Chapter 12 – June
CHAPTER TWELVE
JUNE
Theo’s words have echoed in my mind for two days.
And it’s my own damn fault that I didn’t get to reap all the rewards and promises he made.
I’d taken another walk around RETREAT like a good little omega, and this time I’d actually looked at all the items, instead of being skeptical about their cost. Pointing out the few I wanted was a little painful, but I forced myself to walk away when it was time to pay, instead letting Arin lay down a black card and sinking into Seth’s chest.
Then we did it all over again in the next store.
Theo’s eyes tracked my every movement, making the hair raise on my arms, but by the time we got to dinner, the crash hit me. All the anxiety and forced pleasantries hit me like a tidal wave, dragging me into exhaustion. One second I was leaning on Bennett’s shoulder at the dinner table, and the next I was cradled in Theo’s arms as he carried me from the town car to the plane, buckling me into a seat.
I’d whined and grabbed his hand so he would sit next to me, but I’d fallen back asleep curled up against his side, my face buried in his shirt that smelled like a summer rainstorm.
I would give anything to go back to two days ago.
My phone trills next to me again. I don’t know how she managed to do it, but muting my mother’s texts to me doesn’t work anymore. The notifications still come through — the messages lighting up my screen as I stare at my laptop, sitting in the office that I’ve still yet to decorate that Bennett gifted to me. Impermanence staring back at me.
This draft was almost there a month ago. I made it past the sixty percent mark, where the middle was dragging both me and the pacing down. But then I had to leave it — to go to London, only to be surprised by the heat, my own designation, and everything else falling apart around me. Now I just feel like I’m spinning my wheels when I stare at the screen, trying to reconcile the differences in my life.
There’s always one constant though.
DO NOT ANSWER
Juniper, you cannot keep ignoring me.
DO NOT ANSWER
Juniper Walden, when I address you, I expect a response. I raised you better than this. Are you still in London? We’ve lost touch with the alpha that was willing to get you.
DO NOT ANSWER
If you stayed with that pack during your heat, I’ll never forgive you.
DO NOT ANSWER
You’re an embarrassment. You’re not even the daughter I love anymore.
I glance away from the messages, one after another, bile rising in my throat as I blink rapidly at the email Janet sent this morning. It was so positive. I’m on pace for the deadline — but on pace is practically behind, because I need to be ahead of all of this. It reads almost cajoling. On pace isn’t good enough, because what if I want to spend more time on one part and I don’t have a cushion built in? Why can’t I do literally anything right? I should have known that something was wrong before London. I should be able to adjust to everything faster, be better — not a fucking disappointment —
DO NOT ANSWER lights up the screen, this time as a phone call.
I shove my hands through my hair again, getting my fingers caught on the tangles as I knock my phone to the very edge of the desk. It’s not a good day to work — but if I want to get ahead, I need to. I have to push myself, despite the clawing feeling in my stomach, and growing headache from not eating this morning. I have to get words down.
Forcing everything else aside, I bend my head and focus on the manuscript, skimming the paragraph I just wrote and making changes. It’s not where I want it. And it’s just too fucking late to delete it all and rewrite.
I have to make this book good because if my next release is a disappointment after everything else that’s happened, my career will be over before it’s even begun.
I have to be perfect.
My phone goes silent as I sink into typing, forcing myself to work on paragraph after paragraph. Line by line, I manage to make it three more pages before my phone screen lights up again.
DO NOT ANSWER
Your apartment is empty? Where are you, Juniper. This is the last time I ask before I report you as a missing omega and get the authorities involved.
Fear, deep and unsettling, strikes through me. I reach for my phone just as another call comes through. Sucking in a breath, I clutch it in a shaking hand.
What’s one more crisis?
I answer it.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Juniper Walden!” Her voice is sharp, shrill and piercing. “I’m here in front of your apartment building and the landlord said you don’t even live here anymore?”
I stare straight ahead, my eyes tracking the water lapping on the lakeshore just outside. I could probably make it waist deep before one of my alphas rushed out and stopped me from drowning myself to avoid this conversation.
“I moved.”
