Chapter 23
Revna
No amount of awkwardness could keep me from attending training the next morning.
Secretly, I was growing to enjoy our time spent practicing together.
During each session, S?ren managed to be relentless and patient all at once, the man who taught me how to win the Trials right at the surface of his persona.
The scholar and the Hellbringer both disappeared when we’d sit cross-legged in the mountainside clearing.
S?ren ran me through the paces of breathing exercises again before moving over to using my Lurae. And through it all, I forced down the echoes of what had been.
Every time our eyes caught, every time his mouth crooked into a smirk, every time he told me how well I was doing, my pulse sped and the memory of our almost-kiss hovered in the forefront of my mind.
I reminded myself what a terrible idea it was—trusting him, caring for him, believing it was possible for him to escape the queen’s spell.
Rationale was not enough for my heart.
You’re lonely, I told myself. Preparing for the inevitable moment when everyone else leaves you. Because he’s seen your mistakes and hasn’t cowered.
We took a break between exercises, and I decided it was time to dig more into what we’d discussed on the journey home yesterday. “Tell me more about the dead not passing on.”
S?ren huffed a laugh. “It’s about as straightforward as it sounds.” He went on to tell me the spirits he’d spoken with recently were no longer able to see the archway others had described to him in the past.
“And you think it’s related to everything happening with us?” I asked. “The dreams and the prophecy and Aloisa?”
“Possibly.” He shrugged. “Or, it could be something entirely different. Right now it doesn’t seem to be causing problems for anyone but me, since I’m the only one who can hear or see them.
Obviously some are impatient to continue on.
But I think keeping our focus on the prophecy is our best bet.
Once we have your Lurae figured out and we’ve solved our issues with the queen, we can look into the problem with the spirits. ”
His reasoning made sense. “I like that idea.”
Break finished, we moved back into our training regimen. Once I’d proven myself still capable of sensing heartbeats adequately, I said, “So…what’s next?”
“Learning to actually use your magic,” S?ren replied. He stretched his arms over his head, and I forced my gaze away from the strip of bare skin showing below the hem of his shirt as it moved upward. “Manipulate it and control it without it spiraling out on you.”
I tapped my fingers against the cold ground.
The snow had melted a considerable amount, leaving slush behind.
I was laundering two cloaks a day at this point, considering I had to sit on something that wasn’t muddy ground when we practiced.
“What about summoning the Tapestry? We need to discover more about what Aloisa’s duties were. What she used her Lurae for.”
“Well, if the Tapestry is to be believed, we’ll both need to use our Lurae together in order to summon it. Right now you can sense things with your Lurae, but I think the process will require more than that.”
He caught my glare and held up his hands. “You’re getting better every day. It’s undeniable. But the queen will be here in five days and you need to have your magic as mastered as possible by then.”
S?ren was right, but it made me restless to think about more days of the same training regimen over and over until a final test of my prowess arrived. Especially when the test came from the queen—and her motives were still unclear.
“Tell you what,” he said, after a few long moments of my silence. “Let’s practice your magic. When we’re finished for the day, if you have enough energy left and things have gone relatively well, we can try to summon the Tapestry. If not, it’ll be the first thing we do tomorrow morning. Deal?”
“Deal.” The plan loosened some of the uncertainty clawing at my rib cage.
He grinned at me, the expression blinding. I remembered suddenly how much I’d cherished every smile he offered when we were in the prison together. Each had felt like a gift.
This one felt like a gift, too.
But something seemed to snag his attention.
His eyes flickered past me to a point I couldn’t see.
I waited for him to give me instructions, but he was quiet.
I turned to look over my shoulder, but there was nothing—only the same spread of foliage that usually spanned between the clearing and the mountain trail.
Finally, I mustered my courage. “S?ren?”
He blinked back to awareness, then rose and jogged over to one of the bushes.
I followed, keeping my distance. He stared at a flower, newly blooming after the worst of winter had finally dissipated.
Its lavender petals stretched out, rounded at the ends, the entire thing smaller than my fingertip.
“I didn’t know hellebores grew in Bhorglid. ”
I frowned at the emotion in his voice. “Are you all right?”
“Sonja loves these flowers,” he said softly. I watched as he bent down on one knee, brushing gentle fingers against the blossom. “She would grow them everywhere when we were younger. Our house was nearly covered by them.”
