Chapter 13 Orion
Orion
Icouldn’t stop staring at her. At that test. At what it meant.
A baby. My baby. Our baby. I told her I was happy, and I was.
There was no denying that. But inside, my chest was tight as hell.
I was nervous. Last time around with OJ, I wasn’t ready, and truth be told, I don’t think I ever really stepped up the way I should’ve.
Now, here I was, about to be somebody’s daddy…
again. I glanced at Cayla while she wiped her face, smiling all soft like this was everything she ever wanted.
And I wanted to give her the peace, stability, and love she deserved.
But the thoughts I couldn’t shake kept creeping in.
Cayla was already thick as hell. She was a BBW from the jump, and I loved that about her.
There was confidence in her walk, even when she didn’t see it herself.
But over the past year, she’d put on weight in places that weren’t appealing to me.
Every once in a while, I would toss a comment around, hoping she would make use of my gym membership and do something about it.
This was before I even knew she was pregnant.
A piece of me knew that worrying about her weight when she was carrying life for a nigga was childish as fuck, and I hated myself for thinking it, but it was there.
The thoughts were sitting heavily in the back of my head.
I wondered if I would still look at her the same? Would I still want her the same?
When she turned away from me, she looked at herself in the mirror.
She turned to the side, I guess trying to envision a baby bump on her, and honestly, I couldn’t see it.
I guess the stomach that was already there would eventually harden.
When she turned to look in the mirror, I pushed the thought down and wrapped my arms around her from behind, burying my face in her neck.
“We got this,” I whispered against her skin, like if I said it enough, I’d start to believe it all the way through.
But deep down, the nervousness stayed. It was sitting right next to that little spark of happiness, daring me to ruin a good thing. I had a habit of always finding something wrong.
Cayla
The smell of baked chicken and garlic mashed potatoes filled the kitchen.
I was proud of myself for cooking, especially with the way my energy had been all over the place.
Sitting across from Orion, I finally felt calm, like this was what a family could feel like.
The start of something good and bigger, just us, laughing a little while enjoying a good meal.
I reached for the serving bowl and scooped another spoonful of potatoes onto my plate.
It was something about comfort food that was my favorite.
That’s when his voice cut through my happiness.
“You sure you want more, babe? You know they say you gotta watch what you’re eating for the baby.”
The fork froze halfway to my mouth. He said it smoothly, like it was just a helpful reminder, and like he was looking out for me.
But I caught the way his eyes flicked down at my stomach before he took another bite of chicken.
He didn’t even wait for my response; he spat the words out and then continued eating as if his words did not hurt me.
As if the shit he just said out of his mouth couldn’t hurt me.
I laughed it off, setting the fork down.
“It’s potatoes, Orion. Not a cheeseburger.”
He smirked and then shrugged. “I’m just saying, I gotta keep you healthy. You need to be mindful that you keep the weight down for delivery, that’s all.”
The words slipped out casually, but they stung.
I felt heat rise in my chest. This feeling was similar to a distant feeling I used to get years ago.
This felt like the same self-consciousness I thought I left behind in college bubbling back up.
This feeling in the pit of my chest is how I used to feel when Lamont first started mentioning my weight gain.
Thinking about how far I had come from those memories only to feel back in the same spot made my eyes water.
Orion didn’t even notice. He just kept eating, humming low like the food was too good to interrupt. I chewed in silence; the potatoes suddenly felt heavier in my mouth than they’d been five seconds ago.
Outwardly, I smiled. I even reached for my glass of water, sipping slowly like nothing was wrong.
But inside, I tucked that little comment away with the others.
It was now locked in a vault with the other ones that sounded like jokes, like concern, but carried more weight than he realized.
And as I sat across the table from him, pretending to be unfazed, I told myself, again, to keep it bottled up.
After dinner, Orion said he had to go check something at the club.
That left me alone and in my thoughts. The house seemed quieter than ever.
Even Mello was tucked away in his bed. If this was how Orion was acting, and it was only the beginning of my pregnancy, I had serious doubts about keeping this baby.
Even the night outside was still as I slipped into a nightgown and then climbed into bed.
I curled up on the edge of the bed, my hand resting on my stomach as if it already showed.
I cringed at my stomach getting bigger, at me getting bigger.
I sighed because I wasn’t quite ready for my body to go through a change.
The room was dark except for the glow of my phone screen.
I scrolled down to Zynea’s name and hit call.
I chewed on my bottom lip while it rang.
“Girl, why are you calling me this late?” she answered, her voice groggy but playful.
I hesitated but quickly spat it out. “I had to tell somebody.”
“What? What happened? You sound all serious.”
I pulled in a breath because the words that I was about to say didn’t even sound right to me.
“I’m pregnant, Zy.”
There was a beat of silence before she practically squealed into the phone.
“Cayla! Oh, my God, are you serious?”
I smiled before there was a weak little curve of my lips.
“Yeah. I took the test earlier this week, and there were two lines.”
Zynea’s voice rose with excitement.
“Girl, that’s big! You are about to be a mommy! How are you feeling?”
That’s when my smile flattened. I twisted the hem of my nightgown. My eyes started burning as I tried to keep my voice steady.
“I don’t even know. Part of me is happy. Like… really happy. But then, I’m nervous as hell. What if I’m not ready? What if he’s not ready?”
Zynea went quiet, listening the way she always did when she knew I was cracking inside.
“And Zy,” I whispered, “he has already been making these little comments. About what I eat, how I look. Like… like he’s worried about me getting bigger.”
