Chapter 48
Drew
I
had every intention of sitting Emmett down and explaining to him that I needed time to learn that it wasn’t time alone I needed but time to figure out why I thought I had no choice but to be alone. The three and a half weeks have been endless conversations with my therapist, Lacey, and Cal about how to unlearn what my mind so desperately wants to me convince me, what my experiences and past have taught me and how they construed my reality.
I don’t need to do it all on my own and depending on others doesn’t make me weak, and I know that now.
But that’s not the end of it.
I know it now, and I’m ready to put the work in to re-learn, with the help of those who love me supporting me through it, and I want Emmett with me too.
If he wants to be.
I was so nervous typing up that text, but Cal helped me overcome the doubts, and the nerves, to send a text I’ve been wanting to send but haven’t been ready to.
I can’t help but have doubts with a mind constantly trying to show me the worst-case scenarios. When Emmett didn’t respond for hours, I figured the ship had sailed. I had ruined my chances and read into our earlier exchange too much. I concluded that he didn’t want to salvage this, had moved on, or just didn’t want to hear what I had to say.
And I’m so glad I was wrong.
I can feel the heat and passion in Emmett’s kiss as his lips reacquaint themselves with mine. He backs me up into my entry way and shuts the door behind him with his barefoot. I smile into his lips thinking about the view when I opened the door. Seeing his wet hair framing his face, in just sweatpants, and a hoodie, and bare feet, I knew he saw my text just a few minutes before he was at my door.
“What are you smiling at?” He says against my lips.
“You don’t have shoes on,” I nibble at his bottom lip, pulling a subtle growl to his throat. “In a hurry?” I ask.
“I was,” he whispers as his lips begin to move down my neck, “The girl I love is finally letting me love her, so I dropped everything to come see her.” Goosebumps cover my skin.
I’m the girl he loves.
“She just needed some time.” My palms find his cheeks, and I turn his head to meet my eyes, “I love you too.” I give him a light kiss to his lips before continuing, “Thank you for being patient with me. I’m sorry I wasn’t ready before, but I am now, if you still want me.”
“I want nothing more.”
He kisses me hard before adding, “And I may have been in a rush getting up here, but now,” he trails his kisses back down my neck, finding the sensitive spot that drives me crazy, “I’m taking my time.” I shudder, feeling his breath on my neck in between his kisses. “If that’s what you want?”
He poses it as a question, but I think he knows my answer. Still, it’s reassuring to know he still wants to make sure, but I don’t want there to be anymore doubts. “Yes,” I breathe, and his lips are on mine again, reminding me that I never want to know what it’s like not kissing Emmett.
My jacket is still on, only just getting home, and Emmett makes quick work of it, grazing his arms that were holding my hips up and under pushing it off my shoulders.
Before it can even fall to the floor, his arms are under my thighs, picking me right off my feet. I wrap my legs around his waist, never breaking from his lips. He walks us through my living room to my bedroom, and there is a familiar edge and eagerness to him as he carefully sets me down on the bed before bringing his knees to cage me in and press against me. His choice of sweatpants does not leave much up to the imagination, the pressure being exactly what pushes us past the point of no return.
I need to feel his skin on mine, or I will go crazy.
I reach to pull up his hoodie, finding that there’s nothing underneath. He sits up on his knees to take it off, and I can faintly see the outlines of ink on his skin in the darkness of my room, making the budding pressure in my lower belly strengthen.
He gives me a knowing smirk because I’ve told him before how much I enjoy this view, and he returns the favor by reaching down to find the bottom of my sweater and pushing it up slowly, stopping when my sweater reaches my breasts, seeing there’s no bra underneath.
I low groan escapes his throat as I finish the job he got too distracted to complete. As I pull the sweater over my head, left in just my jeans, I feel hands on my breasts, massaging one with each hand before taking my nipples between his fingers. I glance down to watch the erotic scene and notice the ink on his forearms now reaches the tops of his hands, two matching black and gray roses.
