Chapter Nineteen
Needing something to do other than think about how beautiful Grace looked, Hannah went to Mrs. Thompson after she caught her bearings and asked if there was anything she could do to help.
“Oh, aren’t you a dear,” Mrs. Thompson said warmly, reaching up to pat Hannah’s cheek. “Yes, that would be lovely. We need to bring the blankets out and spread them across the lawn. Come, I’ll show you where they are.”
“Picnics are a little informal, I know,” Mrs. Thompson sighed as she led Hannah back into the church rectory, “But it is so exhausting carrying tables and chairs in this heat, plus we have to have a place to store them, and as my husband grew the congregation, we simply didn’t have the space for them all, so we switched it to a picnic potluck lunch.
Do you mind it very much? Sitting on the ground, I mean? ”
“No, not at all,” Hannah replied with a gentle tone and earnest smile. Mrs. Thompson smiled in relief.
“Thank goodness. Some of the ladies out there, God bless them, they forget what Church is about. They get so fussy about their pretty dresses when they have to sit on a blanket. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with looking your best for Church, but what matters most is being a part of the community,” Mrs. Thompson went on conversationally.
Mrs. Thompson opened the large wardrobe and reached in for a large armful of folded blankets. She turned to Hannah, ready to hand them over to her, but as Hannah tried to take them, Mrs. Thompson held on and tilted her head until Hannah finally raised her downcast eyes and looked at her.
“Yes, Mrs. Thompson?” Hannah asked timidly.
The woman’s answering smile was so comforting, so genuine, that Hannah almost pushed the blankets to the side and hugged her.
“That was a little overwhelming out there, huh?” Mrs. Thompson asked.
Hannah let out an exhausted laugh and nodded.
“It’s just… well, one of Garrett’s friends was quite upset that I moved all of my siblings here with me,” Hannah explained.
Mrs. Thompson hummed as she nodded.
“My husband told me about Dean’s outburst. It sounded so very unkind and disrespectful. I’m sorry he put you through that, especially on your wedding day. I hope you know Dean isn’t usually like that though.”
Hannah’s shoulders relaxed and she was even able to muster a smile.
“Thank you for saying that,” she replied earnestly.
“Go on, honey, if you need to get more off your soul,” Mrs. Thompson encouraged.
Hannah took a hesitant look around her, wanting to be sure they were still alone before she continued.
“Turns out Dean isn’t the only one who is upset that I’m here.
His sister Grace is pretty disappointed too.
So when everyone out there was asking me about my siblings; asking if Garrett knew or minded that I brought them along, I just, I guess it made me nervous.
I can’t split my siblings up. I won’t. But sometimes I feel like I’m the only one that believes that it was right to keep us together. ”
“And Garrett?” Mrs. Thompson asked, “What does he think?”
Hannah let out a heavy sigh.
“Garrett has told me that I did the right thing by keeping us all together, but sometimes… sometimes it feels like he changes his mind about that,” Hannah confessed.
“That’s what you feel, Hannah, not what is true,” Mrs. Thompson replied in a gentle tone.
“You have to trust your husband. More importantly, you have to trust God, even in this time of tribulation. Sometimes our feelings… they make mistakes. God doesn’t though.
He is true and just, and will lead you to salvation if you allow Him to. ”
Mrs. Thompson’s words struck Hannah deeply.
Even more so than Preacher Thompson’s earlier sermon about forgiveness and grace.
She contemplated Mrs. Thompson’s advice quietly as they carried the blankets out to the lawn and began to spread them on the ground; wondering if she had yet to give herself over to God’s will.
The thought seemed terrifying. She’d always believed there was a God, but sometimes her relationship with him felt so very complicated. She had also always relied on herself. Even before her father left. Before Clifford died… before her mother died…
Suddenly feeling quite heavy, Hannah sank down onto the blanket she’d just laid out.
“Hey there, I was just coming to look for you,” Garrett said, taking a seat beside her. “I think the meal’s about to start.”
“I’m here,” she said quietly.
“Hannah? Are you feeling alright?” She could hear the concern in his voice, but instead of feeling comforted by it, she felt guilt. He had so much to worry about. He shouldn’t have to worry about her too.
“It’s just the heat,” she lied, forcing her head up to give him a feigned smile, “I’m still getting used to it.”
She met Garrett’s slightly narrowed eyes. He was watching her. Studying her. As if trying to decipher if she was telling the truth. Before she had to offer another excuse though, Louis plopped down onto the blanket and crawled to Garrett’s lap.
“Louis, please stop tugging at Garrett,” Hannah begged, reaching for her youngest brother.
“But I want Garrett,” Louis replied, stepping away just as Hannah was about to grab him.
“It’s too hot to be pawing him like that,” Hannah scolded, trying once more to get him away.
