Chapter 26
Beau
Idon’t remember anything but blindingly bright lights and the most sickening pain in my arm. Or maybe the pain isn’t in my arm. Maybe it’s my shoulder. Possibly in my neck. I just know it hurts to move, and I’m on so many drugs it’s unbelievable.
It feels like my head is in a bubble as I look around the hospital room. It’s so sterile and boring here.
Well, it was, until some people started sending flowers. Then there’s a small garden in the corner, all these beautiful flowers showing up. The nurse said some were from the team management, the owner, the Boston management, et cetera, et cetera.
The morning sun manages to shine through the closed curtains and directly into my eye. I blink and cringe at the brightness.
The nurse this morning said my concussion was so bad and I should rest, but my head is pounding and my arm, shoulder, neck, whatever, is aching.
Out for the season.
Fuck, I bet the higher-ups are cursing this trade now that they can’t use me to get to the playoffs like we planned. I wanted to show them that we could so badly. I wanted to show that I was a good choice, that bringing me on was a good move for them, and then this happens.
This happens, and I can’t prove shit to anyone.
The door clicks, and I swing my head back to see who’s coming in. The head swing was a mistake, because holy shit, that hurts.
Oh.
Oh, it’s him.
Milo.
“Milo,” I say on a whisper, as if I’m afraid if I speak too loudly that I’ll scare him away, or maybe that he’s not real and if I acknowledge him too fervently that he’ll disappear.
“Beau,” he says just as carefully, almost like he’s afraid of all the same things.
My vision is swimming, and all his features blur together, and I’m not sure why.
“Oh, baby.”
He’s moving then, suddenly and so quickly, by my side. His fingers brush my wet cheeks.
Oh.
I’m crying.
When did I start crying?
Wetness drips onto my hand.
He’s crying too.
“Why are you crying?” I ask him, my voice not really mine but drenched in heavy medication. I sound woozy, and I feel woozier.
“You scared me, sweetheart.” He keeps brushing the wetness from my cheeks, only for the tears to keep pouring. “I was so worried about you,” he says, the tears overflowing and streaming down blotchy cheeks.
“Shhh, baby,” I try to soothe him as I cry harder too. I try to reposition myself in bed, scooching slightly, and he immediately moves to take up the open space. He curls his body around me, gentle with his touch but desperate to feel me.
We lie there together for quite some time, kind of unaware of how much time has passed, just enjoying each other’s company.
We must have fallen asleep because, the next thing I know, the loud creak of the opening door stirs us. Milo is drooling on my uninjured shoulder, and Paxton is standing in the doorway.
Paxton.
Captain Paxton “Matty” Mathews.
Captain of the Minnesota Fury.
My team captain.
Oh fuck.
“Matty.” I try to adjust myself in the hospital bed, pushing myself up to a seated position and jostling Milo in my wake. He stirs slowly, cuddling into me and rubbing his face into my chest.
I shake him a little, causing him to look up at me, and he gives me a sleepy smile. I smile back at him because I just can’t help it. He’s so beautiful like this, the morning light blasting through the curtains and causing his golden curls to glow like a halo.
“Milo,” I whisper to him, kissing his temple, because we’re already caught, might as well go all in. “We have company.”
“Huh?” he asks, still blinking the sleep out of his eyes. He looks too cute like this, but his eyes go wide when he registers my words. He pushes himself to standing much too fast and wobbles like crazy. “Paxton,” he says sharply, and for a second, I think he’s going to salute him.
“Milo,” he says slowly, obviously still processing the scene he walked in on. “Beau.” He’s looking between us, careful consideration in his eyes. “Management wanted to come check and see how you’re feeling. I offered to come because I was worried about you.”
I’ve never been more thankful in my life because, despite how okay I feel about all this, I am definitely not ready to face management. I look at Milo, and he’s looking at me, confusion on his face more than fear. I nod, because if he’s okay with this, so am I.
“So,” Paxton starts, “how long has this been going on?” He kind of vaguely gestures between us like we are unaware of what this looks like. More importantly, like we’re unaware of exactly what this is.
“I just want to clarify,” Milo pipes up, albeit nervously, “just exactly what this is.”
Paxton makes a face at him and shakes his head fervently.
“I really don’t need to know the gory details, guys.” He waves us off hurriedly.
“No, no, Paxton, god, I would never.” Milo’s eyes are bugged out of his head, and I laugh at him.
He smiles easily at me, taking my laugh in stride.
“No, I just mean, this isn’t some… fling.
At least, it isn’t to me.” He looks at me again with just the biggest, most hopeful eyes.
I can’t help but match his smile with one of my own.
“It’s not a fling for me either. I don’t think it has been for a long ass time. Not to me.” I smile a secret little smile, and Milo matches it.
This is the first either of us has actually said anything of the sort aloud. We both just look at each other and smile , a little more broadly.
“Okay, I get it, guys, really.” Paxton is chuckling, his arms crossed over his broad chest. He’s dressed as casually as the first time I met him, athletic shorts and a long -sleeve compression shirt under a hoodie.
His black hair is flopping into his face over and over as he keeps trying to brush it back.
He really is a handsome guy. Too bad my type is tall blonds with big princess eyes and bubble butts, with smiles that light up every room he walks into.
