5. Thea
five
“Get your butts in the car,” I instructed Jo’s three little shits who were currently destroying two-hundred and fifty-seven dollars worth of acrylic paints in my studio.
Actually…
I paused and stood in the doorway. The blobs and splashes of color they’d smeared all over my empty canvas were pretty freaking cool. Maybe I could use that as a background for one of my pieces. It didn’t have to be my masterpiece. I’d decided I had a little more time to finish that.
“Cool painting, boys. Now wash your hands and get in the car.”
“Why?” the oldest shit whined at me.
“Because we’re going to the train museum.”
Jo had called me this morning in complete panic. Her babysitter canceled on her, and her backup babysitter was out of town. How did I earn the number three spot on her list? We may never know.
I asked her why she didn’t call her mom to watch the kids, but she started rambling and making weird excuses. Ultimately, I caved to her desperation even though my wrists, hips, and ankles ached, and I already had plans to meet Levi at the train museum.
“Yay!” the littlest shit yelled and clapped his paint-smeared hands.
After twenty minutes of hand washing and cat-herding, I got Jo’s kids in my car. Mother of the Year only left me a booster seat for the littlest one, but all three looked like they could still use the extra height. Even the nine-year-old didn’t seem tall enough to ride without one.
I sighed. I was being judgmental. What did I know about car seat safety laws? And maybe booster seats were expensive. Maybe Jo did her best. At least she stuck around for her kids.
I felt a flash of guilt, thinking about all the times I’d considered ending my life, but then I shook it away. I didn’t have anyone that depended on me. Nobody needed me like a kid needs their mom.
I drove Jo’s boys to the train museum and parked. “Don’t run in the street!” I yelled as all three piled out of the car at once. There’s another funny thing about death. When an elderly person dies, we accept it. We were expecting it, waiting for it even. But when a kid dies, it’s awful. It’s tragic and unnatural, and we can’t wrap our brains around it.
Maybe that’s why I grabbed the littlest one’s hand before he darted across the street. “Bro, why is your hand sticky?” I asked him. He gave me a toothy grin in response. Seriously though, we’d spent twenty minutes scrubbing these paws.
When we reached the train museum entrance, Levi leaned against the red brick wall, scrolling through his phone. He had some scruff, like his razor earned a break. It looked good. Levi wore black sunglasses, a black fitted t-shirt, and jeans. In a fitted shirt, he didn’t look like he was rocking a dad bod. Maybe those button-downs he wore the last two nights were too big. He needed a shopping trip.
I wasn’t the girl for that sort of activity. Shopping malls were the scourge of the earth. Target was even worse. Levi looked like he needed a pretty little doe-eyed woman to take him to Target, fawn over him, and buy him a flavored latte at the in-store Starbucks. Cute.
Levi glanced up, saw me and Jo’s kids, and tore his sunglasses off with confusion written all over his adorable face. “You have kids?”
“Yep.” I nodded. “This is my little Henry, Jacob, and Tommy.”
Levi blinked at me.
Jo’s kids wrinkled their faces in confusion.
Finally, the oldest one gave me away. “Those aren’t our names, and she’s not our mom.”
Levi blinked again. “Thea?” he asked, a small smile forming. “Where did you find these children, and do we need to return them somewhere close by?”
I rolled my eyes, trying not to smile at how Levi played along. “This is Damien, Leo, and Ryker. They’re my friend’s kids. She had an emergency, and I was weirdly the only one available.”
Levi laughed. “Don’t you work?”
I shrugged and herded the kids through the entrance of the train museum. “I commission paintings. That gig is pretty flexible.” Levi looked impressed, so I didn’t mention that Lenny bought me a house a few years ago when her bar started doing so well. My paintings could easily pay the bills when the mortgage was covered. I’d vehemently protested, but she insisted that I’d done more than my fair share to help out at the bar, and it was the least she could do. She still kept some of my concoctions on her signature cocktail menu, claiming everything I created was a work of art.
Aunt Lenny had always spoiled me like she wanted to make up for what my mom did.
“Hey! You three!” I signaled Jo’s kids and stared into each pair of gray-blue eyes in front of me with a look that said, “Don’t cross me.” Once I could be sure I had their attention, I pointed to the sign right inside the museum entrance. “That sign says don’t touch anything. If I see your little hands on anything, we’re leaving.” Then I pointed to the exit. “If anyone tries to walk out that door without me, we’re done, and we will go back to my house and sit in silence until your mom comes to get you. Got it?”
Jo’s boys nodded. The oldest one smirked like he instinctively knew not to be afraid of me. Damn it. Little kids were messy, and big kids were sassy.
“Good. Go look at trains,” I snapped.
Levi chuckled as they scattered. “Wow. You have such a way with children. It’s like magic.” His words dripped with sarcasm.
I shot him a glare. “Are you any better?”
“No. I actually can’t stand kids. I figured that out two days ago. Cool, huh?” Levi looked way too happy about not liking kids. Self-discovery looked good on him, though.
“Is that because you grew up in a family with six children?” I asked as we walked. I kept my eyes glued to the three little blond heads that ping-ponged through the train museum.
“Maybe.” Levi shrugged. “Or maybe it’s because I’m selfish. My ex-wife liked to throw out that word to describe me when I mentioned my concerns about our religion.” He paused to look at a black steam engine from the 1800s. “Do you have any siblings?”
“Nope.” I kept walking. I could have told him I had no chance of siblings because my mom offed herself when I was only five months old, but I didn’t. Telling that to new people exhausted me. Their pity annoyed me, and their sympathy felt shallow.
“Do you like kids?” Levi asked as he leaned down to examine a tiny town filled with running model trains.
“Nope. Too sticky and loud.”
