Ivy
Hampton, Virginia
The tea is too hot, but I keep lifting it to my lips anyway, like the motion itself is supposed to do something. Sooth me. Distract me. Make this feel normal.
But nothing feels normal.
I’m wrapped in a blanket on the couch, tucked into the corner like I can make myself small enough that none of this can reach me again.
But there is a patrol car outside. And a shattered front window. And a door that won’t latch properly. And my boyfriend was called into something no doubt dangerous alongside my ex-husband and now instead of just being worried about Kyler, I am worried about him and Dalton.
“You and Dalton are cute,” Alinna says, taking a sip of her tea.
“He makes a really good hero, don’t you think?” Lila winks. I know they’re trying to lighten the mood but it’s not working because all I can think about is the fact that I’ve been lying to them for the last almost seven years.
I rotate the mug slowly between my palms. “He knew,” I say quietly.
They both look at me. I force my gaze back to the steaming tea.
“Knew what?” Alinna asks.
I swallow.
The words feel thick. Heavy. Like they’ve been sitting inside me for years and now that they’re finally moving, they’re scraping against everything on the way out. “About South Africa.”
Silence settles between us.
I can feel both of them waiting.
Careful not to push. Careful not to scare me back into silence.
“I didn’t tell you everything when I came home,” I say.
Lila’s hand tightens on my arm. “You told us you were in an accident.”
“I lied.” My voice cracks slightly on the word.
Alinna shifts closer without saying anything.
“I wasn’t in an accident,” I continue, staring at the tea I’m still not drinking. “I was taken.”
The words land softly in the space between us, but the reaction isn’t soft at all.
Lila inhales sharply.
Alinna’s face goes white.
“What do you mean taken?” Lila whispers.
“I mean kidnapped.”
The word sounds strange out loud. Detached. Like it belongs to someone else.
“When I was studying abroad in Cape Town,” I say and pull the blanket tighter around my shoulders even though I’m not cold.
“One evening the three other girls I was there with and I were closing up the ballet studio we taught and trained at. It wasn’t late, it wasn’t even dark yet.”
I pause.
My hands tighten around the mug. “We never made it back to our apartment.”
Alinna’s hand comes up to cover her mouth.
Lila just stares at me, eyes wide and already filling.
“I don’t remember everything,” I admit quietly.
“Not clearly. Some of it comes in flashes. Some of it I wish didn’t.
” My pulse feels loud in my ears. “I remember a van,” I continue slowly.
“And a smell. Chemicals. My head felt…wrong. Like I couldn’t think fast enough.
” My throat tightens. “I woke up somewhere else.”
Lila whispers my name.
“I know now I was there a total of six days,” I say. “They kept the room dark so I had no way to know what time it was.”
The room feels too quiet now. Too still. I wish I had thought to turn on the ceiling fan.
“They wanted information,” I say.
Alinna frowns. “Information about what?”
“Kyler.”
That lands even harder.
“Why would they want information about Kyler?” Lila asks carefully.
“Because,” I begin, “they looked through my phone. They found his contact photo and put things together. Ky recently told me that they’d been compiling intel on elite military units, his included. And when they realized he wasn’t just another man in uniform, they used him against me.”
I force myself to keep going.
“They wanted to know what he did, his unit, about missions, deployments, anything. They thought I had access to something. I didn’t even understand what they were asking half the time.
Kyler has always been careful, he’s never shared anything he couldn’t with me.
” My grip on the mug tightens. “I kept telling them I didn’t know anything.
Because I didn’t.” Tears blur my vision. “They didn’t believe me.”
Neither of them speaks.
“They hurt me,” I say quietly.
Lila’s hand comes up to cover her mouth.
Alinna grabs my ankle hard enough that I can feel the slight tremor in her fingers.
“I counted forty-seven lashes. That’s what caused the nasty scars on my back.”
Both of my friends have tears streaming down their faces. I take a slow breath that doesn’t quite make it all the way in.
“And then one night everything changed.” My heart rate ticks up just remembering it. “Gunfire. Shouting. Flash-bangs. The door exploded and suddenly we were being rescued." I blink rapidly, fighting back tears. “And Kyler was there.”
Alinna’s eyes widen.
“He found me,” I whisper. “But on his way to get to me, someone charged him and he—” I close my eyes “—killed someone.”
Lila nods slowly. “What are the chances it would be his unit?”
“High,” I admit. “There are only a few units like his. Only a few trained for extreme situations like hostage rescue, so I shouldn’t have been surprised.
Now that I think about it, I don’t think I was.
I think I was just so relieved that he found me, that he was saving me, and I didn’t process until now how I was never actually surprised to see him,” I say, my voice wavering.
“He carried me out. I remember that part clearly. I couldn’t really walk.
I just remember his voice telling me I was safe now.
” The word safe feels fragile. “When I came home, I told everyone I’d been in an accident,” I continue quietly.
“It was easier. Cleaner. People know how to respond to accidents.”
Lila’s eyes are full now. “Ivy…”
“I didn’t want to see the looks,” I admit. “The pity. The questions. The horror.”
I shake my head slightly.
“And Kyler…” I exhale shakily. “Kyler felt responsible for what happened to me. Even though none of it was his fault.”
Alinna leans forward slightly. “Is this why you got engaged so fast?”
I nod slowly.
“I don’t actually think he was trying to propose when he did, but I was so shaken up that I know he would have given me the whole world if he thought it would help somehow.” A tear slips down my cheek. “So we got married,” I whisper.
Lila squeezes my arm.
“But the thing about trauma,” I say quietly, “is that changing your last name doesn’t make it disappear.”
Neither of them interrupts.
“I loved him,” I say honestly. “I still do. Just not the way a wife should.” My voice cracks.
“He wasn’t a bad husband. He didn’t choose his job over me.
He didn’t neglect me. Honestly, he was better than I ever deserved.
” I swallow hard. “Because I never fully came back.” The admission feels like exhaling after holding my breath for years.
“Part of me stayed in that room,” I whisper.
“Stayed waiting for the door to open again.”
Lila wipes her cheek.
Alinna’s thumb starts moving slowly again against my ankle.
“I tried therapy at the very beginning but reliving something that painful is just unbearable,” I say. “I tried pretending I was fine. I tried being the kind of wife he deserved.”
My chest tightens.
“But every time he left for a deployment or a mission, I felt like I couldn’t breathe.” I hesitate. “And every time he came home…I didn’t know how to let him all the way in.”
Silence settles softly around us.
“Until Dalton,” I say quietly.
Lila and Alinna exchange a quick glance.
“He didn’t try to fix anything,” I continue.
“He didn’t push. He was just…here.” My throat tightens.
“And I finally opened up to him about my scars the night we first kissed. Then walked him and Kyler through what I could remember from my abduction. And then today happened.” I stare down at the tea again.
“I thought I was past it,” I admit. “I thought I was stronger now.”
“You are stronger,” Alinna says immediately, voice firm despite the tears on her cheeks.
“You survived,” Lila adds softly.
I nod faintly. “But something changed when I let Dalton in,” I whisper. “When I stopped pretending it never happened.” My fingers tighten slightly in the blanket. “It felt like opening a door I’d kept locked for years.” My voice drops softer. “And once it was open…I could finally breathe.”
Lila leans her head gently against my shoulder. “I hate that you went through that alone,” she whispers.
“You’re not alone anymore,” Alinna says quietly.
Emotion builds thick in my throat. “I know,” I say.
And for the first time in years, I really mean it.