Chapter 41
Drew
A
m I dreaming, or did Emmett just tell me he thinks he’s falling in love with me? I keep my eyes closed, trying to keep my breathing the same, so he doesn’t sense I’m still awake.
I was just about to fall asleep when I heard the words, but I’m almost positive he doesn’t want me to hear him say them just yet.
I focus on keeping me breathing steady, even as my mind begins to race, and butterflies evade more than just my stomach. I feel flickers of excitement everywhere I feel his body is touching me, knowing that this feelings of passion and security he makes me feel will never go away.
I’m no longer tired, but I make myself fall asleep.
I can’t help but do so with a smile on my face.
The next morning, Emmett and I get up and go for a walk, and it is oddly nice for a Saturday in January, so we take advantage of it. We walk to a breakfast place near our complex, the smell of coffee fills the air as we sit down. There is a subtle hum from the people around us, yet I feel like we are the only two people here.
I am still buzzing from his whispered declaration of potential love last night, yet I am trying my best to disguise it.
“What are you going to get?” He asks. I watch the subtle lines appear on his forehead, the ones that come out when he is deep in thought or deep in a task.
My cheeks heat at the dirty thoughts that evade my brain with from the last time I saw those some subtle lines. Only we were not deciding our breakfast options, he was pushing inside me.
I quickly shake the thoughts away, fanning myself with the menu. “Um… I can’t decide if I want something sweet or something savory,” I reply. His eyes look up to meet mine, and he gives me a smirk. “What?” I ask. I can tell something just popped into his head, and I’m hoping it is not the same dirty thoughts currently in mine.
“Remember when I saw you at the grocery store?”
My heart skips a beat as I recall that day, and my cheeks are thankful that I am revisiting a less sexual memory, but I’m sure they are still pink.
That day in the grocery store was the first time I saw Emmett outside of the elevator, let alone the apartment, and it is also a day that plays over in my head quite often. It was the beginning of my recovery, early in my journey of living in the aftermath of a trauma. It was also the beginning of Emmett and me, our relationship beginning to slow shift from neighbors, all of this starting almost four weeks ago.
“Yes, I remember.” I glance towards the menu, as if not looking at him will help my cheeks go back to their natural shade.
“Do you remember what you had in your cart that day?”
“Yes.” I look back up at him, my menu hiding my face, so he can just see my eyes. “Why?” I’m starting to get suspicious of these questions.
“You had two containers of ice cream. One was chocolate and the other was sherbet.”
I narrow at my eyes at him. “I don’t know how to respond to that.”
My deadpan response gets a chuckle out of him. He tears his eyes from me and goes back to looking at his menu. “What I’m trying to say is if you can’t decide on sweet or savory, why not just get both?”
I don’t know how to respond at first, and this is for a multitude of reasons.
One, this man remembers what was in my cart during our first normal interaction, and by normal, I mean him not completing being a jerk or me not forgetting how to formulate words in his presence.
Two, he caught on to that teeny, tiny little detail and remembered it.
My silence must cause him some alarm. He sets his menu down and looks at me. “Did I say something wrong?”
“What? No, no. I just… I just didn’t think you’d remember something so small about me.” I put my menu down in front of me and interlace my fingers, resting my hands on the table in front of me.
“I told you. I like learning about you, and a lot of the learning I did about you before we started talking was through observation.”
He did tell me that. The first time I went to Lenny’s.
I didn’t think it would come to have so much meaning to me at the time, and I didn’t think I was anything of interest to him before that day in the grocery store. He continues, “The first time I ran into you, and all the times to follow, I was a complete dick to you. I regret brushing you off or making you feel like you weren’t worth my time.” He reaches across the table and wraps his hands around mine “And I’m sorry about that,” he adds.
I nod, telling him I accept my apology without saying a word. “I’m sorry too. I should’ve taken the hints you weren’t so subtle about. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to see you weren’t in the mood to talk.”
He squeezes my hands in his. “Please don’t apologize. You were just being neighborly, and I was always getting on you about stupid shit that doesn’t even matter. And I…” He pauses and looks down at our hands, stealing his eyes away from mine.
“What?”
Without looking up, his voice loses the confidence it usually has and is just loud enough for me to hear over the buzz of the restaurant around us.
“I saw you that morning.” I feel the air around us turn to freezing temperature, and suddenly we really are the only ones in the diner. “I saw you in the elevator that morning, and my priority was taking my shitty mood out on you, not caring what kind of day you were walking into.”
I open my hands beneath the hold he has on them, and I switch our grip, so I’m the one holding his.