“Those are new,” I moan, putting each one of my hands on top of his as he continues to massage. “I like them.”
He gives me a knowing smile that, mixed with what his hands are doing, elicits a sensation that goes straight to my core. “I know what else you like,” he teases before he slowly leans down to take one of my breasts in his mouth while continuing to massage the other. I close my eyes as the pressure builds, my back arching more into his mouth. He groans in response always loving the reaction he pulls from me.
No surprise there.
“I missed the noises you make for me,” he says against my skin, sending tingles down my spine. He moves his mouth to my other breast, swirling his tongue around my nipples, grazing his teeth against the sensitive skin. “But remember, not too loud.” I can hear the smile in voice because my eyes are closed trying to focus on not completely falling apart already.
He releases my breast from his mouth, giving me light little kisses and drags of his tongue before his lips find mine again. “I think it’s time to get you out of these,” he whispers before undoing the button of my jeans and sliding down the zipper painfully slow. He wasn’t kidding before when he said he wasn’t in a rush.
He begins to slide them down to my knees and then stands up to give me more room to slide them all the way off. With him standing in front of me, I take the opportunity to sit up and slide my fingertips in the waistband of his sweats pulling a hiss from him. Emmett is just as sensitive as me, the time apart forcing us to forget what this was like.
Once again, I find there’s nothing underneath, so I pull his sweatpants down, his erection at my eye-level. He brings his hand to stroke himself, and I lick my lips before taking him into my mouth, wanting nothing more than to make him feel good.
“Fuck, Drew.” His voice husky and strained as I take him in my hand and trace the underside of his shaft with my tongue before wrapping my lips around him again. One of his hands finds the back of my head and lightly grips me by my hair.
I rest my hands on his muscular thighs to keep myself balanced, and I feel him slowly begin to move his hips, thrusting into my mouth, fighting to stay in control of his movements. Just before he loses it, he pulls out of my mouth letting out an exhale. My mouth watering, wanting more. “When I come, it’s going to be inside my girlfriend tonight, not in her mouth.” My heart bursting at the same time my body warms with anticipation. “My turn,” he says, and I don’t think I could be more wet.
“Lay down, sweetheart. I’ve been dreaming of being between your legs for weeks.” He kneels at the foot of the bed, and I feel like my skin is burning because it is so sensitive.
I need his touch.
I need his tongue.
I need him.
“I need to get you ready for me. It’s been so long. You’re probably so tight and wet for me, aren’t you?” His breath is so hot against my sensitive flesh, and my hips slightly buck up wanting to somehow release this pressure building. His hands find my thighs pushing them down, not letting me reach to meet his lips. “Did you miss this is much as I did? Can’t wait for me to taste you?” More moisture pools between my legs.
I can’t form a single word. My mind is so clouded; all I can do is moan in agreement with anything he says. If his fingertips grip the skin of my inner thighs any tighter, he’ll leave bruises. He may like teasing me, but he’s losing control right along with me.
Painfully slow, he traces one finger slowly to my center, finding the sensitive skin wet and begging for him. I let out a gasp as he moves his finger to part me, able to move easily. He finds my most sensitive spot and applies a light pressure as he slowly circles his finger. I moan, needing a release before I go insane. Rewarding me with a little more pressure and moving a little faster before I feel his finger slowly push through my entrance, his thumb moving back to my clit. I whimper at the perfect combination, and he slips in another finger easily because I don’t think I’ve ever been this wet. I arch into him, feeling his hand grip my thigh tighter before his tongue replaces his thumb, and I unravel instantly. All the tension that has been growing since he walked in through the door releases and euphoria takes hold as pleasure rips through me. But Emmett does let up, his tongue continues lapping my up, his fingers riding out my orgasm until it fades.
As I come down, I open my eyes and watch as he slowly retreats his finger and brings them to his mouth, licking them clean. Wetness instantly pools in my center at the view, and I can’t believe this man is mine.