“You —” My mother cuts herself off, making a strangled noise. “You’re back home and you didn’t stop by ? You didn’t tell your father and I you were back in America. We need you to come home so we can start the process of setting you up with a suitable alpha —”
“No.”
She stops mid-sentence.
“This is not the time, Juniper. God help me, do not start in on your nonsense about how packs are natural. Do not tell me you spent your heat in London with whatever disgusting men took one look at you — my sweet, innocent daughter — and just took advantage of you.”
I flinch, dragging my eyes away from the water. “They made me feel safe.” My voice is barely a whisper, and I try to find the strength to fight back, to do something , but I choke.
“Is that some kind of code for something?” She spits the words out, then laughs. “Never mind, I don’t want to know. Where are you? Your father will come get you.” My father — always doing my mother’s bidding, even in the most inopportune or hare-brained moments — of course she’d push this task off on him instead of just confronting me herself.
Running my tongue over my teeth, I make a fist with my free hand, trying to stop it from shaking. “I’m in Rochester, New York, in my new house.” When she doesn’t speak, I add, “With my pack.”
It takes long enough for her to respond that I think maybe the call disconnected, or she hung up — but there’s not a chance in hell she’d give up the fact she managed to get me on the phone after hundreds of messages in the span of a month.
“Your pack.” She clears her throat, half-strangled. “Let me make sure I’m understanding you correctly. You stayed with those men. You let them defile you? You do realize that you’re no better than a common whore now? What did I do to make my own daughter hate me so much? What misstep did I make in raising you? Tell me, please, because we did so much to make you be successful, we paid for your schooling, we fed, clothed, and housed you — we made sure you could have friends in the club, we told everyone that it didn’t matter to us when we thought you were just a beta.”
Each sentence chips away at me, a tiny chisel taking layers off.
“You met them in London only a month ago. I told you that we could send someone. We had an alpha who reached out to us there and said he would take you. We know a very nice boy here who was so looking forward to meeting you —”
“Stop,” I cut her off, my throat working. “I don’t hate you — I’ve never hated you and Dad, but you don’t — you can’t —” Closing my eyes, I try to make the words come out, but it’s useless. I’m crumbling and I’m not even face to face with her.
“This is it . Your father and I are coming up there.”
“Mom —”
“ No , Juniper,” she snarls and I flinch as I clutch my phone against my ear.
“This is enough. You’ve acted out enough. I should have known from the beginning you were an omega, because this is just another in a long series of times you’ve completely disregarded how we’ve raised you to act better, ignoring what’s right and what’s the proper way to conduct yourself. This is ridiculous . I’m so disappointed that you’ve compromised yourself and put this meeting at risk with an alpha right for you. You’re being too emotional right now, you’re overreacting. We’ll be there by the weekend. And I want us to have dinner without… these distractions you’ve suddenly saddled yourself with. We’ll figure out something. God can only hope that the alpha we picked might be kind enough to overlook all this.”
This isn’t happening .
“You can’t —”
“I will see you Saturday, Juniper. Please stop talking before you upset me even more.” Her words echo as the call goes quiet, and when I finally pull the phone back, I look down at the screen to see that she hung up on me .
My hand shakes as I stare at the messages, the end call screen closing just to reopen the litany of texts she’s sent me in the last thirty days. I’ve done my best to ignore them. I was so fucking good at pretending they didn’t exist. I was so good at acting like nothing was wrong, but now the nausea and panic rises in my body, overwhelming and horrifying. I can feel Bennett’s spark of worry, an echo of alarm from Seth through our bond as I totally fucking unravel .
Sucking in a breath, I let out a scream that nearly rattles the greenhouse windows, before I reel my arm back and throw my phone. I don’t care where it lands — I don’t care anymore because this is all over. I should have known this would happen. I can’t have anything good. I can’t be happy .
I shove away from my desk.
She wants to see reactive? She wants me angry and emotional?
I’ll give it to her.
Throwing open my office door, I charge out, nearly running straight into Seth as he exits his office quickly, reaching for me. “What’s wrong? What’s going on? Junie?”
I dodge him, charging down the hallway and into the living room. Theo jerks up from his position on the couch at the sight of me, his eyes widening.
“What the fuck is going on?”
