15. Chapter 15
Arwen
Isit on my oversized bed playing with a tassel from one of the decorative pillows. My aching body wants to melt into this mattress, but my mind is reeling.
Although I’m several floors up, the lively sounds of the street still echo outside, and the bright flash of neon green and pink keeps lighting up the windows on repeat.
Pink…. Green.
Pink….
A soft, measured knock sounds against my door, breaking through my mental fog of counting colors.
By the knock, I already know who it is. I push myself up and pad across the carpet in bare feet, pulling the door open.
Atticus is as composed as ever. Shaved, cleaned up, put back together like none of the past few weeks every happened. But I know better. You can’t wash it away. I can still see the strain in storm-blue eyes when they land on me.
“This feels weird,” he says. “Walls, doors… I’ve grown used to being able to just look over and see if you are there or not.”
He tucks his hand in his suit pockets, leaning against the door frame. “It’s an oddly lonesome feeling.”
“I think… I think I’m still processing. That we’re out. That I don’t have to go to the lab tomorrow.”
It’s clear there’s so much sitting between us. Too much we haven’t said.
He exhales, like he’s not looking forward to this talk.
“Can I come in? I won’t take much of your time,” he says, voice steady. “I wanted to come and tell you in person.”
Something in my chest tightens. Panic breaks through the numbness as I move aside and he walks in.
“What do you mean? Tell me what?” I say, closing the door behind him.
He faces me and meets my eyes. “I’m leaving.”
I shake my head; the reaction instinctive. “No.”
The words send me into a spiral, and I don’t know why.
“You just got out,” I continue, stepping closer without realizing it. “We just got out. You can’t seriously be thinking about leaving already.”
“I have to,” he says, face going sympathetic. “I need to go back to Pride.”
Frustration sparks, hot and immediate. “Why? So your father can interrogate you about where I am? So he can come and finish the job of sending me to the Wastes? We both tried talking to him at the trial, and it didn’t work out so well for us.”
He looks away first—down and to the left, jaw working like he’s chewing on something he won’t say. I don’t think he actually wants to leave.
“Arwen, I would never tell my father where you are. You are my priority.”
I don’t know why, but the words settle somewhere behind my sternum and do something I’m not prepared for—a flutter, quick and traitorous.
“My father needs to know what Councilor Blaise has done,” he replies. “This isn’t something that remains hidden for long. When it surfaces, it will destabilize more than just Greed.”
“And you think walking back into Pride is the solution?” I shoot back.
“I think Councilor Blaise deserves to be flayed for what he’s done to you. And Pride has the best resources and allies to make that happen,” he says, quieter now, “I need to control how that information is received.”
That sounds like him, infuriatingly logical.
And completely reckless.
My arms cross over my chest. “You could get hurt. Your father didn’t stop you from being exiled with me to the Wastes.”
“My father didn’t know that I’d go that far. Remember, I could read his feelings. He’s a lot of things, but he’s not one to stand by while his only heir gets taken from him. It made him look weak. He needs me.”
His voice softens as he grabs my hand in his.
“And I need you to be safe. Step one is removing Counselor Blaise from the equation. Step two is getting you safe and back behind academy walls. My father can make that happen.”
He swallows. “I won’t allow you to be taken again.”
There’s conviction in his voice. The kind that bends rooms to his will.
“I couldn’t do anything before. Maddox is right. I couldn’t protect you then. But I will not stand by now. I can make these moves that are going to keep you safe. And I’m going to take them.”
He steps in closer to me and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “Even if it means I have to be away from you for a little while.”
“And me?” I ask in a pathetic voice that would usually make me cringe.
“Maddox will keep you safe. I don’t like it, but he’s your completed bond. He’s bound to protect you, and if he doesn’t, I will destroy everything he has.”
“You don’t have to be so dramatic.” I roll my eyes, trying to hide my desperation and regain my composure.
Seriously, Arwen. Get it together.
“I hate that you’re right. I hate this makes sense. And I hate it means you’re leaving.”
Silence stretches between us at that, thick and uncomfortable. His gaze flickers, like he’s debating something.
“There are… other things we need to discuss,” he says. “Not right now, but soon. The bonds. Between you, me and Maddox. How we’re going to navigate it. How the future looks.”
My stomach twists as guilt slides in, sharp and sudden.
He doesn’t know about the other bonds. About how tangled this has become.
For a second, I almost tell him. The words sit right there, on the edge of my tongue. I open my mouth to speak, as he cuts me off with an embarrassed look.
“Sorry, you probably think I’m talking about our bond… or completing it. It’s not that… that will always be your choice. We don’t even ever have to if that’s what you want. I just meant in how we will interact. There’s history… me… Maddox…” he continues rambling as I close my mouth.
This is already too much. He’s about to walk into Pride. Into danger. Into his father.
The last thing he needs is something else clouding his judgment.
Now’s not the time.
“I know what you meant,” I say instead, quieter. “We’ll… figure it out. In time.”
His eyes search mine like he knows there’s more I’m not saying, but gives me a small nod.
“I guess this is goodbye,” I mutter, looking anywhere but at him. Because if I look at him, I will definitely ask him to stay.
Screw logical.
“I’ll be back before you know it,” he says softy. He closes the small distance left between us. His hand lifts and hesitates for just a fraction of a second, like he’s giving me time to pull away.
I don’t.
His fingers brush against my temple, and he leans in and presses a soft kiss to my forehead.
It’s so gentle, it makes me want to cry. My chest tightens painfully.
When he pulls back, his expression is composed again, that perfect mask sliding back into place.
“I’ll see you soon, Arwen. Be safe.”
Don’t go, I want to say.
Come back. Stay with me.
I say none of it.
“Try not to start a war while you’re gone,” I manage instead.
His mouth curves. “No promises.”
The door closes behind him, and it feels like my safety blanket for the past month being ripped away. I stand there for a long time after, staring at nothing.
Trying not to think about the fact that one bond is drawing me closer—
While the other just walked away.