Chapter 9
CHLOE
‘Ben might be gay,’ Jess tells us as she dunks her feet in the pool, holding a piece of pineapple in her hand.
There’s pineapple. I’ll take some of that if it’s going.
I try and look through the window shutters to see if Ben is spying on us.
After we all saw naked Miguel and his wrinkly balls floating about the pool, I’ll admit my heckles went up again.
Ben had just told me there would be no one else in this mountaintop villa and suddenly there was a man with a snorkel waving proudly up to us on that balcony, his grey pubes all matted like seaweed.
I went with my instincts again after that: I stayed in my room, I connected to the Wi-Fi, I deep-dived for my life.
Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, LinkedIn. Ben Allbright.
Once went to a stag do dressed as a Viking; saw Tame Impala in concert; took two of his nephews to Disneyland Paris.
There was a cute picture of him with Daisy Duck.
Don’t get distracted, Chloe. Aside from the fact he wears a lot of baseball caps, there were no signs he was part of anything untoward.
I don’t know why I’m like this. Perhaps it’s from living in London, from understanding that a girl needs to be a bit more streetwise, or maybe it’s because I’m being taken for a mug at work and my hurt pride is keen for that not to happen elsewhere.
So, after that, I kept a close eye on the swimming pool, watching, listening to Zara talk to Miguel.
He’s overfriendly, very tactile, but seemingly a nice guy.
It makes sense that a property like this would have some sort of groundsman.
But I’m still on the fence about Ben. He’s too nice and he’s not been particularly forward in giving us all the details of this retreat.
I don’t think he’s an evil kidnapper. I’m still going to smell everything I eat but my instincts are telling me we are test dummies. Is that why this was so cheap?
After that, I debated my next move. Go down and participate?
Join in? The mercury was rising and the pool looked inviting.
I couldn’t stay in here for a week, locked away.
I’d have to eat; I should swim and try and relax and get my money’s worth.
I’ve also waxed because I knew I’d be wearing a swimsuit and I didn’t want to waste the money spent on that either.
So, I put on my new swimming costume and tied my hair into a messy bun, slathering SPF 50 onto every part of me, standing in a star shape to ensure it was all absorbed properly.
‘Ben’s gay?’ Zara says in a loud whisper as soon as Jess airs her suspicions out loud. I like how Zara has had no trouble coming here and letting loose. She’s in a stylish one-shoulder swimsuit and keeps throwing her head up to absorb the sun on her face.
‘He was in the kitchen and he said something about liking “penis” so who knows?’ Jess says. ‘I mean, old Miguel is giving off some very camp vibes. He’s certainly very comfortable in his own body.’
‘Almost too comfortable,’ I joke.
‘He also slapped Ben’s bum and he didn’t even flinch,’ she continues. ‘Do you think they’re a couple…?’
We all turn slowly to the kitchen and hear Miguel’s wild laughter ringing around the stone walls.
‘Oooh,’ Zara says. ‘That’s a bit saucy. That is less an age gap and more a frigging chasm.’
I don’t want to laugh too loudly so I dunk my head under the water instead, re-emerging and splattering water everywhere. So classy.
‘Alright there, Chloe?’ Zara asks.
Now it makes sense why someone so good on paper is unavailable.
I didn’t see any pictures of girlfriends or potential love interests in my sleuthing, so this all computes in a way.
Is it a relief? ‘You know, when I was in my room before, I did a deeper dive into who Ben is. I didn’t see a girlfriend, but I saw…
I guess I saw lots of green flags,’ I explain.
‘When I was chatting with him in the kitchen, he was super sweet. He’s very kind, not even in a smarmy way,’ Jess says.
Zara turns to me. ‘So maybe we let our defences down and give the lad a chance to show us a good time? Hold up, that came out wrong!’
Jess and I both laugh. ‘I mean, I’m still going to sleep with my door locked,’ I say.
‘Naturally… to keep out the goats,’ Zara says. ‘But perhaps we make a pact to chill out now, enjoy ourselves?’
‘Deal,’ Jess says, reaching down to shake Zara’s hand. ‘Chloe, you in?’
I try to peer into the kitchen again and I see Ben place a massive hock of ham on the counter.
He moves his fingers across it and then inserts a knife carefully, caressing each slice as it falls and laying it gently on the plate.
Green-flag Ben who is possibly in a relationship with a considerably older man.
I put my hand over the other girls’ hands and nod my head, watching as Zara winks at me.
‘Well, ladies… when you’re ready there’s some charcuterie here,’ Ben says, emerging from the house and expertly holding a large tray of food.