Ignoring them both, I make it through the foyer and stalk through the archway, shoving Arin’s office door open. Bennett jumps, halfway to the door with a hand on his chest. Fury, devastation, and terror fight each other, my emotions welling the second I see Arin behind his desk. His black hair is messy, glasses perched on his nose.
“I need you to bite me, right now .” The words come out broken, pleading as I rush into the room, bypassing Bennett and staring at our prime instead. “I need you to claim me because you’re the prime in this stupid pack and if you don’t they’re going to take me away and I don’t want to leave.” My voice cracks, and the fury bubbles into blubbering tears as my shoulders start to shake.
“I don’t want to go, please don’t let them take me. Please don’t let them put me with someone I don’t know and make me have kids and move back to Virginia. Because they won’t let me keep writing. They won’t let me keep doing what I love. They already tried it once and that’s why I moved out. But if I have to marry whoever they want me to, he’s probably not going to let me either, and I’ll be trapped —”
“ June .” Bennett’s voice cracks and when I feel his hand on my shoulder, it completely breaks me.
Putting my head in my hands, I sob, shaking in the middle of the room like a leaf. Maybe she’s been right all along. Maybe I’m just a stupid omega, too blinded by my emotions to make rational decisions about my own life. Maybe I’m just a whore, thinking it’s right to want all these men in my life. Maybe I’m destined to never have what I want because it’s not what I need .
But for the first time in my life, I felt like I could finally have it all and now it’s all going to be taken away. A bond with Bennett won’t mean a single fucking thing to my mother — she’ll rip me away faster than I could even fight back, and bonds can be broken if the next alpha is cruel enough to do it.
Bennett drags me into his arms, enveloping me in a tight hug, holding me into his chest. I hear Theo enter the room, making a distressed noise, but it’s muffled by the way Bennett rubs my back, shushing me. “You’re going to hyperventilate, June, you need to breathe with me.”
“This was in her office.”
Seth crosses by us and then something clinks onto Arin’s desk. I cringe into Bennett’s touch, knowing what he found — praying that I shattered my phone so much that they can’t read the messages for themselves.
I’m such a fucking embarrassment —
“Did your mother call again? Did you pick up ?” Theo growls the question, crowding against my side. He told me not to answer her again before my heat and I was so good, I didn’t —
“Theo, that is not helpful.” Arin’s voice cuts through the office, silencing everyone except my wracking breaths.
Bennett strokes my hair, holding onto me tighter as he whispers, “Arin, what the hell is on that phone?” Panicked worry spikes in the bond, before he manages to tamp it down, pressing his lips against the top of my head, murmuring, “Deep breaths, June, whatever it is, we’ll handle it. You’re not alone.”
Seth’s hand wraps around the back of my neck, just under Bennett’s. Both their touches scorch me. It isn’t healing, but the support and love they both flood our bonds with quiets the reeling of my own thoughts as I try to figure out what I’m supposed to tell them. I’ve been keeping this from them since the beginning, they’re going to be upset with me, maybe even more than my mother was. If they left me, I would deserve it.
I lift my eyes, finding Bennett’s concerned gaze as I suck in little hiccuping breaths. He strokes my hair again, then moves his hands so he can cup my face, wiping away tears with his thumbs.
“There you are. Let’s take a deep breath together.”
I force myself to suck in a deep breath with him, reaching up to scrub at my face. Seth presses his lips to the back of my head, unwavering and solid as he presses me between him and Bennett. Shame crawls up my spine, and I glance down at the nice rug in Arin’s office, unable to meet any of their eyes.
Theo doesn’t let me get away with it.
He moves closer, grabbing onto my chin, “Was it her?”
“Theo —” Arin’s voice is a warning.
“Yes.” I stare up at him, tears filling my eyes all over again. “She never stopped.”
He snarls, and I watch as he tugs away and snatches my phone off Arin’s desk. The screen is shattered, but still lights up. I sink into Bennett’s chest, closing my eyes because I know what he’s going to find as Arin steps closer to read with Theo. It would be better if a black hole just opened up and swallowed me.
Theo curses under his breath, and worry comes through from Seth as he pulls away too. Bennett doesn’t leave me, he just holds me closer, pressing his lips against my cheek. “It’s okay.” His voice shakes. “Whatever it is, it’ll be okay.”
