Chapter 11
Beau
Milo begrudgingly hops into Darlene, and we head to Oskar’s home. He eyes the dashboard warily, probably noting that a few warning lights may have come to life since we drove her this morning. I’ll take her in this weekend. Nothing to be alarmed about.
I can feel Milo’s attentive eyes watching me carefully. So, so carefully.
“Did you have something you wanted to talk about?” I ask slowly, carefully testing the waters. Milo nods. I can see him in my peripheral.
He pauses for a second, choosing his words.
“Why did you make it seem that anything between us is impossible?” he asks. I can tell his words are careful, that he’s testing me just as much as I’m testing him.
“I have a rule,” I state matter-of-factly. “It’s nothing crazy. I just don’t get involved with teammates. It gets messy.” I then go into a brief overview of everything that happened with Axel.
I had my first hookup with a guy my senior year of high school. We were on the same juniors team, and on the same club team all through middle and high school. It was our last year because we had both just turned eighteen.
He walked up to me after practice one day and said he saw me checking him out. I was so scared in that moment, terrified of being found out, terrified of being outed to my team and giving up the sport that made me feel alive. But instead of punching me like I thought he would, he kissed me.
I’d never kissed a guy before, and yeah, I did think he was kind of hot, so I kissed him back. I remember the flood of panic I’d felt fading to excitement as the kiss went on. The rub of his body against mine was thrilling.
One thing led to another. We were two horned-up teenagers and our horny brains just took over.
I probably wasn’t as freaked out as I should have been, giving my first blowjob in a dirty locker room.
I definitely wasn’t as stressed about being caught as I should have been.
After that, it sort of became a … thing.
It wasn’t a relationship. We never called it anything.
We just fooled around, blow jobs, hand jobs, usually on the road or after late practices when everyone else had cleared out.
It was working fine for a while. But then I met my longtime girlfriend, Bianca, in a shared class. We started as lab partners, and it turned into more. Bianca did want a label. She did want exclusivity, so I tried to break things off with Axel.
Let’s just say that Axel did not take it well.
Any time he got near me, he would chirp at me, calling me every name in the book. He didn’t shy away from homophobic slurs either. He aggressively checked me during practices and would purposefully not pass to me in games. It got so bad that our coach wouldn’t play us on the same line anymore.
It sucks. I lost a good friend to my horny teenage brain. I don’t want to make that same mistake with my horny adult brain.
My chest grows tight thinking about how things ended with Axel. But I know I made the right choice back then. “Things always have the chance to go south, and I don’t want to risk that with a teammate again. I don’t want to risk that animosity with you.”
I sneak a peek at him. He’s staring straight ahead, his brows pinched and his lips downturned. I frown, too, because something in me hates seeing that look on his face. Hates making him upset.
“He was in love with you,” Milo says matter-of-factly, like there’s no room for argument. I splutter at his assertion. There’s no way. “He was in love with you, and you were just using him.”
“What?” My voice is a little shaky, my hands tightening on the steering wheel. “He was not in love with me.” I shake my head, fighting not to close my eyes since I am driving. “There is no chance.”
“He was definitely in love with you, and you both dumped him and told him he never meant anything to you at the same time.”
Something akin to a million moths takes flight in my belly, and I feel dark and swirly.
Could he be right? Did I do that to someone?
I don’t like feeling like this, this feeling of dread. I steal a peek over at my sunshine, and he’s frowning. The swirling feeling intensifies. I hate that he thinks I’m this heartless asshole now. I hate that he could have any negative feeling toward me.
But of course he does. I fucked him and then pushed him away.
I shake my head, trying to break free from this clawing need to bring out his sunshiny smile.
Do I distract him?
“I had a lot of fun with you, you know?” I try. “It was incredible. You were incredible.”
Milo nods slowly, considering my words, his mouth pressed in a flat line.
“Best sex I’ve ever had,” he deadpans.
Fuck.
I cough, half-laughing and half-stunned. He’s never had anyone else to compare it to, but he is comparing it to nothing, and I somehow win.
“Yeah, I’m glad,” I say nervously, eyeing him as I pull off the highway.
We sit in a kind of stilted silence as the drive goes on. Fuck, I just need us to get there so we can get out of this truck I accidentally hotboxed with my conversation choices.
The air feels stuffy in here, and I’m suddenly sweltering. My collar feels too tight, much too tight. I roll down the windows even more and yank at my collar a little for some kind of relief—any relief, really.
What should only be maybe a five-minute drive somehow feels like twenty in the uncomfortable silence.
I did this. I made him feel uncomfortable.
We finally pull up to Oskar’s ridiculous McMansion and park on the street.
I’ve barely put Darlene into park when Milo hops out and starts walking toward the house.
I watch as he walks away, that ass bouncing with every step.
