Chapter Six
A baby was crying. But Lee ignored everything except work….
Lee sat in Singer’s Treasures trying to shake the vestiges of last night’s dream, but she could still hear the echoes of her baby’s cry in her head as she worked on the small pin.
It felt as if the quiet life she’d so carefully constructed was unraveling bit by bit.
She’d wondered if her parents would still be parked next to her cottage the morning after her fight with her mother, but they were. They’d come over for lunch. Her mother had seemed willing to pretend that the previous night’s confrontation hadn’t happened, and Lee had obliged.
That was how it had always been with her parents…pretending they had a good relationship, when in actuality they didn’t have any relationship outside of the biological connection.
Adam had been buried in work. He’d said something about a crisis that he’d thought he could delegate and in the end couldn’t. Lee actually welcomed the bit of distance this gave her. It made it easier to put her rampaging feelings back in check.
She’d spent the afternoon watching Jessie for him.
The toddler was a joy. Even her mother and father seemed to fall under Jessie’s spell. The little girl gave them a bridge to their pretense.
But today, sitting in the shop, there was no Jessie to occupy, no uncomfortable strain between Lee and her parents. No customers to speak of.
There was just a lot of quiet and even more thoughts banging around in her head. Whenever she thought about Adam, she felt buoyed and bubbly. But then when she remembered he was leaving in just under three weeks, a heavy weight settled in her stomach, pulling her back down to earth with a thud.
Round and round her thoughts and emotions spun.
Pearly Gates waltzed into the shop and the spinning stopped immediately.
“We all liked your beau,” she announced with no preamble. She took the stool on the other side of the display case.
“I’m glad you liked Adam.” Lee liked him as well, not that she was going to go around advertising just how much.
She realized she’d better nip Pearly’s gaga expression in the bud. “And, for the record, he’s not my beau.”
“I know I’m not hip. What do you call a beau these days. Your guy? Your fella? Your significant other?”
“None of the above. Adam’s just someone I used to know. Someone who’s renting my cottage for a few more weeks.” If he was staying…if he wasn’t a workaholic, could it be more?
“Those are logical reasons not to have a relationship. But logic doesn’t come into play when the heart’s concerned,” Pearly said softly. “Take it from someone who knows. Buster and I lived two very different lives, and yet…”
“That and yet . I’m well acquainted with it, Pearly. Despite all my very valid reasons not to, I’m falling,” Lee said simply. It felt good to admit it. “I don’t know why, don’t know what to do about it.”
Pearly just smiled an I-knew-it-all-the-time sort of smile.
“I have all the symptoms,” Lee continued. “When I’m not with him, I wish I was. And when we’re together, I don’t ever want to leave.”
“Good for you,” the gray-haired beautician said, grinning from ear to ear.
“No. Not so good for me.” The leaden feeling was back in the pit of Lee’s stomach. “He’s only here for a month, then he’s heading back to New York, and back to work.”
“You say work like it’s a four-letter word.”
“It is a four-letter word,” Lee felt obliged to point out.
Pearly laughed. “Yes, I guess it is at that. But for some people, it’s a calling. Take me, for instance. I like cutting hair, and I’m good at it. I like that I get to chat with people, to hear their stories—”
“And telling yours.”
Pearly didn’t seem to take offense. “Yes. And tellin’ mine. There’s an art to finding just the right story for the right problem. Now, there’s the story of me and Buster. How we let pride and misunderstandings get in the way of our love, and wasted all kinds of precious years. It’s a good story, but it wouldn’t work for your problem.”
Lee had seen Pearly and Buster, and knew that there was a happy ending in the making there.
“But,” Pearly continued, “maybe if you look at another aspect of our story, it would. We may have come from the same town, but we’ve lived our lives in two different worlds. Two very different worlds. One of his best friends is a king, for goodness sakes.”
“One of your friends is a princess,” Lee pointed out. “Actually, now that Cara and Shey are married to princes, you could say three of your friends are princesses. Doesn’t three princesses beat one king?”
