Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
HAYES
I was the reason Sloane got raped that night.
It was all my fault.
"I sent you to tell her what happened to me." The whispered words dropped like a bomb in the silent room. Sloane's teammates stood by quietly listening to our exchange but barely interjected.
I slumped in Beckett's arms. He had been the only thing holding me back, but the weight of what I did was too much, and all fight left my body.
I couldn't meet the gazes of anyone in the room in fear of what they thought of me. I did this. I put Sloane in harm's way after promising her I would forever take care of her.
Me. I did that.
Toby diabolically cackled. "You did and it provided me the excuse I needed to finally get rid of the prissy bitch."
I wanted to throw up.
I wanted to drop to my knees in front of Sloane and beg her to forgive me.
All this time, I blamed her for breaking us when the reality of it was, I shouldered the blame. I sent the wolf in sheep's clothing to hurt her in a way that would forever change her life.
Her actions toward me, now, made sense. And for the life of me, I didn't know how to fix it or if I even deserved to.
I was stuck in a downward spiral, no longer paying attention to my surroundings. Which apparently gave Beckett the perfect opportunity to shove me out of the room and into the dark night.
My head dropped to my chest like a sack of bricks.
"Hayes."
Logically, I heard Sloane's hesitant use of my name, but I couldn't respond. What would I even say to her? Sorry didn't even begin to cover what I owed her. There was nothing I could do to fix the destruction I’d caused.
"Hayes! Look at me." Sloane's harsh tone garnered my attention. Maybe I didn't deserve to be within a mile of her, but I could never deny one of her requests. "I need you to listen carefully. None of this is your fault." Her eyes blazed with fury. "Do you hear me? You did nothing wrong."
"I sent him to you," I choked the words out. "I'm the reason he had access to you."
"THIS. IS. NOT. YOUR. FAULT." Each word was accompanied by a poke to my chest. "Are you listening to me?"
I tried to nod or even give her the response she wanted, but I couldn't. My grief sat like a boulder on my chest.
How could she possibly feel this way?
"He's the reason you flinched away from me." It wasn't a question. It all made sense now. "You flinched because of what he did. What I inadvertently caused. It's me. I'm the one who hurt you."
When I saw her flinch, my first reaction was to harm the person who caused her pain. Now that I knew I was partially to blame, I wanted nothing more than to kick my own ass.
Sloane snatched my hand and brought it up so I was forced to cradle her cheek. I was tempted to recoil, but Sloane wouldn't allow me. She had a death grip on me, and shy of physically hurting her to take my hand back, I was left at her mercy.
"Toby hurt me. You wanted an answer, and now, you have it. Toby did that. Toby made that choice when he stole my virginity. Toby took something that wasn't his. Not you. Not me. The only one at fault here is that asshole, and I refuse to let him take another thing from us."
Logically, I heard what she was telling me, but my brain wasn't computing what she meant by it.
"I'm sorry," I sputtered. "What?"
"I thought leaving you was the only option, at the time, because I knew you would blame yourself.
" She hit the nail on the head with that one.
"But now, I realize it wasn't the only reason.
I was also scared." Now she had my full attention.
"Scared you would believe him over me. Scared you wouldn't want me anymore because I was damaged. Scared that I ruined everything we’d built between us. "
I stopped her there. Suddenly, I was glad she forced me to touch her because I needed her full attention when I spoke my next words, and the only way to do that was to run my thumb along her face.
"I would've believed YOU." I made sure she heard that last word loud and clear.
"Deep down, I always knew the man Toby was.
He never had the same dreams I did, and that was okay.
But I always knew he had a darker side, so yes, I would've believed you.
" Even if I never could've fathomed my best friend would take things that far, I knew he was capable of dark things.
"As far as not wanting you? That could never happen.
You left me broken and still a day didn't go by that I didn't want you back in my life.
It might not have looked like it, at first, but I was ready to track you down after the library and beg you to stay with me.
" I brought her hand up to my chest and placed it over my heart.
"You could never do anything to ruin us. "
Sloane sniffled. She was doing her best to keep the tears from falling, but that didn't mean I couldn't see the water pooled in her eyes.
"I never stopped loving you." She pulled the leather band she wore around her neck out from under her shirt, and there, lying against her chest, was the engagement ring I’d made for her.
"You kept it," I whispered in disbelief. I always wondered what happened to the piece of metal. I couldn't afford to buy her an engagement ring back then, but I was pretty damn good at welding, so I used my knowledge to forge something unique.
"I've never taken it off. It might not be on my finger, but it's rested against my heart since I left."
I rubbed the carbon steel between my fingers. "You've taken good care of it."
Sloane chuckled softly. "It was a good thing you told me what kind of metal it was when you gave it to me. Do you remember what you said that day?"
"It might not be the platinum and diamond you deserve, but if it can hold up while cooking, then it can last until I can afford the real thing." I smirked. "No one ever said I was the most romantic man back then."
"It was to me. Homemade will always surpass store bought. You taught me that, and the knowledge helped me care for it over the years." She smiled up at me. "I wanted it to shine the same way it did the day you gave it to me."
I always loved that the silver gray complemented her natural silver locks.
I slipped my pinky through the circle and cherished the fact she still wore it.
The symbolism wasn't lost on me. A ring was a representation of an unbreakable bond.
And despite everything that had happened, our connection never fractured.
Sloane cleared her throat and pulled me back to the moment with her. "Do you think you can find it in your heart to forgive me?"
I got lost in her icy-blue eyes. "There's nothing to forgive. You said it yourself—this isn't our fault. This past decade was simply a detour, not our final destination."