9. Thea
nine
After grabbing my bag and umbrella from Blane’s studio and peeling his disgusting, cheating hands off my waist, I headed straight to The Station. Once there, I located my aunt and followed her around the bar, bitching about my life.
“So seeing Blane really pissed me off! I had flashbacks of the messages on his phone and the girl he brought back to my house that one time he thought I was going to be at your place. What kind of asshole brings a girl back to a house his girlfriend owns?”
Lenny glanced over her shoulder at me, eyebrows raised, as she made her way around The Station for the final inspection before opening. “Well, Thea, it’s been a long time since I’ve heard Blane’s name on your lips.” She stopped walking, turned to face me, and leaned a hip on the bar. “I seem to remember you not being too broken up about his cheating ways. Your exact words were, ‘Meh. He’s been getting on my nerves, and I’ve been looking for an out anyway.’ I don’t think you even shed a tear for that boy.” Lenny’s cranberry red lips turned up with a hint of amusement.
I rolled my eyes and folded my arms. “I don’t give a single fuck about Blane!” And I didn’t. We only dated for so long because he was working on building his clientele in Durango and needed a cheap place to live. Plus, the sex wasn’t terrible. Everything else, though, was a complete shit show.
“Then, sweetie,” Lenny cocked one of her heavily penciled brows at me again. “Why are we talking about him?”
“Because I had to see him today!” I threw my hands up like my aunt’s incompetence exasperated me.
“Remind me, why did you have to see him today?”
I groaned. “Because Levi—”
“Ah, there it is.” Lenny winked at me and continued walking around the bar. “You’re not mad at Blane. You’re mad at Levi.”
I followed her, annoyed at her fast-paced stride. Not everyone had been blessed with her long gazelle legs, a fact Lenny seemed to forget hourly. My hips were going to ache like hell tonight after chasing her around the bar. “Of course, I’m mad at Levi! He was a jerk!”
Lenny laughed. “Men are jerks. Surprise! Why do you think I never got married?”
I sighed. “Because you had to raise your sister’s kid suddenly, and I sucked up all your time and energy.”
“Wrong. You know I never got married because men are jerks.”
I shook my head. “Levi’s not, though. That’s what made me so mad.”
Lenny patted my shoulder. “If this one’s not a jerk, talk to him, honey. Maybe you hurt his feelings. Maybe he’s stressed about something that has nothing to do with you.”
“Impossible.” I rolled my eyes and let the sarcasm flow. “I’m nothing but sweet, sugary goodness who’s never hurt anyone’s feelings, and the entire world has always revolved around me.”
My aunt laughed, “There’s my girl.”
I liked it when she called me her girl. Even if my mom was dead and my father didn’t know I existed, I belonged somewhere. It did slightly irritate me that my badass self still felt the need to belong, but maybe belonging was a basic human need.
I sighed. “So what do I do now? I yelled at him. And I have no idea if I have feelings for him.”
Lenny’s phone rang, and she pulled it out of her pocket. “I’m so sorry, sweetie. I have to take this. It’s one of our suppliers, and we’ve been playing phone tag for weeks!” She glanced back up at me. “You’ll figure out what to do. You wouldn’t do exactly what I told you anyway.”
I shrugged and nodded. Fair. She’d been trying to tell me what to do my entire life, and I’d always sidestepped her instructions, usually in a ridiculous and unnecessary way. She’d say, “Sweetie, put your homework away,” and I’d pick up my textbooks and notebooks and stuff them in the cupboard above the fridge — the one that’s basically impossible to access and full of unused vases. Then I’d smirk and say, “There. It’s away,” like an annoying little shit.
Lenny would roll her eyes and walk away, and I would eventually stop being an asshole and do what I needed to do.
So what did I need to do here? Talk to Levi? I couldn’t pick up my phone and send him a message. Where would the drama be in that? What about the melancholy and the self-pity? I finally felt something besides my usual numbness. Didn’t I have the right to dwell in it all night?