I didn’t say anything, only waited to see what he would offer next. Part of me was more than willing to listen if S?ren needed to talk. The other part of me was stalling, afraid to progress to the next part of my training. I knew how to destroy, how to take. I didn’t know how to be gentle.
Finally, he rose, studying me for a moment before he said, “I’ve located Sonja.”
“Are you serious?” His expression told me everything I needed to know. “You—gods, where? Where is she?”
“In Faste, apparently.” S?ren meandered back to where we’d been sitting earlier.
He left the flower where it was, but I caught him glancing at it once or twice more.
“With a caravan of Seeing Ones. The person I hired to find her said they were heading toward Kryllian. I’m not sure why.
But she’s safe and healthy. Married, even, if my sources are to be trusted. ”
He’s going to leave, I realized. To go and find her.
It made sense. As the queen’s guard dog, S?ren was a liability—anything we attempted to do would be halfhearted at best when the queen could turn and order Sonja killed at any sign of rebellion. Finding Sonja would relieve him of that burden.
I swallowed. “Do you think it will take you long to find her? Or will you be back in time for the negotiations to continue?” He frowned at me, but my thundering heartbeat kept me rambling.
“Volkan probably knows about the movement of the caravans within Faste’s borders.
We don’t get many Seeing Ones here, since my father hated them, but I’m glad they’re headed to Kryllian.
If you aren’t able to find her in Faste, you won’t need to look far.
Maybe Volkan would even go with you? If you’re not here when the queen returns, I can come up with some kind of story to tell her—something to keep her out of the know while you search and get her to safety.
Astrid could teleport you, since we don’t have plans to go anywhere soon—”
“Revna.” My name was a melody on his tongue, his affectionate smile like a balm. “I’m not leaving.”
I paused. “You’re not? Why?”
He shrugged. “Right now this is where I’m needed. Training you and helping things stabilize before the queen arrives. Sonja is safe. She can wait until things are calmer before I go to find her.”
The logical part of me wanted to argue. Wanted to make all the points that had run through my head moments ago, aloud. But the other part of me, the part that craved his presence and couldn’t stop thinking about him…
That was the part that won.
“Thank you,” I said quietly. “For staying.”
Training was one thing, but with the queen’s arrival drawing ever nearer, so was the moment when I’d have to tell Freja what I’d done.
The fallout from that moment would leave me scarred and bruised.
And as much as I had tried to hate him until now, I didn’t want anyone but him there to pick up the broken pieces of me.
My jagged edges couldn’t hurt him. He’d proven it over and over again.
“Of course.” His voice was gentle, like a caress. “But back to the training at hand. I want you to try and manipulate me with your Lurae.”
I blanched. “Like control your movements?”
“Yes. Or slow my heartbeat. Whatever kind of manipulation you choose.”
“No.” I crossed my arms. “I won’t.”
He tilted his head. “Why not?”
“Because I’ll hurt you.”
“You don’t have to hurt me.”
I glared. “I don’t always have a choice, S?ren.”
The scholar stood, picked up his cloak, and set it back down to touch the edge of mine. He indicated for me to sit and then sat down himself, close enough that our knees nearly touched. “And what if I said I trust you not to hurt me on purpose? And that I don’t mind if you hurt me on accident?”
My vision swam. I looked away. “I’ve killed people on accident. Friends. I don’t think I could handle it if you…”
“Just try,” he encouraged. “If things feel out of control, we can stop. I promise.”
I counted the seconds in my head, each one agonizingly long. When I got to ten, I forced myself to exhale. “I’ll try.”
Beneath my closed eyelids, the world was dark. The only sounds were the wind through the trees, S?ren’s quiet breathing, and my own heartbeat. The budding trees and the last remnants of snow smelled crisp and fresh. I forced myself to relax.
And then, I grasped for the thread tying me to S?ren.
Even with my eyes closed, I saw it—sensed it. It was gold and thin, but not as flimsy as the other threads I usually saw. I decided I would try to make him curl his hand into a fist and then relax it. Simple enough.
Slowly, calmly, I closed my fingers around the thread and gave the tiniest experimental tug.
His whole body lurched to the left, and he let out a grunt.