Chapter 11 Nadine #2
“He’ll end up in prison. Or worse.” I bite my cheek, trying in vain to stop my chin from wobbling. My throat is clogged, and I can barely force the rest out. “I don’t think I can do another year, and I feel so guilty, but I…”
Camden hauls me into him, face pressed against his chest as I give in, letting out the emotion I’d tried to hide from him.
Instead of making fun of me or being awkward about it, he tucks me in close to him, one hand on the back of my head, the other smoothing up and down my back.
He murmurs things I can’t hear but that soothe me, nonetheless.
His heartbeat strong under my ear, his steady hold an anchor until I’m able to sit upright again, wiping my face with the back of my hand.
He combs my hair behind my ears, tracing the shell of each one, his fingers surprisingly gentle for their size.
“No job should make you anxious like this. Nothing is worth you getting sick over it. Because even though you love your kids, you’ll be no use to them if you send yourself into a depression. ”
Erik and Molly have said the same thing, but the idea of actually quitting sends me further down the spiral.
“Maybe you should talk to a therapist or something,” Camden suggests, and I snort.
“Like you?”
“I’ll go if you go.”
I don’t believe him. “No, you won’t.”
“Sounds like a challenge.”
I lift my shoulder. “More like a dare.”
He holds out his right hand between us. “I’ll take it. We both go to therapy. Get our fucked-up brains to work for our work.”
I clasp his hand with mine. “I suppose I can sacrifice some of my own time for the greater Philadelphia area. Maybe Pennsylvania in general. It’ll owe me when your team starts winning again.”
The way he licks his lips, as if he’d like to kiss his reflection, sends a chill down my spine. Because I’m the one he’s staring at. There is no mirror in sight.
“Would it make you feel better if you didn’t go back to school?” he asks, and I shake my head.
“I couldn’t leave them in the lurch. I don’t know if I could leave my students either.”
“What if you exchanged a bunch of students for one?”
“What are you asking?”
“Don’t go back to Jersey. Stay here with Paisley. Whatever you were making at the school, I’ll double it.”
I blink once. Then twice. “You’ll double it?”
“Triple it?” he asks, as if it’s a negotiation and not my brain stalling out.
“You want me to keep nannying Paisley?”
“You’re not a nanny, but yes. You know what the season is like.
It’ll save me from having to find someone else to be with Paisley.
All those nights I’ll be away from home, you can stay here.
Move in if you want. Whatever you want, however much you want.
Just stay. Paisley needs you.” His focus dips to my mouth for a moment before drifting back to my eyes. “I need you.”
The idea is so wild that I don’t know what to say. All I’ve ever wanted to do is teach, but my gut reaction is to stay. To take the money. It’ll be the easiest paycheck I’ve ever earned.
And yet… I can’t my quit my job.
What would my parents say?
What would the school say? My co-teachers? My students who are expecting me to return?
There are only a few weeks until the start of the year, and leaving now would screw them over, needing to hire someone immediately.
“You’re serious?” I ask, and he nods, turning my stool—literally picking it up and rotating it—so I’m facing him, and he steps close enough for our knees to touch. “I don’t like seeing you anxious over something you’re supposed to love.”
I could say the same, but I don’t. I stay quiet as he places one hand on the counter next to us and the other on the back of the stool, effectively boxing me in.
“You could continue working with Paisley, and I will pay you whatever you want. Enough for therapy and shopping sprees and time to figure out what you want to do. If it’s going back to teaching or doing something else—but just don’t say no right this second. Think about it, okay?”
Even if I could answer, I don’t because his doorbell rings, and both of us whip our heads to the front door as if we can see who’s there. The number of people who are on Camden’s list to be permitted up without calling first is short.
Only me, Erik, and—
“Surprise!” Valerie throws herself at Camden when he opens the door. “Since you couldn’t come to me, I decided to come to you.”
She climbs him like a tree, arms around his neck, legs around his waist, and it’s only when he walks a few steps into the house that the barnacle notices me.
“Oh. You’re here.”
Camden pats her thigh, a sign for her to get down, which she does, but she keeps her arms around his middle, and I think that’s my cue to exit.
“I was just leaving,” I tell her and gather my things, keeping a few feet of distance between myself and the happy couple as I head to the door.
“Think about it,” Camden reminds me, and I lift my hand in a silent goodbye.
I feel his gaze on me as I head to the door, but it’s her voice that follows me out. “Oh my god! Are they rats?”