“We’re not talking poker, we’re talking about you and your beau. You do see work as a four-letter word. Sittin’ in this shop, day after day, would drive you insane. You’re an artist.”
Lee felt a familiar wave of discomfort. “Not an artist. That sounds too…I don’t know, presumptuous. I just make jewelry.”
“There’s no just to anything you do, girl. And sitting in a building all day, every day, would stifle your artistic heart. You’re not a nine-to-fiver. It’s not in your makeup. What you don’t seem to understand is some people thrive in an office as much as you blossom on the beach, in the open. I had a cousin, Jon.”
“Jon?” Lee teased, hoping to distract Pearly from the lecture. “Not Lerlene, or Fancy Mae . Just a plain name like Jon? ”
“Well, Jon’s last name was Hasenhuettl, so I figure his mama thought a name like Hasenhuettl was enough of a burden for anyone to bear. I mean, teachin’ a child to write that name?”
Lee thought she’d managed to get Pearly off on a tangent, which was good. Pearly’s perception hit too close to home sometimes. This was one of those times. “I see your point. But still, Jon . It’s a plain name. Now Lerlene, that’s a name. Didn’t she marry a man who lost his leg?”
“No, but she was engaged to him.” Pearly laughed. “And as much as that’s a good story as well, it’s not the one you’re needin’ today. You need to hear about Jon. He started a recycling plant. Picking through junk doesn’t sound like a job I’d enjoy, but Jon, he found a way to help save the planet, and huggin’ trees meant something for him. So going to work each day was a joy for him, just as much as walking on a beach is for you. Everyone has their own gifts, their own callings. Don’t you be forgetting that. For me, it’s hair and storytelling….” She paused a moment, then said, “This is where you agree.”
“Oh, sorry.” Lee could tell she was walking a thin line with Pearly and hastily agreed. “Of course, storytelling is your gift.”
When Pearly didn’t appear quite satisfied, Lee added, “And hair. You’re fantastic with hair.”
Pearly looked mollified. “Thanks. Those are my callings. And yours is art. Maybe Adam’s gift is business. If it makes him happy and he thrives on it, would you really take it away from him?”
Lee knew Pearly was right. “No.”
“Of course, you wouldn’t, because his passion for what he does is part of him.”
“Tell me, what do I do then? I’ve found a man I could fall for, but I’ve been down the relationship road with a workaholic before. I don’t want to go down it again. Plus, Adam lives in New York, I live here in Erie.”
When Pearly didn’t respond, Lee said, “Really. What do I do? You’re the lady with all the answers.”
“No, I’m the lady with all the stories,” Pearly corrected. “The only answers for you aren’t with me, they’re with you. You have to find them for yourself.”
“Pearly, that wasn’t overly helpful.” Lee realized how much she’d hoped that Pearly would give her something to hold onto. Some plan to ward off her growing feelings for Adam.
“Maybe, maybe not. If you’re falling for Adam, and if it’s a true enough feeling, you’ll just have to find those answers.”
The door opened and Josie, Mabel and Libby walked in. “Hi, Lee,” Libby said. “Pearly, are you ready?”
“Yes. I was just about to ask Lee if she’d like to join us.”
“We’re heading to the movies for a chick-flick fest.” Josie snapped her gum for emphasis. “You’re welcome to join us.”
“No. But thanks.”
The last thing Lee wanted was to immerse herself in someone else’s relationship on the big screen where it always seemed to work out. And she was having a hard time believing in happily-ever-afters at the moment.
Even though she really liked Adam, and could probably cross the line to more than liking, she didn’t know if she had the strength and the courage to date another man who was so committed to his work, one who was only visiting Erie short-term. Especially one who came equipped with a baby.
But as she thought about Jessie, the familiar ache didn’t stab with its same intensity. In the two years since she’d lost her baby, Lee had become accustomed to that pain. For so long seeing any baby had been like ripping off a scab, bringing all the ache and longing back with a force. But spending time with Jessie had been a balm.
Lee realized she didn’t see Jessie as a reminder of the baby she’d lost, but simply as a sweet toddler who made her smile. Watching her antics at the beach, at the zoo had simply brought her happiness.
