5
Logan
“Fuck!”
Before I even know what I’m doing, I’ve let go of my gun, and I’m toppling over the cliff after her.
I feel the cloth of her dress first, and then her arm, her fingers…
pure panic seizes me as she escapes from my grasp, inch by inch.
Until I reach her hair, and manage to latch onto it, while my other hand and arm get skinned by the cliff.
My bloodied, bruised fingers lodge themselves just in time into a recess on the side of the rocky surface.
I can feel some of her hair rip out from her skull, and she screams, but the rest holds tight, and I twist it around my knuckles.
Okay. Now what?
I’m dangling off the side of a cliff, holding a girl by her hair. I know without looking just how high we are. If she falls, her body will be dashed against the rocks below. And so will mine—because I’ve suddenly realized I can’t let her go.
Well, what’s a few more broken bones anyway?
Lia struggles a lot at first; I guess she’s in pain. I can only imagine how her curls must be slowly ripping themselves out of her skull. That’s got to fucking hurt. Good. My only regret is that I didn’t manage to latch onto something that hurt even more.
I don’t know if it’s pain or fear that causes her to lose consciousness, but she stops moving after a while. I let out a sigh of relief, because now that she’s no longer struggling, it’s easier to keep hold both of her and the side of the cliff.
It’s temporary though. At some point, all her hair is going to rip out, or my fingers will be dislodged. They’re already growing numb.
Maybe I should just… fall. I’m tired, and sick of all of this. I could fall. I probably would if it weren’t for Piper.
The thought of her gives me renewed focus, and I stare at the rugged cliff. I’m about one-fourth of the way down. I could easily climb back to the top, but that would mean using my two hands.
I feel another rip, and I know more of her hair has been pulled out.
Forcing my anxiety aside, I position her so that I’m squeezing her upper body between my thighs.
It’s terrifying to let go of her hair for a moment so I can get a better grip on her.
I manage to hook an arm around her waist and pull her up, then push her over my shoulder.
Her body’s limp, and I let out a shuddering sigh when I feel the full weight of it against me.
Now, I need to save us both.
Gritting my teeth, I pull myself up, searching for ridges where I can get a good hold. I’ve gone rock climbing in the past, but it’s a different matter when you’re climbing with a dead weight on your shoulders and the knowledge that at any moment, you could go tumbling down the cliff.
I groan with relief when we reach solid ground. Those last few inches were the hardest ones. I’m horribly sore, and knowing I was just inches away from safety made the danger that much starker.
At last, though, I lie gasping on the rocky, grassy surface beside her. She’s still unconscious, and I take advantage of that to brush a kiss on her lips. There’s just no way I’ll be able to kiss her when she’s awake.
But she comes to as soon as my lips touch hers.
Fuck.
“L-logan?”
I draw myself up to a sitting position, trying to get my distance again. But I just saved her life and then kissed her. That distance is nothing but a lie now. I stare at the gun lying a little further in the grass. I was so determined to use it, just a little while ago, but then she jumped and…
I’m a fucking masochist, that’s what I am.
“Logan…” She brings a hand up to her skull, with its new patches of baldness. “My head… hurts.”
Manipulative. Selfish. Heartless.
“I don’t really care, Lia.”
Her eyes flutter fully open, and she stares at me as if she’s seeing me for the first time. Maybe she wasn’t fully awake before; maybe that’s why she complained about a little pain on her head when anyone can see that my heart is in tatters.
“Logan, I…”
“It doesn’t matter, Lia. I don’t care.” It’s strange, hearing how cold and flat my voice is. Just as cold and flat as I feel. “I won’t kill you; I don’t care enough to make you believe I’ll kill you anymore. You’ll live, it’s fine. I don’t care.”
She looks crestfallen, but it does nothing to me. Maybe the words I’m speaking are true. Maybe I’m just tired. Sick of this bullshit.
Maybe now is the time I finally keep that promise I made, all those years ago.
I’ll move on.
“Logan…”
“Please stop talking, Lia.”
She reaches a hand out to touch me, but I inch back, and her fingers find nothing but air. I stand up and start walking slowly, hating myself for the way I’m listening to make sure she follows me.
I lead the way back to the stone cottage, wondering if this is the place she’s been hiding out in all these years. I spend all my time wondering that, so I don’t ask myself the real question.
Why?
Maybe she never wanted me in the first place; maybe it was all just a cruel new way to hurt me. That sounds like her, the manipulative snake.
