Chapter 23
Chapter
Twenty-Three
Don’t waste what you have
By sunset, I was at Maive’s door yet again.
I swear I had memorized the grooves in the wood by heart.
I knew exactly what the surface felt like beneath my knuckles, and this time, I didn’t even get one knock out before the door was open and she stood there, beautiful in a dark blue tunic and matching flowing pants. Her feet were bare.
“Come in,” she said, beckoning me inside. There were a few people in the pathway behind me, and nobody looked twice as I entered the stone building.
She led me upstairs into her private quarters. The smell of spices, fish, and bread flooded my senses. I had no idea I loved food as much as I did until I had access to regular, good-tasting meals.
“Smells amazing,” I murmured, noting that one of the rooms off the sitting area appeared to be a kitchen of some sort.
“Thank you. As I’ve said, I’m a fair cook. My late partner was better, but—” She cut off with a shake of her head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to mention him.”
“It’s fine,” I said gently. “Don’t pretend he didn’t exist to spare me something. He made you happy. I like him for that reason alone.”
Everything about her face seemed to soften at that. I appeared to have a decent knack for saying the right things to her. Sometimes, anyway.
She set out bowls of soup, bread, and a bottle of crisp, green wine that was delicious and went well with the seafood soup she had prepared. The broth was rich, and the flavors melded beautifully.
“You’re better than a fair cook,” I said, scraping the last bits of seaweed and a plump mussel onto my spoon. “This rivals Braija’s cooking.”
“Oh, don’t tell her that,” Maive said with a chuckle. “It would take her years to forgive you. And me.”
We chatted as we finished eating and sipped our wine. I told her what the guild had relayed to me that day about the Durbok’s interference, but I omitted the part that came after.
Maive’s brows knitted. “Would it be very costly to hire the guild to protect us?”
I nodded. It was a thought I’d had. In fact, it had been one of my first. “Yes,” was the honest answer.
“Most of the clients the guild takes on are not individuals or small groups like this, but huge, well-funded organizations and governments. The guild pays its mercenaries very well, which is why they charge exorbitantly for our skills.” I shook my head.
“I’ve saved considerable credits over the years, but not enough to afford them.
” I hesitated before voicing the rest. “The only bargaining chip you would have would be the junver syrup. But to offer that to the guild as compensation would put you in the same situation that you’d be in with the Rivonok.
” My hand tightened on the earthenware cup that held my half-drunk wine.
“The guild does not operate on altruism. They would take over the junver syrup production. You would produce it for them with nothing in return and with similar coercion. I wish that were not the case, but I know my former life well.” I shook my head.
“One oppressor or the other. I couldn’t even tell you which would be worse. ”
She dropped her gaze and nodded, accepting what I had to say.
I really did wish it could be otherwise.
But I knew better than to try to appeal to the mercenary guild’s compassion.
They had none. They were a business, just like any of the syndicates and cartels and merchant alliances and all the others that had hired us to do terrible things.
I took a sip of wine and set it down awkwardly. “I’m sorry. I fear I’ve ruined the evening.”
“No, you haven’t. I welcome any updates. And this wasn’t a bad one. I’m glad that they’ve been slowed down, at least.”
I shrugged. “There is that.”
She set her cup down deliberately and looked up at me. “I will be honest with you, Gilrox,” she began. “I don’t know how much time we have here, and I don’t know what the outcome of all this will be. Our time together may be short.”
I stayed quiet, sensing that she was gearing up to say something significant.
“One or both of us may not survive this. We may be separated. Any number of things could happen.” Her gaze lifted, locked on mine. “So I will just say this as plainly as I can. I want you to take me to my bed, Gilrox. We have right now. We may not have the future. I’m not a fan of regrets.”
My brain took a few beats to process what she’d said, even though yes, it was very plain. “I just want to make sure I understand.” I gestured toward her bedroom. “You want me to take you in there?”
“That’s what I said.”
“There are many forms of regret,” I said, placing down my own cup and trying to keep my voice even. “I wouldn’t want this choice to be one of them.”
“I could not regret feeling alive,” she said after a moment. “I would rather have experiences than spend the rest of my life wondering what it would have been like.” She tilted her head. “Does that make sense?”
“Maive.” I leaned forward, resting my forearms on my knees.
“Your interest in me has never made sense. I’m a hideous, scarred ex-mercenary.
” I pointed to my horn. “With more battle scars than I can count. You deserve someone kind and gentle and wise, like the man who first won your heart. Not a brute like me.”
