Chapter 35
Drew
M
y mind is racing the rest of the walk home and until we are outside my apartment. I don’t want this night with Emmett to end, so I ask, “Do you want to come in?” His eyes light up as his beautiful smile appears, the one that shows his teeth. “I would want nothing more.”
I haven’t said much since his declaration outside, but there’s so much I want to say and not sure how to say it.
We sit down on the couch, and I still can’t find the right words to say. I feel Emmett’s hand rest just above my knee. “What is it, Drew? You haven’t said much.” He squeezes my thigh. “Are you okay?”
“Yes. Yes, I’m fine. I’m great actually. Just trying to find my own words.”
I see his face twist with concern, and he grabs my hands in his. “You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted to tell you how I feel. I always feel like I can be my realest with you, express whatever is on my mind. But I don’t expect you to feel the same.”
“No, I do. Because—” I close my eyes and take a breath, wanting to tell him my doubts but also wanting to tell him that I feel the same. With his hands on mine, feeling his warmth run through me, I let the words pour out of me. “Because, being with you, getting to know you, feeling like we connect on this deep level because you understand me without me having to say a word.” The words feel like they’ve been on the tip of my tongue. It feels good to tell Emmett how I feel, but I instantly feel like I’ve said too much.
He doesn’t respond right away causing doubt and questions begin to fill my brain, but his expression is soft and gentle as if my words settled a fear he had. As soft and gentle as when he held me in the elevator or when he pulled me in for our first kiss.
He grabs both my hands, one hand of mine in each of his, and he pulls one hand to his lips before he kisses each of my knuckles, then does the same with the other. Quick little kisses, each one sending a shock through my system. Sparks and butterflies fly, and I feel all of the tension in my body release. His effect on me is debilitating in the best way possible.
His eyes hook into mine, and I feel like I’m being looked at for the first time.
“Drew, I want nothing more than to get to know each and every part of you.”
His hands find each side of my face, touching his forehead to mine, “I’ve been thinking about you since that first day I bumped into you when you were getting out of the elevator.” I grab his wrists, wanting to pull him as close to me as possible as he helps relieve any doubt I ever had about him.
He continues, “You with your blushing cheeks, black skinny jeans, and stunning smile, I couldn’t get you out of my head.” He laughs before adding, “It also didn’t help that your butter fingers and lead feet reminded me who was above me every single day.” I let out a laugh too, more and more doubt subsiding as I listen to his words.
“And then, when I saw your school on the news, I felt this uncontrollable fear that your smile would be gone forever, and I didn’t want the world to be without your smile. The smile that met me so many times when I was at my lowest, in my worst moments, and I’m sorry if I ever left you feeling like you should do anything other than smile.” His thoughts pour out from his mouth, and I don’t want to miss a single word.
“Drew, you fascinate and challenge me, and every time I saw you in that elevator was the best part of my day.”
And with that, his lips crash into mine, and I never want it to stop. His kiss is enough to set my entire body on fire making it hard to think straight. With every move of his lips, his tongue, I feel all the doubt I had about us fade, and I fall deeper and deeper into feelings I haven’t had in years. Feelings of passion and intensity that I thought were gone for good. Feelings I want to throw myself into rather than run away from. Feelings that make me feel alive and ready to take on the world. My hands find Emmett’s chest and snake up his broad shoulders and up his neck, feeling his skin warm under my touch.
I feel his hands move from my cheeks, my neck, and down my arms until he finds my hips, leaving a trail of goosebumps along the way even though his hands are still over my clothes. He squeezes my hips before slowly moving his hands down the sides of my legs to the back of my thighs. He pulls me on top of his so I’m straddling him, and I begin to feel an intense pressure bud in my lower stomach, telling me I don’t just want more, I need it, and I’m alarmed how quickly my body is reacting.
I can feel him taking control, and I let him.
His hands move up from my thighs, back to my hips, and around to grab my ass, pulling me close to him. He presses me into him, and I can feel him, hard and as turned on as me, the fabric of our jeans being the only thing between us, the words he said moments ago still lingering in the air around us.
There’s an edge and an eagerness to Emmett. I feel it in his kiss, in the way he is grabbing on to me so tightly, and I want more of it. Seeing him go from being so gentle, so tender to this is enticing me, no longer wanting to wait for what is going to come next.