But what if…
No. I can’t go down that hole again. I just can’t.
It only leads to pain.
“I wish you’d let me fall, Logan,” she says in a broken voice.
I don’t answer. I push down on everything, struggling to breathe. I wonder if I’m going to be sick again.
I open the back door of the house, not even looking before gesturing for her to get inside. This is the moment I leave her again. But now, it has to be for good.
I’m about to slam the door behind her and head back to the car when I hear a loud sob.
Oh, fuck.
At once, I push open the door and rush inside to hold back Piper, who was about to fall into Lia’s arms.
“You didn’t kill her. I knew you wouldn’t,” she gasps. “You love her. She’s my mother.”
She opens her arms to Lia, her cheeks glittering with the same tears that drench her mother’s face.
They look so much alike, it’s crazy. Except Lia’s face is a little narrower, and her features, a little more set. There’s not a wrinkle on her, though. She still looks so young, so pretty…
No.
“We’re leaving, Piper. We need to go.”
“Piper,” repeats Lia musingly. “Piper. Like… at the diner. Is that your name now, Aurora?”
“Uhm…” Piper frowns. “What diner?”
“The diner. Yes, I think it was a diner.” She flushes a dark red, averting her eyes from me. “I’d run away with you, Aurora. And I said my name was Piper.”
She smiles sadly, and Piper dips out of my hold.
I hiss out my frustration. But I’m not leaving my daughter here with this manipulative snake, so, gritting my teeth, I lean against the door, watching.
Quill stands on the other side, looking just as furious as I feel.
I’m not sure how much he knows, but surely it’s enough to realize that this woman abandoned her own flesh and blood.
“I don’t remember,” says Piper. “Who were you running from? Your husband?” She wrinkles her nose. “Carmelo?”
Lia glances at me, but that glance must be enough for her to realize that answering the question would be a bad idea. She turns her head quickly back to Piper. “Don’t you remember that time? Don’t you remember… me? Don’t you have any memories from before I lost you?”
“You didn’t lose her,” I cut in harshly. “You abandoned her.”
“Don’t listen to him,” snaps Piper. “He’s just grumpy.”
“For fuck’s sake…”
I cross the room toward her, about two seconds away from… I don’t know what. Quill pushes himself away from the wall and hurries toward Piper, but Lia gets there first. She stands in front of Piper and faces me.
“Stop right now, Logan.”
“Get the… fuck! Get away! Fucking… now!”
I can only remember being this angry, so angry that I lost the ability to speak, once before. I’d taken all my anger out on Lia’s husband for some unrelated joke about Everest. It was safe to take out my anger in that way. Much safer than to show just how much I cared.
But it’s not safe to take my anger out on Piper.
She’s quaking. By now, Quill’s got his arm around her, and he drags her back so that he’s standing in front of her.
It feels like in one second, I’ve lost the whole of the relationship I built with Piper over these past few months. We’re back to the start. She looks at me like I’m a stranger, while all her love goes out to the heartless woman who abandoned her.
“I’m sorry, Piper,” I say. “You know I would never hurt you.”
“No.” She puts on a show of bravado, but her voice is shaking.
“No, of course you’d never hurt me. You’d only kill the woman you’re in love with.
My mother. And I know you kidnapped her back then and held her against her will, and threatened to bring her back to her rapist of a husband and kill her. I know all that.”
Lia lets out a tiny choked sob, but I don’t allow myself to look at her.
“Well, I didn’t kill her, did I?” I ask, trying hard to ignore the fact that if she knows, it’s because Lia told her.
“That’s a form of torture, you know!” Piper cries out. “To make someone believe they’re going to die. It’s cruel! You’re cruel!”
“You know what’s cruel, Piper?” I take a threatening step forward, and Quill flattens himself against her, his eyes narrowing at me. “What’s cruel is abandoning you and playing dead for eighteen years. That’s what’s cruel.”
“Well, why don’t you ask her why?” Piper’s voice comes out muffled from behind Quill. “Or maybe you already know. Maybe it’s because you literally kidnapped her and held her against her will, and threatened to bring her back to her rapist of a husband and kill her.”
“It’s not…” begins Lia.
“It’s not normal to run from the person who’s supposed to love you,” continues Piper angrily.
“It’s not normal to have to use a fake name so the person who’s supposed to love you doesn’t hunt you down and kill you.
That’s not normal, and it’s not her fault.
It’s your fault, because you’re cruel and you scare her! ”
“So you do remember,” breathes Lia.