Chapter 19
Gideon paced his room, trying multiple times to pack his bag, but every time he started, he stopped again. He’d had to keep a very low profile lately but had delayed his departure until his dad was settled in comfortably in his new place and everything else had quieted down. He didn’t want to leave Nikki with a pile of trouble.
After he’d pestered his dad while he was still in the hospital about finding a place to live, Joey had promised him he had it sorted out, which Gideon thought was code for him sleeping on the floor of the bar or worse. But when the time came, it turned out he did have his living arrangements sorted out. A friend had given him his converted garage to live in. It was rough accommodation but suited his dad perfectly. And he had no steps to worry about.
Things with Fairfax had also remained quiet. He hadn’t come looking for Isabel. He probably thought she was long gone, or he didn’t care. Either way, it appeared she was in the clear. But she still remained hidden while Nikki researched her options.
After the mess he’d made since coming to town, everything had been put back as right as it could be. Maybe that was all God had required of him. A small shift to set things in the right direction. Maybe Eric had been overzealous in his delivery. Gideon had been a part of something. The church was being attended, and Nikki was managing as best as she could, keeping things simple. Any visions of grandeur he may have been harboring were now thoroughly wiped out.
He leaned his forehead on the window, staring out at the parking lot, but his focus was on the condensation his breath added to the glass. Was that really all God had been asking of him? There were still so many for whom nothing had changed. It was one thing to help a woman escape in the night; it was another to transform a town.
He could still remember Eric’s words. “Go with the strength you have, and rescue them. The Lord is sending you.”
He hadn’t done that. But if he did any more, he risked making things worse.
“The Lord will be with you.”
“Mighty hero, huh?”
Nikki had warned him away from contacting ICE, but no one else could help.
He turned from the window and picked up his bag for the fifth time, then tossed it across the room into the corner .
“Enough of this.” He marched to the center of the room and looked around, zeroing in on the mat at the door. “God, for right or for wrong, I need some assurance. I can’t think straight, and nothing makes sense. But if what Eric said was true—if I’m not overinflating myself, and you truly want to use me to do more for these people than what I’ve already done—I need you to prove it.”
He picked up the mat as he walked outside. He looked across the parking lot, then headed around to the back of the motel where there was a patch of grass, and he tossed the mat on the ground. Aware of how stupid he was acting.
“There has been a lot of dew every morning.” He’d admired the way the sun sparkled across the parched grass, burnt with the lack of rain. It was the only water they got. “Just so you know, I know how this sounds,” he said up to heaven. “But here’s the deal. If the mat is wet with dew in the morning—” He shook his head with the huff of a laugh. “—If the mat is wet, but the ground is dry, then I’ll know you have more for me to do.”
He put his hands on his hips and squinted at the sky. He almost bent down and picked the mat up again, so he turned on his heel and headed back to his room. “I know. This is ridiculous, and I don’t care. I need this. You healed my knee, and I saw that you healed Eric’s face. I’m sorry that I’m bad at this, but I can’t help it.” If nothing else, he could get closure when he went out in the morning and found everything wet with the persistent dew .
When he entered his room, he heard his phone buzzing on the table. “Hey, Nikki. Everything okay?”
“Hey, yeah. I, uh, I was calling because I hadn’t heard from you in a couple days. I wanted to see how you were doing. Make sure everything is okay.” Her voice held an edge of concern.
“I haven’t left town, if that’s what you were wondering.” He lifted his face, scrunching it up with the knowledge that he could be leaving town the next day.
“No, I—Actually, yes. It had crossed my mind.”
“You think I would leave without telling you?” He hoped she’d say no, but he couldn’t be sure himself. He’d never expected he’d leave a mat on the grass to test God.
“You’re still planning on leaving though?” she said. Maybe to avoid answering the question.
“Yeah. I’m trying to work that out.”
“Right. That’s fine. You always said you were leaving.” She laughed softly. “I don’t mean to put pressure on you, even though I’m sure that’s how it sounds. Your life is outside of Asher. I hope you know I’m grateful for the help you’ve given to this town. And to me.”
