Chapter 28
Emmett
I
just got off the phone with Eddie, telling him I won’t be in today and will be working at home to finish some paperwork and make some phone calls to our distributors.
While it’s true that I will be using some of the day for these things. The other part of my day will be thinking of how I’m going to apologize to Drew for asking her to leave after kissing her on my couch.
Riley came over unannounced and unwarranted last night, and it’s something I should have expected from her, especially after I ignored her recent texts asking to talk.
I shouldn’t be surprised that she feels it is her very right to come and go from my life as she sees fit because every other part of our relationship was making sure she was happy, even at my expense. It wasn’t until she was truly gone that I realized most of my days with her consisted of making sure I didn’t do or say something that would cause a fight.
Riley has been blessed with a life free of hardships. Both her parents and both sets of grandparents are still alive, all still happily married. She grew up never having to worry about things like money or social status, and, through family connections, never had to worry about school or work, leading her to live a life that was easy.
I don’t want to be with someone like that.
And that is something I didn’t realize until I got to know Drew.
I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t know what it is like to be knocked down so far that you have to work your ass off to get back up.
I want to be with someone who is strong.
Someone like Drew.
I knew the amount I thought about Drew and how much time I wanted to spend with her meant more than I was willing to admit, and I knew there was something growing between us in these last two weeks. But wanting to be more than the neighbor who gives her a hard time hit me hard last night when I kissed her, and it confirmed all the feelings I’ve had for her since I first saw her.
And I fucked up whatever chance I had.
When I saw Riley on the other side of my door. I was struck with so many emotions. Her blonde hair was shorter than the last time I saw it, and the usual gloss of her lips was in full affect. Her icy blue eyes were looking directly at me, and, for just a moment, I was happy to see her, even hopeful for what she came to say. Then, that happiness faded as quickly as it appeared, and I was pissed that she came over without letting me know first. Then, I was nervous on how I was going to explain everything to Drew.
The look on Drew’s face when Riley stepped into my apartment was enough to shatter me. The moment just before, I felt her electrifying passion surge through me, making me want her in every way possible.
“What are you doing here, Riley?” I asked through gritted teeth.
She walked through the doorway without an invitation. “Why have you been ignoring my texts? I want to talk ab—” She stopped talking mid-sentence once she turned towards the living room and saw Drew. “Hi,” she said, her nose up as if she didn’t even want to acknowledge Drew was there.
“Hi,” Drew said.
“I’m here to talk to Emmett. You can go.”
I could see the confusion, with a hint of betrayal, in Drew’s eyes as she turned from Riley to me.
I walked back over to Drew and whispered to avoid Riley from hearing me as I grabbed her hands to help her up. “I’m so sorry, but I have to take care of this. Do you need me to take you up to your apartment?” Drew tensed immediately. She obviously did not expect me to ask her to leave.
Then, anger flooded over her, and she pulled her hands away from mine. Without a word, she walked past me, past Riley, and out the door, not giving either of us another glance. Riley watched her as she went and then closed the door behind her.
“So, who’s she?” she asked, as if she even cared.
“None of your business.” I walked into the kitchen and turned a light on. “Why are you here?”
“I wanted to see you. I’ve been… Thinking about you, about us. I think we ended things too hastily.”
I ran my fingers through my loose hair, the hair that Drew had just running her fingers through minutes earlier, and leaned back against the counter
Riley watched me as she walked from the entry way into the kitchen, stopping just a foot in front of me. “You need a haircut,” she said as she reached to grab one of the curls framing my face. I caught her wrist in my palm. I didn’t want her touch after what it felt like to have Drew’s.
But then my eyes found hers.
I felt myself getting pulled in. Getting hypnotized as I felt her caramel irises melt into mine. She slowly took her other hand, the one I wasn’t grabbing onto, and found my cheek.I instinctively melted into her hand, and my eyelids fluttered close as I felt the small yet familiar intimate gesture.