Adam was only here temporarily. He’d leave and go back to his life, and she’d get back to hers, with the addition of some beautiful memories.
Maybe it would be okay. She wouldn’t worry about defining what they had. She’d just enjoy it until he left.
Feeling better, she figured she should start acting like it.
“You’re sure,” asked Mabel, the Square’s acupuncturist.
“Yes, I’m sure.” Lee felt more settled than she had in a while. “I have other plans. But thanks.”
Adam had finally cleared up Delmark’s major distribution glitch. An entire week’s orders had been lost, and though Darius was competent, he’d needed help smoothing over dozens of customers’ ruffled feathers. He’d just hung up the phone with Darius, when it rang again.
“Adam, it’s Lee.”
“Hi. What’s up?”
“I wondered if…Well, I thought maybe you and Jessie might enjoy coming to my place tonight for dinner. We could cook out.” She sounded a bit hesitant about the invitation.
“You’re sure?” he asked. “Because you don’t sound quite sure.”
“Yes. I thought it would be fun.”
To say he pounced on the invitation would be an understatement. “Well, then we’ll be there. What time?”
“When you look out and see the grill going, that’s the time.”
“I guess it’s lucky for me we’re neighbors.”
She paused again. “Lucky for me as well. See you tonight.”
Though he’d been tied up with work, he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her. Thinking about their almost make-out session in his car.
He felt like a kid anticipating Christmas as he made his world-famous potato salad.
Okay, so maybe not world-famous, but certainly the most edible thing in his cooking repertoire. Adam wasn’t much use in the kitchen, but this was his specialty dish. One that he could always count on being edible. The trick to a good potato salad was real mayonnaise, lots of hard-boiled eggs and a generous hand with the parsley.
“So, Miss Jess, are you ready?” he asked later that afternoon, shortly after Lee had gotten home.
He’d wanted to run out immediately, but decided to try and play it cool, even if cool was the last thing he felt around Lee Singer.
Jessie drooled her response.
She’d been drooling a lot lately, which, according to the baby books, meant more teeth. She had two front teeth on the bottom, two on the top. And last night he’d caught a flash of white next to those top ones.
Deftly, he wiped the dribble on a spit cloth, tucked the cloth back in the diaper bag, scooped up Jessie in one arm and the potato salad in the other.
He was starting to feel as at home carrying Jessie as he was in his casual attire. Up until this vacation, the only place he’d worn shorts was at the gym. But there was a certain freedom he was beginning to relish in his new wardrobe.
“Let’s go see if Lee needs help with the barbecue.”
They walked the short distance that spanned the two cottages. Lee was just emerging from hers.
“You’re here,” she said, a smile on her face.
Her obvious pleasure warmed Adam in a way that had nothing to do with the early evening sun.
“I brought homemade potato salad.” He handed the bowl to her.
“Oh, that’s great. I have macaroni salad. I’ll confess, mine came from the deli.” She lifted the bowl’s lid. “You really made this?”
“So, now you’re a sexist, Mary Eileen? Men can’t cook and all that?” he teased.
“No, of course not.” She set the bowl on the picnic table along with a number of other dishes and condiments. “I know men who cook. I just didn’t imagine you as one of them. You don’t have an in-the-kitchen feel about you.”
“What kind of feel do I have?” He knew he was blatantly flirting.
Lee didn’t seem to mind; in fact, she joined right in. “Well, I would have discovered that the other night, but someone was sleeping instead.”
He’d found the bottle of wine on the table next to the door and knew Lee had left it so he’d know she’d been there. He couldn’t believe he’d dozed off. “Maybe we could have a replay? I swear I’ll stay awake this time.”
Lee started, “I—” But Jessie interrupted by giving a gutsy holler, interrupting their flirting.
“How rude of me, ignoring you. Come here, sweetie.” Lee held her hands out for the baby.
Jessie readily abandoned Adam and babbled her happiness at Lee.
“Nice. Just steal away my cousin’s affections.”