I’d talk to him in the morning.
Early the next morning, I paced outside Levi’s hotel room with my peace offering of lemon muffins from Haven Bakery. I could say, “Hey, dude. Sorry that I yelled at you yesterday. Do you want some muffins?” And then everything would go back to normal. We could hang out the last two days of his vacation while I tried to figure out if I had feelings for him.
Feelings were stupid, and attraction was dumb and fleeting, but if any guy deserved my consideration, it would be Levi.
Fine. I was attracted to Levi. His eyes were mesmerizing, and his laugh still gave me that feeling of home in my belly. I could at least be woman enough to admit that—to myself, not to him yet.
I raised my fist to knock but dropped it, my heart racing. What if I seriously pissed him off? I could piss most people off, and I didn’t give a shit. It bothered me that Levi was upset, though.
I knocked before I could talk myself out of it. I heard some shuffling and voices. Yes, voices —plural. It sounded like a woman’s voice. I double-checked the room number to make sure I had the right one. Yep. 405. Maybe Levi had already checked out and now someone new occupied this room. Shit.
I turned to walk away, but the door flung open, and Levi stood there shirtless and bleary-eyed.
“Thea, what?” He looked shocked to see me.
My heart pounded in my ears, and blood rushed to my extremities. Then she appeared behind Levi in a short black dress with her heels in hand. Her shoulder-length brown curls were wild and messy like she’d been decently railed.
“I’m going to head out.” She smiled and slid past Levi. “Bye, Brigham.”
Brigham?
Levi and I watched her make her walk of shame to the elevator in silence.
Something strange and terrible was happening in the pit of my stomach. It twisted and churned and grew with each second. It burned and swelled until it popped and exploded through my body.
Well, hello, rage. It’s been a while.
I laughed and shook my head, letting my lips curl into an angry smile. “Wow. Congrats, Brigham.” My words were tight and measured, like a spring winding up for attack. “Dude, let’s get your list and cross off the one-night stand!” I shoved past him into his hotel room. My eyes raced around the familiar space, and nausea took over when they settled on the bed— tangled sheets and head indents on both pillows. I honestly thought I might puke right there on the floor. I even had that feeling where chills creep up your neck, and your mouth starts to water right before it happens.
But Levi beat me to it. He slammed open the bathroom door and emptied the contents of his stomach into the toilet. When he made his way back out to the bedroom, he looked pale and shaken. My sympathy remained unstirred.
“You poor, poor thing.” I mocked and folded my arms tightly across my body. Did I do it to protect myself? Maybe I did it to keep myself from flying to pieces. “Did you have too much to drink? Do we get to cross off two things?”
“Thea, what is happening?” Levi rubbed his temples. “Why are you so pissed?”
“Oh, honey, you look so confused! Let me clear it up for you.” The fake sugar syrup coating my words slowly dripped off. Now, raw rage danced on the tip of my tongue. “Fuck you for making me think you were different and then being exactly like every other asshole guy out there!” I yelled. “Fuck you for making me feel shit!”
A hint of understanding glimmered in his stupid, mesmerizing brown eyes. “What do you mean, Thea?”
He wanted me to say it, to say I had some version of feelings for him, but I would never say it. “Fuck you!” I yelled again for good measure. I dumped the muffins on the desk next to the window and stormed out.
“Wait!” He yelled after me. “Please let me explain!” Levi followed me into the hall.
“I don’t want your explanation! Never fucking speak to me again!” My fury had me unhinged and unreasonable, but there was no way I would sit there while Levi “explained.” I could already hear his words. Thea, I was so drunk I didn’t know what I was doing. She meant nothing to me. I don’t even remember her name.
Thea, you said you didn’t want me.
Yeah, well, it looks like I lied to both of us about that.
I walked until I reached the elevator. I refused to turn for one last look at the man who finally made me feel something.