37. CHAPTER 37
MOON
Nerves sat like lead in my stomach the entire flight. They still hadn’t eased. Cillian’s hand landed on my shoulder as the car rolled through the gates.
“You’re doing it again.”
I glanced at him. “Doing what?”
“Thinking too loud.” He gave me a small shake. “Relax. I already met your father. He likes me.”
I let my head tip toward him. “The last time I spoke to him, he was still trying to talk me out of this.”
Cillian pushed me playfully. “Stop overthinking, self-destructive boy.”
He was trying. The suit. The haircut. Though I preferred it messy and product-free, the way it matched the chaos underneath.
He’d stayed quiet the whole trip instead of filling the silence with jokes, showing up polished for my mother and sister like it actually mattered.
And here I was, still calculating the exact cost in my father’s eyes.
Still waiting for the other shoe to drop.
The car slowed. The mansion came into view exactly as I remembered it—dark tiled roofs, warm light spilling from the windows, cobblestone courtyard under an overcast sky. I hadn’t been back in years. We stepped out.
“Hyung-ah!” Yuna came flying down the stairs and hit the gravel at full speed. She launched herself at me.
I staggered back a step, arms locking around her on instinct.
“I missed you,” she mumbled into my shoulder.
“I missed you too, menace.” I set her down.
She barely let go before her eyes slid past me to Cillian. She lit up.
“You’re even cuter in person. You’re everywhere on social media.”
“Don’t call him cute,” I said immediately.
She ignored me completely. Went straight for him, wrapping her arms around his middle like they were old friends. Cillian blinked, then laughed and hugged her back.
She pulled away just enough to beam up at him. “Can I take a picture with you? Please?”
I reached for her phone. “Yuna, no—”
“Sure,” Cillian said, cutting me off. He was already smiling for her. “I don’t mind.”
She stuck her tongue out at me. “See? He’s nicer than you.”
They posed. Cillian gave her that polished, polite smile, the one he used when he was actually trying, and my stomach flipped, hard.
Stop that.
Yuna grabbed his arm. “Come on, teddy-bear oppa. I want to show you around.”
“Yuna—”
“Hyun-seo.”
My mother stood in the doorway. She descended the steps and pulled me into a firm hug.
“I missed you,” I murmured against her shoulder.
She drew back, hands on my shoulders, studying my face the way she always did. “Have you been eating properly? Your father keeps mentioning scandals at that school—”
“There are no scandals,” I said, gently easing her hands down. “And yes, I’m being force-fed. Vivi makes sure of it.”
Yuna stayed glued to Cillian’s arm, chattering away as we approached the house.
I lowered my gaze. “Mom… this is Cillian Ashbourne.”
Cillian stepped forward, Yuna still attached to his side, and gave a respectful bow before taking my mother’s hand. “Mrs. Moon. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”
My mother’s expression softened, just a fraction. “You may call me Hana.” Edwin stepped out as the staff took our bags. Same quiet presence he’d had since I was a child.
“Hyun-seo,” he said, pulling me into a brief, firm embrace. “You’ve lost weight. I’ll have the chef prepare something proper for dinner. Extra carbs. You’re still fencing. You need to eat.”
“I’m fine, Edwin.”
He glanced past me. “And Miss Vivienne? Will she be joining us tonight?”
Cillian shifted beside me.
“No.” I cleared my throat and gestured toward Cillian. “Edwin, this is Cillian Ashbourne.”
They shook hands. Cillian smiled, easy as ever. “Fiancé.”
Edwin’s eyebrows rose, then his face broke into a genuine grin. “Fiancé?” He clapped Cillian on the shoulder. “Well then. Congratulations to you both. We’ll have to celebrate properly.”
He turned to me, still smiling. “I’ll speak to the chef. Something special for tonight, galbitang with a few side dishes. Or would Mr. Ashbourne prefer something closer to home?”
My ears went hot. “Edwin—”
He waved me off, already pleased with himself. “Dinner at seven sharp. I’ll make sure everything is ready.” Edwin gave me one last look, the same one he used to give when I came home from school with scraped knees, then disappeared inside with the staff.
Cillian didn’t let go of my hand. He tugged me in close, lips brushing my ear so only I could hear. “See? Everyone loves me already.”
My chest seized. I pulled back. “My father isn’t here yet. This can still go wrong.”
His palm cupped my jaw. “Turn that head of yours off for five minutes. It’s not helping.”
He was right. It was always me. I exhaled and looked at the house. The windows. The staff moving inside.
“Fine,” I said. “Let’s get cleaned up.” I headed toward the front door.
“But I want to show Teddy Bear Oppa around.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Yuna, have you thought about asking Cillian what he wants to be called instead of just giving him nicknames?”
