Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
Reid
And I’m strangely aware that Hel is the plant inside of me. I would expect a goddess to feel…feminine in some way, but she doesn’t. She’s more like a darkness. A shadow that longs to fit into this world, while at the same time knowing that she doesn’t.
I can’t remember if I felt this way, too, before her, but somehow I feel this way now.
The urge to keep peace between my friends and to grow closer to Izzy wars with that need to be alone. To withdraw.
But I’m fighting it. Even though the idea of giving in is almost a strange kind of peace, like knowing that I’ll fall asleep and never wake again. Because anything that soothes me into letting go like this can’t be a good thing.
“How many of you are experienced with burning?” the professor asks, grinning at all of us.
Izzy’s new friend raises her hand. “Not burning as much as freezing or flooding with water.”
His grin widens. “You sirens always come so prepared. How about the rest of you?”
A few stray hands lift.
“Well, then, I’ll start from the beginning, even though this will be repeat information for most of you.
” He draws his short frame up taller. “All of us know what magic feels like inside of us, that sense of energy and power like a ball in our chest. When we access it, at first, it’s with a conscious effort.
We reach within ourselves and gently take some of the magic, then concentrate on what we want the magic to do.
Sometimes it’s easy. The magic obeys and all is well.
But magic is alive, as we all know, and sometimes the magic does what it wants.
This class will be the start of teaching your magic to obey.
If you can’t get ahold of it, it’s more dangerous to use it than not.
You may as well walk away from this school and from the essence of who you are, because you have a tool that’s too dangerous for you to control. ”
“Like giving a knife to someone without knife-skills.”
I look to my side and feel my eyes widening.
A woman somehow managed to come to stand beside me, even though she was entirely soundless.
She has long dark hair that’s partially hidden by a cloak, and wears a form-fitting leather outfit beneath it.
If I wasn’t head-over-heels in love with Izzy, I might find her attractive.
As things were, I just found her interesting.
“I don’t have knife-skills,” I whisper.
Her mouth lifts into a half-smirk. “You don’t need to tell me that. I knew everything about you the moment I saw you.”
“I doubt that,” I say dryly.
A tiny dagger is suddenly in her hand, and she plays with it, almost absentmindedly.
“You’re thin, but strong, which means you take care of your body.
Not just watch what you eat, but you work out.
And the sudden take-over of the gods is making you stronger and more muscular minute by minute, so soon you’ll dwarf the man you came in here as.
You’re shy and not comfortable in your skin.
Nearly any trained fighter could take you out in an instant, simply because you haven’t had the training to know how to fight. ”
Well, that brings fond memories of my vampire encounter to mind. How does she know so much about me?
I suddenly realize my mouth is hanging open, and snap it shut. “How do you know that?”
“It’s like my knife-skills, something anyone can learn. I’ve learned to read people.”
“If anyone can learn…can you teach me?”
“Teach you what?” There’s an amused smirk that darts across her lips, but her gaze is still friendly.
“Everything?” I ask.
She looks like she might laugh, but it seems more because she’s delighted by my enthusiasm than because she’s trying to be mean. Still, she raises a brow. “Why?”
Because I feel useless around the others. Because I feel undeserving of being a god. Because with the dangers around us, I want to be able to protect myself and the others.
“Because I can’t be weak anymore,” I say. “Not in this world. Not with these gods...”
As soon as I’ve said it, I know it’s true. Hel isn’t my enemy--at least, she isn’t trying to be--but the gods within my friends might destroy us.
She looks back at the professor as he prattles on about who knows what. “I’ll think about it, Hel.”
I stiffen. “How do you know who I am?”
Her gaze is guarded. “Hel is the only god who deserved to come back, that’s why. And I could see her power in you from across the field.”
The idea is somehow troubling to me.
“Okay,” the professor suddenly says, “pair off, pick your target, and practice!”
“Come on,” she says, slipping her hand into mine.
Suddenly, she’s tugging me toward a little target at the back of the field.
When I look behind me, Izzy’s gaze catches mine, then drifts to where I hold the other woman’s hand. A flash of hurt seems to come and go in an instant, or maybe I’m just imagining it. And then Izzy’s moving to her own target, ignoring me entirely.
