40. Chapter 40
Arwen
By the time Professor Pox finally dismisses me from our session, my entire body feels wound too tight.
Not even a flicker this time.
Just me, alone in the center of the padded training room. The three second-year Gluttony students by the door shift their weight, their eyes skating over my shoulders, the ceiling tiles, the scuff marks on the floor—anywhere but directly at me.
I shove open the classroom doors hard enough that they slam against the wall behind me.
“Careful,” Pox calls after me. “The academy prefers its doors attached to the hinges.”
I don’t bother responding.
My hands won’t stop shaking as I stalk down the hallway. I press them flat against my thighs and keep walking. I’ll go to the combat gym to burn off some steam.
Broken.
The word loops through my skull. Universe, I hate this. I hate feeling weak. But most of all, I hate not understanding what’s wrong with me.
“You’re glaring at the grass hard enough to light it on fire. Where will you go if you burn this place down?”
I stop dead at the sound of his voice.
Alexi Zevalli lounges across one of the outdoor benches lining the Lust bathhouse wing without a care in the world.
The sun shines off his golden curls, while he relaxes in his sunglasses, sans shirt, which reveals the sexiest V right above his sweatpants and…. Am I drooling?
Bad Arwen.
He runs with Ryker. We don’t like anyone who associates with Ryker, bond or not. Not that he’d ever care about a bond being from Lust and all.
A few students surround him, laughing too hard at something one of them says. A beautiful brunette practically hangs over the back of his chair. She might as well be in his lap.
But Alexi’s attention is entirely on me. I should check in with him since it’s been months since two of my other bonds were revealed, but…
“I’m not in the mood, Alexi,” I mutter, walking again.
He gets up, knocking the brunette over in the process, and falls into step beside me. She rightly curses him out for being a jerk.
“You’re in a mood,” he says smoothly. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I look his way, coming to a stop. He wanted nothing to do with me last year, aside from trying to scare me away from Ryker in his own twisted way.
I’ve heard nothing from him since being back at the academy.
He was the least of my bond worries, being Lust and all, and I trust him only a smidge more than Ryker.
So what is he playing at?
He smiles and tucks his hands into his baggy sweatpants.
I scowl at him.
“How’s the dramatic return to academy life going?” he asks. “I hear you’re terrifying students and disappointing professors all across campus.”
“I’m aware the academy gossip mill is alive and well.”
He studies me for a moment, gaze flicking over my face. “You coming from sin power training?”
I exhale. “What did Ryker give you a copy of my class schedule so you two could torment me together again this year?”
“If I remember correctly, I tried to warn you away from said torture.”
“Yes, in the most cryptic and creepy way possible.”
He huffs a laugh and takes off his sunglasses. The bright green of his eyes always takes my breath away.
Excuse me, universe… we need to have a talk about these attributes you freely throw out to asshole men.
“So what’s got you in such a bad mood after power training? Don’t you enjoy practicing now that you have everything you ever wanted? Brand new ability. A whole new band of merry men to worship you and fill your every desire?”
I wince feeling guilty. I probably should have made more of an effort to talk to Alexi when I got here about my bonds.
He notices.
“Oh, don’t mind me,” he says. “I know where I fall on the food chain between the three of us.”
“Alexi, this is ridiculous,” I lower my voice to a whisper. “We’ve barely spoken. I was under the impression that the bond was off the table for us. You’re a Luster!”
It’s hard to read him, but he looks sheepish, so I continue. “What’s this really about?”
“It’s not working anymore, is it?”
“What?” I ask, confused at the change of topic.
“During your monologue, I got to thinking. Why would Arwen, poor little previous sinless Arwen, be upset after a class where she gets to use her new big bad power?”
He taps his chin, like he’s thinking. “And then it hits me. Your power’s not working. Or you’re not controlling it? Something has gone wrong. Or maybe you just don’t like using it?”
Damn him.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Alexi snorts behind me as I walk away. He catches up quickly.
“I think you do.”
We turn down a quieter corridor, the noise from the bathhouse lounge fading behind us.
“Fuck off, Alexi.”
“Did you know you get aggressive when you’re embarrassed,” he continues.
“I get aggressive when people annoy me.”
“Just slow down and talk to me,” he says, grabbing my arm lightly. “I’m trying to help. Maddox isn’t here. Clearly something is going on with Atticus. I’m assuming his father is involved.”
I shoot him a surprised look. He really is damn observant.
“When was the last time it worked properly?” he asks.
I decide to give in. “I don’t know… before the academy, I guess.”
A little information, sure. But he doesn’t need to know the full bloody details of the appendage removal.
“Hm,” he responds like that answer alone told him something important.
“So what’s changed?” he asks.
“Nothing has changed.”
“Lying doesn’t suit you.”
“Universe, are all Lust students this insufferable?”
He leans one shoulder against the wall beside me, expression relaxed.
“You came back to Gluttony with power,” he says. “You use it multiple times. Successfully. And maybe a little violently, from the stories I’ve heard.” His eyes flick to mine. “Then suddenly it stops responding.”
I swallow hard.
“Trauma can affect powers,” I say defensively.
“I think that’d be the case for most people.” He tilts his head slightly. “But you’ve been living with trauma your entire life. You had exile hanging over your head the entire year, and it pushed you forward. You didn’t get caught under the weight of it.”
Silence falls as I consider it. His words make sense. I’ve said from the beginning it doesn’t feel like I’m holding back emotionally. It feels blocked. Like a physical barrier.
“Who was there?”
The question lands strangely. “What?”
“The last time your power worked correctly.” His gaze sharpens. “Who was with you?”
My stomach twists. Because suddenly my mind is replaying every moment where my power came to me easily.
The bed.
The columns in the grand hall.
The fight at the docks.
Maddox.
He was there every single time. But that’s unheard of? A power relying on someone else?
No, because that would mean—
Alexi watches the realization move across my face in real time. And the bastard immediately notices.
“You figured something out,” he breathes.
“Maddox.” My pulse stutters.
I hate my face betrays me. This is not good. If people found out, they’d know I’m a sitting duck. Without Maddox, I’m vulnerable. Unable to defend myself with power.
Alexi goes still as his gaze darkens. “If your power depends on Maddox West…” he says slowly. “That’s a much bigger problem than embarrassment, sweetheart.”
Alexi moves to walk away. Hands back in his pockets. Expression unreadable again.
Panic hits me. What is he going to do with this information?
“Relax,” he says over his shoulder. “I’m not going to expose you. But you should inform your bonded.”
With that, he disappears down the corridor, leaving me standing there alone with the horrible realization unraveling inside my chest.