Chapter Thirty-Four
Garrett kept his hands clasped in prayer as he sat on the bank of the creek; his jittering knee yet unable to stop bouncing his foot on the ground.
He’d gotten Hannah’s fever down after almost two hours of keeping her in the cool water of the creek, and it had been an hour since he’d pulled her to the side and started spooning water between her lips. Still she hadn’t awakened.
Her fault? How could any of this be her fault? I didn’t warn her. I didn’t check in on her. I just sat on my horse and thought about my own misery.
Guilt washed through him for the dozenth time as he recalled how he’d nearly failed at catching her after she’d fainted on her horse; catching and ripping the hem of the pretty blue dress Grace had given her before they’d left as a symbol of their new friendship just before Hannah was about to fall head first to the ground.
He’d screamed her name in a panic as he hauled her back up and pulled her onto his saddle.
He’d patted her cheeks, flushed and burned from the sun, and had felt his stomach tighten into knots when he found her clammy.
He’d tried to rouse her over and over again, but no matter how loudly he’d called her name, how softly he’d whispered in her ear to wake up, she didn’t stir.
He’d been so wrapped up in his own thoughts and worries that he hadn’t noticed Hannah was suffering in her own silence.
He’d assumed they’d not talked for a while because she had her own thoughts to focus on, and maybe that was true, but now it was clear that she’d been hiding more than thoughts from him.
For most, the desert was a wasteland; easy for many to get lost in.
However, Garrett knew it well, and although it lost them a few hours, he’d tied Athena’s leads to his saddle horn and rode them as fast as they could to the small oasis.
It didn’t matter that it took them off their path to Austin.
Didn’t matter that he pushed the horses until their mouths foamed and their breathing began to chuff. What mattered was Hannah.
“Please wake up,” he whispered presently, his gaze fixed on Hannah’s sunburned face and closed, thick black lashes. “Please wake up.”
Behind him, Athena whinnied softly, as if trying to tell him to be more patient.
He spared a quick glance back at her, half-smiling at the mare.
She would be fine. His own horse, Banjo, would be fine too.
He hadn’t even had to worry about tying their leads to stakes.
They had lowered their heads to the creek as soon as they had reached it, and had taken to laying down on the bank just a little ways away; no doubt recovering from their own bit of heat exhaustion.
Garrett turned his gaze back to Hannah, and relief exploded through his chest as he watched her brow wince and her fingers twitch.
He moved, scrambling toward her with eagerness and lifted her head carefully into his lap.
Hannah let out a soft, gritty-sounding groan as he did so, and her arm reached weakly for her stomach.
“That’s it, sweetheart,” he coaxed, scooping up more water from the creek to pour over her scalp. “Come on now, come back to me.”
He waited, holding his breath as he watched Hannah’s facial muscles begin to twitch.
Then at last she slowly raised her eyelids, showing him those piercing blue eyes he’d grown to love so very much.
A sob threatened to bubble up from his throat, but he held it back, not wanting to alarm her any more than she already was.
“There you are,” he choked out, lovingly stroking her hair.
Hannah’s blue eyes shone with affection as a weak smile formed on her lips for the briefest of moments. Then her brows furrowed, her eyes went wide, and she tried to lift her head and look around. She didn’t make it far before she let out a soft moan of pain and laid her head back in his lap.
“You have to take it easy,” Garrett told her when her eyes filled with silent questions. “You’ve suffered from heat exhaustion. It’s going to take a while for your body to recover.”
Worry filled her eyes.
“Austin,” she croaked, but Garrett quickly shook his head.
“Austin isn’t going anywhere. It’s you I’m worried about.”
Sadness filled her eyes, but she didn’t argue.
“Come on,” Garrett gently urged, sliding his hands under her shoulders. “Let’s sit you up. The sun will be down soon. I’ll make us some fire and food, and while I do that, I want you to work on drinking more water.”
Hannah’s expression was pained as he slowly brought her up to sitting position and rested her back against the nearby tree.
“Grace’s dress,” she said mournfully, looking down at the still damp fabric. “It’s my fault it’s ruined.”
Garrett shook his head, his mouth set in a grim line as he helped her close her fingers around the canteen of water, and tipped it toward her chapped lips.