“Cayla…” she said slowly, her tone shifting from excited to protective. “Don’t let him get in your head like that. You’re carrying life. That’s a beautiful thing, period. And if Orion can’t see that? That’s his flaw, not yours.”
I pressed the phone tighter against my ear, swallowing down the lump in my throat. I wanted to believe her, wanted to hold onto that encouragement, but the cracks inside me still felt too wide.
“I just don’t wanna do this alone,” I admitted softly.
“You’re not,” she said firmly. “You got me. Always.”
“Thanks, girl,” I huffed before yawning. I had to schedule a doctor's appointment as soon as Monday morning came. “Let me try and get some rest, girl, I’m exhausted,” I admitted.
“Yeah, you're about to be sleeping your ass off, preggo. Love y’all.”
My heart warmed. Zynea always knew what to say to make me feel like myself again.
“Love you, too,” I whispered before ending the line and turning off the lamp in the room.
Orion
The bass from the speakers thumped through the walls of Obsessions, my spot, my empire.
The place stayed packed on the weekends, especially on a Sunday night, because I dropped the price a bit on admission and on bottles.
I smiled at my sanctuary. The lights were down low, and women came dressed to kill.
I leaned against the bar with a glass of Henny in my hand, smirking as the bartender laughed at something slick I said.
She was leaning in too close, smiling too wide, but I didn’t mind.
Ever since Ma passed, I looked at life differently.
Everything felt short and more fragile. You could be here today and gone tomorrow.
And if that was the case, then why the hell should I tie myself to just one woman?
Don’t get me wrong, I was happy about Cayla being pregnant.
It felt like a new start and a chance to build something solid.
A new baby would give me a piece of family I’d been missing since Ma left us.
But at the same time, there was this pull in me I couldn’t shake.
Like the streets, like the hustle, temptation was always around.
And the funny thing was, now that I was spoken for and had a woman waiting at home, it seemed like every other woman wanted me more.
These bitches loved to see how a nigga loved on a bitch.
They loved wishing and trying to make it happen for them.
The bartender slid my drink across the counter.
Her fingers brushed mine longer than necessary.
She gave me that look, the kind that said she knew what she was offering without having to say a word.
I sipped slowly. My eyes roamed the crowd but circled back to her.
In the back of my mind, Cayla’s face flashed.
I couldn’t get her smile when she showed me that test out of my mind.
Ever since we found out, it was the way her hand lingered on her stomach, like she was already protecting something we created.
It made me feel proud. All worrying about her gaining more weight aside, there was another part of me, the darker part, that was addicted to the chase.
Addicted to being wanted. Losing Ma showed me how quick life can take from you, and I wasn’t sure I believed in playing it safe anymore.
And that thought right there was the part I kept locked away from Cayla.
If she knew that I no longer saw a monogamous lifestyle for myself, it would shatter her to the core.
The crowd roared when the DJ flipped tracks, bodies pressed tight on the dance floor, but all I heard was the bartender’s laugh.
T’asia had been working here since I first opened, and she always had this sweet, low, and teasing tone to her voice.
She leaned across the counter again, whispering something I barely caught over the music, but I caught enough.
“You really should let me take care of you sometime.”
I should’ve brushed it off, especially since over the year, on numerous accounts, she’d seen my woman come up in here.
But that wasn’t her job to do. It wasn’t her place to worry about my relationship; it was mine.
I should have been the one thinking about Cayla at home.
She was probably stretched across our bed with one hand on her stomach, just glowing already, even though her belly hadn’t even started showing.
I should’ve told myself I had too much to lose.
But I didn’t. Instead, I finished my drink in one pull and set the glass down slowly.
I glanced at her for a while. I wanted her to feel the weight of my attention.
Her smile said she’d been waiting for it.
Minutes later, I was behind the bar with her, tucked away in the narrow hallway leading to the stockroom.
The music thudded through the walls like a heartbeat, muffling her giggles as her hands slid under my shirt.
I watched her have her way with me, and I hesitated a bit.
Although the moment felt so right, something about it still felt wrong.
I pushed my doubts to the back of my mind, though.
My lips found hers, and we shared the kind of kiss that tasted like danger.
And that’s because it was laced with betrayal.
My head told me I was crossing a line that I couldn’t come back from, but my body was louder.
I pulled her close and let her press against me until all I felt was heat.
It took me no time to bend her ass over and hike up the leather skirt she was wearing.
In that moment, it wasn’t about love or family or even lust…
it was about the rush. That feeling of being wanted, of having control, of escaping the weight that had been pressing down on me since Ma died.
When it was over, I stood there catching my breath, guilt already clawing at me.
T’asia smirked, smoothing her hair back like she’d just conquered something.
And maybe she had. This was what I was sure she had been waiting for since she got hired.
I walked back into the club like nothing happened, but deep down, I knew something had shifted.
I’d crossed Cayla without her even knowing it.
The sick part about it all is that some twisted piece of me wondered if I’d do it again. I knew I would.
Cayla
I sat up quickly from my slumber. Something didn’t feel right.
I patted the spot beside me, and it was empty.
Orion’s side of the bed was untouched. I looked at the clock on the nightstand and saw that it was two in the morning.
I had half the mind to call Orion to see where he was, but I decided against it.
I pulled the blanket over my shoulder and then tried to find a comfortable spot.
My stomach had this weird feeling that something was up. I ignored it, although I knew I shouldn’t have, and then closed my eyes to force myself to go back to sleep. I had a doctor’s appointment coming up, and worrying about this baby growing in my stomach had to be my priority.