Cillian grinned, clearly enjoying himself. “I quite like Teddy Bear Oppa, actually.”
I sighed. “Okay. Whatever. Show Cillian around. I’ll talk to Mom.”
Yuna squealed and started dragging him toward the garden. “We have dogs! And a cat! And bunnies in the garden. Do you like bunnies? Do you like BTS too?”
Cillian’s voice drifted back. “What’s BTS?”
“Oh no,” Yuna said, horrified. “Let me play their music for you.”
My mother walked up beside me, watching them disappear around the corner with Yuna’s laughter still echoing. “You might have some competition.”
A dry laugh scraped out of me. “He’s making this very difficult.”
Her hand cracked across the back of my head. The sting bloomed hot across my scalp. My shoulders curled inward on instinct.
“This isn’t just disappointing, Hyun-seo.
It’s humiliating. After everything we poured into you.
” Her fingers smoothed my lapel, almost tender.
“There were men who could have strengthened us. Instead you chose an Ashbourne.” She spat the name.
“Every photograph, every whisper now drags our name through the same gutter he crawled out of.” She smiled as footsteps passed.
“Your father has spent weeks cleaning up after you. Investors. Board members. All of them wondering if the Moon heir has finally lost his mind. And here you are. Smiling like it doesn’t cost us anything. ”
I opened my mouth. Nothing followed.
She stepped back, brushing an invisible speck from her sleeve. “Wash your face before dinner. At least pretend we raised you better than this.”
Bile hit the back of my throat. I swallowed hard. The gravel shifted under my feet. I watched her walk toward the car waiting to collect Grandmother, heels clicking. My legs almost gave out. “Yes, Mother.”
The guesthouse was quiet when I reached it. Bags already unpacked. Cillian was still outside with Yuna.
I locked the bathroom door.
The mirror showed me before I could look away.
House of Moon. The perfect heir. My mother’s son. My throat closed. Date a girl. Marry a woman. Give them grandchildren. Be the son they raised.
The words didn’t sound like mine anymore. They sounded like hers. Like Father’s.
What’s wrong with you?
I gripped the sink until my knuckles blanched. Why can’t you just be normal? My knees buckled. I slid down the wall, arms wrapped around my shins, forehead pressed to my knees so no one would hear it.
Not even Cillian.
Especially not Cillian.
Please. Just let me be normal.
Breathing scraped raw in my chest. Again and again. Twenty-five years of learning exactly who I was supposed to be. I knew the script. I could still recite every line. The problem was I didn’t fit inside it anymore.
One night in Saint Lucia. And I couldn’t even make myself regret it. Because loving him felt so fucking right. What’s wrong with me? I bit down on my lip until I tasted blood. The mirror didn’t answer. I looked away first.
If Mother walked in right now she would see exactly what she paid for: the heir who still couldn’t scrub the Ashbourne out of his blood.
I didn’t know how long it took to force the air back in. When my hands stopped shaking I splashed water on my face, fixed the mask, and walked out. I collapsed face-first onto the bed, still fully dressed.
I didn’t move when the door opened. Footsteps. Cillian.
“How long have you been lying there?”
“Long enough.”
He moved closer. The bed dipped as he straddled my thighs. His hands settled on my back.
I stayed buried in the pillow. “I’m so tired,” I whispered, eyes closed.
Cillian’s hands kept moving, kneading the knots along my back.
“I know,” he said quietly, lips brushing the back of my neck. “I see you fighting it every day. The weight they put on you since you were a kid.”
I turned my face just enough to look at him. “You’re a fucking golden retriever, aren’t you?”
Cillian smiled. “I keep bringing myself back to you, don’t I?”
I pushed up. Cillian let me, shifting so we sat side by side on the edge of the bed. The silence stretched. I wanted to say it. Needed to. But Mother’s voice was still in my head and I couldn’t fucking shake it. Say it. Before you ruin this too.
Cillian’s gaze sharpened. “Moon.”
“Everything’s fine,” I blurted. “Long trip. Jet lag.”
He didn’t look convinced. “Baby, I can see the cogs turning.”
I rolled my eyes, heart hammering against my ribs. “I love you, Cillian.”
He didn’t speak right away. I wanted to crawl out of my body.
“You’re taking way too long,” I muttered.
Cillian took my hand, lacing our fingers together. “A chroí.” He kissed my knuckles. “I love you too.”
I held on tighter. This was my first time loving a man. Really loving one. The shame still lingered at the edges, drilled into me since childhood. But I squeezed his hand harder, trying to push it down. Cillian deserved better than my ghosts. And every day I chose him, they grew a little quieter.