Chapter 11
S?ren
When Mira sat down next to me on one of the bigger pieces of rubble that used to be Bhorglid’s main temple, I heard the frown in her voice as she asked, “What, exactly, did that statue do to you?”
I huffed a laugh and rubbed my eyes. The dark circles had become more pronounced in the week since arriving in Bhorglid.
Sleep had been difficult to come by in Kryllian and on the front lines—it was nearly impossible to sink into slumber here.
My thoughts spun circles in my mind at all hours, stretching from Sonja to Revna to…
I swallowed and looked back up at the statue.
There had been more sculptures before the rebellion, I knew. The rubble contained a fair number of disembodied heads, lone hands, and single eyes staring into nothingness. But the one in the center, of the goddess Aloisa, still stood.
And I recognized her.
When I’d come to Bhorglid on surveillance missions before, I’d seen the towering figures.
But my focus had always been elsewhere, never on the details of their faces.
When I’d come out three days ago to meet Mira in the city center for my first report to the queen, I hadn’t been able to stop staring at the carved stone.
It had to be a coincidence. That was the only way this was possible. Goddesses weren’t real, and even if somehow they were, they didn’t waste their time with lost little boys wandering around in the isolation of the northern wastes.
“Do you think they modeled those after real people?” I asked. Mira raised an unimpressed eyebrow and I sighed. “I knew someone who looked just like that statue once.”
She studied my face, then moved her gaze to the tall mass of rock in human form.
When she looked back at me, her eyes narrowed.
Mira was unreadable to most, but I’d known her long enough to see what she wore so clearly on her face: concern.
“Probably. Would be difficult to sculpt a face from nothing.”
I nodded. The woman I saw in Aloisa’s face had likely lived here at one point. That was the only explanation. Perhaps she’d been close with the sculptor, and they’d chosen to model the goddess of the soul after her.
Didn’t make the experience any less eerie, though.
“Report?” Mira asked, bringing the conversation back to safer territory.
I stood. “Let’s walk while we talk.”
There were plenty of people out and about tonight, just as there had been three nights ago.
People we didn’t need overhearing our conversation.
The surge of nighttime activity still puzzled me, despite Volkan’s explanation.
“They think it’s warm,” the prince had groaned, wiping a faux tear. “A true tragedy.”
He was right—it wasn’t warm, not at all. But Mira and I were still forced to cut down the occasional alley, making my report choppy and far longer than usual.
“You say Revna is making progress,” Mira said. “What does that mean? The queen is going to ask me for details.”
I ran a hand through my hair. The queen would be displeased if she knew how little I’d been working with Revna.
After our disastrous sparring match the other night, we’d moved into simple breathing exercises, intended to help her learn to calm her mind, while I waited for her to decide whether it was worth traveling to the wastes to look into my lead on the prophecy. She was taking well to the practice.
But the queen would expect her to be nearly a master by now.
Clenching my teeth did nothing to relieve my frustration.
What had the woman really expected? Choosing me for this role was nothing more than a way for her to exert her dominance over me.
But Revna hated me, and learning to use your magic from someone you didn’t trust took far more time and energy than necessary.
“Tell her Revna is making the expected progress necessary to have her Lurae suitably mastered in two weeks,” I said.
Mira scowled. “S?ren. I can’t keep covering for you on everything. You know that.”
I crossed my arms. “You can, and you will. I know you told the queen about my relationship with Revna.”
Mira blinked, her eyes widening slightly before she managed to school her expression into her typical glare. “So what if I did?”
“It wasn’t your information to give.” I tried not to let my voice slip into a snarl, but gods it was difficult. “She’s using it against me, you know. It’s the whole reason I’m here and not in Kryllian.”
“I was doing the right thing.” She crossed her arms. “You were distracted. You stopped paying attention to the people around you. She isn’t good for you, S?ren. You should be thanking me.”
I curled my hands into fists, nails biting into my palms. “You know the queen is using us both. We’ve been her pawns throughout the war. I treat you like a sister—I’m loyal to you. Was it too much to ask you to come to me first?”
