24. Chapter Twenty-four
Chapter Twenty-four
Samantha
My legs were slung over Nate’s lap, and he was absently stroking along my calf with the tips of his fingers. We were being lazy together, something that wasn’t typical for either of us. But the last few weeks had been go, go, go, and for once, we had nothing on the agenda.
We were both fed and fucked and…well, there was no other “f” word to go along with that. We’d migrated from my bed to the couch to watch a movie neither of us was paying much attention to. My eyes kept wandering to check him out, and he kept catching me, flashing the sweetest, amused smile.
I should have kicked him out because this was awfully cozy, but he knew what the deal was. Anyway, I was almost certain I was capable of being friends with the man I was having sex with and not falling madly in love.
I’d never done it before. I was a relationship girl, through and through.
But look at how that had turned out for me. Again. And again.
This was something new—amazing, incredible sex plus friendship without all the other obligations and complications that always wormed their way in when there was a future at stake.
Nate and I had no future. We didn’t have to worry about the nitty-gritty of what made relationships work.
I didn’t have to be on my best behavior and bend over backward to keep my man happy.
I didn’t have to swallow back complaints or pretend to like what he liked.
No, for now, this was perfect. I could be me, Nate could be him, and we could enjoy one another’s company until we were ready to move on.
My doorbell rang, and I sat upright. Nate and I exchanged glances, then he lifted my legs off his lap and got up.
“I can get it,” I said.
He gave me a long look that made me feel crazy for even thinking about getting off the couch. “It’s late. You’re not opening the door.”
And that was that. When he used that voice—smooth and steely—I was physically unable to argue.
He headed for the entry without another word, but I was a few paces behind him, so when he swung it open, I saw Kelly sobbing on my porch.
Nate pulled her into the house then he backed away, his eyes wide with panic.
Kelly’s arms were limp at her sides. Her face was flushed and shiny with tears and snot. And she was swaying like standing was too heavy a burden.
I was just as panicked as Nate. I didn’t know what to do.
Kelly was my sister, but we didn’t have the kind of relationship where I’d gather her in my arms and whisper comforting words.
I hadn’t even seen or heard from her since Ben and Roman’s birthday party.
I’d sort of thought we were going back to how things were before—distant relatives who only saw each other out of obligation.
I’d been a little disappointed but not surprised.
The last thing I’d expected was for her to show up on my doorstep, looking as wrecked as she had on her wedding day.
“Um…what’s going on?” I asked, stepping closer. “Was it Josh? Did he—?”
“Yes!” She threw her head back and sobbed to the ceiling. “Yes, it’s Josh. He cheated on me. Cheated on me! And I’m all alone, Sammie. I’m not married because he cheated on me!”
Nate and I exchanged another alarmed look. He mouthed, “Again?” and I shrugged.
As carefully as I could, I said, “With someone besides Scarlet?”
She tossed her arms to the side. “I don’t know. Probably.” Then she covered her face and sank to the floor, sobs racking her shoulders.
I stared for a beat until I couldn’t bear hearing her crying anymore and sat down on the floor beside her. As soon as I was near, she turned and buried her face in my shoulder, wrapping her arms around me like a life raft.
I stroked her back and rocked her a little. I wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do, but she went along with it, crying until my shirt was soaked and all she could push out were hiccups and shuddering whimpers.
“Did something happen tonight?” I finally asked.
“No.” She dug her face deeper into my shoulder.
“Well, not with Josh. Decker and Georgia had their baby this morning, and when I went to the hospital to see them, it hit me. It’s really over.
We were going to start trying for a baby on our honeymoon, and now I have to get back on the dating apps.
I don’t want to be an old mom, Sammie. Why did he do this to me? ”
Jab, jab, jab.
Not even a prick. More like a machete directly to my sternum.
“Is the baby okay? What did they have?”
Kelly sniffled and lifted her head, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. “Oh, the baby’s fine. A cute, chubby little girl. They named her Riley. Isn’t that sweet?”
“Sweet, yeah,” I echoed.
My throat was tight. A million thoughts bounced off my skull. Decker had a daughter. My brother was a dad. I had a niece. Riley.
If Kelly hadn’t shown up here tonight, I wondered if anyone would have told me. I already knew the answer. I would have found out months from now when my mother mentioned something offhandedly at a family affair I was obliged to attend.
