Chapter 17
Seventeen
Belle
S ex under the stars just became the highlight of my life. All twenty-three years of them.
Electrifying pleasure is the only way I can describe the hum of energy vibrating under my skin. I tuck into Gage as he carries me inside with the other two following right behind. More than once all three murmured words of possession. And with each one, I fell a little deeper in love.
And I think they love me, too. Gage settles me in a chair at the table. For a rough man who looks battle ready at a moment’s notice, he takes his time to make sure I am comfortable. Still naked from our little outdoor adventure, he pulls a throw blanket off a nearby chair and tucks it around me.
I came here tonight to talk, but that went out the window the second I got out of the shower. And then the whole dock incident. I should have tried harder, but there’s always later.
My phone pings from where someone left it on the table on the way out the back door. From this angle, it looks like Sapphire is calling.
Aziel and Rush start prepping the meal I started. “The grill should be nice and hot by now,” I offer with a cringe. “I might have started it thinking I would cook for you. Then I got sidetracked.” Gage presses a kiss to my forehead before heading to the kitchen for the steaks I assume since he has a set of prongs in his hand.
A million different ways to start the conversation we need to have scatter through my mind as I watch them set to work on making us all dinner. I can’t seem to pick one, so I sit there like a useless idiot.
The house is quiet as they work together. One man shifts and the other perceives the move a second before and makes way for what his friend needs. It’s a beautiful thing to watch and a treasure to be a part of.
These men have invited me into their homes and their lives and here I am unable to tell them the truth.
The ring of my phone cuts through the house and three sets of eyes fall on my phone’s screen when Harlon’s name pops up.
The call ends and then immediately starts up again. Santi tries and then Sapphire and then Santi again.
I pick up the phone and hit the end button.
“Who is this Santi guy?” Gage points at the phone.
Time to come clean. “My brother’s partner.” I stand and grip the blanket on me. Saying what I need to say is much easier with clothes on, but I left mine in their bedroom. So, the blanket it is.
“There’s something I need to tell you, but I need you to know my blood doesn’t determine who I am. Okay?”
“Okay,” all three say in unison.
I get up and walk around their house and try to find it in me to tell them I am mafia blood when I see picture after picture of men standing up for what is right, fighting the good fight when my family made their money by doing nothing but wrong. I can paint it in any light. Like we don’t sell drugs and we don’t traffic, but we do own illegal gambling and we do deal in death. If they run away, then I know I am going to be raising our child solo and I am okay with that. I at least got to feel something, and I will show our child endless amounts of love and devotion.
I turn.
“My name is Belle Constantine. Sinclair is my mother’s maiden name. I’m sorry I gave that name rather than my real name when we first met at The Gilded Key Society.”
I have all three men’s attention.
The blanket turns into a shield and I use it between me and the arrows of pain shooting in my direction. Aziel’s aims straight for my heart. “You only need to turn on the nightly news to know who my family is, but I don’t think you need a crash course into what my family does for a living. Something tells me you all already know.”
“We know the name.” Aziel looks hurt while the other two have slipped their expressions into an unreadable mask.
“Talk to me.” All three leave the kitchen and head toward the living room where the light isn’t as harsh, but their silence is cutting.
“Please, someone say something.” I go to them and fall on my knees. The pain in me is unbearable and I can’t manage the weight of my lie.
Gage is the first to reach out to me. He takes my hand and pulls me into his lap. I expected Rush to do that, not Gage so I am a little off balance.
Rush leans forward and puts his elbows on his knees and clamps his hands together under his chin. A move I’ve seen him do when he’s in deep thought.
“Why didn’t you tell us?”
“Have you ever not wanted to be shunned because of who your family is?”
I look between both of them.
“I didn’t think so.” I climb out of Gage’s lap and pace the living room, my blanket trailing behind me.
I stop and face the lake unable to say this next part easily. “I’m not proud of who my family is. I don’t want what my father did and all the court crap, and him being behind bars to follow me. I didn’t want you to judge me for who I share blood with. I wanted you to like me for who I am.”