“You’ll have to take her back while I start the steaks.”
“Or, you two ladies could catch up and I could grill them, if you want?”
“Is this nervousness because I said I bought the macaroni salad and you’re unsure about my cooking abilities?”
“No, it’s just me trying to impress you with my willingness to pitch in.”
“You don’t need to try to impress me, I already am.” Lee looked startled, as if the words had slipped out.
Maybe that’s why they felt all the more precious to Adam. “I impress you, eh? I like the sound of that.”
“Don’t get too puffed up, Benton,” she warned. “I’m notoriously fickle. My opinion changes on a dime.”
“I don’t know. You seemed capable of holding onto your opinion of me when we were young just fine.”
“You did pick on me horribly.” Jessie started squirming, obviously wanting down. Lee set her on the ground, plucked a wooden spoon off the picnic table and handed it to her.
Jessie was delighted with the improvised toy and started to beat the ground with it.
“All that tormenting was just my way of saying I liked you.” He paused and added for good measure, “I’ve worked out better ways to impress women since then.”
“By offering to help cook?”
“Yes. And wooing them with my potato salad.”
She laughed. “Fine, you win. Impress me with your barbecuing abilities. Jessie and I will set the picnic table.”
Lee plucked up Jessie and turned to head into the cottage, Jessie sitting snugly on her hip. Adam drank in the sight. He liked seeing Lee look so comfortable with the baby, especially after she’d told him about the child she’d lost.
How could her ex leave her alone to cope with something like that?
Adam focused on business as much as the next guy, but he’d drop everything if Jessie needed him. Or Lee.
Mary Eileen Singer meant something to him. He wasn’t sure just what it was, or what it could be, but it was there. And it was growing.
She’d already lit the grill. The marinated steaks were sitting on the small table next to it, ready to go. He’d just picked up the tongs when Lee’s mother and father rounded the corner of the cottage.
“Yoo-hoo,” her mother said brightly. “We thought we smelled the grill and thought we’d bring our hamburgers over here, rather than having to heat up the RV broiling them. It’s not exactly spacious and if you light the broiler, it heats the whole place up. You don’t mind, do you?”
Adam felt a wave of disappointment. He’d hoped to have Lee all to himself. But just then, Lee came back out, still holding Jessie, along with plates and napkins. At her less-than-enthusiastic expression, her mother’s smile faded, and Adam felt a wave of sympathy for them both, so he bit back his disappointment and forced a smile.
“Of course, we don’t mind. I was just telling Lee that grilling is a manly pursuit, and was about to show her how it’s done. I’d be happy to throw your burgers on as well.”
Her mother shot him a look of gratitude. “Great. I’ve got some baked beans in the oven. I’ll run over and get them and we’ll have a veritable picnic.”
“Great,” Lee finally echoed, though the word sounded forced coming from her. “Jessie, come on, sweetie. We’ll go get some more plates.”
“Let me help you,” her father offered.
“That’s all right, Dad, maybe you can give Adam a hand with the grilling.”
“Glad to see you recognize the manliness of grilling,” Adam teased, hoping to ease some of her tension. It seemed to have the desired effect because she smiled, though not as broadly as before. With Jessie still on her hip, she hurried back into the house.
Lee’s father walked over to Adam and handed him the plate of hamburgers.
“I’m sorry. We’re butting in and I know it, but my wife…” He shook his head. “Well, she’s come to the conclusion that Lee needs us and is bound and determined to be here.”
“Why does she think Lee needs you?” Adam asked, putting the burgers on the grill next to the steaks.
“You’ve heard about her ex, about the baby she lost?”
Adam nodded.
Mr. Singer looked surprised. “I guess that’s progress. She doesn’t talk about either of them normally. It’s been two years since she lost the baby. She divorced soon after. Her husband had been gone more than he was present for longer than that. My daughter’s always been solitary, but she’s been even more so since then. Even to me, she’s seemed alone. A little lost. When we retired, my wife decided to fix things. Hence the RV that’s parked on the other side of Lee’s cottage. But I think rather than fixing things, we’re interfering in your relationship.”
