stability, and safety growin’ up, and you never made us feel different or less than for bein’ who we are.
I think I speak for Hollis when I say that we could never look at you differently.
You’re one of the bravest, strongest, good-hearted men I know. ”
I clench my jaw, trying to will the moisture away from my eyes.
“And we’d never resent you for this,” Hollis adds.
“Ever. Sexual identity is deeply personal, and we’d rather you wait until you were comfortable than tell us just because you felt like you should.
Do I wish you’d told us sooner? Sure. But only because I think you deserve to live your truth and not hide yourself.
I’m not mad, Dad, and I know Finn isn’t either. ”
“I just didn’t want you boys thinkin’ I was hidin’ from you.”
“You weren’t hidin’.” Finn’s eyes soften. “You were survivin’. There’s a difference. I’m sure you think I was too young to understand, but I wasn’t. I remember how Great Granddaddy was, and I know that bein’ queer in Texas hasn’t always been the safest thing.”
That lands deep. My chest aches.
I nod. “Guess I finally figured out I don’t gotta do that anymore.”
Hollis leans over and pats me on the shoulder. “Welcome to the club, old man. Meetings are on Tuesdays. The coffee sucks.”
I laugh before realizing it, both boys joining in. Leave it to Hollis to make everyone laugh and lighten the mood. “I love you boys. I know I don’t say it as much as I should, but I hope you know that.”
“We do,” Finn says. “And we love you too.”
Well, that was easier than I thought it would be.
I’ve had nothing to worry about.
Taking a bite of my now cold pie, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m still not being fully honest with them. They know I’m gay, but they don’t know the whole truth. After just telling them I didn’t want to hide from them, I think I owe it to them—and myself—to come clean…about all of it.
So, before I can talk myself out of it, I say, “That’s not all.”
They both pause. Again, the room becomes so quiet you could hear a pin drop.
“Okaaay,” Finn says slowly. “We’re still listenin’.”
Nausea swirls in my gut. I rub my hands together, trying to steady my heart rate. “I’m seein’ someone.”
They share another look, and I don’t miss the way Hollis bites back a smile. “Okay…”
“I care about him,” I explain. “Honestly, more than I expected to.”
It’s not until the words leave my mouth that I realize I should’ve discussed this with Remington before telling them about us.
This is still so new, and I’m not even sure what it’s going to become, but they should find out from me.
They should hear it before they find out some other way… Like seein’ his truck in my front yard.
“Do we know him?” Finn asks.
My heart jumps to my throat. I nod. “Yes.”
“Who is he?” The question comes from Hollis this time.
I exhale, knowing this could turn the conversation sour real fast. This isn’t just their dad dating someone.
It’s their dad dating someone their age.
Someone who’s their friend. I have no way of knowing if they’ll be as accepting and understanding about this.
And if they’re angry, I wouldn’t blame them.
Still, I’ve come this far. I can’t back out now.
“It’s Remington.”
More silence.
I can’t bring myself to look either of them in the eye.
“Oh my god,” Finn murmurs.
“Holy shit, Dad.” Hollis clears his throat and leans over the table, forcing me to meet his gaze. “Are you serious?”
Fuck.
“I am. And before you ask, nothin’ happened while y’all were kids. In fact, nothin’ happened at all until recently. I just—” My chest warms, thinking about him, and my voice softens as I say, “He makes me happy. And I didn’t know how much I’d been missin’ that until him.”
Another pregnant pause that makes me want to crawl out of my skin.
“So, you’re tellin’ me my best friend is bangin’ my dad?”
My eyes widen.
“Hollis,” Finn hisses.
“No, it’s okay.” I shake my head. “I deserve that.”
Finn watches me for a moment, his expression unreadable. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you as terrified as you look right now.”
“I am,” I admit, blowing out a breath. “Everything I shared tonight… It’s a lot, especially this. I don’t want to lose you boys.”
“You won’t, Dad,” Hollis says, taking me by surprise. I shift my gaze to him, the ache from earlier back in my throat with a vengeance. “I mean, yeah, it’s weird, and not what I was expectin’. I’m gonna need some time to digest this. And boundaries. Very clear boundaries.”
“Extremely clear,” Finn adds. “Mostly lookin’ at Remi and his big mouth.”
I snort.
“But if he makes you happy and treats you right?” Hollis shrugs. “That’s what matters. Besides, Remi’s had a crush on you for years. I guess it’s about damn time you catch up.”
I let out a shaky laugh, my eyes stinging. “Thank you,” I murmur. “Both of you. I know this isn’t easy, and it’s a lot to digest.”
“Don’t get it twisted,” Hollis announces. “We’re still goin’ to tease you relentlessly, but we’re not goin’ to disown you or anythin’.”
I nod. “I can handle a little teasin’.”
“And I can’t exactly be too mad at Remi for keepin’ this from me since I fucked his boss on the down low for a while.’
“Hollis, my gosh,” I say on a sigh.
“And Finn secretly fucked his nanny,” he adds. “We’re quite the family, huh.”
We all share a laugh, and just like that, I feel a hundred pounds lighter.
I can breathe again.