Epilogue #3
‘He put his love into others, did he?’ Dean says.
‘You trying to tell me something, babe?’ I open my mouth aghast and hit him with my napkin.
‘Well, if you ask me, I did very well persuading you to go on that retreat.’ His hand stays on my thigh.
‘You didn’t tell them everything about Ben and Chloe though. ’
‘Dean, I heard them have sex on a sofa… Would you want to hear details about your brother’s sex life?’ I ask him.
‘Yikes. No. Good call,’ he says, his eyes widening. He leans over and brushes some hair out of my face. ‘But whatever happened on that retreat, I think it was a good thing,’ he says, scanning my eyes. Dean always does this: looks at me in way that shows he’s looking deeper than what’s there.
‘Well, you know what happened…’
‘That you got your norks out on a beach? Yeah, you sent me a photo,’ he says, smirking. ‘But it’s like, I don’t know. You were always gorgeous and beautiful but it’s like you see everything in colour now,’ he says.
I smile because I know exactly what he means. I kiss him on the cheek. Grateful, happy. ‘That’s quite romantic from you.’
‘It is, isn’t it? Do you know what’s going to kill that romance though?’
I look at him through narrowed eyes.
‘Ellie has just filled her nappy.’
We look over at our gorgeous baby girl, noticing the straining sinews in her forehead as she does indeed fill her pants. Tweed lady really isn’t very happy now.
‘Rock, paper, scissors. You ready?’
I laugh, watching as both twins giggle at us at the same time. ‘Deal.’
ZARA
Mike steps out of the car and looks over at Ben, who is waiting at the gate of the villa.
Bella is the first to run up to him and hug him while the boys sit back, stretching, looking up to the sky and their new surroundings.
Mike comes round to my side of the car, leaning into me and whispering into my ear.
‘Zara, seriously. You spent a week with that Adonis there? That’s how it is, is it?
’ I see him suck in his gut slightly and stride over to shake Ben’s hand.
I bite my lip, trying not to laugh. ‘Hi, I’m Mike Solomon. ’
‘Ben Allbright, a pleasure.’
Ben sees me and smiles broadly.
‘Oh come here, you donkey,’ I say and I embrace him in my arms tightly. The boys watch, curious. ‘You look amazing, look at that ruddy tan on you. You look like—’
‘The new Ibiza Jesus resurrected, according to Miguel,’ he replies, deadpan.
‘Oh my, is Miguel here? Is he in the pool?’ I cackle.
‘Ben, headphones over there is Jay and baseball cap is Louis. You’ve met Magic Mike,’ I say, clinging onto my husband so he knows where my loyalties lie.
The boys wave to acknowledge him. ‘And you know this little reprobate here,’ I say, pointing to Bella.
She poses, sticking out her tongue and making a peace sign.
‘Well, welcome, you are all very welcome. Come in,’ Ben says.
We all lug our bags out of the four-by-four we’ve hired for the week and walk through the gates towards Casa de Lorenzo.
It’s just how I remember it. I often dream about it actually.
During a stressful day at work or when I’m sitting in a car park waiting for Louis to finish basketball practice or on a train that’s delayed because there are leaves on the line, I close my eyes and think of this place.
I think of drunken nights bombing into the pool.
I dream of big beds where I slept in a star shape and, I can’t lie, I dream of dildos in the bath.
And although this is a place of peace and solitude for me, I also couldn’t wait to bring my family here, to show them the place that restored me.
I hope that it can restore us too, as a family.
‘So, what do you think, Jay?’ I ask, draping an arm around my son’s shoulder.
He looks up at the stone as we walk through the courtyard, his head peering around to the pool. ‘It’s alright,’ I guess.
‘Just alright?’
‘Does it have—’
‘Scenic views, a pool, and history dating back to the eighteenth century? Yes. It also has Wi-Fi,’ I say, knowing my son a little too well.
‘I’m glad you asked about the Wi-Fi actually. Every day the password changes,’ Ben says, piping in.
We’re all poolside now and I look down at the floor, smiling to myself. ‘It wasn’t like that last time I was here,’ Bella says.
‘Oh, it’s new. I won’t tell you what to do with your phones but I give you the password every morning, after everyone’s had some breakfast. I serve it from nine to ten.’
Mike looks over to me, realising the rigid tech rules may have been more my doing.
I might have paid Ben a hundred pounds to do this but they’ll never know.
It’s a better solution than phones in pools.
The looks on the kids’ faces tell me everything I need to know.
Louis goes straight to Jay to complain about this because I pay for their data and given how hard they went at the airport, I know they do not have enough to sustain the week.
