Chapter Five
Hannah’s hand twitched as she held onto Rebecca’s hand.
She wanted desperately to reach up and wipe the sweat on her brow away, but she was too afraid to let go of her little sister’s hand.
In his letters, Garrett had warned her about the Texas heat, but it truly was nothing she could have prepared for.
She was used to cool breezes that came off of Lake Superior; used to the scent of salt and seaweed in the air.
Here, the only thing in the air was dust, and it wasn’t just her that was struggling to acclimate to her new surroundings.
“I don’t like it here,” Louis complained, sounding slightly out of breath as they walked in the basking heat toward the small, country church, “It’s too hot.”
“We’ll get used to it,” she answered, trying to sound hopeful. “And I’ll make some adjustments to our clothes. Maybe shorten our sleeves a bit.”
“What if we don’t want to get used to it?” Jacob asked, sounding testy as usual, “What if we want to go home?”
Guilt slammed into Hannah. There were secrets.
Secrets that she couldn’t share even with her siblings despite their close bond.
The truth was, there was no longer a home for them to go back to.
Her mother hadn’t owned the rickety old house they’d lived in, and the landlord was going to raise their rent.
Even with the money she earned from her job and Isaac’s put together, it wouldn’t have been enough to pay the new fee and keep them all fed, let alone dressed properly and warmed for the winter months.
What little money they’d had had all gone to their stage coach tickets, and now they had nothing.
Not even enough for just one of them to go back to Michigan.
In truth, the meals they’d had at Garrett’s since moving into his pretty earthen house, which she’d immediately loved, had been the most any of them had eaten in a long time.
Such a truth had another wave of guilt slamming into Hannah.
In just the two days that they’d been at the Diamond W Ranch, they’d already taken so much.
She tried to repay Garrett’s kindness as much she could by taking on the cooking and cleaning, and Isaac had been willing to start helping Garrett with some of the outdoor chores, but it didn’t seem enough.
She wondered if Garrett felt that way too, as after that first day at the train station, they hadn’t spoken much since.
Just a brief conversation early yesterday morning, where he asked if she still wanted to get married.
She’d said yes right away, but he’d just given her a quick nod and told her that he’d reserve the church for the service.
“We could figure it out, you know,” Isaac said solemnly when Hannah didn’t respond to Jacob or Louis’s complaints, “You and me, we could find a way to go back. If you would want to.”
Hannah turned to look at her overprotective little brother.
“You don’t like Garrett?” She asked.
“I don’t know Garrett,” he said with a shrug, “I mean, he’s nice enough to me when I help out with the chores, but that’s it.
I know for sure his friend Dean doesn’t like us, though.
Especially you. I caught him giving you that hateful stare of his more than once these past couple days.
Even when you cooked for everybody that night.
Even after you thanked him for his help. ”
Isaac’s jaw ticked as he shook his head.
“Maybe we’re not as welcome as you thought we would be,” he added quietly. “Maybe this is a mistake.”
Hannah’s stomach churned at the uncertainty of their future. They couldn’t go back. Without Mama’s help, they’d never be able to afford a new place to live that could fit them all, and she was not about to let her siblings be taken away by an orphanage.
“It’s not,” she stated decisively as they approached the church’s steps. Like Garrett’s house, it was an adobe, with a large wooden cross fixed above the front doors. “We just have to get used to our new surroundings, is all,” she added, looking up at the cross.
She balked at the idea of going inside. Even her feet seemed to be rooted just a few inches before the threshold; as if her body was hesitant for what was about to come.
She should have told Garrett she wasn’t comfortable in churches anymore.
Not after her mother’s funeral. Again, that was another secret she kept to herself.
If he and her siblings wanted to believe, she didn’t want to stop them.
She understood the comforts faith brought to some people.
However, when it came to herself, she could no longer decide where she stood with God.
She believed in Him, but wasn’t quite sure if she believed in His plan.
Her nerves frazzled again as she paused on the steps, knowing that Garrett and his friends were already inside, waiting for them.
The church wasn’t far at all from the ranch, and it had been easy to find with the map Garrett had drawn for them, but it had taken her longer than expected to get her siblings washed and ready, and they were running late.
Knowing she couldn’t keep Garrett waiting much longer, especially to think about herself, she took a steadying breath, murmured for her siblings to come along, and they hurried inside.
Rebecca, Maria, and Louis all let out sighs of relief as they entered the church.
Like the adorable house, the church’s earthen walls seemed to be able to trap the cool, night air inside, keeping it at a comfortable temperature through most of the day.
Now safe inside the building, Hannah let loose Rebecca’s hand and wiped the sweat from her brow as she took in the small, quaint church.
There were five pews on either side of the aisle, and at the front of the church stood a pulpit with another wooden cross hanging on the wall.
The windows were covered by whitewashed clapboard shutters, no doubt in an effort to keep the heat out.
To the front and right of the pulpit was a small organ.
Candles had been lit in their iron sconces, bringing in a soft yellow glow to the otherwise dim space.
A nervous twitch went through her as she spotted the people already up at the pulpit.
There was Garrett, looking handsome as ever, standing off to the right side, with Logan and Dean in a line beside him.
To Garrett’s left was the obvious preacher, who wore the usual black trousers, shirt, and white collar that most Men of the Cloth wore.
It wasn’t Garrett that Hannah’s gaze went back to, though. It was Dean. He looked furious as he stared coldly at her.
Feeling another bout of shame for not being able to adhere to the plan she and Garrett had originally come up with, she turned away from his best friend’s glare and back to him.
Her heart beat a little faster as she saw him coming down the aisle toward her, and she did her best to brush off her growing anxiety and give him a smile.
His answering smile was small, distracted as he stopped just a few feet away from her and her siblings.
“You found it,” he said in way of greeting as he rubbed his hands together.