He squeezed his forehead. “I wish I could have done more.”
“Is that really what you think? That taking down the totem poles and saving Isabel isn’t much?”
“Not when there’s so much left undone.”
“I’m sure God’s not done with Asher yet.”
“No, of course he’s not.”
“I want you to know that I’m praying for you. We all are. ”
“The church?”
“Yeah. We’ve been meeting almost every night to pray.”
“I’m sorry I haven’t come.”
“You don’t have to apologize.”
She may change her mind if he left tomorrow. “I’m glad things are going well there.”
“Do, uh… Do you want to get some dinner tonight?” she said. “I thought we could debrief.”
He did. He wanted to see her, but with no clear picture of what he’d do next, he couldn’t be honest with her. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her.
“I can’t tonight. Maybe another time.”
“Okay. Right, well, I guess I’ll let you go. I’ve got a few mugs to make before the end of the day. Talk to you soon?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll give you a call later.”
“Great. Talk to you then.”
Gideon tapped the phone to hang up, then dropped it onto the bed. It used to be easy to be around Nikki. He thought of the mat lying in the sun. No matter what happened tomorrow morning, their friendship probably wouldn’t survive. If God did a miracle, he was going to call ICE, a move for which she may never forgive him, especially if it led to Isabel being deported. And if he left, she’d probably never forgive him for giving up on them. Either way, he was going to lose.
Gideon barely slept. When he did, he dreamed about unseen people pulling him from all directions as he tried desperately to find the mat he’d left in the grass, knowing it was the only place he could be safe. Each time he went back into the dream, it pulled him deeper and deeper into a black hole, until he finally woke as the sun edged the sky with light.
He blinked up at the ceiling with a sense of both relief and dread. The night was over. The dew had risen. His life was about to shift.
He got out of bed, pulled on a T-shirt, and went to the door but stopped with his hand on the knob. He may not consider himself a hero, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have unfinished business. After a deep, cleansing breath, he opened the door and went outside.
The air had the usual chill. Perfect conditions for dew. He walked around to the side of the building. The brownish-green mass of twiggy sprigs didn’t look damp. He poked at it with his toes to confirm it was dry, then walked up to the mat. Logically, the mat would be dry, but he couldn’t tell by looking at it. His heart rate rose, and he couldn’t decipher what outcome he was hoping for.
He thought of Nikki as he bent over. This would be goodbye either way. Was that what he was afraid of? That this was the moment he’d have to say goodbye?
His fingers inched beneath the rubber edging. It was cool to the touch. Then, as he lifted, the first thing he noticed—too late—was the weight. The rubber slipped from his fingers, and the mat fell to the ground with a thwap. He stared at it with wide eyes, sensing the cool droplets of water that had splashed onto his leg.
“That’s impossible.” He reached for the mat again, this time gripping it tighter as he lifted, and a thready stream of water splashed the ground from the corner of the mat. It pooled on the earth for a moment before being swallowed up.
He looked around for a hose or any explanation other than the one that was too hard to contemplate, even though it was the one he’d asked for.
He poked his toe on the depression the mat had made. With the amount of water that had come from it, he expected the ground to be saturated, but it was hard.
“I should have asked for a bigger miracle,” he said as he hauled the wet mat back to his room, dropping it outside of the door to dry.
Yesterday, he’d thought his request impossible. Now, he was searching for explanations easier to accept than the truth. If nothing else, it helped him to understand the world better. It didn’t matter what wonders God did. There always had to be another explanation. The world believed what it wanted and adjusted its perceptions to suit.
Believing in God meant being open to the impossible and unexplainable. Believing that understanding existed beyond human reasoning. An uncomfortable truth.
Now back in his room with the decision made, it was time for the hard part. Was he willing to trust again, knowing how things had worked out last time? God was sending him out once again to step into the unknown with no clear understanding of the consequences, both good and bad. That both relieved him and terrified him at the same time.
But the one thing he knew in his heart was that he couldn’t go back on this. God had done His part. Now Gideon had to do his.