Chapter 1 #2
Conrad uttered an embarrassed, “Ah!” and shook his head.
“No, man. She’s gone off to New York City to start her career.
We ended up good friends, but that’s all.
” He made his decision. Time to catch him up on the real me.
“Actually, I’m gay.” All his wondering in high school had not manifested in any discussions with friends, just long talks with his therapist.
“Oh, thank God you just came out and said it so we can stop doing this.” Jude knocked back half of his black coffee and set it down again.
“I was gonna keep going if you were, but that was torture.” He gave Conrad a half-smile.
“Yeah, Jameson, we’re both gay. I think we both knew that, or at least worried about it, when we were sixteen and talking to each other about that idiot in class who claimed he’d kissed a hundred girls on New Year’s. ”
A wave of deep relief deflated Conrad until he relaxed on his stool.
He groaned at the reminder of the class clown and then flushed painfully, the heat burning his ears.
“I know I was worried. I didn’t know you were worried, too.
” He searched Jude’s handsome, familiar face.
Can we be close again? “I wish I could say I have one of those fantastic stories. You know the kind: closeted gay guy comes out to his new college friends, everyone cheers him on and defends him against bigots, and then he finds the love of his life in some shy guy in the corner. But no.” He picked up his muffin and took a small bite.
His anxiety flared, and it tasted like dirt, all the nutty goodness and sugar buried under his panic.
“I mean, I did the first part. It’s the second part I’m having trouble with,” he said after he swallowed.
“What about you?” A sharp pain fired through him. “You got a boyfriend?”
They paused as the sever returned with a plate holding Jude’s ham and cheese bagel and set it in front of him.
“I dated a few guys in Boulder, but none of them got too serious.” Jude shrugged and took a bite of his sandwich.
“Since coming back home, I’ve been out to coffee with a few guys, but none of ‘em really had that spark. You know. It was all wet towels.” He studied Conrad for a moment, concerned and sincere, just like in high school.
“I worried something like that would happen to you. Hell, you’ve got a shell a mile thick. ”
Conrad flinched. Well, I can’t argue with that now, can I?
“How’s anyone supposed to get past that? I’ve got the opposite problem. People look at this face and somehow think I’m only here for a good time. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I can’t get anyone to take me serious.”
I’d take you serious. Conrad ate another bite of muffin.
A vague nut flavor made it to his tongue this time.
At least he doesn’t have a boyfriend right now.
“You? A party guy? I can’t even imagine.
You were always the most serious one among us.
Well, tied with me.” He considered what his therapist would say: Are you going to put yourself out there?
Are you going to take a chance? Don’t let your mom’s actions stop you from having your own life.
Conrad set down his muffin, stared at his plate as he gathered his courage, and then faced Jude.
“How about us? You’ve been on the inside of my shell.
You know me. Wanna go see a movie sometime?
” His heart pounded so hard his voice shook a little.
“Or maybe grab supper at North Pond or Boka?” He was a fan of fine dining.
Jude laughed, lighting up. “Damn, you’ve got class!
Sure, let’s go to North Pond or Boka. Then we’ll see a movie.
Or forget movies. We should go to a symphony or something.
” He drained the rest of his coffee. “Look at us: We have parents who make too much money, and we don’t know what to do with ourselves.
We can at least keep each other company.
” He took another bite of his bagel sandwich.
Grinning, Conrad picked up his muffin again.
“Sure.” He ate a larger bite, this time tasting the banana, nut, and sugar.
He went for it! And there’s no better man than Jude.
Maybe I can actually get somewhere this time.
“Let’s trade numbers. I’ve got a new number now.
” He pulled his cellphone from his pocket.
“We should aim for Saturday. That gives me time to see what’s on this weekend and see if the tickets are sold out yet. ”
“No wonder all my texts went nowhere,” Jude teased. He pulled his cellphone from his jeans pocket. “Sure. If the symphony’s sold out, we can hang out and listen to old records. Mom kept all mine. You keep yours?” They used to collect records together.
“Oh, hell, yeah,” Conrad said. “Records are the best. Streaming might be easy, but nothing will ever beat a record.”
They traded numbers, finished their coffee and food, and then headed outside into the spring sunlight together, still talking about old times.
When Conrad’s phone dinged, he knew it was Brian sending another angry text, but the anxiety that had flooded him before was gone.
He didn’t have to answer. He finally admitted to himself that he’d been waiting five years for Jude to come back to Chicago so he could ask Jude the question he longed to have asked before: Will you be my boyfriend?
And now Jude had said yes.