Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
Before the official opening of the Gingerbread Jubilee, Laney walked through the barn and marveled at all the entries.
There was a Victorian house festooned with peppermint, a quaint log cabin made of chocolate with spun sugar smoke coming out of a pretzel chimney and a train made of sugar cookies, each car decorated with different colored buttercream and glimmering sprinkles.
Each creation was magic. Of course, the people in town who had contributed to this weren’t professionals, but it didn’t matter. The pieces were gorgeous, glorious. Quirky in many cases, and too lovely to resist.
Then in the barn next door, there were trees. Trees decorated in every theme you could possibly imagine, from a famous space opera to mermaids.
It was so beautiful.
It made her heart ache for childhood Christmases that she hadn’t really had.
She thought of Lila’s pink bike, and the Easy-Bake Oven she’d wanted as a kid and had never gotten.
So funny now, she worked in a kitchen and had no need to bake cake with a lightbulb.
But something about even imagining the box made her feel a deep longing she couldn’t quite explain.
And when she joined Chloe in the kitchen a little bit later, they ended up on that subject.
“I like Christmas,” Chloe said. “Now anyway. It used to be kind of sad. I’d wish my dad could come every year, but then he didn’t.”
Laney’s stomach twisted up. “Your dad feels... guilty, about the years that he missed.”
She felt a little bit bad saying something, confiding in Chloe when Pike had shared those things with her as a lover.
She was Chloe’s boss, not her stepmother.
Though, the idea of that... Chloe was grown. And it would be very different than being a stepmother to a child, but there was something about that, the idea of being a mentor, a mother figure that made her feel happy.
She had never really wanted a family. Even when she’d thought she might marry Pete, part of it had been because their ambitions fit together. She’d thought about how well they complemented each other career-wise.
Plus, her work kept her so busy, and she had never thought that would be fair for her to have a child if she was so obsessed with her job, plus her own experience of having a mother hadn’t been all that great.
But she was surprised how much the idea made her yearn now.
“I don’t think he wanted to miss every year,” Chloe said. “My mom didn’t let him come. For a while I know he wanted to, and she didn’t want to take the chance.”
“I don’t think he blames her for that.”
“I know he doesn’t. He isn’t angry at anyone but himself, and I don’t want him to feel that way.
I want him to be happy. I think... he has a hard time with that.
But I do. I just want him to be happy. I don’t need him to pay penance for anything...
Even when he wasn’t around, I had my mom, I had everything that I could’ve possibly needed.
I missed him. But my mom told me that he was sick.
That he couldn’t always be there because of it.
And I really... I’m grateful to her for that. ”
“It sounds like your mom is pretty great.”
And if she felt just a tiny bit of jealousy because she was a woman that Pike had loved, she pushed that aside, because it was messed up, and it didn’t need to be there.
In fact, if she didn’t live in a jealous space, then she could probably understand Pike more by having an understanding of that relationship.
“She is. She’s great. Honestly, she feels guilty too.
She feels like maybe she could’ve helped him more when he was recovering from his accident.
Like, she pushed him a little bit too hard.
I just... I’m always amazed how young they were when they had me.
And how well they did anyway. And they didn’t stay together, but they get along better now than I remember them getting along when I was a kid and they were married. ”
“That’s rare.”
“Very. And I feel like I’m lucky that way.”
“Did your mom remarry?”
Chloe nodded. “Oh yeah, and he’s a really nice guy.
I like him a lot, but you know, he’s not my dad.
My dad is my inspiration for so many things.
He’s where I get my stubbornness from, my ambition.
My dad is the person I want to be like. He’s resilient.
I think I really understand him because I love my job the way he does.
I know what he lost when he got in the accident was significant. I understand why it messed him up.”
“That’s a gift, you know. Having somebody know you like that. Having somebody who shares a passion the way that you do so that they can understand why you’re just a little bit... You know. We passionate few have a little bit of a screw loose.”
Chloe laughed. “Yeah. Definitely. My boyfriend Noah doesn’t really get it.”
“Oh. You have a boyfriend?”
“My dad didn’t mention it? His thinly veiled hatred for Noah is really something.”