It wasn’t until my eyes were closed that I realized what I was doing, what I was letting her do. I let go of her hand and pushed myself off the counter to find a spot on the opposite side. I needed to put space between us.
I let out a sigh.
I knew what was coming. I had heard it all before. I had fallen for her tricks time and time again, thinking that because she missed me or wanted me back or told me not to let her go, it would change the fact that we didn’t work and never will.
Throughout our time together, I made myself believe that every make-up after a fight meant that things were going to change. Riley was going to become my partner, my companion, the person I could be strong for or the person I could lean on.
She blinded me with her manipulative embraces and distracted me with her lips until we were in bed, making what I thought was amends, but I was just falling into her trap, and I did so again and again. She knew how to make me forget what I knew deep down, that we were not meant to be. I would forget until the high wore off, and I could finally see straight.
“Riley, we don’t work. We never will. We want different things, and I don’t think either of us is interested in changing our priorities.”
“What are you talking about? Wanting different things? I don’t even know what you want.”
“Exactly! Because you never care to learn!” My voice began to rise as my patience for this charade plummeted. “You have no interest in even learning what I want or being part of the life I want to live.” My voice grew louder with every word that shot from my mouth, and I didn’t even care that the walls of the complex weren’t thick enough to keep this conversation between just Riley and me. “I don’t want to be with someone who thinks they’re too good to come into where I work or for my friends, or who starts a fight over what brand of pretzels I buy, or who thinks breakfast-for-dinner is a stupid idea!”
I saw her look around my kitchen, the waffle maker was still out because it needed to cool.
“And you think your little friend does?”
“Why do you care?”
She scoffed, “You really think I’m intimidated by her?”
What the fuck is she talking about?
I felt like I was back in a time loop, not being able to stop her from starting a fight I had no interest in being a part of. “Riley, it’s not a competition. You and I are not together, and Drew has nothing to do with you.” I try to stay calm, but I’m clenching my fists around the edge of the counter. “I’ve known Drew for a fraction of the time I’ve known you.”
Riley’s stature straightened, and she smirked, a smirk bleeding of righteousness, but I wasn’t done. “But I know her better than I know you.” Riley’s smirk disappeared, and she tried to hide her surprise with anger.
“And you think she is somehow better for you than me?”
“Yes! And even better, she wants to know me.” I shook my head. “Riley, you can say you want me and miss me all you want, but you miss the person I became for you.”
I tried to ignore the deep-rooted embarrassment that came to the surface. I’ll never forgive myself for letting Riley convince me that I had to change who I was to be good enough for her, and that she was trying to change me for my own good. “The person who walked on a tightrope to avoid falling backwards into an argument that I had no energy to be a part of.” I took a small step towards her. “I don’t want to live like that, Riley.” She took a small step towards me. “I deserve better.”
Then, I took another step, so I was right in front of her. Her eyes, dry and cold without even a glimmer of a tear, met mine.
With that one glance, I knew my gut was right. Riley had come over that night to play a game that I didn’t want to play. She had come to see if she still had the power to chew me up just to spit me out.
I looked away, walking towards my entryway. I grabbed the handle to open the door leading to the empty hallway.
I turned to look at her for the very last time. “You can go now.”
It’s my fault I didn’t tell Drew about Riley or the engagement, and that was not something I wanted her finding out like she did. Last night was easy going and fun, like a first date should be. The conversations were light and showed me that there was a real possibility of Drew and I turning into more, and I was hoping she saw it too.
In reality, it’s ignorant for me to consider last night our first real date. The day was crazy for Drew between what happened at the store and then with her ex-boyfriend. I left her at the bar right before we got trapped in an elevator. I kissed her on my couch and then asked her to leave. If she used to avoid me like the plague before all of this, I wouldn’t be surprised if she found a way to get me kicked out of my place so she’d never have to see my face again.
I’ve given her trouble she shouldn’t have to be dealing with on top of everything else she is going through.
I fucked up the likelihood of her even giving me a chance.