I turn to find Aziel gone and my heart sinks to the floor bleeding.
Tears spill down the sides of my cheeks.
“Will he come back?”
Gage sets his jaw, his gaze narrowed out over the water. Great. He won’t even look at me.
“He nearly lost his life to the cartel a short time ago. Now he’s in love with a mafia member. It’s going to take him a minute to digest how fucked up that is.”
Love? Not only is my heart bleeding, but it’s taking its final thumps. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. It was a little fun at first.”
“And now?”
Rush’s question burns and I frown in turn. “And now there’s nothing fun or funny about hurting any of you. That is the last thing I want.”
Gage is up and tucking me beneath his chin before pushing me toward the back of the house. “Go find him. Make it right and everything will be okay, sweetheart.”
Gage’s words give me hope. A flickering light at the end of a long hall pulls me in.
“Aziel?”
I crack the door open and find my lover sipping whiskey in the den. He’s sitting in a large armchair facing the window and watching the storm roll in.
“Aziel?” I ask again with fear lodged in my throat.
Haunted blue eyes turn to meet mine. He holds a hand out and I go to him, slipping my palm over his.
“Come here, beautiful.”
He drags me and my blanket into his lap and he settles his arm over my thighs. Sitting like this feels right, but my heart hangs low.
“Aziel, I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”
He looks straight ahead like he’s captured in the past.
“When I took the blunt force of that IED I thought I was dead. I’ve seen what those bombs can do. They are nasty. In fact, I did flatline. Three times. But I survived somehow. I still don’t understand it.”
I cup his face and lure his gaze to mine. “You did survive and I will say a prayer of gratitude every day of my life that you are still here. Please forgive me.”
“Did you know the cartel uses civilian drones to drop bombs on their targets?”
I shake my head. “No.” I have a sinking feeling I know where this is going and it’s exactly what I feared. “Not all crime families are the same, Aziel. My family has lines we don’t cross.”
He gives a predatory smile. “I’ve seen the bombs kill children. Whole families. Villages. And for what? Territory? All because the good guys refused to sell their drugs?”
“Did you stop them?”
“The cartel leader we were after? Gage and Rush did. I was fighting for my life after tackling a kid to the ground when one of those drones flew over.”
My hands fly to cover my gaping mouth. “My God, Aziel.”
“The child survived.” The relief of reminding himself of that chases a few of the demons I see lurking in the shadows of his past.
I slip from his lap and fall to my knees, shame holding me to the ground under its impressive, unforgiving weight.
“I have no right to ask for your forgiveness. Please, you have to believe me. I have no part in the crimes my family commits. But I am their blood. And I would die for them.” I raise my gaze to his and let my love for those who love me shine fiery hot.
“Just like I would die for you. For Gage and Rush. I never dreamed of hurting you, any of you. I never thought this between us would be something…special.” I finish strongly, holding his eyes with mine.
He takes my chin in hand. “No man ever deserves to see you on your knees, especially me.”
He pulls me to my feet. I shudder in a deep breath at the feel of his lips on my bare shoulder. His arms lock me to his side. He roams his kisses up my neck and finally takes my mouth in a slow-burn kind of claim.
When I think I’m about to pass out he breaks away, both of us breathing heavily.
“Let’s talk about it in the morning when we’ve all had a few hours to sleep.”
My phone goes off again and this time a text comes in. Leaving it unread, I shut the phone off and let them lead me off to bed. Tomorrow, I can tell them the rest of my news. For right now I think one secret at a time is all I can handle.
Later that night I wake with a terrible feeling in my gut I recognize immediately. Guilt and fear. I don’t feel right lying to my brother and lying to my men. This will never work if there are secrets between us and this one comes with a ticking clock.
Thunder rumbles over the lake with lightning trailing close behind.
“Guys?” I call out only to find silence in return. I walk through the dark house, flicking the lights on one-by-one finding no one.
Dread weighs my feet to the floor. The men are gone. And so is my phone.