She rose and crossed the small distance to me and surprised me by settling on my lap.
She looped her arms around my neck and smoothed a hand over my broken horn.
I couldn’t feel my horns anymore. When I had been younger, they had nerves, and they grew.
Had I been younger when I broke this one, it would have grown back long and strong and a proud, gleaming black.
I wanted to move my head away from her touch, to take her attention away from something I found slightly embarrassing.
“Gilrox,” she said. “When have you ever not been kind and gentle and wise?” Her hand shifted from my broken horn down to my cheek and held it there, directly over a narrow, raised scar that ran from my eyebrow across my cheekbone.
One of many. So very many. “I have not yet met this brute that you describe. I’m inclined to think he retired along with your old life.
Because I know who you are here, and I have very much fallen in love with you. ”
“Have you now?” My arms came around her, sliding over her curves possessively.
“I don’t know how that happened, but I’m grateful for it.
Because I’m utterly in love with you.” There was something absurd about the fact that I had announced this to the guild before I had said it to her, but there it was. Now everyone knew.
“Now, are you going to take me to that bedroom or not?”
I stood, lifting her with me, cradling her against me, and carried her to the bedroom.
“You’re not going to change your mind, are you?
Come to your senses?” I laid her on the bed and kissed her, allowing the feelings to come, the sensations to spread through my body; waking up some parts, dulling others. “Because I think that might kill me.”
She chuckled, low in her throat. “I’m not going to change my mind. I’ve given this a lot of thought.” She gasped as my mouth trailed over her neck. “But you should know, I have not done this in a very long time. So long I can’t even say I’m out of practice.”
I moved lower, following her curves, tracing the swell of her breasts and the gentle curve of her waist. “I could say the same. Not that I had a partner like you, but there were—” I cut myself off there, and shook my head.
“What I’m trying to say is, forgive me if this is clumsy.
It has been a long time for me, as well, and I’ve never been in love before. ”
She grinned up at me. “I’ll be gentle with you, Gilrox.”
“You’re so merciful, Maive,” I drawled back, nipping an earlobe.
She chuckled, but we stopped talking after that.
Our clothes came off slowly, with care. The reckless randiness of my youth replaced with the slow satisfaction of learning the sensual side of this one perfect female.
I could take my time, knowing that I wouldn’t embarrass myself. That was one advantage of being older.
Her hands explored me as much as mine explored her.
I moved lower, setting my mouth upon the soft, sweet heat at the core of her.
I sank into the sound of her pleasure, the soft moans.
My skin delighted in the feel of her hands all over me.
Touching me. Learning me. Stroking me. Stars, how long had it been since anyone had touched me like this? I was starved for it.
When at last I slid inside of her, it was like coming home.
We moved together in the great, ancient way of things, her body accepting mine and claiming it at the same time.
I was careful. So very careful not to hurt her.
I watched her expression and her reactions, alert for any sign of discomfort.
I saw only pleasure and wonder. It amazed me that I, a man who had known only violence for so long, could bring such pleasure to a woman like Maive, who was powerful in her own right, soft when she chose to be, light when she had the luxury to be.
That she chose me, of all men, to invite into her bed was a gift I’d never take for granted.
We found our completion together in a mind-bending moment that threatened my sanity and wrenched noises from both of us that I had never heard before.
There were simply no words. We lay there afterward, side by side, breathing like we had just finished one of my more rigorous training sessions.
I couldn’t conjure anything coherent other than a grunt and something that sounded like yes, but even that was ambiguous.
She snuggled up against me, one arm thown over my chest and her head resting on my shoulder.
I couldn’t see her face from my angle, but I could feel her breathing grow long and slow, her body turn boneless and soft as she slipped into sleep.
I lay there for a long time, listening to her breathe, feeling the gentle rise and fall of her inhalations, breathing in the delicious scent of her.
I had spent so much of my life protecting things because it was a job.
This was different. I would protect this woman to my dying breath.
I would protect her if it meant losing everything.
This was where I was supposed to be. This was who I was.
Perhaps not when I was a fighter, but perhaps then, too.
Then, I didn’t know any better. Now I did.
Maive belonged to me and I to her. It was as scary as it was true.
I finally let myself fall into sleep beside her. It was the deepest, most peaceful, most gratifying sleep I’d had since I was a child, before the invasion of Belaga. Perhaps I slept so well because my soul knew that finally, it was home.