His hands move from my backside, up past my ribcage, peeling my cardigan off me. With my arms bare, he runs his hands down my skin, his touch leaving tingles. His hands find their way back at my sides, pulling my top up with him, as he grazes the sides of my breasts, sending a shiver down my spine. His tongue licking against mine, and then stopping for a moment to pull my top off over my head and throwing it to the side of the couch, never taking his eyes off me.
I feel his eyes scan over me, taking in what he sees, letting out a groan from the back of his throat.
I start to feel a little nervous, being that the only other person to ever see me like this was Reed. My breast size lets me get away without a bra most of the time, and it’s something I’ve been self-conscious about, but I’ve never had to worry about someone new seeing me. I move my arms to cover myself.
Emmett senses my hesitation, and his hands find my face.
“You are breathtaking,” he breathes, pulling my face to his, our foreheads touching.
My voice has a breathiness I barely recognize. “I’ve only ever been with one other person and—”
I feel his finger touch my lips, causing me to gasp. “Please do not talk about anyone else while you’re in my lap.” His hungry eyes, peeking out through his dark lashes, showing me that, while he said please, he is feeling anything but polite. “We’ll take it as slow as you want. I’m in no rush.”
And with that, he knows what I need without even needing to hear me say it. I melt into his hands, his lips finding mine again.
His mouth over mine, I want to feel my skin against his. I reach down to the bottom of his shirt and slowly pull it up and over his head, seeing that his tattoos don’t stop at his arms. I sit back and run my fingertips across the designs on his shoulders stopping just below his neck that I haven’t seen before, mesmerized by them and the muscles beneath them. I knew Emmett was built, but I wasn’t expecting this.
“Like what you see?” He asks, staring up at me, a dangerous smirk on his face.
I nod as I give him a slight push, so his back is up against the couch. I lean towards him, finding his lips again with no intention of pulling away anytime soon.
His palms pressed down on my hips, and I rub against him. He groans against my lips, and I love the sounds I’m pulling from him. His hands find my breasts, and he takes one in each hand. Kissing me hard as he teases me, slowly rubbing and massaging then taking my nipples between his fingers, making me moan at the sensation it gives me, feeling wet between my thighs.
He sits up, and his lips make their way from mine, down my neck, finding a tender spot below my ear that I didn’t know was there. He grazes his teeth against me, biting the sensitive skin softly then licking across the same spot. I can’t help the noises I’m making.
“You like that?” He says into my ear. The warmth of his breath is invigorating.
I nod, not sure I’m able to talk but loving that he is. I feel him kissing me down my neck to my chest making my skin pebble.
His mouth finds one of my breasts while his hand continues massaging the other. His other palm pressed against just below my shoulder blade, causing me to arch my back, giving his mouth more access.
I feel his tongue swirl around my nipple, tight and raw. His teeth and tongue create a delicious sensation I feel down to my core. He grazes his tongue across my chest, switching his hands to the opposite spaces, doing the same to my other breast. The sounds I’m making are growing louder.
“Shh…” His lips vibrate against me, a whole other sensation, creating an intense pressure between my legs. “You can’t be too loud, sweetheart. I can’t have others hearing these magical noises you’re making. They are for me and me only.”
As he says the words, I feel his fingers lightly dig into my skin, staking his claim in me as his.
Before I can even so much as nod my head, his lips find mine again, his hands moving to below my thighs. He stands up as if my extra weight is nothing to him. My legs wrap around him as he stands and walks us to my bedroom, gently laying me down on my bed.
His hands move up to the top of my leggings, slowly pulling them down, leaving me in just my panties, red with little black hearts. He stands at the edge of the bed, feeling so far away. As he looks down at me in the darkness, he’s a starving man staring at his first meal in days. “I think red is my new favorite color.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” I breathe, a confidence I’ve never felt before beginning to bloom inside me.
His fingers line the elastic below my stomach, and I let out an exhale, my way of telling him I like what he’s doing. He hooks his fingers under the cotton, his eyes burning into me. “As much as I love these on you, I think I’ll like them a little more off of you.”