“Your map was very easy to read,” she answered.
She took in the warmth of his English oak eyes, the length of his dark lashes, the chiseled cheek and jawbone of his oval face, and his defined lips.
He’d taken off his cowboy hat and had combed his short dark hair, and just like the day he’d come to fetch them from the train, he was dressed in a clean pair of dark trousers, a white shirt, and black suspenders.
The only difference was today he’d also worn a nice jacket that matched his trousers.
She wondered, as she took in his handsome features, how he could stand wearing a jacket in such intense weather, but she supposed he was used to it.
“I’m sorry we couldn’t all leave the house together,” Garrett apologized, “I had to bring a small herd of cattle out to a nearby field this morning, and Preacher Thompson, well, he is an old friend of mine, and he let me wash up here afterward.”
“I understand,” Hannah answered readily. She’d already complicated his life enough by bringing her three additional siblings, and she wanted to prove to him that she was not only willing to work with him, but take matters into her own hands when she needed to.
“You all look great,” Garrett said, his eyes going from Hannah to Isaac and down the row until he got to Rebecca, then looked back to Hannah again.
“Thank you,” she answered, blushing. She’d been worried about wearing her mother’s wedding dress, but there was so much of her dream wedding that she wasn’t able to get already.
She didn’t want to give up the one thing she could have, even if it was considered out of fashion and already creased by sweat and dust.
“You look handsome as well,” she tentatively replied.
Garrett’s ears turned red as his smile twitched, and he looked down at his hands, which he was still rubbing together.
“Well, that’s mighty fine of you to say,” he murmured.
A moment of awkward silence stretched between them, and Hannah wondered if this was as strange to him as it was to her.
“Please, children, go ahead and take your seats,” Garrett said after a moment, nodding toward the head of the church, “And Hannah, if you want to go up to the pulpit. Preacher Thompson and I just need to talk about something real quick privately, then we’ll get started.”
“Is everything alright?” Hannah asked, glancing back up at the Preacher. He looked friendly enough, she wagered, and if he was judging them for how they met, it wasn’t showing on his face.
“Oh, everything’s fine,” Garrett assured her. “It won’t take long, I promise.”
Hannah nodded, and as he walked away, she turned to the children and encouraged them to sit in the front pew on the left side.
Her four youngest siblings began to bicker as she walked them up the aisle, and she had to stop several times to quiet them down.
Then as they approached the pew, Jacob decided that he wasn’t going to sit at all.
This resulted in Isaac trying to scold him, which had Jacob reminding him that he wasn’t his father.
What should have been a few seconds’ walk up the aisle to take seats turned into a quarter-hour ordeal, and by the time Hannah finally got everyone seated and quiet, she was once again exhausted and close to tears.
Her anxiety spiked even more as she turned to the nearby pulpit and found that Garrett and Preacher Thompson still hadn’t come back yet. What if he was changing his mind? What if he was asking the Preacher to help get him out of it somehow? What if five really was too much?
Stop that, she scolded herself. You know Garrett. He would not hide behind another man to speak on his behalf. He would talk to you. He’s strong. You learned that through your letters. Have a little faith.
“Hey, you look like you could use a minute,” a deep voice said. Startled from her thoughts, Hannah looked up and found Logan had walked over to her. He looked down at her with an understanding smile, and he gently put his hand on her shoulder and urged her to come with him.
She managed a small smile, even though her chest was full of fear and worry, and nodded meekly.
“Come on up here and stand beside me,” he encouraged, “Let yourself get some breathing room.”
Hannah gave a reluctant look to the children, but eventually nodded.
She already felt like she was suffocating, and the last thing she wanted was to have a fainting spell as she and Garrett were saying their vows- if they were still going to say their vows and Garrett wasn’t trying to find a way out of their marriage at the last minute.
“Do you have any siblings?” She asked, following Logan a few feet away.
His grin was instant.
“A little sister,” he replied, “She was quite a handful when she was younger, too. Still is at times, but she’s a good girl. She’s about your age now.”
“I hope to meet her someday,” Hannah said, and meant it.
In school she’d made a few girlfriends, but as she got older and her mother needed more help with the children, and her father left them, she’d drifted away from the idea of friendship and solely focused on her role as the oldest sister and daughter.
A friend or two, especially in this new place where she didn’t really know anyone, seemed like a lovely idea.
“Oh, you will,” Logan replied readily. “She couldn’t come today, but I’ll introduce you soon.”
Hannah’s smile became more genuine. She liked Logan. He was warm, calm, and protective in a way her father never was. She also liked that one of her soon-to-be husband’s best friends was the town Sheriff. Maybe in time, she hoped, they could be friends as well.
Feeling a little more comfortable now thanks to Logan’s welcoming presence, Hannah gathered up her courage and turned to Dean.
Like Logan and Garrett, he was dressed nicely for the day, but his large arms were crossed protectively over his broad chest, and that frown on his face hadn’t budged.
Her bravado faltered a little as she took in his unwavering look of discontent, but she wanted to at least try to show him that she was a good person.
“Thank you for coming today, Dean,” she said kindly, “I know it means a lot to Garrett that you two are here.”
“Yeah? And what else do you know about Dean?” He asked, his tone gruff as his blonde brows somehow furrowed even deeper.
“Quit it, Dean,” Logan warned under his breath.
“Let the lady answer, Logan,” Dean retorted, nodding his head toward her. “She says she knows Garrett, let’s hear what she knows.”
Despite telling herself to be strong, Hannah couldn’t help but be intimidated by Dean’s gruff nature. He had yet to say it to her face, but it was obvious that he saw her as a snake in the grass, ready to strike and poison his best friend the moment the opportunity arose.
“Come on, tell us what you know about our friend,” Dean goaded her, not letting up.