Chapter 11 #3
“I didn’t want to be part of what they were in to.
I wanted my own nice place and my own autonomy but I was fourteen and had two more years before I could move out.
I had a plan and the fire wrecked it all for me.
I was even more locked up than before.” She stood up, her hands shaking slightly.
“Trust me when I say that I would do anything to never be locked up again. Every choice I get to make is a privilege.”
I’d been a looked after child from the age of four to eighteen.
Choices had sometimes been limited; every holiday abroad with my foster parents had to be signed off by a social worker and their boss; even after sixteen, I had to justify my decisions to someone other than myself and my foster parents; social workers, supervising social workers, virtual school teachers – there had been a long list of people with a paid interest in my life.
Not that I’d let any of them dictate the decisions I’d made, including changing my surname by deed poll at eighteen to that of my foster sister.
That had been my reclaiming my autonomy.
I could only imagine how Lily felt. Elated at having control over herself, but that descending spiral of the pressure it also held pulling her down.
Autonomy was fragile.
“It’s too much of a coincidence for me; your mother being killed and now the brick. There was a note on the brick. It had two words written on it: ‘watch out’. That sounds like a warning.” I watched her carefully, wanting to see if there was a flicker that might give something away.
She just looked scared.
“Why might someone be telling you to watch out, Lily?” I gently pushed.
She shook her head quickly, her hair falling from its loosely tied knot.
“I don’t know anyone. I keep myself to myself, and now I’m scared that someone’s going to try and hurt me.
They’re sending notes, threatening notes – why do I need to be careful?
I don’t do anything, just work and keep out of the way.
” She squeezed her hands together, making tight fists.
“No one ever asked, no one from the police, I mean, what happened the night of the fire. They asked me the night it happened and I couldn’t speak, but they never asked me again. ”
“What about your solicitor at the trial?”
She shook her head again. “I still couldn’t tell him. I know it isn’t their fault because I wouldn’t speak, and when I did try, they thought I was making it up so I would be released, but the real killer is still out there. I didn’t set the fire, so someone else must have.”
I nodded, putting my cup of tea down on the table, empty. I could see Lachy though the window, lingering outside which told me he was ready to go.
“I’m going to allocate you a family liaison officer to stay with you tonight.
They won’t be in uniform so no one will think they’re police, if that helps, although I’m sure your neighbours would understand with having the window broken.
” I knew the FLO I’d offered to stay with Lily when we told her about her mother was still available.
She was curious about the case, which would help with the short notice.
“Okay. I don’t want to stay by myself tonight. I don’t feel safe. I need to feel safe here.” Her eyes almost burned a hole in me. “Could you stay?”
I wished I was closer to the door.
“I can’t I’m afraid. I will need to ask you a few questions to help us though, but possibly at the station.
I want to hear from you what happened the night of the fire at your parents, because you might be right: if you weren’t the person who started that fire, then who was and is this them?
” I deliberately invoked fear, or an Oscar-winning performance of it.
“Do you believe me when I say it wasn’t me who did that?” Huge eyes peered upwards at me.
“I need to consider all options.” Another line from the manual.
She looked away. “I understand. I was at in the house, downstairs. I hid a mobile phone – just a basic one that costs ten pounds or something – under a floorboard in the pantry. I’d gone down there when the fire started.
I managed to get out through the kitchen but I slipped on petrol or whatever it was on the floor.
I just kept running after that.” She lowered her head to her knees as if she was stopping herself from fainting.
“Are you okay, Lily? I can call an ambulance if you’re not well.”
Her hair shimmied again as she shook her head. “No. I’m fine. I’m just drained and feel like a scar’s been torn up. That’s the first time I’ve said out loud what happened.”
“You haven’t spoken to your therapist about it?”
“No. I didn’t want to because it was done with. I’d said bits but not about the phone. I think they would’ve found the phone. That part of the house wasn’t badly damaged.” She laughed, the sound sending a shiver through me. “It bet it’s still there.”
“Have you ever been back to the house?”
“Why would I? It was the worst moment of my life. I’ve looked at it on Google Earth though.”
“Why?” I suspected she’d done more research than that.
“To see if the glasshouses were damaged in the fire. There were three of them, really old but my dad made us keep them pristine. We grew everything in them.” She was focused on the past, momentarily lost there.
“Maybe it would be worth visiting there. I’m going to have to go, Lily.
Helen Price, the family liaison officer, will be with you in an hour or so.
In the meantime, there will be a police car outside to keep an eye on things until Helen gets here.
” I headed to the door, needing air. “I’ll come and pick you up in the morning to take a statement about what’s happened this evening, and we can also look at what you remember from the fire at your parents. ”
“Okay.” She lifted her head slowly to look at me. “Do I need a solicitor?”
“You’re not under suspicion or caution, so no, you don’t. If you want someone with you, that’s okay though.” I suspected she knew all this.
“I’ll think about it. Thank you for coming, Mia. I knew you would.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” I slipped out and breathed in the fresh air.