“Damn, I’ve missed this,” is all he says before his lips are on mine, and I can taste myself on his tongue.
“Me too,” I moan as my lower belly swirls. “Let’s make up for lost time tonight, okay?” My heart tugs at the thought that I ever let him go.
His hands find my hip, lightly pushing me to roll over. His mouth now by my ear, “I was planning on it,” I can hear that the patience and control has completed melted away, and his edge is back. He grabs me by the hips, pulling them up so I’m on my knees but keeping my chest to the bed, exposing my most intimate self to him. Before I have time to breathe, he’s pushing himself inside, the delicious stretching sensation I missed so much making us both moan in unison as he slides in, bottoming out with one slow thrust.
“Always so tight,” Emmett says through his teeth. One hand gripping my hip, the other twisting in my hair, making me arch even more into him. I feel myself getting closer and closer to the edge again, even more so as I feel his pace quickens and his movements become harder. “Fuck, baby. I’m not going to last long tonight.”
“Emmett.” His words sending me over the edge, pleasure taking me over once again.
His thrust get faster and less controlled as his body takes over, falling apart a moment later, his chest falling on my back as his pace slows enough to gently pull out, my body feeling instantly empty as he does.
“Lay down on your back,” he says before running to the bathroom. He comes back with a warm wet cloth, lying next to me, so he can gently wipe at the sensitive skin between my legs. He helps me clean up before throwing the cloth towards our pile of clothes and pulling me into his chest, his body molding into the backside of mine.
“I’ve been waiting for this since the morning you left.”
I turn to face him, still staying wrapped in his arms, our naked bodies keeping each other warm. “I’m sorry I didn’t give you a better explanation. I didn’t know how to tell you what I know now.”
One of his arms is around my waist, and the other finds my flushed cheeks. “What is it that you know now?” His eyes are soft, as he lightly moves his fingertips down my face. I bury my head in his chest, both of his arms tightly wrapping around me.
I speak into his chest, “I felt like I was depending too heavily on you. The same way I did with Reed. That night, the voice in my head told me that I wasn’t strong enough to stand on my own two feet, and I refused to be that girl again.
“I grew up learning that love needed to be earned, and my first relationship used that to further alter my reality. It made me believe that I was nothing without the person who loved me. I realized this after the night Reed came over, and you heard us screaming.” Emmett’s body slightly tenses at the memory, and I know his possessiveness takes over when I talk about Reed. I melt into him a little more, reminding him that I’m his and continue, “It was that night that I concluded that I would never be that scared girl clinging to the sleeve of someone else just so she could stand.
“So when I started having thoughts about going back to work and thinking I wouldn’t be able to do it without you, it scared me. It scared me and reminded me that I had to be strong on my own, not with the help of anyone else. But I know now that strength and support are two different things, and I can be strong but still need support.”
I look up from his chest to meet his eyes, seeing him hang on my every word, taking it all in. I reach up to touch his cheek, “I’m just so sorry I hurt you in the process.” My eyes fill as he grabs my hand and kisses my knuckles, tears escaping at the gesture.
“And I’m sorry I never helped you see how truly strong you are. Drew, you are the strongest person I have ever met, and I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.” I see his beautiful brown eyes cloud, tears threatening to fall from his eyes too. “I will always be here to support you or let you borrow any strength you need, but please know that it’s because I love you, not because I think you need it.”
He gives me the gentlest kiss, our faces both damp with the emotions we are laying out for one another.
I feel so incredible grateful to have him, and Lacey and Calvin in my corner, and I can’t believe I ever believed otherwise. Believed I was better off alone, or distracting myself with work, or settling for someone who didn’t see my worth.
I have people who recognize and remind me of my strength, and who never tell me I’m nothing without them. Those feelings of loneliness and emptiness have faded away, and my heart has never felt so full.