“Nice line.” My voice playful, but my cheeks blush as I watch his eyes. He is gazing hard at what he is doing.
“It’s the truth.” He pulls me out of my panties, discarding them on the floor.
I’m on display in front of him, glistening and swollen with anticipation. I feel a little embarrassed how eager I am, but Emmett doesn’t seem to mind.
“What about you?” I ask.
He meets my eyes. “What about me?”
I sit up on my elbows. “Don’t I get to see you?”
He gives me a smirk and slithers out of his jeans, throwing them to the side. His black boxer briefs hugging his thighs and his erection begging to be free from the fabric.
“I guess black is still my favorite color,” I tease.
Instead of saying anything in return, he crawls on to me, making me lean back into the bed, teasing me with what his tongue can do. He is holding himself up with his arms, but I want to feel him closer. I wrap my arms around his back, lightly dragging my fingernails against his smooth skin. I hear him groan in response, wrapping my legs around his waist to pull him closer, begging to release this pressure.
As if sensing what I need, he lines me with kisses down the front of my body, crawling down me, settling back at the edge of the bed, knelt between my open legs. I arch my back, closing my eyes, as I feel his fingers part me, so easily. Feeling his fingers gliding back and forth makes me moan, pleasure beginning to hum through me.
“Are you loving this as much as me, sweetheart?” He breathes. His warm breath just inches away from me
I move my head up and down, not being able to find my words as I feel his fingers part my lips, moving in mesmerizing circles, finally finding my most sensitive spot.
“May I?” After a few breaths, I wield my eyes open to find him staring up at me, he taps his middle finger at my entrance applying the lightest, most perfect, pressure.
“Yes.” I moan. “Please.”
I see his grin before my eyes roll back as he pushes his middle finger in, steadily and mind-blowingly, letting out a husky, “Fuck.”
He starts off so slow, I can feel the length of his finger move in and out before he slowly adds another. My opening, almost dripping, from the intensity of his touch. It glides in easily and so nicely. “Fuck, Drew. You’re so wet.”
His pace begins to quicken. His fingers pumping into me while his thumb finds my clit, hypnotically circling, causing me to let out whimpers of pleasure.
“Yes,” I moan. The pressure is building. I’ve never felt the sensations I’m feeling now, finding that there is more to intimacy than I ever thought possible.
I feel his fingers slow, opening my eyes to find him watching me. “I need to taste you.” I suck in a breath at his words.
“What?” I hear myself say. His thumb is still making mesmerizing circles, so it is hard to keep my thoughts coherent.
This is all so different than anything I’ve experienced before, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.
“Please?” He pleads.
I bring my hands to cover my face, suddenly feeling shy.
and then feel his body hover over mine.
“Look at me,” Emmett whispers. I peek at him from under my hands. “I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do,” he kisses my lips as he pushes two fingers into me, and I let out a moan bringing my arms to my sides. “If you say stop, I’ll stop.” He slowly retreats his fingers before pushing in again. “Just a taste, okay sweetheart?”
“Yes... Yes,” I moan before even thinking about the words. I lean my head back, closing my eyes.
His fingers slide out of me, and he returns to his spot between my legs, his hands finding the inside of my thighs, keeping me open. My eyes still closed, making the sensations of his touch even deeper, I feel his tongue part me agonizingly slow then lapping, sucking, and kissing me, making me squirm beneath his hands. He pauses before pressing down on my clit with the most perfect force, and I can’t control the volume of the moan that leaves my throat.
“Shh,” His breath warming the parts of me he just licked. “You heard what I said about those noises. Loud enough for only me to hear.” I nod in agreement, accepting any terms if it means he never stops.
His tongue finds me again, making me clench the comforter beneath me between my fists, letting out an exhale. My body is beginning to take over.
Emmett continues to lick and nip at the sensitive skin, moving his hands up my body to find my breasts. The sensations in all the right places, bringing me closer and closer to the edge. I open my eyes and watch him work, the sight of him between my legs, meeting my eyes, pushes me to my release.
As all the energy centers of my body activate at once, my muscles contract and the most sensual ecstasy washes over me. Emmett has made me feel things I’ve never felt before, and I can’t believe what I’ve been missing out on all this time.