“You could have never known what was going to happen that day.” My voice has an edge, not one of anger but one that will help etch into his head deep enough to rewrite the guilt manifesting in there. “Don’t you dare think that you had any control over what I went through that day.”
“No, I know I couldn’t control the shooting. That’s not what I’m talking about. I—”
“No.” My response finally makes his eyes find mine again. “I’m not talking about the shooting either. I’m talking about how you cannot take any ownership for anything that happened that day or any other one.”
I can see the confusion overwhelming his handsome features, his eyes asking what I mean.
“Yes, you were a grumpy downstairs neighbor, but it’s not like I was the quietest upstairs one.” He lets out a chuckle, telling me he knows that we both can admit we weren’t the best neighbors to each other. “But what happened in the past doesn’t matter. If there’s one thing I could’ve counted on that morning, it was running into you and forgetting how to speak.” I shake my head at the thought of ever thinking I had any control in my happy place. “I didn’t know how the day would play out, and I never do. The classroom is the most unpredictable place.”
Emmett watches me intently as I continue. I feel my cheeks heat and my stomach drop at the confession I’m about to make.
“For the past six months, while it wasn’t the most pleasant, I knew what to expect with you. I knew you were easily pissed off, but you somehow managed to make me never stop thinking about you.”
His eyes widen at the admission. At the admission that while I never thought we would end up where we are now, deep down I had hoped to see him beyond the walls of the elevator. The same admission he made to me just a few days ago, just before he came home with me, just before we made love for the first time.
A smile appears on his face, and he reaches over the table, his lips finding mine, until we are interrupted by a clearing of the throat of our waitress.
“I can see you folks still need a minute.”
Emmett sits back down as I drop my hand into my hands, my whole face reflecting not only my reaction to Emmett’s kiss but also the embarrassment that we are not as alone as we feel.
“Uh, yeah,” Emmett coughs into his fist, “That would be great.”
The faintest hint of smile crosses her face as she rolls her eyes and walks to another one of her tables.
Emmett grabs one the hands shielding my face. “And that right there is what I never got out of my head.” His other hand finds the side of my face, feeling so cool against my cheek. “I was selfish because I did everything I could to see you all flustered and bothered, loving the way I could get under your skin.”
I laugh, and he smiles at me, bringing his hands back to himself and picking up his menu.
“So, savory or sweet?”
Damn, I’ve got it bad for this guy.
We end up sharing an order of pancakes and an omelet, and I make a mental note to do this every time Emmett and I go out to eat.
As we eat, we reminisce on our first few encounters when I first moved in, telling the secrets about each other we’ve kept to ourselves until now. It turns out we both secretly thought of the other more than we led on, and I can’t get my butterflies under control at the observations Emmett made about me. Remembering my two containers of ice cream wasn’t the first little observation he made about me.
“Why didn’t you shake my hand the first time we met?”
“You remember that?” He asks, looking as if he hoped my answer was no.
“Of course I remember, and I know you do too. You said you couldn’t stop thinking of me after that, yet I’m pretty sure you hated me before we even met, and it showed.”
“One,” he holds up his pointer finger, “I never hated you.” I go to remind him of that first interaction again, but he stops me with, “Two, you caught me completely off guard.”
I let out a dry laugh, “What is that supposed to mean?”
“I was getting home from work, pissed with something that happened with Riley, and then you bumped into me, and… This is going to sound so stupid.” He shakes his head as if shaking off the embarrassment he’s feeling.
“Come on, it can’t be that bad,” I say, hoping I sound convincing enough because I need to know what he is about to say.
“You caught me off guard, and I had never seen you before, and I remember instantly having the thought that you had a beauty I never seen before, red hair, green eyes, and your little black shorts and your My Chemical Romance hoodie.”
“What? There’s no way you remember what I was wearing. I don’t even remember.”
“Oh, I remember.” He leans back in his chair and chuckles to himself. “And, it’s the truth.”
“Okay, well then why were you such a dick to me that night and then on?” I grab the hot sauce to put on my omelet, ready to switch from sweet to savory.
He crosses him arms, tension spreading across his shoulders, not sure how he wants to answer. He lowers his eyes, looking at the table rather than at me, “You made me… Nervous.”
I can’t help but let out a laugh so loud, the tables near us turn to see what the commotion is. I’m so caught off guard by his admission, I can’t help but find it funny that this 6’4 man with tattoos and a semi-permanent scowl was nervous around me.
Me who literally could not speak when he was around me.
Me who turned as red as a freaking firetruck when he looked at me.
