Chapter 11
CHAPTER ELEVEN
SLOANE
Fuck Hayes and fuck him for saying that name to me.
"Don't." I had to force the word past the lump in my throat.
"Don't what?" I couldn't tell if Hayes was taunting me or not. My vision was going fuzzy and I was on the verge of a panic attack from hearing his name. I was in need of a tactical diversion and STAT. Thankfully, Anita chose that moment to barge back into the room. "Time's up."
I would've liked to think it was a coincidence she showed up when she did, but I knew better. She was watching this little shit show play out on the camera and knew I needed a save.
"Don't what, Sloane?" Hayes refused to take his eyes off me. He wasn't stupid. He knew there was something seriously wrong, but he couldn't puzzle out what it could possibly be. I needed to keep it that way because if he ever discovered what happened and why I left, he would burn the world down.
"Nope, you don't get to talk to her anymore." Anita stepped in front of me. Effectively cutting off Hayes' access to me. "Sloane, wait outside for me. I think it's time we give Hayes a few moments to decide how he wants to proceed with things. Maybe some time to himself will help jog his memory."
I floated out the door like a ghost. Ironic considering that was our team name. But it was the best way to describe my current state. An out-of-body experience. I could see what was happening around me, but it didn't feel like I was a part of it.
Not until Beckett stopped me and pulled me into his arms for a friendly hug. "You okay? I thought Anita was going to rip this place apart to get to you after Hayes' statement."
I couldn't answer. I was too busy fighting down the clawing sensation trying to rip me apart from the inside out. It had been a long time since I felt this way, and I thought these emotions were behind me. Obviously that wasn't the case.
"Deep breath," Anita snapped as soon as she walked up to me.
"Anita, I don't think that tone is going to help matters." Beckett tried to defend me, but my body was already listening to Anita's demand.
"Again!" Anita steamrolled right over Beckett.
Once again, I did as I was told.
"Again!"
Beckett must've figured out her method was working because he stopped arguing and didn't try to hang on when I pulled myself away.
"I'm…good." It took some effort to get the two words out, but at least, it no longer felt like I was slowly suffocating.
"You sure?" Beckett didn't hide his concern. He also looked like he was ready to tear something apart in my defense.
I nodded my head slowly. "I'll be better prepared next time."
"There doesn't have to be a next time." Anita stood with her hands on her hips and, if it were possible, breathing fire out of her nose. "Let us handle it. You don't need to put yourself through that again."
"I might not know what thing you both are talking about, but I have to agree with Anita. If talking to Hayes is going to cause that kind of reaction again, I would prefer if you stayed away from any interactions in the future."
"He's not the problem."
"Well, something he said obviously is; so how do we avoid it in the future?"
I didn't have the first clue how to answer that question.
I couldn't exactly tell Hayes conversations about his best friend were off-limits.
That would make him suspicious as hell. I could try directing the conversation away from anything to do with Toby, but he was such a big part of Hayes' life and was usually the reason Hayes got in trouble.
If there was something illegal happening, Toby was right in the middle of it.
"Simple," Anita scoffed. "I handle the questions from here on out."
"He's more likely to open up to me than he is to you," I tried to argue.
I didn't mention, now that he was back in my life, I wanted to know how he was after all this time. I hated leaving him because he did nothing wrong. But it was the only way to protect him.
"And you can be in the room, but I won't let him hurt you again."
"I hurt him first," I whispered.
I needed the comfort that only one thing could provide me. I touched my chest. Or more accurately the ring I wore on a chain around my neck.
Hayes incorrectly assumed I no longer wore his ring. It couldn't be further from the truth. It might no longer be on my finger, but it was close to my heart.
Always.
It wasn't anything fancy. It wasn't even purchased. Nope, Hayes did one better and he forged me a ring from metal in school. At the time, he said it was only temporary until he could buy me something better, but I didn't want better.
Growing up, I had the best money could buy. None of it meant shit to me if the person buying it didn't care.
Hayes cared enough to make me something. He put his blood, sweat, and tears into that ring. I loved it more than any diamond my parents ever bought me. And I wore it proudly even to this day.
"You also protected him." Anita's declaration cut through my musings. "If he loved you half as much as you said he did, you know deep down you made the right decision."
I could see in Beckett's eyes that he wanted answers, but he wouldn't ask. He recognized trauma and, therefore, knew to tread lightly.
"He'll never see it that way."
"Maybe not." Anita didn't bullshit around.
She gave it to me straight, and damn, that was a tough pill to swallow.
"But you need to decide how you want to proceed.
Do you want to treat him like a prisoner to get the answers you seek, or are you looking for some kind of reconciliation between the two of you?
Your answer will decide how we handle things, and make no mistake, I will back whichever choice you make. "
A humorless laugh slipped past my lips. "Since when? You've always been a 'shoot first, seek forgiveness later' kind of person."
"Yes, well, Beckett insisted I handle this one differently.
You can thank him for my generosity. I want it on the record, though, if this blows up in our faces, I will tell him I told you so.
" The tone in which Anita laid that out was flat and no nonsense.
I had no doubt she was being strong-armed into this and wasn't happy about it, but for my sake, she was willing to try.
Further proof Anita cared even if she hated showing it.
I took a few moments to think about it but the answer was simple. I could never treat Hayes the way I did others. I might be able to act tough for a little while, but when push came to shove, I still loved him, and hurting him would hurt me.
"I want to try to make things right even if I can never tell him why I left."
Anita and Beckett shared a look I couldn't quite decipher. I didn't have the heart to ask them what it meant either.
"All right. Let's go in there and change things up."
With any luck, Hayes would stop hating me. Or I was about to make things worse with all the secrets I held.