Chapter 22
Cayla
One year later…
Alot had changed in a year, and I was salty as hell about it.
Ali had moved to Europe to be with a man she met on one of her trips over there.
Zynea was still traveling around with the Brooklyn Nets, dancing.
Brandi had been coming around more frequently since Zynea had been traveling, and I was still stuck in one place, struggling.
Orion had finally reached out to me for Oriana’s first birthday.
Honestly, I shouldn’t have even let her go with him since he was missing for almost a year.
But I always prided myself on not standing in the way as long as he wanted to be a dad.
When he came to get her, I tried my best to fix myself up some before hauling her and her things down six flights of stairs.
He told me he couldn’t come up to help, and when I finally made it outside, I saw why.
In the backseat of his new truck was a baby strapped in a car seat.
It was so damn cute, like a baby girl, but I knew he was a little boy because he was dressed all in blue.
His age is what stung; he looked like he was a little bit younger than Oriana.
When I first caught a glimpse of him, Shenell crossed my mind.
For months, I had been wracking my brain on making the decision to leave because I hadn’t heard anything about him having another child, but the harsh reality of the doe-eyed baby gripping onto his plushy toy was right in front of me, right on the other side of the window.
That moment is what started to brew bitterness in my heart.
All the veterinary clinics near me were fully staffed, so I settled for being a dog washer at a local grooming spot while I waited for a position to open in the clinic part.
When the bills started to pile up, I filed for child support.
That had to have been the best decision I had made because with my measly check, I was able to finally be afloat after my savings had run dry.
Just thinking about the day when Orion was served child support papers put a tightness in my chest. I remembered the night clear as day.
I was sitting on the couch with Oriana on my chest when my phone buzzed. It was a text from Orion.
So this is how you're moving now? Papers? You really put the white folks in our business?
My stomach knotted, even though I’d been expecting his anger.
Filing for child support wasn’t about hurting him…
it was about survival. Formula wasn’t cheap.
Diapers weren’t cheap. And he hadn’t been showing up the way a father should.
I could tell that leaving him hurt him because he wanted nothing to do with me.
But that didn’t mean he could abandon his daughter as well.
I stared at the screen, trying to find the right words. My thumbs moved slowly.
I had to do what’s best for Oriana. She deserves consistency.
The three dots blinked, disappeared, and then blinked again. Then, his reply came fast, laced with venom.
Man, you foul. You really gonna play me like I’m some deadbeat? Aight bet. You made your choice.
Before I could respond, another message hit.
Don’t text me no more.
Quickly, I went to respond.
How many times have I asked for your help?
When the blue bubble text went green, I knew what had happened.
Blocked. He had blocked my ass. I sat there frozen with my heart thudding in my chest. Oriana still breathed softly against me.
He cut me off like I was nothing. Like his daughter meant nothing.
I blinked away from the distant memory to see my toddler, who was going bat shit crazy in front of me.
“Aht, aht… don’t do that, Oriana. No, baby, don’t put the carpet in your mouth.”
I fussed as she aggressively picked at what was left of our balding carpet. I dug my finger into her mouth to get the fibers out, and of course, she had a damn fit. I never understood why babies raised hell about you trying to stop them from killing themselves. She was having a whole damn fit.
Between Oriana’s wailing and me thinking of the bills piling up, I was in my feelings.
I had regrets about leaving Orion. I knew that once the child support money came rolling in, I would feel different.
Still, as of right now, in the moment as I looked around at my torn couch and balding carpet, I didn’t know if leaving was the best thing to do.
After I had gotten Oriana’s tantrum under control, I sat her back on the floor so I could get dinner ready.
I had work tomorrow, and she had daycare.
I was lucky to even get food stamps and childcare paid for by the state.
My job working at the groomers was on the corner of her daycare, which meant dropping her off and picking her up was convenient.
Once she was fed and washed up, I laid her in my bed with some pillows on the edge to catch her just in case she rolled.
Forcing all our stuff into my one-bedroom apartment was challenging.
I got rid of her crib because I figured she could sleep with me until it was time to get her toddler bed.
Even a year later, I still had boxes and bags in the same corner where the movers had put them.
When I got into the bathroom and was given a second to myself, I took in the moment.
I looked at myself in the mirror and saw the exhaustion written all over my face.
The only break I had was when Zy was in town and decided to take Oriana for a few hours.
I was spreading myself thin and running on nothing.
Sooner or later, I knew I would shut down, but I had to keep pushing for Oriana.
I wasn’t too sure how much longer this child support process would take, but I had to keep my head held high until the extra funds came in.
I was pretty sure that I still had soap suds on my ass from washing so quickly.
I was so damn tired, and the sooner I hit my bed, the better.
Kassidy “Kass” Crawford
Another day, another dollar. I parked the mail truck at the corner and then had to walk back to deliver some packages to a couple of businesses on my route. The weather outside had my work shirt sticking to my chest. Lil Wayne bumped through my AirPods as I made my way down Fulton Street.
AM, weigh them, if they're short, take them
Right back and spray him, amen
Yeah, I just do my Wayne
And every time I do it, I do my thing, yeah
Believe that, like a true story
“Kassidyyyyyy,” Sandra, the daycare owner, sang as soon as I walked in, “how are you?” she added.