Me who got flustered in every single conversation we had.
“I told you. See, so fucking stupid.” He picks his fork back up and starts moving around the food on his plate.
“No, no. Not at all.” I finally catch my breath after my mini laugh attack. “I just was surprised. I thought you were a lot of things when we first met, but nervous? That was never one of them.”
The tension in him relaxes a little. “When I saw you that night, Riley and I had decided she was going to move out, and I thought it was the world continuing to mess with me by putting you in my path, like it was too good to be true.” The atmosphere around us turns serious, the words beginning to pour from him. “You were so beautiful, and you had a smile on your face that could have spread to my lips if I would have let it. Your positive energy radiating off of you, and I wanted to let it pour over me.”
He pauses, and I’m still frozen, not wanting to make any sudden movements or noises that may scare him from continuing. “But instead, I told myself you were too good to be true. Too good for me, and I walked away.” He exhales and then continues, “I walked straight to the elevator and was hoping it would close before you decided if you wanted to turn around or not.”
“I couldn’t help but turn around. I was so confused. I thought I pissed you off.”
“No, not at all. You turned, and I was hooked. I’ll never forget the first time our eyes met before I told you my name because I don’t think another day went by after that where I didn’t think about you.”
My mind is swirling with all of this information, and I don’t know what to say aside from the obvious. “Well, I did make it kind of hard to forget me.”
We both laugh and the seriousness of the words floating in the air around us subside.
“So all the encounters after that, you were a dick because…”
He smirks. “I told you already. I liked making you mad. Your cheeks would blush, and you couldn’t find your words. It was cute.”
“You know, I think any other guy in your position would’ve used our similar music tastes as a conversation starter, but I guess you wanted to play the long game,” I say, stealing a strawberry from his plate of pancakes.
“Fuck the other guys. My long game worked. You’re mine.” I freeze mid-chew, stunned by his ease of saying I’m his. His possessiveness shouldn’t give me the amount of flutter in my stomach that it does, but I don’t care.
After being independent and on my own for so long, the thought of having someone protecting me, especially after everything that happened, is something I never thought I would love, but I do.
Emmett continues eating his half of the omelet like what he just said doesn’t hold the weight that it does, looking up from his plate to give me a wink. That is all it takes for me to feel like my body temperature just shot up 100 degrees.
I can tell he is happy with my reaction to him, and I let him have his fun. I know he has the same reaction to me as I do him, it just doesn’t show on his cheeks. His flush shows on his chest and creeps up his neck, but I haven’t told him yet, wanting to keep the secret for myself.
As we continue eating and talking, my heart grows bigger and bigger as I realize Emmett thought about me way more than I thought about him, one more secret I’ll keep for myself.
We finish eating, and as we are waiting for the bill, I feel a question blossom in my brain, one that begins to feel like a weed that will grow bigger and bigger if I don’t deal with it now.
Emmett takes a sip of his coffee, and he pauses mid-sip, instantly being able to tell that there’s something on my mind.
“Drew?” He sets his coffee down.
“Emmett?”
“What is it?”
“How did you know?”
“I just did. Now, what is it?”
I take a deep breath and decide to deal with it now. “Do you think we would’ve ever gotten here without what happened?” I take another deep breath, inhaling and exhaling before correcting myself, “Without the shooting?”
“Yes.”
I’m a little taken aback by how fast he responded, but before I can say anything, our waitress drops off our check.
“Whenever you two are ready,” she says with a smile.
“Here, you can go ahead and take it. Keep the change,” Emmett hands it back to her with some cash.
She gives us a smile before telling us to have a good day.
Emmett turns back to me, probably already knowing his answer requires more of an explanation.
“Come on, let’s head home.”
I guess not.
We walk back to our complex, hand in hand, feeling the sunshine mixed with the cool air as we match each other’s strides.
“So,” he starts, “I’m assuming you’re trying to make sense of my answer from before.”
Our fingers interlocked, arms swinging between us with each step, we pause at a stop light to wait for the walking sign. Emmett turns to face me. “Is my assumption correct?” He says as he takes his other hand to lift my chin, so my eyes can’t look anywhere but up at his.
“Yes,” I respond, repeating it the same way he said to me just a little while ago.
“Do you think otherwise?”
“Yes… No… I don’t know.” I try to look down, but he doesn’t let me pull my gaze. “I don’t know,” I finally say.
“Well, I do.” The look in his eyes holds nothing but sincerity. “No one shines as bright as you, Drew, and while it might’ve taken six more months for me to come to my senses, I would’ve realized that you were someone worth getting to know.”