"You keep saying that,” Garrett said, watching her closely, “That it’s your fault. Hannah. None of this is your fault. I didn’t warn you what it was like traveling in the desert. I didn’t make sure you drank or ate enough, I was too wrapped up in my own self-pity.”
Hannah took another swallow from the canteen before she shook her head and sat it down.
“No,” she said on an exhale as she rested her head back against the trunk of the tree. “That’s my fault too.”
Garrett furrowed his brows, more confused than ever.
“You’re going to have to start explaining yourself now, because I’ll be honest, I’m lost,” he replied.
Hannah’s gaze dropped to the ground.
“Everything,” she said with a weak shrug. “From what happened with your ranch to me getting heat sick. It’s my fault. For thinking I could find happiness outside my station.”
“Station?” Garrett questioned.
“You forgive me for being born in sin,” she answered, “But I’m pretty sure God doesn’t. He wanted me- He wanted us, my siblings, to suffer for our parents’ sins. And I tried to run away from that. I brought the punishment to you and now you’re being punished too.”
Garrett sat in shocked stillness for a moment. He found such an idea ridiculous but as he took in the guilty look on Hannah’s face, he realized that she fully believed that that was what was happening.
“Is that why you didn’t tell me you were suffering from heat exhaustion?” He asked, inching closer to her, “Because you thought you were being punished? Because you thought you deserved it?”
Hannah shrugged, her gaze still on the ground.
“To be honest, I was so wrapped up in my own guilt. My own shame that I didn’t notice.
I wasn’t hungry. Wasn’t thirsty. All I felt, all I saw, was the disappointment and fear on my younger siblings’ faces.
The shock in yours after you lost your case.
And all I could think about was that it was all my fault. ”
She let out a bitter laugh as her bottom lip began to tremble.
“And now I’ve just made it worse,” she choked out. “I wanted to come with you to Austin, to show you that you didn’t have to go through any of this alone, but now I’ve slowed you down.”
Garrett couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
“No,” he said after a long moment of silence, “No, Hannah please, look at me,” he implored, reaching for her free hand.
When she didn’t lift her gaze, he crooked his finger under her chin and lifted it for her. His heart broke as he saw the regret there, and he knew he had to do or say something to take it away.
“You have been…” he paused, thinking of all of the amazing things she had done since becoming his wife. “So, so very selfless through all of this.”
She let out another bitter laugh and he shook his head.
“I’m serious,” he urged, stroking his thumb affectionately over her chin, “You and the children have been nothing but helpful on the ranch. You’ve never complained about anything.
You’ve put up with the heat. With how little I could offer you other than food and shelter and myself.
You never put me down for who I am. Even when I finally confessed to my money troubles and this mess with the ranch.
You could have left right then and there.
Most women probably would have. But instead, you found a way to help me make money.
You are resourceful and genuine, and you have such a beautiful heart and spirit, and I’m so so sorry that it’s been plagued with guilt over something you could have never controlled. ”
Garrett watched as some of the guilt faded from her gaze, and he decided to go on.
“God does not punish us for sins we did not commit,” he stated firmly. “He loves us, forgives us. He guides and teaches us when we allow Him, and I’m sorry that you think coming here is punishment, but for me, you have been nothing but a gift.”
Hannah’s eyes slowly widened.
“I am?” She breathed.
Garrett drew in another breath, bracing himself to make one last confession.
“Hannah, I am so in love with you,” he confessed, shifting his hand up to caress her face.
“For who you are. For the things you have done. I’ve been scared out of my mind over losing the ranch ever since those surveyors showed up, but in these last few weeks you’ve shown me that I don’t have to be scared alone, and there’s nothing I could do to repay you for that kindness. ”
Hannah nuzzled into his palm as he said his truth, and he couldn’t help but move closer so he could pull her into his chest and kiss her.
As usual, those little sparks shot through his bloodstream as their lips connected.
Even in his exhausted state, those sparks urged him for more, but he knew it wasn’t the time.
He brushed his lips softly against hers once more.
Twice more. Then he kissed her forehead, then tucked her head under his chin, gently nuzzling atop her head as he caressed her face; relishing the feel of her against him.
“God loves you, Hannah,” he said softly, “I love you. Please believe me.”
Relief washed through him as he felt her hand slip up to his shirt and fist the fabric, as if wanting to be closer to him.
“I do,” she breathed. “And I love you, too.”