I snatched one AirPod out to give her my undivided attention.
“I've been okay, Sandra, just been taking things day by day, you know?”
“I know that’s right. Let me go and get you a water.” Sandra started to walk toward the kitchen in the daycare center.
Quickly, she had come to the front and handed me the water before walking off to the cubbies because some parents were there early to pick up their kids. She spoke to a woman whose back was facing me. She was putting a sweater on this little girl before putting her in a stroller.
“Cayla, can you please grab those packages from the mailman on your way out. Those are the kids' books and whatnot.”
I started placing the packages on the front desk, and when I looked up, I damn near dropped one of the boxes.
I hadn’t seen Cayla Carmichael since high school, and damn, the girl was just as beautiful as she was when I used to see her in the halls.
“Hey, I can take those from y—”
When she got closer to me, I was sure the words caught in her throat. She squinted before a wide smile spread across her face.
“Kassidyyyyy,” she squealed before reaching for a hug.
I hit the delivered button on my scanner and pulled her full frame into a hug.
Cayla was big boned, and I could see that she had more for a nigga to love up on.
Back in school, she was always one of the prettiest and smartest girls to me.
When our embrace ended, instantly, I went to her hands to see if I would catch a glimpse of a wedding or engagement ring.
When I couldn’t find either, I opened my mouth.
“How you been?”
She twisted her mouth like she had so much to say, but instead, she kept it short. “Life has been life. I see you, Mr. Mailman. How have you been?”
I couldn’t stop smiling even if I wanted to. What were the fucking odds that I would bump into my high school crush? I don’t even think she knew that shit.
“Same shit, different day, really.”
She nodded like she got that. When one of the babies started fussing, we both turned around. It was the one she had just placed in the stroller.
“Sorry, Ms. Sandra, I don’t know what has been up with her lately,” Cayla apologized as she quickly walked to the back to get the baby.
After she pushed the stroller with the little girl to the front, I finally asked the question that I had been wanting to know since I saw her turn around.
“She’s your daughter?”
The little girl favored her, but it wasn’t that much to where I could just assume that she was the baby’s mother.
“Yup, this is Oriana,” she said with a smile that reeked of pride.
The little girl’s round eyes looked up at me, and then she turned her head to the side like she had seen me before. It tugged at the corners of my mouth because it was the cutest shit I had ever seen.
“What’s up, lil mama?”
The alarm on my phone started going off, letting me know it was my lunch time.
“Duty calls,” Cayla said as she gave a head nod to my phone. “It was nice seeing you, Kass.”
She pushed past me and headed out the door, but I quickly said bye to Sandra and followed Cayla out.
“Cayla, wait up. Uh, can I get your number?”
I nervously rubbed the back of my neck. She smiled at me before giving me her number.
“I'm gonna text you when I get off,” I said with a smile once I looked down and saw that her number was saved in my phone.
The rest of the workday had kicked my ass.
I even stayed behind to get myself some overtime.
After unloading my truck and putting away the packages I had brought back, I jetted to my car to head home.
Thunder roared, and lightning struck as I drove down the block.
I pulled out my phone and saw that it was supposed to rain for the next three days. I was glad I was off for the next two.
When I made it home, I made sure to stop in and check on my grandmother, who lived in the house upstairs. I had the entire basement apartment to myself. It was a two-bedroom, two-bathroom open floor layout that we had gotten renovated about two years prior.
“What’s up, old lady?”
She was sitting in her favorite chair. That was the spot I could find her whenever I came in the house.
“Kassidy, you got wet out there, huh?”
Her deep Guyanese accent clung to every letter in the words she was saying. I looked down at my uniform shirt and saw that I had drops of rain all over it.
“It's bad out there, Nana.”
“Thank the Lord for the new gutters we have.”
She was her own special kind of religious, and I loved that. Ever since my mother had passed from a hit and run when I was sixteen, my grandmother had taken me in and had been my spine when I wasn’t strong. She was the epitome of a great woman.
“How was your day?” she casually asked as she rocked.
Instantly, I thought about Cayla, and a smile came on my face that I couldn’t even hide.
“Aye, aye… what’s the smile creeping for?” she quickly teased.
“Remember the girl, Cayla, that I used to go to Maxwell with?”
She looked around like she was trying to remember, and then she kissed her teeth before speaking.
“Yessss, aw that is lovely. How could I forget her? Her mother used to come to me for guidance. How is she?”
I gave Nana the quick rundown on Cayla. The thunder outside roared, and the rain hit the top of the house hard. My nana knew my heart and knew that already, just by seeing Cayla again, I instantly had a soft spot for her and her daughter.
“Turning in early?” she asked once I stood from the chair adjacent to her and did a light stretch.
It was only nine and was early for me, especially since I was off the next day, but I wanted to handle some business in the morning and then drive past the daycare to see if I could give Cayla a ride home.
I knew it was going to be raining, and earlier, when I made it back to my truck, I was organizing my next set of packages that had to go out, when I saw her waiting for the bus.
I didn’t want her to have to wait in the rain for a bus with her daughter.
Even if she wouldn’t let me drive them home, at least I would feel better knowing I offered.