Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
SLOANE
If I wanted any chance of figuring out who The Givers were, I needed to be in my office working.
There was just one small glitch, and its name happened to be Hayes Cooper.
He was in my house and in my thoughts. The first one was my fault and the second was nothing new. Hayes had taken up space in my head since the first day I met him. Except back then, I’d welcomed it. Now it was torture thinking about someone I couldn't have.
I was broken. A mess of a person whose entire life changed in one night. I tried to move past it. I did everything in my power to never be a victim again, and for the most part, I wasn't. I could defeat any man who got in my way.
What I couldn't do was be intimate. I couldn't let someone in that way. The best I could offer was friendship, and I didn't even know if I could do that with Hayes. But I was willing to try. I was willing to give him a small part of me if it meant he didn't hate me anymore.
It was with that determination that I marched my ass up the steps to get to work. Or so I thought, until the bathroom door opened, and I crashed into a half-naked Hayes.
A very wet Hayes with only a towel around his waist. Despite my best efforts, my eyes had a mind of their own.
They took in Hayes' tousled hair. His rock-hard chest. His lean torso that led to a V with a happy trail right in the middle.
I knew exactly where that trail ended. Hayes didn't have an eight-pack or even a six-pack like a lot of men who spent so much time working on their bodies did but what he did have was magnificent in its own right.
He came a long way from the scrawny boy I dated in high school.
I felt a strange stirring in my lower belly. I wasn't accustomed to it nor did I know what it meant. But there was one thing I did know, the urge to lick the droplets of water from his skin was strong.
"Eyes up here, Sunshine."
The use of my old nickname brought my gaze snapping up. "I never thought I would hear that again."
Hayes used to call me his sunshine because he said when I walked into his life, I brought sun into his storm.
"Yeah, well, I never thought I would have the chance to use it again." Hayes grabbed the back of his neck and glanced down for a second before looking back at me. He gestured to his body with his other hand. "Sorry about this. I forgot my clothes in the bedroom."
"It's okay." It really wasn't but only because the current predicament left my body feeling funny. "You should feel comfortable while you're here."
"But what about your comfort?" Hayes didn't take his eyes off me. He was studying me like he used to when we were younger. He was always able to tell when I was lying. It was why I didn't bother to do it.
"I'll deal with it."
Hayes took a step closer. "I don't want you to just deal with something. Your happiness has always been important to me. I'm not going to do anything that can jeopardize that."
His thoughtfulness was a kick in the gut. Even after everything I’d done to him, he still cared enough to put me first. I hated that I couldn't tell him what happened. I hated knowing, if I did, it would change his life in ways that he would never come back from.
I merely shrugged. "I learned a long time ago that to get through life, you need to learn to cope. I'll use the time you're here as a personal growth exercise."
Hayes tucked a loose piece of hair behind my ear. I considered it a success when I barely flinched at his touch. Based on the suddenly dark expression on Hayes' face, he didn't miss the movement like I hoped.
"Who hurt you?"
I focused on his mouth instead of looking him in the eyes. "I don't know what you mean."
Hayes wasn't about to let this go. Ever so gently, he tipped my chin up until he had my full attention. "You never used to flinch when I touched you. In fact, you used to love my hands on you even if it was only ever simple caresses."
"A lot can change in ten years." I tried to brush it off as no big deal. I didn't want him focusing on my reaction. If I wasn't careful, he would start putting the pieces together.
"Maybe but I don't think that's it. Your appearance might've changed, but who you are deep down should still be the same. So I'll ask again. Who hurt you?"
"Drop it, okay. Nothing good can come from this conversation, and honestly, I would rather talk about anything else."
Hayes looked for the truth in my eyes. I easily gave it to him.
"Fine." He huffed. "Let's talk about your style. When did you get this?" He tapped the stud in my nose.
Well, shit. Of course he would ask the one thing that would give away the extent of my pain.
"About a year after I left. I was going through a rough patch, and Anita said pain always helped her cope. I didn't want to get a tattoo, so I opted to pierce my nose instead."
"Did it help?"
I touched the stud. It was a habit I formed any time the guilt tried to drag me under. It grounded me and was a good reminder I was a survivor.
"It did."
"Then I'm glad. Plus it looks good on you. This style suits you a lot better than the stuffy clothes your parents used to make you wear."
"My mother would have a coronary if she saw me now."
The day I left my parents’ house, I shed that identity like a bad wardrobe. It had taken me some time to figure out who I was, but now I was proud of the woman I became.
Well, mostly.
There were a few things I would've changed along the way. But there was no use living with regrets.
Hayes smirked. "Is it wrong of me to say I'm glad I never met your parents?"
I guffawed in return. "Not at all. I wish I could say the same. I know they loved me in their own warped way, but I could've done without the pressure they put on me."
"I mean I don't know." Hayes’ lips tipped up into a lopsided smile. "Pretty sure that pressure is what pushed you straight into my arms."
Nostalgia kicked in.
He was right. I was a typical good girl who went looking for a bad boy. Instead, I found the most caring person. Despite the circumstances of his life, he never used it as an excuse to act poorly.
"It did." I cleared my throat. "I'll let you get dressed. Feel free to raid the kitchen for whatever you like. I'll be in my office working if you need anything."
I turned to walk away but stopped mid step when Hayes called my name.
"One of these days, you're going to trust me enough to share all your secrets, Sunshine. I look forward to that day coming."
I didn't respond.
There was nothing to say. I doubted Hayes would feel the same way if he knew what I knew.