Chapter Forty-Four Vanya
“I’m taking the rest of the week off,” Ashley says, picking at my blanket. “And you can’t stop me.”
The hospital room is stark, white walls and stainless steel, but the pale green blanket draped over my legs is a feeble attempt at warmth. I put my uninjured hand over hers to stop the nervous tick. Ashley picks at fabric when she’s stressed.
“Don’t use all your vacation days to help me settle in. Once I’m in your house, I know where your good booze is,” I joke. “But seriously, thank you for dropping everything to be here. Both of—”
The door bursts open. Jeremy stands there, tall and out of place, his broad shoulders filling the doorway. He looks like he’s just stepped off the ice. Flushed cheeks, messy hair, and energy too big for the room. My heart skips excitedly before plummeting.
“What are you doing here?” My voice is surprisingly steady.
His jaw tightens. “I should have been here from the beginning. From the moment you got hurt, I should have been the one by your side.”
It’s such a Jeremy thing to say, full of conviction and care. It takes me a moment to find my words. “Jeremy, I’m fine.” I sit up a little straighter, wincing as the motion jostles my head. “They’re only keeping me here for one night.”
Behind me, the chair scrapes faintly as Paul rises. He steps closer, his calm, friendly presence diffusing the static in the air. “I’m Paul,” he says, extending a hand. “Ashley’s husband.”
“He’s also a doctor,” Ashley adds. “Vanya is in good hands.”
Jeremy’s grip is firm as they shake hands, but his eyes flick toward Ashley, who is perched near the window. “Hi, Ashley,” he says with a nod.
Her response is a brisk dip of her head and nothing more.
“I’m fine, Jeremy,” I repeat, gesturing toward Paul and Ashley.
Jeremy’s gaze doesn’t waver from mine, his dark eyes heavy with all that we’ve said and all we’ve failed to express. “Can we talk alone, please?”
The room tenses. Ashley’s brow quirks in silent question. Paul waits for her cue. I nod, the movement slow and deliberate to avoid rattling my head.
Ashley looks at her phone. “I’m a text away,” she says to me, a not-so-subtle signal that she’s leaving as a favor, not an obligation. Paul trails behind her. Before she leaves, she glances over her shoulder, her mouth pressed into a thin, skeptical line.
The door clicks shut, leaving the two of us. Jeremy exhales like he’s been holding his breath for hours.
“Vanya,” he starts, his voice softer now, yet raw with emotion. “This is my fault. I shouldn’t have been so harsh when you came to see me. I tried to patch the events together. Did you get into the accident right after you left?”
I lean back against the pillows, made acutely aware of the seatbelt-shaped bruise peeking out from under my collarbone when Jeremy keeps glancing at it. “You don’t have to do this.”
“Do what?”
“Torture yourself. I was at the wrong place at the wrong time. It was an accident, Jeremy,” I reply. My fingers curl into the blanket, gripping the cheap fabric like it’s a lifeline. “I’m fine, Jeremy.”
He moves closer, pulling the chair Paul vacated, the metal legs scraping faintly against the floor. When he sits and leans forward, we’re at eye level. His searing gaze sweeps over every detail of my face, making me flush with awareness.
“You’re in a hospital bed, Vanya. Still unbelievably beautiful, by the way.”
“Yeah, well, this green is especially flattering for my skin tone,” I joke, lifting the blanket.
“I went into your house today without your permission. I’m sorry.”
“Why?”
“The second you left yesterday, I knew I was wrong to lash out at you. I wanted to apologize, so I thought confronting you at home, after you didn’t answer a dozen of my texts, was my only choice. I had to see you.”
I shrug. “I gave you that code. I see why you felt it was your only option to confront me.”
“Only because I threw away the most important option. Which was to listen to you from the beginning,” he utters earnestly. “Vanya, all I could see were opportunities being taken away from me. What I failed to see is what I’m blessed with. An amazing woman who cares so much for me, she’s willing to take on an entire hockey league. I was a fool, Vanya. I’m so sorry I’ve taken you for granted. Not just yesterday, but all these months.”
“You haven’t been taking me for granted all these months. What are you talking about?”
He scrubs a hand over his face. “I didn’t know, beautiful. I didn’t know what you were going through. The stress you endured because I wouldn’t fucking listen. I’m so damn sorry.” I see the tears stream down his face before he plants his forehead on the bed. “The thought of you in pain, Vanya. The thought of you in pain is worse than anything I’ve suffered from EDS.”
I can’t watch his agony without the primal urge to comfort him.
Since my closest arm is broken, I can’t use that hand to stroke his head. Instead, I lean forward to kiss his silky hair. “I’m a lightweight with narcotics, Jeremy. I can’t even feel my nose.”
He chuckles. “Don’t make me laugh right now, Vanya. There’s nothing funny about you in a hospital bed.”
“I’m serious. You don’t have to think about me in pain.”
There’s a wild shimmer in his eyes. “Vanya, how do you do that?”
“What?”
“Make me feel everything all at once. It’s like my insides are exposed when I’m around you. Everything I need and want right in front of me. That’s you.”
“Jeremy,” I murmur.
“I love you, Vanya. So much. I have for a while, but I was too chicken to say it out loud. Because you were going to leave eventually, I held back. It’s no longer possible to stop myself. If you leave in October or if you leave tomorrow, it doesn’t matter. I love you and I want to take care of you here and now and for however long you’ll let me. For once, let me be the one to take care of you .”
My head feels light but not from discomfort. I’m floating on the elation of hearing his words.
“You don’t have to say it back,” Jeremy continues. “I know this is temporary for you. And I’m fine with anything you can offer me. But please let me stay tonight. If not, I’ll wait outside, even if it’s just to make sure you get the best care this hospital can give.”
“That might prove distracting for the nurses.”
“So, can I stay here with you tonight? And when you get home, will you let me take care of you?”
“I, um, I asked Ashley to help me. I’m staying with them while I recover.”
“If that’s what you want, I’ll get a short-term stay in Boston so I can visit you every day.”
“That’s nuts, Jeremy. What? That doesn’t make sense. And what about hockey?”
“I already told Kyle and my coach that I’m not coming back until I get the clear from Dr. Leroi. Mavericks management isn’t happy, but my agent is overseeing it. I told him the best doctor in the world thinks that’s what I should do. I ignored her medical diagnosis once, and I will never make that mistake again.”
“Really? You’ll go through the tests?”
“All of it, Vanya. You were right. If the labral tears got worse, pushing myself will only threaten my career.”
“Oh, Jeremy, that’s incredible.”
“ You’re incredible.” He gives me a tentative kiss at the side of my lips.
“I’m not fragile. You can kiss me for real, you know,” I say.
He places light kisses on my cheeks and my eyelids and my forehead. “Not tonight. Rest and I’ll be here. You’ll get all my kisses tomorrow and all the days after that, I promise.”
“Jeremy?”
“Yeah, beautiful?”
“I love you, too,” I confess, my heart bursting. “When I got into the accident, my first thought was that I never told you. I love you so much.”
His expression goes feral.
“In that case, I’m going to have to kiss you for real.”
Jeremy leans over and joins our mouths gently, his soft and supple lips full of delicious warmth. He tastes so good, like home and joy and love. My tongue runs along the seam of his mouth to urge it open. He moans and lets me in.
Even though it has none of the bruising force of our most passionate lovemaking, the kiss is even more sensual because he’s savoring me thoroughly, like a delicate dessert he wants to make last for as long as possible.