Chapter 23 MIA
Mia
Mia shakes her head. ‘I don’t understand you, Sam Williams. Sometimes you are so wonderful. But others you are a royal jerk.’
Sam nods. ‘I’m so sorry about what happened all those years ago, Mia.’
Not feeling quite brave enough yet to unearth the past, Mia focuses on the present. ‘I mean that’s all well and good, but that’s not the only time you’ve hurt me.’ At his confused look, she goes on, ‘You ghosted me, Sam. At Christmas.’
Sam is clearly perplexed. ‘What are you talking about?’
‘The text I sent last night? You never even read it.’
‘What text?’ He looks completely at a loss. ‘From you?’
Mia could double down on her anger. Insist that he should know and wait for him to figure it out. But her conversations with John and Charlie are replaying in her head, and so instead she pulls out her phone, unlocking it and opening the messaging app. ‘Here. Look. I messaged you last night.’
Sam looks at her screen, clearly confused. He checks his own phone, and then looks back at hers. He shakes his head. ‘I never got this.’
Mia snatches her phone back. ‘I sent it at 11.41 p.m. See? I even waited up here at the big house to make sure it went through, because reception down in the cottage is so rubbish.’
Sam stares at the screen, as if, by boring a hole through it, he will find the answers he’s looking for. He takes the phone from Mia’s hand and taps on something. Then his face clears and a smile replaces the scowl.
He turns the screen so Mia can see that he was looking at his contact details. ‘This is the number you sent it to?’
‘Obviously.’
‘That’s not my number any more, Mia.’ He makes a gentle tsking sound, picking up his own phone and typing something out. A moment later her phone vibrates and she opens the text.
This is my number now.
She sinks back in her chair, disbelief filling her. ‘It can’t be that simple.’
‘Like I said,’ Sam continues gently, ‘I was laid off and had to find a new job. The old one provided the flat, my car and my phone. So, I had to get a new one, but the idiot techs at the phone shop screwed up the number porting process and I lost my old number.’ He looks quite annoyed.
‘I’d had that number since school, and I lost all my message history.
Nearly lost all my contacts too, but luckily, they were able to restore those. ’
‘I would have been so stressed.’
Sam laughs. ‘Believe me, I was unbelievably stressed. Nearly screamed my head off while I was at the store, but don’t worry. I wrote a scathing poem about it that night from my sofa.’
‘Sure showed them,’ Mia says, trying to ignore the embarrassment blooming in her chest at her overreaction.
‘Indeed.’
They sit together in the sunroom for a few minutes, neither feeling the need to fill the silence. Mia traces circles in the air with her foot, trying to work up the courage to ask the question she really wants to ask.
Eventually, Sam looks over at her, and asks, ‘It’s heavy, isn’t it?’
‘What is?’
‘The elephant in the room,’ he says, with a bit of a self-deprecating chuckle. ‘Kind of stinks too.’
This makes Mia laugh, the perfect corny joke to rid her of the lingering tension.
She takes a breath, pulls back her shoulders and says, ‘Speaking of elephants. It’s been brought to my attention recently that I may have never given you a chance to give your version of the events from years ago.
’ She spins her foot a little faster, then forces herself to stop.
‘So, this is me, asking if you’d like to talk about what happened back then. ’
‘I would like to,’ Sam says. ‘I would like that very much.’
Mia folds her hands in her lap and forces a pleasant expression on her face.
‘Let me start by saying that back then, I was an idiotic semi-adult who was stunningly bad at communication. What can I say?’ Sam asks ruefully. ‘They say the human brain doesn’t finish maturing until age twenty-five. Maybe that was the issue.’
Mia makes a face, but laughs a little despite herself. Her stomach is jumping around like she’s on a rollercoaster, and now that she’s worked through most of her anger, she’s genuinely curious to hear what Sam has to say.
‘When I invited you to the swimming pool that night, I didn’t think to mention that I’d invited the other guys.
And believe it or not, the reason it didn’t occur to me to tell you was because I’d invited them to cover up my own insecurity.
’ He nods when he sees her incredulous look.
‘Mia, you were the most gorgeous girl I’d ever met.
I’d been trying to work up the courage to ask you out properly for months.
For reasons I did not, and still cannot understand, you decided to give me the time of day.
And after that night in my room, I knew I had to man up.
So, then I was really trying to work up the nerve to ask you out on a date, but I thought going swimming would be a good icebreaker.
You and me, spending time together, but with the buffer of the other guys there so there wouldn’t be too much pressure.
And … well, I was a competitive athlete obsessed with being the best. It didn’t hurt that all the other guys would know you were there because I invited you.
The ultimate win, if you will.’ Sam drops his head into his hands.
‘God, talking about this is so embarrassing. I wish I had done so many things differently.’
‘Me too,’ Mia whispers. Sam gives her a sympathetic look and then soldiers on.
‘I was nervous all afternoon, driving Charlie crazy while I paced back and forth for hours. I remember he told me to go on a run to “burn off that nervous energy”. It didn’t work.
I could have run a marathon, and I would have still been nervous to spend the evening with you.
’ He takes a breath. ‘Then it was finally time to head to the pool. You’re going to think I’m so dumb, but on my way over, I was completely wrapped up in my head and thinking about what perfect things I’d say to you so that you’d swoon in my arms like the love interest in one of those old, bodice ripper romance novels.
I walked into the pool area and then I got even more excited because I knew the guys were all running late, and I would have a few minutes alone with you.
I was so nervous as I walked in. And then there you were.
Already in the water. Stripped down, skin all damp and glowing and looking like a damn siren.
Mia, before that night, I thought I was interested in you. But that night? I fell. Hard.’
His words are coming faster now, and Mia finds that she’s wrapped up in this version of the events, in a perspective she never could have imagined.
‘At first, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
Yes, I mean, you were naked, and that was incredible.
Obviously. I’m a guy – and you are put together like a total dream.
But, Mia, you were so much more than I’d ever imagined.
Even now, when I close my eyes, and focus, I can feel the power of you that night, how bold and confident you were.
Let me tell you, I was lost, in the best possible way.
In all the years I’d known you, I’d never seen you so sure of yourself, and it was so damn sexy.
’ He enunciates the last three words with such force that Mia feels the heat rising in her cheeks, overwhelmed at the thought that she could make Sam feel that way.
He takes a breath, and forces himself to continue.
‘But then I remembered that the guys were coming, and I had this impending crisis. Suddenly I was so mad at myself for wussing out and inviting them in the first place. I wanted you all to myself. I wanted to stay in that perfect, beautiful moment, where you were open to me – to the idea of us – for ever.’
Sam looks down at his hands, and his expression twists.
‘But then you were so angry, and at first, I thought you were angry because the other guys might see you. So, I tried to shield you, and I tried to explain, but you were so mad. Understandably, obviously, in hindsight. After that, everything that came out of my mouth was just utter rubbish. You thought I was blaming you, and then when I realized you thought I’d set you up, just to humiliate you …
’ Sam makes an aggravated sound and shakes his head.
‘I never would have done that to you on purpose. Never. If you’re going to believe me about anything, believe that.
Seeing you that night – how upset you were – it absolutely crushed me.
And then, while I just stood there completely frozen, unable to think of what to say or do, you were just gone.
Disappeared into the night, and I was so embarrassed I couldn’t bring myself to go after you.
’ Sam looks straight at Mia. ‘I should have. I should have gone straight to your room and done whatever it took to give you my apology. Washed my mouth out with soap. Crawled over broken glass. Anything – anything – to keep you from thinking any part of how that night played out was your fault. I’ve rehearsed that night in my mind so many times and wished I could change it.