Chapter Twenty
SIDNEY
I’ve gotten used to seeing my name in headlines.
Most of the time, it doesn’t faze me. Stats, trades, speculation, all part of the business. You learn to skim past the noise and not read any of the tabloids. I don’t have any alerts set up when it comes to my name or my team.
I really don’t need to. Because when something is wrong, everyone reaches out to let you know.
I had just gotten back up to my condo from the gym when the first text came in.
Thinking nothing of it, I tossed my phone onto my bed and headed for the shower.
It’s not until I’m drying my hair with a towel and thinking about what to make for my post-workout meal that I pick up my phone again and pause.
Seventeen text messages.
That can’t be good.
Clicking in, I can see messages from Mason, Max, my agent, and my sister. An odd combo of people, but my fiercest defenders when something is wrong.
I click into the first text.
MASON: Uh… you might wanna see this, man.
He attached a link…and a screenshot.
Fuck. A link means serious business. Taking a grounding breath, I click it. And my stomach drops.
WHO IS THE SINGLE MOM SPENDING NIGHTS WITH CRANE? Toronto netminder spotted leaving townhouse in the suburbs early Sunday morning. Sources say he’s very involved with the woman and her teen son. Is this a distraction the Nighthawks can afford so early in the season?
Below it is a grainy long-lens photo of me stepping off Eddie’s front porch, duffel bag over my shoulder, head tilted up to get a kiss from her. You can’t see much of the house or her face, but it’s clear in my body language that I’m with this woman.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I scroll down, jaw clenched. My anger bubbles higher and higher with each new headline I read.
Gossip sites have picked it up. Sports blogs are running their own versions. Shit, even the local Toronto news station has a blurb.
Crane’s New Distraction?
Single Mom and NHL Star — Whirlwind Romance or PR Nightmare?
Can Crane Stay Mentally Locked In With Off-Ice Drama?
My phone buzzes with more texts.
KARLA, AGENT: Saw it. Don’t panic. Come in early, we’ll loop the rest of the PR team in.
COACH TAYLOR: Ignore the noise today. Be here at 10. We’ll handle the rest.
And then one that makes everything else blur.
Eddie.
EDDIE: They know where I live.
The words hit like a slap. I call her immediately. She answers on the second ring, voice thin and strained.
Hey, I say carefully. Are you okay?
Yes, I’m okay. I think. I don’t know how I feel right now other than numb, she rattles off, voice getting higher in pitch with each word.
Has anyone shown up? I ask. Reporters? Photographers?
Yeah, there are a couple who are hanging around. Not doing much. But my phone… She lets out an incredulous, bitter laugh. My phone is blowing up. My parents, of course. They saw the story somehow and must have recognized my blurry face.
Something dark and ugly twists in my chest. What did they say?
She hesitates, then reads, voice flat:
‘So this is what you’re doing now? Parading your poor choices into the spotlight for the whole city to see?’
My hands fist.
Another one, she adds quietly. ‘You’re a mother, Edith. You should be ashamed of yourself, involving Joey in this circus. Haven’t you embarrassed us enough?’
I want to reach through the phone and tear the messages out of existence.
They don’t get to speak to you like that, I say, voice low.
They always have, she says softly. That’s sort of their thing.
My chest aches. Eddie—
I can’t do this, she blurts. Sidney, I can’t. Joey—he didn’t sign up for this. I didn’t sign up for this. People online are already commenting about him. What if someone figures out what school he goes to? What if someone bothers him in person? I can’t…I can’t expose him to that.
Her voice breaks on the last word.
I swallow hard. We’ll protect him.
How? she demands. You can’t control the internet. Or people with cameras. Or what my parents say to him if they ever decide to show up again. They’ve already told me I’m ruining his life for the second time.
Rage flares, hot and blinding.
They were wrong the first time. Having Joey was the best decision, I say quietly. She goes silent. I know how people talk, I add. I can and will protect you from the media.
A shaky breath pulls through the line. I don’t want Joey to grow up thinking he’s a mistake. Or that he’s a burden or some consequence I should be ashamed of.
He’s not, I say fiercely. He’s the best damn thing.
I know that, she whispers. But they don’t. And the more attention this gets, the louder they get. The louder everyone gets.
I hear it then—beneath the panic, beneath the anger. The fear.
Not just of the media. Of history repeating itself. So instead of staying and fighting with me, she’s going to retreat.
I think we should…step back. Slow down again, she says, the words sounding torn from her. Just for a while. Until the attention dies down and things get quiet.
The floor might as well have dropped out from under me.
Eddie—
I need to put Joey first, she says. I know you care about him. I know you care about us. But this is too much, too fast.
I close my eyes. Old me would’ve shut down. Numbed out. Protected myself by retreating.
This me can’t.
I understand you need to protect him, I say eventually, voice tight. I respect that. But I’m not walking away.
She lets out a broken, half-sobbing sound. I’m not asking you to walk away forever. Just…for a little while. We can still text. Still talk. But I don’t think we should see each other in person temporarily.
The words land like blows. How long is a while in her mind? What the fuck does temporarily mean in the grand scheme of things? I hate it, hate every word that came out of her mouth. But I take them.
This isn’t your fault, I say. This is on me. On my world. It followed me into yours. I’m going to fix that.
You can’t fix the internet, Sidney, she whispers. You can’t fix my family.
No. But I can decide how I show up in this.
She doesn’t respond.
I’m going to give you a little space, I say quietly. Because you’re scared, and I get it. But I’m not letting you go.
Sidney—
I mean it. We’ll talk soon.
I hang up before I can say something that I’d maybe regret in the future. I don’t want to silence her voice or her concerns, but I also won’t let her just back away from the fight.
I love her. I love Joey. And I will fight to keep them by my side, no matter the odds.
The rage comes back, thick and hot. I grab my keys and head for the rink.
Max and Coach are waiting in a conference room with the team PR head when I arrive. A laptop is open on the table, headlines glowing like accusations.
Okay, PR says. We need to get in front of this before it gets worse.
It’s the first time in my career that my personal life and team strategy ended up in the same sentence. I sit down, and I listen, hearing everything they have to say. And while they talk, a plan begins to form in my head.
If Eddie thinks this attention is going to make me disappear, she doesn’t know me at all.
I save things for a living.
And I am going to save my future with Eddie. Even if it means taking a couple of hits.