I feel a smile overtake my lips, “I probably wouldn’t have given you the time of day,” I respond, a playfulness in my voice.
Emmett leans down to kiss me before saying against my lips, “Then it’s a good thing our paths couldn’t help but crossing.”
I’m not sure if he meant it as literally crossing paths in the elevator, or if he was just hopeful our paths would have figuratively crossed another way.
Either way, I don’t know what is meant to be or what higher power brought us together. What I do know is, holding this man’s hand, kissing his lips, being in his bed…
That is where I want to be.
The rest of our weekend together flies by, spending time in each other’s apartments, Lenny’s, and enjoying the frigid sunshine.
Sunday night is here now, and it’s time to prepare my mind for tomorrow. I lay up, awake, feeling Emmett’s breath on the back of my neck. He likes to stay awake until I fall asleep, but he was tired after our day.
We went for another walk this morning and then went back to his place to watch his favorite movie, Iron Man. I told him how I skipped it in my watching of the Marvel movies, and he told me that we had to go back and watch it along with the sequel before picking back up where we left off with Thor: Ragnarok. Then, I stayed at his place when he went to the bar for a few hours.
Eddie had called him saying they were swamped because of the nice weather, and Emmett wasn’t planning on going in at all because Sundays are usually pretty dead. After a week of cloudy, dreary skies, the clear blue ones we’re getting this weekend are drawing everyone out, so it ended up being packed for only one bartender.
When Emmett got back, we made dinner together, and I could tell he was exhausted when we sat down on the couch to watch TV.
Instead of moving on to the next Marvel movie, I turned on our next episode of NewGirl because I knew he wouldn’t last through the two hour run time of the movie. To break up the Marvel movies, we have been watching New Girl starting from the beginning because I told Emmett he had to watch my favorite/comfort show, and I think he likes it more than he’s letting on.
When I noticed he was falling asleep sitting up, I turned off the TV, and we got ready for bed. We decided to stay the night as his place, so I set my alarm for 6 AM, giving myself enough time to get to my first meeting at 8 AM tomorrow.
While Emmett was in the shower, I ran up to my place to grab everything I needed for tomorrow and then joined him in the hot water, feeling lucky that showers didn’t feel so lonely anymore.
Once Emmett’s head hit the pillow, his arms around me, he was out within minutes.
Now, here I am, listening to his breathing and the sound of his heartbeat against my back, and I feel safe and secure enough to let myself think of tomorrow. Emmett has helped me feel strong throughout these weeks together, and things like the toasters popping, microwaves beeping, or silence don’t steal my breath from me anymore.
Staff is supposed to report to the school cafeteria at 8 AM tomorrow to begin our days of meetings and discussions, talking about how we are all doing and our thoughts on how best to welcome kids back. I got a second email, after the initial once sent from the superintendent on Tuesday, from my school’s principal, messaging me and me only, about waiting to go to my classroom until the afternoon.
Not knowing if I’m ready to go back to that specific place just yet and knowing that the room across the hall will never be the same, I emailed her agreeing.
I feel myself getting worked up, and my heart begins to beat a little faster. My breathing starts to pick up, making my inhales and exhales short and hard to manage, but then I focus on the feeling of Emmett’s arm around me and level my breathing with his.
I remember that he will be there tomorrow, be there for me, just in case I need him. I tried to convince him I would be fine, but he refused to agree to drop me off and pick me up. He tried to make me feel better by saying he was going to use the time to get ahead of some phone calls and paperwork for this week’s deliveries and other miscellaneous behind-the-scenes things he does for Lenny’s, and I was relieved to hear him say he would be there regardless. Just knowing he’ll be there, in case I need him, is more than enough.
I feel my heartbeat steady, aligning with his, and thank whatever power is out there for bringing him into my life. Not only has he been there for me, but he has made me feel strong and capable, and I can…
No, I will…
Get through whatever comes my way tomorrow.
Emmett and I have known each other for months, but we have just finally let ourselves know each other. Those months we spent arguing, ignoring, or giving each other a hard time could be seen as wasted, but I think those interactions planted the roots that allowed our current relationship to flourish. It allowed our own experiences and traumas to guide our unspoken bond that blossomed into something beautiful.
“I think I’m falling in love with you too,” I whisper, thinking he can’t hear me, then close my eyes to try to get some rest.
I hear a whisper against my ear. “You are?”
I turn around, seeing that his eyes are open.
“Yes,” I breathe, feeling ready to give all of myself to him.