When we come to the back of the field, the mysterious woman looks toward the target. “Magic isn’t my greatest ability, but at least I know more than you do. Low bar.”
“Hey,” I say, but I can’t be offended, and she grins in response.
She raises her hands. A look of complete concentration comes over her face, and then a small ball of fire shoots from her hands and strikes the center of the target.
The professor is suddenly behind her. “You don’t have a lot of power, but you are skilled with it. Now, the god?”
Suddenly I wish I’d paid more attention when he was talking.
I’ve always been a good student, but now that it really matters, apparently I lack all focus.
Still, when the woman steps back, I move forward.
Staring at the target, I try that thing he described, to feel the magic within me, but I only get a deeper sense of the sad god within me.
“She’s blocking me or something.”
The professor is at my side. “Which god are you, son?”
I hesitate. “Hel.”
His eyes widen, before he schools his expression.
“Hel is very powerful, but she wasn’t a showy god like the others.
She wouldn’t like something like this. She would hold onto her powers and only use them when they mattered.
But you can’t afford to do that, boy. You need to learn how to protect yourself.
So when you feel her blocking you, push harder.
She doesn’t want you to learn to use the magic.
She wants to be in charge, but you need to do this. ”
A cold sweat trickles down my spine. His words raise strange anxiety inside of me.
I concentrate again. I feel Hel there, her misery and darkness like a shadow.
Forming an image in my mind, I try to move around her, but she’s always there.
I move faster. I switch angles. Suddenly, I come crashing into a ball of power.
Fire explodes from my hands, shoots across the practice yard, and consumes the entire target until it crumbles, nothing more than ash.
“Very good,” the professor murmurs. “Now focus on learning control.”
A ruckus comes across the field. My gaze moves to it. Izzy is the center of attention, as fire runs along her arms and her legs. Not burning her flesh or her clothes, just dancing along her. She looks strangely beautiful, like a creature of magic.
“Excuse me,” the professor says, racing across the yard.
“You like her.”
I whirl to see the woman playing with her dagger again, right at my side.
“Who?” I ask, a defensive note to my voice.
“Izzy, Loki, whatever. You like her.”
I shrug, not willing to admit my feelings to a stranger.
“That’s unfortunate,” she says.
“Why?”
It takes her a long minute to answer. “For one, you’re cute. For two, you’re Hel, and being Hel is going to make any relationship harder. And three, she’s Loki. Loki is an asshole. Out of all the gods, he’s the worst. Having feelings for such a selfish god is going to be tricky.”
My mind spins. “Why is being Hel going to be hard to make a relationship work?”
She raises a brow, then spins the dagger in her hand. “Don’t you know about Hel?”
I shake my head. Everything has happened so quickly that I haven’t had the time to research who and what we are. Although I needed to make that a priority.
She sighs, like she’s dealing with a moron.
“Hel was the only daughter of a powerful god and a giant. She was born with half her bones exposed and was seen as a monster among the gods. Her appearance made the gods uncomfortable, so they sent her to be queen of the World of Niflheim, one of the nine worlds. In essence, she was banished to a kind of hell. She was exiled. She was a monster among gods. And if your friend has a god within her, she will never see you the way you see her.”
“Izzy isn’t like that,” I defend, even though my stomach is turning.
She gives a strange smile. “I hope for your sake, you’re right. Now, let’s burn some more shit, and I’ll consider your request to make you into a useful person.”
“Mercy, you helping a fucking god?” Some guy calls.
She whirls. A dagger flies near his head and smashes into the ground behind him. His entire face pales.
“That time I missed on purpose,” she calls back. “Next time you lose your damn mind and talk to me that way, you’re going to lose an eye.”
I’m a little scared and a little impressed as she retrieves her dagger, then returns to practicing her magic. I’ve never had a friend that was a girl before, except Izzy. It might actually be nice to have Mercy on our side.
But as we continue to practice our magic, and mine grows easier to reach and easier to control, Mercy’s words circle in my mind. Hel might have been a monster to the other gods, but I wasn’t. These were my friends. Nothing could make them see me any differently.
Right?