As my body begins to descend, I blink my eyes open, feeling a little embarrassed and exposed, not sure if Emmett is enjoying this as much as me.
“I’m sorry,” I say because I don’t know what else to say with him watching me, staring up at me, looking a little dazed.
He crawls up my body. “Why the hell are you apologizing?” He whispers as he pauses between my breasts, sending shivers down my spine. He kisses his way back up my chest and neck until his eyes are just before mine.
“Did I take too long?”
He freezes on top of me, jaw tightening at my question.
“Why would you even think that?”
“I don’t know,” I turn my head away from him
“Sweetheart, I’m loving every second of this.” He kisses up my neck until he is one kiss away from my lips. I turn my head back to meet his lips with mine.
“Really?” I ask against his lips.
“Of course.” He says against mine. “Don’t think otherwise.”
I’ve only ever been with someone who, I have just recently realized, was a selfish, impatient lover. One that didn’t take my pleasure into consideration the way that Emmett is.
The closer I grow with Emmett, the more I realize that what Reed taught me about love, and sex, is that it is one-sided, and I’m finding that I have a lot of re-learning to do.
“Now,” he breathes, “Where were we?”
He leans in, kissing me so hard, I wouldn’t be surprised if my lips were bruised tomorrow. He grabs onto my waist, pulling me up and over, so now I’m on top.
His erection, just below me, the fabric rubbing against me, being the perfect pressure where I’m already so sensitive, making me wet all over again. I feel this intense need to feel the pressure alleviate, wanting to feel him inside me.
“You’re in control. What do you want?” He asks. Hands on my hips, rocking me back and forth on his length.
I sit up on my knees, cheeks blushing, not sure where my confidence from earlier disappeared off to. “You,” I whisper, placing my hands on his chest to feel his skin.
“Me?” He whispers back, amusement in his voice. “How do you want me?” Even in the dark, I can see the intense starvation in his eyes.
“Inside me,” I exhale.
He lets out a gasp, my words having an effect on him.
“Are you on birth control? Otherwise, I can be back in 60 seconds”
I nod. “Yeah, I’m on the pill.”
Crawling off of him, it is my turn to find my place at the bed’s edge. Standing between his legs, he begins to slide down his boxers, his erection finally free. I help him the rest of the way, throwing his boxes to the pile of our other clothes. He sits up at the edge of the bed, looking up at me. My eyes widen at the view below me, unsure of how something so full, so big, will feel inside me.
“I love it when your eyes are on me,” he playfully says, “but I’m aching to be inside you.” My attention goes back to his face as he grabs me by the waist and pulls me in. As if making a full circle, he pulls me to straddle him, just like he did on the couch. I hold myself up by my knees on each side of him, anxiously wanting to relieve this pressure that has been building for a second time.
I’m so wet with anticipation.
His gaze holding mine, his hands still on my hips, he guides me down. I wince at the stretching feeling as he starts to pull me down his length. He lifts my hips up, and then back down, sinking in a little farther this time. We repeat this a few times until his erection gets slick.
“You’re too big.”
“You’re just a little tight, sweetheart.” His lips find mine. “You can take it.”
And with that, the last bit of patience he has dissipates, and he lowers me all the way down, feeling his entire length inside me, an insane intensity that causes me to let out a gasp.
And with that, he loses all the control he had just a moment ago, tightening his grip on my hips, lifting me up and slamming me down. He sinks into me, filling me to the brim.
“Fuck,” he lets out. The sound of his pleasure exciting me to my core. “That’s my girl.”
His fingers digging into my hips, he helps me slide up and down, my second orgasm quickly building.
“Emmett.” Getting closer and closer.
His pace quickens even more, slamming me onto him harder and harder with every bounce. With my knees on either side of him and my hands on his shoulders, I use my position to move with him to the rhythm he created, getting closer to my release.
“Fuck, Drew. You feel so good.” He whines out each word, his eyes rolling back, getting closer to his own orgasm.
Seeing his pleasure is enough to send me over the edge. I moan out his name as he continues pumping into me, reaching his release a few seconds behind me. Our pace slows as we come down from our high until we come to a stop.