The realization settled heavily in my chest. It shouldn’t have surprised me, though. I’d spent years drifting further and further from my family, and they hadn’t fought to keep me close. Still, finding out this way felt different.
Kelly sniffled again, wiping at her swollen eyes, and guilt immediately chased away the hurt. This wasn’t about me. Not while my sister was grieving a future she’d spent years building.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I forced myself to focus on her.
“Thirty is young. You have so much time to find a man who will love you the way you deserve.”
“Thirty is too ancient to be starting from scratch. You’re lucky you found Nate when you did—before it was too late.” She choked on a sob, and all I could do was pat her back, hoping she’d cry herself out sooner rather than later.
Fortunately, Nate was more proactive than me.
He appeared beside us, a box of tissues under his arm and two oversized glasses of wine. His gaze bounced between Kelly and me, taking in her tear-streaked face and my helpless one.
His mouth tightened. “Okay…” He set the wine on the coffee table. “Both of you, up.”
Kelly blinked at him.
I blinked at him.
Neither of us moved.
Nate sighed and placed the wineglasses on my coffee table.
“Come on.” He held out a hand to Kelly first. “Floor time is over.”
Something warm unfurled in my hacked-up chest as he hauled her to her feet then reached for me. His hand wrapped around mine, easily pulling me off the floor.
But he didn’t let me go when I was upright. He kept pulling until I was flush with his chest and wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight.
I rubbed my face against his shoulder, releasing a tremulous sigh.
“You’re such a good sister,” he murmured.
I huffed a laugh. “I don’t know about that.”
“I do. I see it. You’re so much better than any of them deserve.”
I didn’t exactly think that was true, but I let myself sink into his comforting embrace anyway. Kelly had been right about one thing: I was lucky I’d found Nate when I did.
“No, no, no.” I dug my fingers into Nate’s scalp, squeezing my eyes shut. “I can’t. I don’t…”
He pressed his finger to my lips and kept moving deep inside me. “Shhh. You can, and you will. I’m only giving you what you deserve.”
“I can’t, Nate.” I shook my head, but he kept going, rolling my clit, bringing me closer and closer to the edge.
It hurt. My body, my heart, my throat, my mind. I couldn’t make it stop hurting. But Nate…he was determined.
He’d stayed after Kelly had shut herself away in my guest room.
Before that, he’d played his part of doting boyfriend.
Sitting with me while Kelly had ruminated over all the ways her life hadn’t played out as she’d planned.
Holding my hand while I looked at pictures of the niece I might never know.
And when we were alone, he’d pulled me into his arms and hugged me until I was ready to stand on my own two feet again.
Then…this.
He’d already made me come more times than I could fathom. With his hand, his mouth, his sweet, filthy words in my ear as he drove into me. I was wrung out. A sweaty, weeping mess. And he was still fucking me, so deep, I couldn’t breathe.
Not just fucking me, whispering words of encouragement. Telling me I deserved the pleasure he was giving me. I was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, and my pussy was his dream destination. I was his sweet girl, his pretty baby, and his cock got hard just thinking about me.
“Look at me,” he ordered, hard and sharp.
My eyes flew open, locking onto his. “I can’t,” I whined, even as I arched to meet his thrusts.
“You don’t believe that. You don’t mean it.” He brushed my sweaty hair off my face, cupping my head in his wide palm. “You are everything, Sammie. You give and you give, but you don’t know how to take.”
“No.” I shook my head, agreeing. Taking wasn’t in me. The times I’d held my hand out, it had been slapped away. I’d learned better a long time ago. “I can’t do it.”
“You can.” His eyes bore into mine. “You can.”
Then he pulled out of me completely and moved down my body so quickly I was dizzy from it. But the second his mouth met my swollen, hypersensitive clit, I was spinning like an out-of-control top. That was all it took for me to find my release, but it wasn’t a simple thing.
I flew and crashed, twisted and turned. My belly was a mess of knots coming undone in such rapid succession I couldn’t stay still. But Nate pressed down on my abdomen, keeping me stuck to the mattress for every complicated, hollowing second of pleasure and pain.
And it did hurt. It was so good, so much more than I would ever ask for—I didn’t know how to bear it. The pressure around my heart was astounding. So profound, all I could do was gasp and blink away the tears gathering in the corners of my eyes.
It was worse when Nate climbed back up my body and slid into me, his eyes glued to mine.
I couldn’t look away.
He wouldn’t have let me, so I didn’t try.