“So,” Milo starts, staring at the floor and shuffling his feet, “I guess this is us coming out?”
Paxton seems to think about this carefully, looking between the two of us before staring at his own feet.
We stand there in stilted silence for a few minutes. It’s not uncomfortable or anything. I think Milo and I can both tell Paxton has something to say, and we’re both just patiently waiting for him to open up.
Finally, Milo speaks up.
“You don’t have to tell us anything if you’re not ready.” He says this carefully, as if he’s approaching a cornered animal, trying so desperately to be a safe space for him to land. But he’s right; whatever Paxton is gearing up to share doesn’t have to be this earth-shattering moment.
“No, guys, it’s fine.” He takes a deep breath and smiles at us both. I’m still not entirely sure he’s going to say anything when he takes another deep breath. “I’m pan,” he says. Followed quickly by, “Pansexual.”
Oh.
Oh.
Wow.
“I’m bi,” I decide to pipe in. “Bisexual.”
“I’m just gay.” Milo shrugs, and laughter bubbles from my chest. I don’t know what it is, but something about that is just so hilarious to me.
Paxton and Milo join me in raucous laughter.
The laughter dies down, and it’s just three queer men standing in a somewhat awkward silence.
“So what does this mean?” Milo asks after the laughter has died down. “Do we have to come out now?”
I can visibly see the captain switch flip on in Paxton.
“This doesn’t have to mean anything. I don’t really feel the need to come out right now, you know?
It’s not my time yet.” He gestures to himself, and we both nod, because who are we to tell this guy what to do.
“But I fully support you two, and the team will give you their full support as well.” I raise a brow because, the whole team? Really?
Milo nods, though. He looks at me, and the corners of his mouth tilt up.
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure coach’s daughter is gay.
I think Davidson has two dads?” He nods but still looks pensive, like he’s trying to conjure more queer connections on the team.
I’m honestly not one hundred percent certain who Davidson is.
I think maybe a D-man? “Yeah, I think Jo and Dre in marketing are both queer.” I definitely don’t know who they are.
“There’s more than just that, but what matters is: do you feel ready to come out to the team?
Do you feel ready to come out to the fans?
” We look between each other, and back at our captain, who throws a hand up.
“Look, dude, you’re concussed. Why don’t you take some time to think about it.
You’re gonna have nothing but time while your collarbone heals up.
” He laughs again, backing up toward the door slowly.
“I’m gonna let you both get back to your nap, but maybe just keep the cuddling to a minimum until you get discharged? ” He winks and walks out the door.
And then it’s just the two of us. The light is still shining through the small opening of the window. The world didn’t end.
But I’m still pretty hopped up on pain meds, so I check in with Milo anyway.
“Did that really happen?” My voice is incredulous. “The drugs they gave me earlier were really good. The doctor turned into a walrus.”
“A walrus?”
“Yeah, a walrus. So I’m thinking really anything could happen.”
We both laugh at the absurdity, but Milo reassures me anyway.
“Yeah, that really just happened. Our captain came out to us.” He turns and looks at me, eyes still wide.
“Like, actually came out to us.” He shakes his head, smiling to himself before sharing it with me.
“Go back to sleep, baby. You should be getting out of here soon.” He leans over, kissing my temple.
I feel so at peace with him here with me.
“I’m gonna go talk to the nurse, okay, sweetheart? ”
I nod slowly, a sleepiness overwhelming me as I watch that bubble butt walk out the door.
Fuck, this is all so real.
I must have dozed off because, the next thing I know, there’s a loud ringing. It’s incessant and never-ending. My head is absolutely pounding, but I manage to peel my eyes open.
The light in my room is absolutely blinding, and the ceaseless ringing is reverberating in my head. It stops and then picks up immediately again.
I finally am able to move enough to find my phone, the source of the ringing, but I’m surprised to see the caller ID.
“Bianca?” I answer, my voice staggered.
“Beau, thank goodness.” Her voice is not the most unwelcome sound.
While we did go our separate ways, we didn’t part on the worst terms. I just assumed she hated me since she never responded to my voicemail about Christian Grady.
“I was watching your game last night and saw what happened. But no one knew anything! I was so worried about you!”
“B, I was worried about you.” My voice is a little slurred from the copious drugs in my system, but I try to fight it. “I tried to call about Grady.”
“Ugh.” I can hear the eye roll in her groan.
“Christian was a one-time thing who cannot take a hint.” She tsks at something on her side of the phone before continuing.
“Really just a thorn in my side more than anything, so nothing to worry about. I don’t know why he quit with you, honestly.
You’re his biggest client. Or you were.” She snickers.
I shake my head. She’s always been so outspoken and independent. It was one of the things I liked so much about her. One of the things I still like about her. We may have been a bad match, but not because she was a bad person.
“Do you need a restraining order? I can help with a lawyer,” I offer carefully, knowing almost immediately what she’s going to say next.
“You know I can handle my own shit, Beau.” She sighs. “I’m just glad you’re okay, That hit looked so fucked, and I was so worried. Thanks for answering me. Thanks for letting me check on you.”
And she’s gone with a click.
Just then, Milo walks in with the nurse in tow. A smile on his face and my heart in his hands.