“Exactly!” Levi grinned up at me. “My ex really wanted kids, though.”
He had a lot of pain from his previous marriage. I wanted to dig into that more, not because I had villainous intentions but because I found his pain so interesting. Levi was a mix of pain and joy. The two emotions seemed to be battling day and night, but he got his ass out of bed every day and lived his life anyway.
What made a person do that? Keep living through awful pain?
I paused to look at the miniature trains enthralling Levi. “How long were you married?”
“Twelve years.”
I gaped at him. “Wait, wait, wait. You said you were thirty-three the other night, correct?” When he nodded, I continued. “So you got married at twenty-one years old?”
“Your math skills are on point, Thea.”
I laughed at his sarcasm and nudged him with my elbow. “Why did you get married so young?”
Levi straightened and glanced around for Jo’s kids in an adorable, protective way. When he spotted all three, he answered, “Mormon kids can’t have sex before marriage. I was horny, and Gina liked me. What’s a guy supposed to do?” He gave me a sarcastic half-smile. “Honestly, though, Mormon families put their kids on this conveyor belt of life experiences. Get baptized at eight, boys get the priesthood at age twelve, go on a two-year mission at nineteen, and get married before twenty-six. The real expectation, though, is that you’re married and have your first kid by twenty-six.”
I stared at him with my mouth slightly open. “Okay, there is so much to unpack there. What is the priesthood? What is the two-year mission like? And why don’t you have kids if you’re thirty-three and were married for twelve years?” I knew this guy had stories. If I sat down to paint his life, I already knew what colors I’d use. Most of the canvas would be muted gray shapes in a perfect line, but the last little strip of canvas right before the edge would be a chaotic explosion of color. Maybe I’d paint that when I got home today.
Levi sighed. “We both had fertility issues. I’d love to dive into the rest of your questions with you, but maybe not right now. I want a few hours where I don’t think about the church and the profound way it fucked up my life.”
“Hey,” I smiled at him. “You said ‘fuck’ out loud again.”
An hour later, Jo showed up at the train museum to get her kids. As I handed off Ryker’s booster seat, I noticed Jo’s offspring running in circles around Levi. Then, I had a deliciously evil idea.
“Jo, walk up to the dude over there and lay one on him.”
Jo shrugged, adjusted her bra, and walked over to Levi. She gave him a flirty smile, tossed her blonde hair over her shoulder, and grabbed his face with both hands. I laughed at the look of shock on Levi’s face as Jo smashed her heavily glossed lips into his. He didn’t even close his eyes! The most awkward kiss in history unfolded before me as she tangled her hands in his hair.
What started as hilarious suddenly turned irritating. Levi looked frozen and uncomfortable, and I felt this weird surge of protectiveness. It was time to call off the hound. “Jo! That’s good! Leave him alone!”
Jo slowly unglued her lips from Levi’s and patted his cheek before rounding up her kids. The littlest one waved at me with a shy smile. Jo winked at Levi. To me, she said, “Thea, thank you. You saved my ass today. I’ll find a way to repay you somehow.”
She wouldn’t. Jo had been full of fake smiles and empty promises since middle school.
Once Jo and her kids walked away, I bit my lip and locked eyes with Levi. He still looked shell-shocked. “Sorry about that, dude.” I took a few steps closer, thinking Levi might make a run for it.
Instead, he shook his head as if to clear it, smiled, and pulled a crumpled napkin from his pocket. “Sharpie, please.” He held his hand out for the black marker he knew I always carried in my bag.
I obliged and laughed while I watched him cross off Kiss a Stranger.
“So, were you into that? Be honest.” I fell into stride beside him as we crossed the street to my favorite bakery. Their lemon muffins tasted like they were hand-crafted by angels. I needed to make a mental note of them the next time I figured I had nothing to live for. Muffins weren’t always enough, but today they were.
Levi raised both eyebrows. “The kiss?”
I nodded.
“I’d classify that as the worst kiss of my entire life. I mean, I’ve only kissed two other people, but…” Levi cleared his throat. “How good of a friend is she?”
“We’ve known each other forever, but I’d hardly call us friends.”
Levi narrowed his light brown eyes as he pulled open the front door of Haven Bakery. A tinkling bell and the smell of pure joy greeted us. “You’re hardly friends, but you watched her kids?”
He gave me this piercing, curious look like he was about to figure me out. I didn’t like it. There was nothing to figure out, nothing to see but a big gaping hole of emptiness.
“You were telling me why the kiss didn’t rock your world.” I changed the subject.
“Right.” Levi’s curious eyes didn’t leave my face.
What did he see there?
“She had garlic breath. Actually, I tasted a mix of shrimp and garlic. I don’t know if there’s a worse combo for a kiss. Then, it was all sticky from her lipstick and so aggressive that our teeth bashed together.” Levi shuddered. “But hey! New life experience unlocked!”
I had the sudden urge to kiss him. I’d do it slow and soft until he closed his eyes and melted into me. Many a man had complimented me on my soft, full lips. Levi would thoroughly enjoy my kiss.
Where the hell did that thought come from? This couldn’t be desire flowing through my weird and confused veins. I was not into Levi in a sexual way. Sure, his thoughtful brown eyes were growing on me, and I didn’t hate his thick, brown hair or how he wore those jeans and that t-shirt. But no. I wasn’t into Levi.
Attraction was a stupid and pointless game that ended with cheating, abandonment, and smashed-up hearts. Look what happened to my mom. Look at my aunt and the handful of stupid men she dated. Look at me and my last cheating ex.
No. I didn’t need to play the attraction game. Levi could find someone else to blow his mind with a kiss. Maybe that cute Target and latte-loving woman I’d conjured up in my head earlier.