‘This is a jamón serrano and it’s excellent with these fresh figs or some of this grilled asparagus,’ he says, putting the tray down on the stone table and squeezing some lemon over the asparagus.
He catches me watching. ‘Did you have a good nap, Chloe?’
‘I actually figured it’d be best to eat and have a swim to wake myself up,’ I tell him.
‘An excellent idea,’ he says, smiling at me. His eye contact is so sparkly that I wonder whether to dunk myself under the water again.
Instead, I watch Zara as she literally skips up the pool stairs towards the food, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around her waist. She looks at everything laid out and then turns back to Ben curiously. ‘I’ll ask the question again… you’re telling me this is going to happen every day?’ she asks.
‘Well, I need to feed you and I’m not going to cook any old rubbish,’ Ben says frankly. ‘You’re on an island. I’ll visit the markets daily and see what’s on offer. It’ll be an ever-evolving feast.’
Zara’s bottom lip pops out emotionally and she reaches over to give Ben a massive hug. ‘God, I love you.’ He reluctantly returns the embrace, pulling a ‘help’ face at Jess from over her shoulder. ‘Now you’re going to think I’m weird.’
‘I’ve also got emotional about this ham before, so I get it,’ Ben replies.
Zara smiles and takes a slice. As she chews, she rolls her eyes back in her head and does a little happy dance on the spot, pulling over one of the iron chairs and putting a protective hand over the food. ‘It’s awful, girls. I think you’d hate it.’
I laugh as she takes a wedge of orange, already eyeing up what she’ll have next. ‘I don’t think you understand, Ben. This isn’t what a holiday usually looks like for me.’
‘You don’t eat on holiday?’ Ben asks Zara.
‘I do but it’s usually food I’ve cooked.
I’m usually the one cutting the fruit, telling my kids to eat it to counteract all the effects of the Pringles they’ve inhaled.
’ She takes a moment to absorb that statement.
‘But I don’t think I’ve had a holiday in a long time where I was just able to sit down and eat on my own.
Jess will understand. Even when the kids are bigger, you’re still sharing your plate, you’re sitting and making sure everyone else is happy. ’
Jess nods as Zara cuts herself a large piece of cheese.
‘Even when we go out to restaurants, I’m on Google trying to find somewhere that will accommodate everyone’s food preferences.
I’ve booked the table, I’ve had to convince my sons that sliders are not acceptable evening footwear, I’ve pleaded with my daughter to put her phone away, I’m worrying about the bill because my sons can now literally eat a whole chicken each so I have a salad.
I never get too drunk. I never truly relax.
Every day on holiday, it’s like that. What are we all going to bloody eat today?
’ Zara’s eating voraciously as she talks but she hasn’t noticed that her little rant has silenced us all.
‘Sorry… too much?’ she mumbles through a mouthful of bread, looking at us all sheepishly.
‘Let it all out, girl,’ I tell her, amused by this person that I hardly know.
Zara smiles broadly, glad to be heard out. ‘Did you make this bread?’
Ben laughs and nods. ‘Try it dipped in the olive oil.’
She holds her hands to the air. ‘It’s just nice to not have to think about everyone else’s meals for a change. It’s nice for a person to bring delicious food to you unprompted.’
‘Doesn’t your husband do that?’ Ben asks.
‘Oh, I love Mike to bits but if he’s bringing me anything, it’s usually a glass of wine and some nuts.
Sometimes he’ll even put them in a bowl,’ Zara jokes, but beneath her humour, something tells me that her sanity and patience when it comes to her family are hanging on by a thread.
‘So, for this… all of this, I am grateful. Truly. I already feel very relaxed being here.’
Jess and I are quiet for a moment. Despite my lingering reservations, there has something about being on the plane, escaping the routine of work and seeing the sky get brighter and warmer that made me realise this was all necessary.
It almost feels like someone has plugged every cell in my body into charge.
And I’m sad that I thought taking a holiday was a bad thing, as if stopping and resting was a weakness or an extravagance.
I notice Ben looking at all of us, in turn, his eyes creasing, as if he’s trying to figure out this collective confusion that we all seem to feel from being thrown together.
We all need to be here but don’t yet understand how to be fully present.
‘Well, ladies – you are so very welcome. I hope you get the chance to… chill. Jess, aren’t you tempted by the pool yet?’ Ben asks.
She smiles at him and shakes her head. ‘Maybe later.’
He looks over at me again but can’t quite get the words out before shifting his gaze over to Zara. ‘So today I’ll leave you be. Please use the pool and relax.’