Relationship? Is that what he had with Lee?
Maybe. Maybe just the beginning of one. But he wouldn’t be around long enough to see it come to fruition. He had to remember that.
Had to be sure Lee remembered that.
He was leaving. If things kept spiraling out of control at Delmark, maybe sooner than he’d planned. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Lee.
He said the words aloud, as a reminder to himself. “I’m only here until the end of the month. What Lee and I have is a friendship. Maybe a little flirting. But nothing that you’re interfering with. And even if you were, maybe knowing that someone cares is what she needs, Mr. Singer.”
He slapped Adam on the back. “Call me Aston. And thanks.”
“So, what do you say we start up the steaks and burgers, Aston?”
The older man smiled. “I say, you’re on.”
Lee watched her parents and Adam carry on a steady conversation. They talked business, with a casual ease that left her feeling like an outsider.
She was thankful she had Jessie to pay attention to. She’d offered to hold the squirming toddler during dinner, and had ended up with Cheerios serving as her salad’s croutons. Finally, convinced Jessie had consumed enough finger foods to keep her going, Lee set her on the ground. The toddler was off like a shot to the stones that lined the path. She seemed content to stack them in small piles.
Unfortunately, Jessie’s playing meant Lee had no excuse not to join in the current state-of-the-city discussion.
“We were amazed at all the changes,” her mother said. “Of course we’ve visited, but only a few days here and there. We hadn’t really taken in the sights for years.”
Adam’s cell phone rang. He took it out of his pocket, glanced at the number. “Sorry. I really have to take this.”
He got up from the table and moved a short distance away.
Lee’s mother picked up where she’d left off. “Why, we were at the peninsula the other day and had a chance to tour Tom Ridge Environmental Center. Have you been there yet, Lee?”
“No. Not yet.” She desperately tried to think of something to add, but came up blank, so took another bite of potato salad instead.
Adam had been right, he could cook.
She glanced at him, still talking on the phone. It was a déjà vu moment, only back then it would have been her ex on the phone.
She tamped her annoyance down. How Adam handled mixing his work and private life was his own business.
“Well, TREC is fantastic.”
Lee swallowed the bite and said, “I’m sure it is.”
Her mother frowned, obviously hoping for more, but Lee wasn’t sure what to make of this newfound parental concern. She didn’t know what her mother wanted her to say. “Uh, I’ll have to visit soon,” she tried.
“So, how’s the shop?” her father asked, in an obvious attempt to draw her out.
“It’s fine. At least in my opinion. I—” She knew her father had meant to be kind, but this was a sore subject between them. She could have added that she was sure her parents both had suggestions for the shop and changes to her life in general, but she reined them in. Instead, she stood. “Excuse me, I’ll go get the dessert.”
She practically ran into the house. Why on earth was her first response to her parents to get her back up? Her grandmother had taught her better than that.
Sometimes you just have to accept people the way they are, and realize you can’t make them what you want them to be. You can’t change them. They have to do it on their own.
Maybe they are, she thought. She’d all but given up hoping they’d see things from her point of view.
Hoping they’d see her, period.
Still, she thought they’d lost their power to wound her. But now that they were here, every day, trying to pretend they were the kind of parents she’d always wanted, she realized the scars were there, and the scabs were rubbing raw.
Her mother startled Lee as she entered the kitchen. “Lee?”
Lee turned around. “I’m sorry, Mom. Guess I haven’t been the best conversationalist tonight.”
“Your dad didn’t mean anything by bringing up the store.”
“I know. I’m just touchy, I guess.”
“We both know where it came from.”
Lee wasn’t sure what to say to that. She couldn’t deny that her relationship with her parents was rocky at best. But she didn’t want to hurt her mother by saying so, so she said nothing.
After a long pause, her mother said, “Your grandmother used to tell me there was a special connection between a mother and a daughter. She’d tell me that I was throwing it away, that you needed me. But you always seemed so self-reliant. You lived in your own world, and you seemed fine with the way things were.”