“There are hundreds of messages,” Theo whispers. “All from your mother, all calling you things I can’t… I…” His voice breaks and I glance up at him, watching his jaw clench. His blue eyes shine, a soured, muddy scent coming off him in waves, stress permeating the air.
I did this to him. I’m the worst omega in the entire world.
Arin takes the phone from Theo, putting it onto the surface of his desk. His shoulders roll, body straightening. Then he stares at me, cutting me to the quick with the determination and pain in his brown eyes.
“I am not biting you, Juniper.”
I flinch into Bennett, and the alpha holding me starts to growl.
Arin holds up a hand. “I am not going to bite you because you’re begging me to do it just to…” His voice catches, and then he tugs his glasses off, pressing a hand against his eyes. “Just because you’re trying to prove something to your parents, to whoever will come along and question the genuine joy and light you’ve brought to all of us. That is no reason to bond you.”
A low, wounded sound bubbles up from my throat, and Theo’s eyes find mine, haunted as a tear slips down his cheek. “ June .”
This hurt is bone-deep, like my marrow is being scooped out. My omega, the deep part of me, feels so undeserving and rejected, I want to dig a hole and crawl into it to die. I have to explain myself, because if Arin never bites me, if we never have a bond, then I’ll know I truly ruined all of this —
“I thought if I never answered that she’d stop, but then she didn’t. I thought if I moved, then she’d just go back to ignoring me. I thought it wouldn’t get to this point —”
Arin steps forward, touch gentle. He holds my face as he bends his head down. “I want to make one thing clear; I am not mad at you, Juniper.”
I wait for the ‘but.’
His eyes don’t leave mine.
It doesn’t come.
Floundering, I grasp at straws. “But you should be.”
“Why?”
“Because…” The world crashes around me, my breath coming too fast, chest rising in panicked heaves. “Because…”
“Because you’re mad at yourself?” Theo speaks up and I wince as he wipes at his own tears. “Fuck, you should not be putting the blame on anyone but the two people who are supposed to love, protect, and support you, and instead one of them called you a filthy used whore .”
A whimper catches in my throat. That had been the first text I’d seen after my heat, staring at my phone just showered, about to leave for the embassy so I could get a temporary ID.
“They aren’t welcome here.” Bennett’s words are so quiet, so unnervingly calm that it sends a bolt of fear through me.
“Of course they aren’t.” Arin’s thumb rests above my pulse point, on the unmarked side of my neck. “This is our home, and I’m not going to invite them here.”
Seth makes a distressed noise. “But could they take her away from here? From us?”
“No,” Theo growls. “No, you’re not going anywhere. I won’t let them. You’re ours.” He shoves Arin away from me and I squeak as he wraps his arms around me, burying his face in the top of my head, crushing me to his chest. His scent still has a bitter edge to it, but the rainwater rushes over me, dragging me under as I cling to him, my knuckles tightening as I fist his shirt in my hands. My strong alpha — so big and unyielding.
I believe him .
“I’m sorry.” I let out a strangled sound. “I’m so sorry I didn’t say anything —”
Arin’s hands rub my back, then Bennett’s touch presses against the bond mark, Seth crowding in. It’s too many arms, hands, and slightly stressed perfumes, but it’s overwhelming in a way that grounds me. This is my pack , these men are all mine.
Arin kisses the side of my head, his voice softer.
“When I bite you, it will be because we’ve come to the same point you did with Bennett, with Seth — not on anyone else’s timeline. And I will not let your parents believe they have any kind of claim over you, other than the most base, biological notion that they contributed to your DNA.”
He turns me in Theo’s arms, staring down at me seriously. “You are a part of this pack, which means you are ours , just like Theo said. I will facilitate it from here.” Arin’s eyes narrow. “We will be civil, we will meet them for dinner, but we will also not welcome any untoward comments, nor suggestions or concerns about the way we love each other or the way we love you .”
My heart stops as he cups my face, reverent and kind, eyes only for me.
“And you are, June, you are so loved.”
Tears overflow, blurring him as I choke out, “No running.”
He leans in, pressing his forehead to mine. “That’s right, no running, love.”