“Oh, it’s alright,” Garrett replied, tugging Louis to his side.
“How are you doing, Louis? Enjoying your day?”
Louis gave him a lopsided smile.
“I like playing with the other kids,” Louis admitted, then frowned, “But I’m hot and sticky. And hungry.”
Garrett chuckled and ruffled Louis’s hair.
“Me too. Why don’t you gather your brothers and sisters? I bet by the time everyone sits down, Preacher Thompson will be ready to say the prayer,” Garrett said.
“Alright!” Louis said and hopped up to take off.
Though still heavily burdened by all of her thoughts, Hannah smiled lovingly as she watched Louis run to the other children.
“You’re good with him,” Hannah noted.
Garrett’s smile grew as he followed her line of sight.
“It’s easy to be, he’s a good boy,” Garrett answered, then looked to her. “They’re all good kids, Hannah.”
Hannah let out a tired huff of a laugh.
“You don’t believe me?” He asked.
The question is… am I good enough? For you? For this community?
Amanda’s cheerful greeting gave Hannah the opportunity to not answer Garrett’s question, and moment later Garrett was distracted by helping bring one of the other blankets over to theirs so that Amanda’s family could sit with them.
Soon after that the children all gathered on the blanket, chatting excitedly, then Isaac came jogging over, a smile on his face.
“Hey, everybody,” he greeted.
“Hey, young man, sit down, I think Preacher Thompson is about to give the prayer,” Garrett encouraged.
Isaac’s expression turned sheepish as he focused on Hannah, and she raised a curious brow as Rebecca climbed into her lap and began playing with Hannah’s long braid.
“Actually, I met some boys my age, and we’re having a real good time talking. I was hoping I could sit with them?” He asked.
Hope flared in Hannah’s chest. If Isaac could make friends here, friends that were actually his age, maybe he’d change his mind about moving.
“Of course you can,” she replied, “Go have fun!”
Isaac’s answering smile was instant, but it diminished a little as his gaze swept down to the other children.
“Are you sure you’ll be alright if I go?” He asked, “You don’t need help keeping the little ones in line?”
Hannah winced as Rebecca chose that precise moment to shift in her lap, sending one of her little elbows sharply into Hannah’s ribcage. Still, she smiled through the discomfort.
“I’m very sure,” she replied. “I want you to.”
Isaac’s smile returned, brighter than before.
He gave her a nod of thanks and headed back over to his group of new friends.
Hannah bowed her head, thankful that her brother was starting to make new friends, but her smile quickly turned to a frown as she swept her eyes over her dress and found Rebecca’s dusty footprints and hand prints were now all over the once-clean fabric.
“Rebecca,” Hannah sighed, lifting the little girl off of her lap.
“Sorry, Hannah,” Rebecca said somberly as Hannah began to dust herself off.
“It’s alright, you just have to be more careful,” Hannah soothed.
“Oh my! What a mess you have here!”
Hannah looked up and was barely able to stifle her groan as she saw that Grace and Dean had joined them and were now laying out their blanket on the side closest to where Garrett sat.
Grace looked even more elegant and beautiful up close, and now that Hannah’s dress was dirty, she wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole and disappear.
Still, she knew that wasn’t an option, so she plastered on a smile.
“Hi, you must be Grace,” she said, trying to be friendly. “We haven’t been properly introduced. I’m Hannah. It’s lovely to meet you.”
Grace’s answering smile was strained, but she extended her gloved hand and accepted Hannah’s handshake.
“Nice to meet you,” Grace replied, looking Hannah up and down. Hannah gulped, feeling her insecurities rise once again, but then Grace’s gaze focused on something over Hannah’s shoulder. “I’d like to meet your siblings too, but it seems that they are a little… busy.”
Feeling her face turn red, Hannah looked around for her siblings. Maria and Rebecca were nitpicking at one another, and Jacob had taken one of Louis’s little wood-carved animals and was making him try to jump for it, and in the process, making the poor little boy start to cry.
“Jacob, enough!” Hannah scolded, feeling her heart begin to race, “Maria, Rebecca, keep your hands to yourself!”
“Come here, Louis, sit by me,” Garrett said, gesturing to Louis.
Struggling to keep her tears in check, Hannah gave Garrett a look of gratitude as Louis settled down beside him and leaned into his side.
Jacob chortled and walked away, and Rebecca gave Maria’s hair one more mean yank, making her cry out before Hannah grabbed Rebecca and sat her back down in her lap.
Before she could even catch her breath, Preacher Thompson called for everyone to bow their heads to pray.
As Hannah lowered hers, a tear slipped down her cheek, and instead of listening to Preacher Thompson’s words, she prayed that the day would soon be over.