‘Seriously, Mum!’ Bella says. She knows because she’s basically a smaller version of me.
‘Look, I’m here because I want to spend time with you all.
I’ve got Ben cooking all your favourite dishes, he’s planned a few hikes, he’s told me where the cool beaches are, the ones with your youth music, and he’s even showing a film tonight in the garden,’ I say, pointing to the gazebo.
Ben has put the screen back up, and bean bags and throws line the floor.
Mike comes over and puts a hand into mine.
‘Every holiday, I just feel that we all get further and further away from each other. You crawl out of bed, ignore me and laugh over TikToks I don’t understand.
We spend ages arguing over what to eat and it all feels… ungrateful.’
‘“Youth music”,’ Louis repeats my words, smirking.
‘Oh, piss off, Louis,’ I say laughing. ‘Despite my better and saner instincts, I want to see more of you this holiday. At the risk of sounding clingy, I want to bond with you because, funny thing this, I love you all madly.’
The boys stand there listening. ‘Which film?’ Jay asks.
‘What else? The Karate Kid,’ I tell them.
‘Not the Jackie Chan version?’ Mike asks.
‘It’s like you think your wife is an amateur.’
And there’s a moment of silence. A moment dating back to maybe five years ago when we first watched it together as a family and the kids went nutso at the end and did that crane move on each other for weeks.
Louis got a black eye which was fun to explain to his school.
We all flash back to that memory. There is collective smiling (a rare phenomenon in teenagers) and they all nod their heads.
I’m mildly surprised that they have agreed that spending time with me isn’t completely abhorrent.
‘Right, well – I’m baking and I want to get in that pool so guys, let’s get roomed up and the bags upstairs,’ Mike says.
‘I know the way,’ Bella says. ‘Bagsy the big corner room with the mirror.’
They all float into the villa and I can hear the whispers of their voices as they discover the rooms; shutters opening over the pool as they lean out to appreciate the view. It leaves Ben and I alone by the pool. I go over and nudge his arm with mine.
‘You’re back,’ Ben says.
‘I said I would be. But this time I come with extra baggage.’
‘Drink?’ he asks.
‘Always.’
We walk over to the kitchen where a large jug of iced tea sits on the counter with some glass tumblers. It’s been three months since I was last here but it all feels so familiar. It’s strange how a building can embrace you, like it’s giving you a warm hug.
‘So, how are things going? Tell me everything,’ I say, pulling up a stool.
‘It’s been good. I think the word is “experimental”. I did a writing retreat last week – that was different. They just want to stay in their rooms and be fed. I offer a whole detox package – lots of chia seeds, lemons and turmeric on the menu…’
‘Fancy.’
‘Yeah, but they were a bit grumpy and between you and me, I had to get in extra loo roll.’
I laugh. There is something about Ben’s face that looks bright, more relaxed. I remember the guy I met when I first arrived here who seemed slightly unsure about everything but now he radiates a feeling like he’s at home. I love that for him.
‘I saw Jess the other day,’ I tell him between sips.
‘Amazing, how is she?’ he asks.
‘She’s so great. We had lunch. I met Dean, the twins. She sends her love… Chloe was there too.’
I wait to see his reaction when I say her name. I notice his chest catch on the rise. I smile.
‘How is she?’ he asks, steadying himself with a sip of cold water.
‘She’s really good actually. We disentangled her from the tentacles of her old job and she’s at an amazing practice in central London now. They flew her out to Shanghai the other day, she has lots of international work.’
He beams, nodding and looking down to the floor. ‘We disentangled?’ he asks.
‘Sometimes a girl needs an army to get her back on track,’ I explain. ‘Well done for all that you did for her too though,’ I joke. ‘I think that out of all us, she was the one who was at her lowest. You really gave her a hand and helped loosen her up again.’
Ben side-eyes me and flares his nostrils. ‘I don’t know if you’re speaking in innuendo, Zara?’
‘I was trying to put it nicely,’ I reply, smiling.
‘You knew about the sex then?’ he says.
‘Ben, yes,’ I tell him. ‘Jess and I are not stupid. The two of you were like gooey-eyed teenagers. For both of us, it was like living in a real-time romcom. You’d say cutesy things to one another and we’d be kicking our legs, elbowing each other, getting excited about it all. Wondering how it would all end.’
‘Then I guess you weren’t keen on the actual ending?’ he asks.
‘Jess still has a tenner on you two getting back together,’ I tell him. ‘I thought you’d come back to London at some point.’
He looks down to his hands. ‘I didn’t want to get in the way of her achieving what she needed to do.’
‘You’re a sizeable man but I doubt that would have happened,’ I tell him, laughing.