“You deserve it,” he whispered into my mouth as he kissed me. “You deserve it, Sammie.”
I didn’t believe it. Not any of it. But I couldn’t disappoint him. I nodded, and he exhaled, his forehead falling onto mine. Only then did he let go, finding pleasure inside me at last.
After we cleaned up and changed my gross sheets, we lay side by side in the dark. His hand found mine, holding it loosely, his thumb stroking the place he’d discovered directly tied to my nervous system that never failed to calm me down.
“Your family sucks,” he stated bluntly.
“Yeah.” It was that simple.
“Kelly has less than zero self-awareness.”
“Maybe point five percent.” Turning my head, I found he was already looking at me, and I smiled. “She was caught up in her grief tonight. I’m giving her a break.”
“A break they have never given you.” He reached across and cupped the side of my face. “You’re allowed to be pissed off. It’s just you and me. I’m not going to fault you for having feelings.”
“I don’t know. Seems like you’re judging me a little right now for not being pissed off.”
“Not judging. Never judging. I’m far from perfect and have no space for that. I guess I’m trying to understand at what point you’ll get angry.”
“Anger is useless,” I said softly. “I don’t want to carry that around with me.”
“Samantha, come on. You carry a whole hell of a lot. Getting mad once in a while might unburden you.”
I poked at his shoulder. “You’re one to talk. Do you ever get mad?”
“I’m heavily medicated.”
I laughed, even though it wasn’t funny. “Oh, Nate. We’re a fine pair, aren’t we?”
He grinned at me in the dark and rolled to his side. “Yeah. I guess we are.”
The front of my body aligned with his as I brought my hand to his face, tracing the line of his jaw, the curve of his bottom lip, the slightly crooked bridge of his nose, the hood of his brow.
“I like your face,” I whispered.
He smiled as he kissed me. “Yours is pretty nice too.”
Why did that make me beam? Thank goodness it was too dark for him to see how irrationally pleased that made me. “That’s the best compliment I’ve ever received.”
His chuckle was light and vibrated my chest. “Glad it came from me.”
I touched his smile with my fingertips. Maybe I hadn’t noticed before, but I swore he’d been smiling a lot more lately. Not that I would dare give myself credit for it. I was certain the alpine slide had shaken something loose in him.
Whatever the reason, I liked it.
“Thank you for being here tonight and putting up with my drama.”
“Sam…” He sighed like he was disappointed in me. “There’s nothing to put up with. I like being around you. I’m not so great at the whole…being human thing, but I’m glad I was here tonight. If I made anything better—”
“You did. You did, Nate. You’re a lot more adept at being human than you think. You made everything better.”
“Good.” I felt him nod, his forehead lightly tapping mine. “I wanted to.”
He’d wanted to. Not had to. Not because he felt sorry for me. Not because he was trapped in an obligatory relationship with me. He’d wanted to be here.
For a moment, neither of us said anything.
“I wasn’t even surprised.” The confession came out quietly, but Nate heard every word I said and probably the hundreds I bit back.
“My brother has a baby,” I murmured. “A baby girl. And nobody thought to tell me.”
“Sam—”
“It hurts, but I’m not surprised,” I repeated. “I think that’s what bothers me most. Not that they kept it from me, but that finding out tonight felt...normal. Like, of course no one thought to tell me.”
Nate shifted closer, fingers threaded with mine, his other hand stroking my hair.
“They’re idiots.”
A startled laugh burst out of me.
“That simple?”
“That simple.” He brushed a strand of hair behind my ear.
“You may never get to be close to this baby, but you’re still Aunt Sammie to Jonah, Ruby, and Katty.
They adore you because you’re funny, you play with them, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen you come without a little gift.
So yeah, that side of your family, they’re idiots for not letting you in.
My side isn’t going to make that mistake. You’re ours.”
“Nate.” Closing my eyes, I shuddered. “I can’t…”
With his lips against my temple, he said, “You can.”
A warning bell rang in the back of my head. This was too much. Nate was too sweet, and this felt so real I wanted to shove it all as far away from me as I could.
Because all I wanted to do was gather Nate and his goodness close, hold it tight in my greedy little fist, and never let go.
All I said was: “I’m too tired to think about this anymore.”
And Nate let me off the hook. “Go to sleep, Sammie.”
I yawned, pressing closer to him. “You too.”
As I drifted off, I thought if we kept falling asleep like this, tangled in each other’s arms, it was going to be a hard habit to break.