My lip worries between my teeth as I ogle him. Fuck, I feel like such a pervert.
I hop out of Darlene myself and trudge up the walkway, taking in the grandeur of this place. It’s a Victorian masterpiece, all red brick and intricate architecture.
The door is wide open, and Oskar is waiting for me.
“Welcome, friend,” he says, gesturing with an open arm into the huge entryway. I look around the impressive room, my eyes the size of saucers as I take everything in.
It looks like Oskar has leaned into the Victorian features. Smaller, more segmented rooms are connected by high archways. I walk through room after room of intimate, cozy spaces that seem so unlike the Swedish defenseman. The colors are bold, vibrant, so incredibly outlandish.
The living area is down a few steps from the entryway, through this huge, ornate wooden arch. The ceilings are high, vaulted, maybe?
I’m not, like, a real estate expert by any means. I just know it’s beautiful, and it’s very different from anything I would have actually expected Oskar to live in.
I think about the penthouse apartment that Davis and his girlfriend live in, in downtown Dallas. It’s all sleek designs and sharp edges. This place and Milo’s place are both cozy, warm, inviting.
I want to spend time here, relax here.
I think the word I’m looking for is "homey".
Yeah, Oskar’s place is homey. Like, I could see him having a family here, maybe. Little blond rascals running around and wreaking havoc.
I smile to myself, imagining it.
Suddenly, those little blonds are running through a much different house in my head, their freckled faces breaking into an all-too-familiar smile.
I shake my head, breaking myself free from the dreamy imagery. I run my fingers through my curls, yanking a little just to feel something.
Am I really picturing me and Milo having kids? No, right? That would be wild.
I run into Paxton and Kirill, deep in conversation with one of the guys from our farm team, Clarke something, and two very attractive women. I’m introduced to Viviane, Clarke’s girlfriend, and Angelika, Kirill’s new girlfriend.
Viviane is all legs and closed-mouth smiles. She doesn’t seem particularly happy to be here, but Clarke has his hand around her waist and is pulling her close. His eyes are locked in on the hand Kirill has on Angelika’s ass, though. Fuck, you couldn’t pay me to deal with that mess.
I know that kind of tension, the kind that simmers just below the surface, waiting to boil over. I’m living it. I make a mental note to stay out of whatever that is. Drama like that has a way of spreading.
Paxton looks completely unaware of the bubbling tension between all four people as he simply picks at the food on his plate and chatters away. I decide I’m not going to touch that with a ten-foot pole and walk past them, throwing up a little wave when Paxton calls out my name.
Brennan is chatting with a few of the younger players. They’re on lines further down the list, but not for long. Those kids are fast; they’ll be leading the lines in no time.
Milo is in the kitchen, fixing himself a plate.
I step through another ornate arch, and a little gasp breaks free.
This kitchen is huge. It’s just endless counter space, with a large island, and the fridge is massive.
Lining the counters are buffet trays full of breakfast foods, the tantalizing smell of eggs, sausage, and bacon filling the air.
I step in next to Milo, who has his plate filled a respectable amount.
I start piling food on my plate and try desperately to ignore the tension between me and my goalie. Normal sexual tension I can handle, but this frustrated tension, I don’t like it.
I turn to look around. No one else is in the kitchen. When I turn to face Milo, he’s already looking at me.
“Could we sit somewhere, maybe talk for a minute?” I ask, shuffling my feet because of my overwhelming nerves.
He nods, and I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.
He turns, and I follow him through the endless rooms of this huge house.
We pass so many teammates and WAGs, and we have to say hi to every single one of them.
Finally, finally, we make it to the backyard.
No one is out here, so it’s just us as we plop down on the patio set.
I open my mouth to start yapping, and Milo puts up a hand.
“First, if you apologize for sleeping with me, I’m walking away.
You made my first time incredible, and I don’t regret it.
” I smile at him because I don’t regret it either.
I wasn’t planning on apologizing for it, but I’m glad to know he doesn’t want me to regardless.
“Second, I’m sorry for insinuating that you were using Axel.
You were just a dumb kid. You didn’t know any better. ”
I shake my head at that.
“No, no, I think you were right. I probably need to reflect on it, like, a ton more, but looking back, there were signs that Axel maybe felt more than he was letting on. And I just wasn’t ready for that with him.”
“But you were ready for it with Bianca.”
“To be completely fair to myself, Bianca was straightforward with what she wanted, even as a teenager. She never played any games. It’s why we ended on such good terms.” Which is the truth.
We aren’t going to be best friends or anything, but I know she has my back if I absolutely need to call on her.
“And I wasn’t going to apologize for sleeping with you.” I chuckle, the sound deep and a little hoarse. “I could never regret that.”
He looks over at me, his head tilted down, gazing at me through those lashes. Fuck, this man has me wanting to break every rule over and over again.