“You don’t treat me like a sister,” she scoffed. “You’d never truly disobey orders for me. Not when Sonja is out there somewhere.”
Guilt struck me like an arrow. She was right. Sonja had been my priority for years, even though she wasn’t present. Only now, when Revna was furious with me and Mira’s words felt like a slap to the face, did I realize the full scope of the fallout of my actions.
Mira was losing faith in me. Revna had lost her favorite sibling at my hands. I’d done horrible things at the queen’s command. All because I couldn’t stand the thought of being responsible for Sonja’s demise.
Still…I was doing as much as possible to find my sister.
Mira didn’t know that, though. She couldn’t know, not unless I wanted to put a target on her back.
And after she’d told the queen about my relationship with Revna…
well, I certainly needed to treat Mira better, but it wouldn’t stop me from being wary of sharing sensitive information with her in the future.
I cleared my throat. “Maybe you’re right. But being angry at me isn’t a good enough reason to put other people in danger.”
We stood silently for a few moments, refusing to make eye contact.
“Tell the queen her expectations aren’t realistic.
Training Revna shouldn’t be my responsibility in the first place, but asking me to do it in three weeks is just insulting.
It’s nearly impossible to train anyone to use their magic without years of innate experience behind them. ”
Mira’s shoulders slumped. “You’re right. You aren’t the one who will suffer for it, though.”
I stiffened. “What is she doing to you?”
She shrugged. “The usual. Adding more responsibilities to my list, sending me on pointless errands and acting like the world will fall apart if they aren’t completed instantly. Withholding the occasional meal.”
If the queen was here right now, I would kill her.
The thought was the only thing keeping me sane.
Because even if Mira had told her about my relationship, it wouldn’t be an issue if the queen weren’t holding a noose around all our throats.
The reminder was enough to make my frustration with Mira calm for the time being. “Is she still traveling to Bhorglid?”
“Yes.” Mira wrapped her cloak more tightly around her shoulders as a gust of wind carried through. “On a near daily basis now. I’ve been teleporting her to a spot out west, in the hills.”
“By the prison.” I turned my gaze in that direction, brow furrowed. The buildings around me obscured the prison from view, but it grounded me to imagine it there. “Is there anyone out there with her?”
“Not that I’ve seen. I drop her off and then she orders me to leave and return at a certain time to bring her back.” Mira scuffed one boot against the cobblestones. “It’s lonely at the palace without you.”
My shoulders sank. “I’m sorry. I’d be there if I had a choice in the matter.”
“I know,” she said. “It’s not your fault.”
Silence stretched between us. Perhaps any other friends would have embraced in this moment, but I knew Mira would likely stab me if I tried. So we stared at the sunset-streaked sky above us instead.
Finally, she cleared her throat. “Anything else before I go?”
“I won’t be able to report in for a couple of days. Making a trip out of the city for Revna’s training.” Hopefully, I didn’t add. If I can convince her.
Mira studied me for a long moment. I waited for the inevitable follow-up questions. But instead, she merely said, “Okay. I’ll check back in after four days, but won’t worry until six have passed.”
She teleported away, and once I’d gathered myself I continued my stroll.
The palace was warm, but night had fallen.
I didn’t want to spend hours staring at my borrowed bedroom’s ceiling again.
The castle was surprisingly devoid of ghosts, though there was one irate former king holed away in the library.
So far, he didn’t seem to care whether I could see or hear him, which I was grateful for.
What I really needed to do was ask another spirit about the archway.
Then, next time I saw Mira, maybe she’d agree to take me back to the wastes.
I could figure out what had happened to cause it to disappear for Frode—maybe help him pass on.
Burying him didn’t feel like quite enough to honor his memory, not when I knew he was stuck out there.
My thoughts continued to wander. When I passed the tavern where Revna had gone months ago—the one where I’d sat in a booth at the back and surveyed the scene as her asshole of an ex shared he’d been conscripted and Freja had been arrested—I wasn’t sure what possessed me to push through the doors.
The room bustled, just as crowded as I remembered. Musicians played in the corner, and a few people danced. I recognized their steps as those Revna had taught me one of our nights together in the prison. I turned away.