“I wasn’t really self-reliant. It was an act I put on out of necessity.”
“I was busy at the firm. I loved what I did. But that didn’t mean I didn’t love you. I argued with my mother. Told her that you and I had a fine relationship, but we didn’t, did we?”
Lee thought about lying. Telling her mother they were okay, that they had a fine relationship would be an easy out, but she couldn’t say the words.
“We still don’t,” her mother said quietly. “Part of why we’re here is because I’d like to change that, if it’s not too late.”
“You’re not sick, are you? Some dire disease that has you reconsidering your life?”
Her mom laughed. “Nothing like that. I’ve just had time for reflection and realized what I lost out on.”
“Mom, we’re just different. We want and expect different things. We’re not the type of mother and daughter who are likely to spend a day at the spa, or even shopping. My idea of a good time is a walk on the beach, yours is a column of figures. I think being a success is being happy, you think it’s measured in your bank account. It’s not that you’re a bad mother, or I’m a bad daughter, we’re just different. But I need you to know, I love you.”
“I love you, too. And my mother was right. There is a connection. We’re here because I felt that you needed me. I may not be a great mother, but I know you’re not happy. This last year, you’ve found your peace and achieved a measure of contentment, but you’re not happy. You’re just going through the motions. You’ve found a safe rhythm to your life and you’re clinging to it. At first I thought I’d come here and push you to focus on the store. But you’re right, that would be my solution. It’s not yours. The store is a means to an end, a way to support yourself and showcase what you do. Growing it into something bigger won’t make you happy. And no matter what you think of my parenting skills, I want you to be happy.”
Lee couldn’t remember her mother ever talking to her like this. Not ever. She felt her eyes fill with tears and blinked hard.
“Thanks.” Her voice sounded husky. “That means a lot. And maybe you’re right, maybe I’m not bursting-at-the-seams happy, but after last year, finding a measure of contentment is enough.”
“No. It’s not enough…not for you. And I’m not leaving until I’m convinced you’ve found your way back to who you used to be. I think Adam’s part of what you’re looking for.”
“Adam and I might be having a nice little visit, but it can’t be anything more. He’s leaving soon. And even if he wasn’t, whatever we have couldn’t go much further.”
“Why? We can see the sparks.”
“Sparks aren’t enough. Adam’s invested in his business. And I can’t watch someone put work ahead of me again. Adam can’t manage a dinner without work interrupting. It’s a sure thing he’s not for me. After Alan, I swore that I’d rather live alone the rest of my life than play second fiddle to someone’s job. “
“It’s not just Alan,” her mother said softly. “That’s what your father and I did as well—put business ahead of you. Like I said, you seemed all right. You had my mother with you, and you two had a connection I couldn’t understand. Her stories of the old country, of magic and mystery, they annoyed me, but you, you lived and breathed them. You two lived in this separate world I didn’t feel a part of, and still don’t. But since we’ve retired, I’ve started looking back and I know now that I should have found a way into that world you lived in. I love you, Lee. It’s that simple.”
Her mother had said those words before, but for the first time she could remember, Lee truly felt them.
She hugged her mother.
They still had baggage, both looked at the world from totally different points of view, but for the first time ever, Lee felt as if they had a bridge, a path to crossing those differences and finding some common ground.
“Now, about you and Adam…” her mother started as they separated.
“Nothing, Mom. We’re just friends. Any sparks you sense are just a summer fling that will burn out when Adam leaves.”
“We’ll see,” her mother said, as cryptic as a seer.
“Mom, get that look out of your eye.” Lee wasn’t sure just what her mom was thinking, and to be honest, she wasn’t sure she wanted to know.
“I think I’ve discovered that maybe I have more of my mother in me than I thought.” Her mom hugged her. “Maybe I have a bit of the Irish sight she was always talking about, because I feel there’s something more between you and Adam than you want to admit.”
“Mom, I’ve already explained.”
“Yes, dear, you have. Maybe you’ve explained more than you think.” Changing the subject, she said, “Now, where’s this dessert?”