She laughed. “No. He didn’t mention it. I suspect he wouldn’t. Out of deference to you.” She chewed her cheek. “He doesn’t like him?”
“No. Not at all. He pretends that he does. He doesn’t offer commentary, but I can tell that he doesn’t. I think what he doesn’t like is that Noah has issues with how into my job I am. And I think that just causes tension, but also, I think he’s projecting his marriage onto my relationship.”
“It sounds to me like your dad was legitimately obsessed with his job, and I’m not throwing stones. But that’s what he told me. That he was there all the time, and wasn’t as present as he should’ve been.”
“I guess. That isn’t really how I remember it, though.
I remember always visiting him in the kitchen.
Getting to go to the hotel and hang out sometimes.
Yes, he was working when I was there, but I loved to watch him work.
That was what inspired me to get involved in culinary arts.
I didn’t want to be just like him, of course, so I became a chef instead.
But I really thought that what he was doing was admirable.
He was married with me before he was my age, and I think that’s wild.
To have done that, and still accomplished what he did...
It’s amazing. And you know, my mom kept going with her career too.
She’s a sports analyst and writer for a major network.
They supported each other. My dad made the money for a while, and it helped her get where she needed to go.
He’s always supported us both financially, though my mom doesn’t need the help now.
I just... Yeah, he wasn’t perfect. But having parents who are really into their jobs, I think is really cool.
I like that they have passion. It helps me embrace mine. ”
“And you’re still dating a guy who’s a little resentful?”
“Well, I did move a few states away. I can understand why he thinks it’s annoying. And is tired of having sex over FaceTime.”
Laney laughed. “I won’t mention that to your dad.”
“Thanks. I don’t know. I want to believe that I can have it all.”
“Of course you can,” Laney said, at the same time as she realized that she had never once had it all, and had never truly believed that she could.
“You think?”
“Yeah. I do. But... One thing I know for sure, Chloe, is that it has to be with the right man. Otherwise, it’s never going to work. You can only have it all if your partner is everything you need them to be. Ask me how I know.”
“How do you know?”
“I was trying to have forever with somebody who wasn’t everything. And in the end, he really screwed me over. Made it so I didn’t believe in love. Or maybe, what he did was confirm to me that I didn’t need to worry about it. And I’m not sure I should’ve given him that much power.”
“You can have it all too,” Chloe said.
Laney pressed her palms to the counter. “I’d like for that to be true.”
And for the first time since she and Pete had split up, she really did mean that.
It wasn’t an especially busy night in the dining room, and so when Pike appeared in the doorway and Chloe smiled at her conspiratorially, she frowned.
“You can go,” Chloe said. “We have it. And I can expedite service and make sure that everything goes smoothly.”
“Do you know what’s happening?” she asked Chloe.
Chloe shrugged. “Maybe.”
She took her chef’s coat off and walked out of the kitchen, and Pike was waiting, holding a picnic basket. “I have plans,” he said.
“What plans?”
“You’ll see.”
He took her hand and led her outside into the crisp December evening. Fat snowflakes were falling, and it was freezing cold. He held her hand as they walked down the path that led to the barns that housed the gingerbread houses and the Christmas trees.
The Christmas tree barn was still lit up in spite of the fact that everyone was gone, and as he brought her inside, it felt extra magical with all the dark cold out beyond the walls, and the glimmering warmth inside.
The main lights were off, and the only glow came from the trees.
There was already a blanket set up on the floor in the middle of all those trees, like an indoor enchanted picnic amongst the glimmering lights and ornaments.
“What is this?”
“I called in a favor,” he said.
“With who? Mayor Carey?”
He grinned. “What can I say, she’s a fan of mine.
“Does Walker know that?”
Pike smiled. “He knows that. I don’t really have any designs on his woman.”
“Does he?”
“Yes. Because I only have designs on one.”
Her mouth went dry, her heart fluttering.
Was this...? Could this be something more than just physical? Even wondering that made her feel foolish. Made her feel small. Scared, even.
Because, of course, she wanted it to be more. But she was also scared of it. Because she really didn’t know if she could have everything.
But she wanted it. She really did.