Emmett leans back on the bed, bringing me with him. The room is filled with nothing but our heavy breathing, and I have never enjoyed a quiet moment more.
My head on his chest, listening to his hummingbird heartbeat slowly fade back to its normal rate. I sit up, resting my arms across his chest, my chin on my hands, finding his lazy eyes.
His voice raspy in the sexiest way, “Now that I know what it’s like to fuck you, I don’t know how I’m ever going to stop.”
I wake up in the middle of night, naked and dazed. It takes me a second to remember the past few hours and how I ended up like this. Then the memories flood over me, washing me with a feeling of bliss and exhilaration at the thought of Emmett. I turn over to find him asleep and at peace, tired after our evening together.
We spent the hours following our first time with our second before ordering some pizza and having a late dinner, naked and in bed, laughing and sharing more of ourselves with each other before our third time.
Before we fell asleep, under the covers and all wrapped in each other, I asked Emmett about what I said earlier, I asked why he thinks we connect on such a deep level. I told him I felt it, but I didn’t understand how he understood me so well.
That is when he told me about the night Lennon died.
As Emmett revisited the night he has tried so hard to never think about again, he shared with me his most vulnerable side, showing me his own pain and suffering that fit so tragically yet beautifully with mine.
He told me he had never shared so much about that night with anyone, but my mind couldn’t help but think of how he could be with someone for years, be engaged, yet never share this part of him. I asked why he could never tell Riley, and he said she never asked. On the surface, this sounds silly. He could have told her if he wanted. But, the more I thought about it as he shared pieces of what it felt like being in a relationship with her, I realized that the simple act of not asking spoke volumes.
Riley wanted the parts of him that fit with her picture-perfect life. The easy, pretty parts of him. Not the deep, sensitive, disastrously fascinating parts of him. I didn’t want to be happy about the years he suffered, not being able to share every part of himself with someone, but I can’t help but be selfishly grateful I got to be the one he finally did share with.
Cheeks damp with both tears of grief and tears of happiness, we fell asleep in each other’s arms.
Laying here in the dark, I’m in complete fascination over the fact that this is what sex and intimacy is supposed to be like. It’s not one-sided, and it can be fun, passionate, and amazing. I honestly had no idea.
Until tonight, my idea of pleasure and release was that they were few and far between, but I now see that I just never experienced sex with the right person.
Now, I don’t know if I’ll ever have enough.
The sex between Emmett and I matches the same description of our relationship that has flowered these past weeks.
Intense.
Raw.
Scary.
Beautiful.
I lay on my back, Emmett’s labored breathing filling the room, and I smile to myself. I feel my body sink further into my bed, and the silence around us, as it realizes how tired it is after the past couple of hours. I fall back into a deep sleep, a new feeling of hope for what tomorrow will bring.
I wake up the next morning, expecting to be alone, only left with the memory of the amazing night Emmett and I had. To my surprise, I see a tattooed forearm across my stomach.
I turn over meeting the sleepy eyes, naked body, and restless curls of the most beautiful man.
“Hey,” he says, pulling me closer to him, giving me a tender kiss on the temple, igniting the passion in me that was set ablaze for the first time last night.
“Hey,” I respond, turning to face him, smiling so big. I can’t contain the happiness I feel at this moment. With Emmett. Wanting to relive last night over and over again.
“You’re cute when you sleep.”
My eyes widen at his statement. “You were watching me sleep?”
He laughs, “I woke up a little bit ago, and you were still asleep. I couldn’t help but look at you.”
I cover my face with my hands. “I’ve never had a sleepover with a guy where he’s here when I wake up! Please don’t tell me I snore or talk.” I peek at him behind my fingers.
I see him smiling, starting right at me, “No, you don’t snore. But you do talk a little.”
“Stop!” I give him a playful hit on the shoulder. “No, I don’t. That’s embarrassing.” I feel the blood rush to my cheeks.
“Not at all. I think it’s adorable.” He kisses me again. “And, I’m honored to be your first sleepover,” he says trying to pull away to look at me, but I don’t let him get far. I pull him back, pressing into his lips, deepening our kiss compared to before. I find myself wanting to feel the same fire that engulfed us last night.
Against my lips, he says, “I need to shower. Care to join?”